Topic : 05/29 Parenting Dilemmas

 I just want to weigh in on the rite of passage thing for tattoos.  I'm 25 years old and finally graduated from college this past December after a lot of blood, sweat and tears.  I wanted to do something for myself to mark the passage for myself in some way and I really wanted to get a tattoo.  On January 2 of this year I went to a tattoo parlor that an old roommate suggested and got a baby dragon with a butterfly on his nose and with the year 2005 printed around the back of him on my left outside ankle/calf.  I love it.  Its in a place where I can show it or I don't have to show it depending upon whatever I wear from day to day.  I don't regret it at all and since I collect dragons and love what they symbolize I don't think I will ever really regret it.

When I finish my graduate degree within the next few years I plan on getting another tattoo on one of my shoulders to mark the passage as well.

Oh, and I went to a Christian university where a lot of students and professors have tattoos so I guess its not percieved as much of a sin. (besides the reference that was being discussed earlier was actually refering to a law from the Old Testament, the New Testament was meant as a "new" way of being a Christian without being so caught up in legalism.)

  If you want to find where in the bible it says its wrong to abuse your body, you can find it in Corinthians 3:16,17.   

  16.Do you not know that you are God's temple, and that God's spirit dwells in you!   

  17. If anyone destroys God's temple. God will destroy that person, for God's temple is holy, and you are that temple.   

  Not only tattoos, but drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, and any kind of foreign things that the body does not need to live on is included.   

  My question is 'Why do people want tattoos?' My thoughts on this is that the only reason anyone want a tattoo(s) is to attract attention. Why do they want attention? It's because they are insecure about themselves. The same goes for those who dress a certain way, dye thier hair a bright color, or drive a certain type a car. Status is important to them and often they want to be like everybody else.    

  I do believe its one's choice to do what they want to themselves, but I prefer to keep what God has given me. What God has given me is a gift, and one needs to take care of, and appreciate God's gift by not using and abusing it.   

You know, posting the exact same thing over and over again doesn't get a point across. It just makes you sound ignorant.  

  

People are gonna post their own opinions, and they're not all going to magically agree with you if you repeat yourself enough. It's a situation to approached with the "Live and let live" theory.  

  

You don't like tattoos, we get it. That's fine.  

  

And BTW, throwing your god at people isn't going to help any either. Especially for those who don't believe in your chosen diety, or a higher power at all. 

I am 38 and as a teenager went through the whole Goth thing.  My Mum and Dad were very unhappy in their marriage and wrapped up in themselves and their divorce.  Looking back now I must admit that the black hair, black clothes, piercing etc was just as much a sign of me rebelling against society as it was for my parents to notice me.  I only got noticed when I came home with tangerine or blue hair, Mum and Dad would stop destroying their marriage and focus on something else for a few minutes.  I used to make a point to dress so outrageously for family functions just to shock the relatives.  I will say that the more you hassle your kids or try and tell them what to do the more they will rebel against it all.  Kids need to learn from life, not have parents (who have been there and know better and have learned from their mistakes) telling them constantly what to do.  

  

I am not saying that you should just let them run wild but parents need to pick their battles, lots of this stuff doesn't really matter in the bigger picture and most kids will grow out of this (how many 40 year old Goths do you see at the mall?)  Parents need to be aware of what their  kids are doing, guide them and let them make mistakes and allow them to learn from them.  There are many more things to worry about like drugs and binge drinking.  I know that a tattoo will last a lifetime unless you have the money for laser removal but as long as they are over 18 and choose to do it and regret it later they will have learned from their mistake, I would rather it be a tattoo than a drug overdose, a child killed on the road from drink driving or 15 year old pregnant daughter.  

  

Most people raise their children with the hope that they be respectable functioning adults.  Sometimes even those raised in the best environment will end up a little different than what we hoped but most kids grow out of the rebellion and do end up there eventually.  

  

Dr. Phil:  The art work from Tatoos is wonderful; however, when it comes to minors who are below the age of consent; parents have a resposnbilitiy to make sure it does not happen.  The tatoo parlors should have a legal responsibility to make sure the person is of legal age; if not and the artist goes ahead with a tatoo, then they should be liable; possibly with loss of their license.  If I want to look at art, I go to an art museum!  Ed

 I how they always portray it that people will regret tattoos when they get older.  I know many tattoo'd older people and not one of them regrets it.  Well, I take that back, one of them regrets it, but that's because she converted to Christianity and her brand of Christianity thinks tattooing is sinful.  But outside of that, no one regrets them.

I am the married mother of three children.  I have tattoos.  I regret none of them.  Granted, I am responsible when it comes to them as I only put them in places that can be covered up easily.  (Namely, my back and shoulders.  Skin cancer is a epidemic in my family so I am unlikely to go out in a tank top or anything else like that.)

I also have various piercings and my earlobes are stretched to 0g.  (You can read through the holes in my lobes.)

I love all of these things and I love how they make me feel.  They make me feel beautiful because that is something I find attractive in other people.  Tattoos and piercings not sexy?  Hardly.  I find tattoos and piercings the ultimate sexy. 

And at this stage in my life it is unlikely that I will regret them.  Though that might be due in large part to the fact that I waited until I was in my mid 20's to get my first tattoo and to seriously be interested in body modification.

As for my kids, my kids think it's great.  Not something they want to do themselves, which is fine as they wouldn't be allowed to do such things until they were older.  (I don't even believe in piercing a girl's ears until she is old enough to rationally make the decision for herself.  Nothing bothers me more than parents deciding that they should be allowed to modify their daughters earlobes simply by virtue of being her parent.  Improperly pierced ears can cause scarring and 9 times out of 10 parents take their children to a jewelry store to have it done with is unsanitary and unprofessional.

Also, it gives my children the chance to see that just because someone dresses weird or looks weird it doesn't mean they ARE weird.  I am helping my children to learn to look inside the person instead of out.

Cindi's mother apparently thinks that judging people based on appearances is perfectly acceptable.  Which frankly, disgusts me and she should not be encouraged.  She can be embarrassed all she wants by Cindi's tattoos because that's HER issue.  Not Cindi's.  And she needs to find a way to deal with it as opposed to trying to change the person her daughter is.

I mean, for the love of God, look at the people Dr. Phil normally has on his show?  Teen pregnancy, drugs, stealing, dead beat, etc.  And her biggest problem is that her daughter likes tattoos?  Talk about priorities.

And for the record, with a full tattoo sleeve (tattoos covering your arms) you can still get a very good corporate job.  It's called long sleeves.  You would be surprised by how many lawyers/accountants/whatnots have tattoo sleeves.  You would never know they are there because for the most part all of these jobs require a suit.  And if not a suit, at the very least long sleeves.  But apparently, this logic escapes most people.

I'm just sick and tired of people judging others by their outward appearances and pretending that it's somehow okay to do such things.  It's not.  These people need to either grow up and/or look outside themselves and realize that not everyone in the world makes the same life decisions as them.  And frankly, I'm surprised at Dr. Phil for encouraging this behavior.  For making it okay for people to judge you for what you look like on the outside.

Yes, people may judge you, but that doesn't make it right.  And just because they do judge you it's no reason for you to change to suit their whims.  You don't change to make the world happy, you try to change the world.

I have a very simular story....except my step dad started it around the age of 9.  He would come in and touch me at night, he would try to get me to kiss him, he would grap my butt in front of my mother, he put peep holes in the bathroom(which my mother found). When I told my mother about the touching at night she didnt believe me. Then once he admitted it to her and she said to  was at least he didnt rape u. She is still with him and I have nothing to do with her. 

Perhaps we should just hold on. I am sure the Mother is upset at the slow change- that she is not comfortable with. If you read further the daughter is holding some secret as well. This is perhaps "the straw on the camels back"- if you will. 

My daughter has changed from the "american eagle look" too. I do not like it personally. I do though love my daughter more than words can say. I went through the whole wild 80's look. It was a phase. A long........... phase mind you but......  

  

Bottom line is let us hear the whole story. Usually these stories spin in a different direction than the boards take us. 

  

Regards; 

Living in America where I am proud to be free!!!!! 

  

I AM BY NO MEANS A PARENT OF TRIPLETS.  BUT WE DO HAVE MUTIPLES IN OUR FAMILY, WE HAVE TWINS AND TRIPLETS.  OF COURSE IN TEH BEGINNING THE TRIPLETS WERE DRESSED THE SAME. BUT AS THEY GOT OLDER AND WANTED TO BE MORE INDIVIDUAL AND NOT "THE TRIPLETS".  THE BOY WERE TAKEN OUT TO DO SOME SHOPPING AND WERE ALLOWED TO PICK OUT THEIR OWN CLOTHING.  AND BECAUSE THE EACH PICKED OUT THEIR OWN THINGS THERE CLOTING BELONG ONLY TO THEM. AND THEY WERE TOLD THINS AND UNDERSTOOD THIS.  NOW THE BOYS WERE RAISED BUY THEIR MOTHER ONLY....THE FATHER DECIDED THAT IT WAS JUST TOO MUCH, AND RAN OFF WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND.  BUT WITH MUCH HELP FROM THE FAMILY SHE WAS ABLE TO DO THE SHOPPING SPREE.  i THINK IF YOU TELL THEM AS A GROUP (FOR LACK OF A BETTER WORD), THAT YOU WILL BE TAKING EACH ONE OUT OR YOU CAN GO AS A GROUP ....BUT YOUR HUSBAND HAS TO GO WITH YOU.  AND YOU TAKE EACH ONE INTO A STORE TO PICK OUT WHAT HE WANTS AND YOUR HUSBAND WATCHES THE OTHER 2, WHEN ONE IS FINISHED, THEN YOU TAKE ANOTHER DO THE SAME.  BY DOING THIS YOU WILL SEE YOUR CHILDREN CHANGE AND BECOME MORE WHO THEY REALLY ARE AND NOT "THE TRIPLETS".   

  

THE TWINS ARE MY STEP GRANBABIES AND ARE 1YR & 4 MONTHS (16 MONTHS) OLD.  THE GIRLS ARE ONLY DRESSED ALIKE FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS, AND PICTURES, OR IF IT IS JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS WHERE YOU WANT PEOPLE TO SAY THOSE 3 WORDS "ARE THEY TWINS?"  WHEN I SHOP FOR THEM I TRY TO BUT THE SAME OUTFIT BUT IN A DIFFERENT COLOR.   

  

EVERY CHILD WHETHER THEY ARE A MUTIPLE ARE DIFFERENT IN WHAT THEY LIKE AND DISLIKE.  PLEASE HELP YOU CHILDREN BEGING TO FIND WHO THE ARE, ALLOW THEM TO GROW AND THEIR OWN INDIVIDUAL PERSON.  THEY WILL STILL STAY CLOSE OUT TRIPLETS ARE VERY CLOSE AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER A GREAT DEAL.....THEY ARE NOW TEENAGERS AND ARE VERY OUTGOING. 

  

BEST OF LUCK 

PMARTIN 

I feel that your remarks today were very discriminatory to a major part of todays society. 

 Over the years the majority of NON-PREJUDICE people have been able to accept people for who they are not what they have tatooed on their skin, perhaps you should give this girls mother some guidance to a diversity in society class