Topic : The Funny Things They Say and Do

After watching the show today (Fri. Dec 9th/05), I had to share this story of what my son did when his little sister had been home for about a month. 

  

Jason was 27 months old when I came home with his sister Nicole.  After about a month at home and him watching me feed the baby, he announced one day "Mommy I want to feed the baby".  At which point he sat down on the couch lifted up his shirt and held out his hands to hold her.   

  

After I stopped laughing I calmly explained to him that only Mommys could feed the babys because they had the special milk, but that when she was older & drinking regular milk from a bottle that he would be able to feed her then. 

  

I agree 100% with Dr. Phil on this one .... involve the older sibling and they will love it. 

  

  

My daughter who will be 2 in March, was in the kitchen with me last Sunday while I was making sugar cookies. She was playing on the floor with a singing, dancing Santa (I thank God every day that his batteries finally died!!) Well, I dropped a piece of dough on the floor and she grabbed a plastic fork and was acting like she was feeding it to him. I just let her play. A few minutes later, my husband walked in to the kitchen just in time to see her hit Santa in the head with the fork. He said "Hanna, why did you hit Santa?" She said with the most serious look on her face,  "Sanna bite me". My husband said "Santa is plastic, he didn't bite you." She looked at him and said "He bite me Daddy" and then she walked off. A little while later, I told her that Santa would be here in 2 more weeks. I said "Do you want Santa to come to our house and bring you presents?" Her eyes got real big and she shook her head and said "No Mommy". I guess she thinks that he will bite her again!!!!

When we moved our new mobile home in we had our septic line open. My 5 year old step son asked what it was. I told him that is where the poop and pee goes out of the toilet. I went back to preparing our new plot. I turned around to see his bare but moving around so the pee would go into the septic line. :)

     My 20 month old little girl is very into baby dolls and taking care of them.  Well I just had my third child and she was very interested and excited to see how I would take care of her.  She was quite upset when I didn't use a bottle.  Well she soon got used to seeing me breastfeed and I didn't think anything more of it.  Yesterday while I was playing baby with her (now 21 months old) I said "Oh no your baby's hungry you better feed her quick"  she proceeded to lift her shirt and put her baby up to her chest .  I couldn't stop laughing and when she just looked at me like "what's so funny mom" that made me laugh even harder!!!!!

My 4yo son has been on a "Mommy needs to get married" kick... 

  

One night, I was driving him to his father's for an overnight visitation when I spotted a beautiful black Hummer in the lane next to us. I said, "Wow, I love that car." He says, "Why, because it's hot?"   ???   I said, "Yeah, it's pretty hot."  (I loooove cars and had recently taken him to the Car Show.)  So he says, "Well, we'll have to get one." I told him it was a little out of my price range, so he asked how much it was. I told him it cost about $50-60,000. "We'll just have to get $60,000 then." I asked him where I was going to get the money and he replied, "Get married." So I say, "Let me get this straight: Mommy gets married, then we get a Hummer?" And he says, "Yes."  I laughed and said, "Okay." So then I hear him saying to himself, "Hmmm, that one, and that one..." I ask what he's doing and he tells me he's deciding which toys to take for the new car! 

  

A few days later we were in the supermarket when he saw a little girl with her mother and baby sister. He loudly stated that he wanted a little brother, and I told him I needed a husband first. He then proclaimed to the entire produce section, "Hey, everyone, my mommy needs a husband!" Fortunately, I don't embarass easily. My friends asked if all the men scattered....actually, one started following me around the entire supermarket! (Not my type, but I wouldn't pick up a man in front of my son anyway!) 

Here's another gem: 

  

My 4yo son is VERY inquisitive and likes technical answers. If he doesn't believe what someone tells him, he asks me for the "real" reason. For example, he didn't believe his grandmother when she said "when it rains, it means the Angels are crying," so I explained the whole process of condensation to him. If I'm not sure of an answer, we look it up on the computer. 

  

He had just gotten his shower and I was getting his PJs when he said, "Mom, there's a line right here," and points to his scrotum. He asked what it was called and I told him I really didn't know. He said, "Well, I'D really like to know." So I told him we'd look it up on the computer the next day. He said, "Oh, on  (get ready for this) LINE.COM?" This kid makes me laugh hysterically every single day, but I think that that was the funniest thing he has said, ever. 

My husband is the slow poke in my home, it takes him longer then it does the three of the rest of us to get ready for anything and that is all of us put together. Well, on accasions, I will call him a pokey mokey. Last night, for whatever reason, I called my three year old a pokey mokey and she looked at me and said, "No mommy, daddy is the monkey monkey". too funny! me and hubby both laughed soooooooo hard.

Last night after I got my son out of his bath we went into the living room to get him dressed.  He was looking down and then said,"  Mommy......... what is this?"  And he pointed to his penis.  I said,"  Well, that is your penis.  All boys have them."  And he asked," Do you have one?"  I said," No, I don't have one because I am a girl and girls do not have a penis."  And he just looked at me like I was crazy and said," No, you're not a girl, you're mommy!"

I recently went through a hellacious, nearly three-year custody battle for my son. (I won.)  His father is a well-connected cop, and it was like a freakin' Lifetime movie at times. There were times that I feared for my life.  I lost almost all of my friends, who were threatened and harrassed. My parents (who live clear across the country) re-financed their house twice to help pay for the legal fees. I went through my entire savings AND had to dip into my retirement, and I still owe my attorney. So anyway... 

  

A few weeks ago I was SOOOOO sick with the flu. Runny, stuffy nose, itchy, watery eyes, fever, greasy hair piled up in a bun, my whole body hurt. I could barely breathe or move. My son says to me, "Mommy, can you take your hair down?  Pleeeaaasse?" 

  

I very painfully took my hair down. 

  

My son reached over and fluffed my very long hair out. 

  

He then said, "Mommy, you are the most beautiful girl in the world. You look just like Gwen Stefani." 

  

I have never cried so much in my life. :) 

 My sister had just turned four when my daughter was born.  When I was about six months along, she brought a butter knife to me and asked if she could cut my belly like the doctor cut mommy's belly (my mom had a c-section with her), because she wanted to play with Kyra.  After my baby was born, she decided she wanted a baby of her own because I never brought Kyra over enough.  When I explained to her that she could have a baby when she grew up and got married, she said "I am grown.  I will start pre-school soon, I use the potty for #1, AND #2, and I need a baby to play with.  I will marry my boyfriend now."  She then ran down the driveway to the neighbor's house, to the eight year old she had a crush on and hollered for the whole neighborhood to hear that they needed to get married so she could have a baby.  His parents are super conservative, and needless to say, were not happy about my sister's decision.  She is now offering to babysit while my mom and I go shopping.  Seems like she has something new to say everyday.  :)