Topic : 05/29 Parenting Dilemmas

Kristina, Just wanted to let you know that my daughter is a cosmetologist and though it is a creative career it is also one where they expect you to look professional. Tattoos all over your body is not the look they are going for. Just something for you to think about.

Reguarding the girl who was molested and did not tell for fear of tearing her family apart. That happened to me except it was my real father who was molesting me. While my whole family (mother,sister,brothers and my grandmother) were in the living room  my dad would call me into his room the room he shared with my mother. And there he would molest me. Not once did my mother ever come in to see what was going on. I use to wonder what would happen if I told?  There was sooo much stuff going on that it would be hard to explain but just recently while talking to my mother on the phone (I dont remember what we were talking about) but she guessed and started to cry and apologize but it is to late for that. I am 55 years old now and from watching the Oprah and Dr. Phil shows I have learned why I am the way I am and I do not use this as a excuse for any  problems I have had in my years as a adult but I now understand alot of things. I always wondered how things would just pop in my head and I would realize things and could relate to some guest on the shows because the same things would happen to me. My relationship with my mother is more strained then ever I just cant get over or understand why she would not check to see what was happening in her room. She asked me if he did the same thing to my sister since she also was called in the room. I told her that she says no but I will bet otherwise. My sister and I are not close and never have been it has been 12 years since I talked with her and probably wont be talking to her before we both die. My daughter always wished she had a sister and most people dont even know that I have a sister since I never talk about her but I think if we had had different parents we would have been close. My broher was also abused by my father but not sexually. He was beaten for nothing. He grew up to be very very hard on his boys so much so that I could not be around him without saying something. And so today we are not close either. Most people are suprise that I have a brother and a sister. I have even been told they thought I was a only child it is just to painful to talk about my family so I dont. But the two people who were suppose to protect us never did. Do I wish I had spoken up I can not say I just know that even though I was afraid speaking up would tear our family apart keeping quiet did the same thing.

I wanted a tat for 25 years - so it's been a thoughtful process.  I went to the tattoo parlor with 3 of my  adult teen nieces and my 25 y/o daughter.  My daughter helped design the stars, my nieces chose the colors and I selected the location - on my foot.  It's like jewelry, it's beautiful and suits my lifestyle.   

   

While I spent years contemplating - My Jewish in-laws, who had always told me that one should never mark their body in such a way, the 3 generations of women, my 63 y/o mother-in-law, 43 y/o sister-in-law and 22 y/o daughter - all went and had matching tattoos, 3 little hearts on their ankles.   

   

My Jewish ex-husband, who had spent 20 years in the Navy and did not "believe" in tattoos - he went and had a few tattoos (over a 3 year period) placed on his body - 10 years afte he retired from the Navy!!   

   

And here I was, 46 years old, the eccentric one of the family - and all I had to do in the past was mention it and I would get frowns from all of them!  Needless to say, I was shocked when they all went and got their body art.     

   

In my 25+ years of waiting, the design in my head hasn't changed - I just have to find an artist who can give me what I want - it's only about a 2-4 inch design and I want it on my ankle.  Any art that I get on my body must be where I can see it, it's for MY permanent enjoyment - first and foremost!   

   

I'm glad that I waited - it was a meaningful, memorable and great bonding experience!    

   

My advice to anyone who wants to mark their body - Remember that they will outlast most marriages, it will be with you when your grandchildren are sitting on your lap, and they'll be the only thing that you know for sure will be buried with you.  

 Some tattoos are beautiful, and I certainly don't think people with tattoos should be discriminated against.  On the other hand, I would never put something permanent on my body, even if it's beautiful.  I wouldn't get a tattoo for the same reason that I wouldn't glue my favorite jeans onto my legs.  Styles change, tastes change, and sometimes even attitudes change.   I wouldn't want to be stuck with a tattoo that I might hate later on.

What an inspiration to see someone using their diagnosis to fuel them instead of slowing them down. My mother has a chronic illness and sometimes it affects her attitude very negatively. I had heard about Nancy Davis's book, Lean On Me , and bought her a copy. The book has spoken to her in  ways I never could of. Only someone who is going through the same emotions could possibly understand what it means to be diagnosed with a life threatening disease. She has gotten a lot of strength back from reading it.Nancy is a breath of fresh air and I have so much respect for her. I would recommend everyone to read this book. Thanks.

 Shallow is shallow!!  you make your own point.,  You are saying if you can't see it you can't be judged for it.  So bring back the 'scarlet' letter in order to properly discriminate .   If we were all blind, life would be so incredibly better here in a society that is so superficial.  

Ipraise Nany for how she pushes on with her life and what she continues to do, no matter what.  "God Bless Her."  Iwish that I could/would have such energy/enthusiasm to push myself to find something to keep me busy, instead I spent my days at home with my aches, severe pains through my body (daily)which they first said fibromyalgia, now osteoperosis, along with 41 yrs. of  epilepsy which has done much damage and migraines.  By seeing your Monday show Iwas able to get the title of her book and intend to purchase it as soon as i can, along with findingthe I.D. tag  Thank you for having me as part of your Discission Group...........   

 How shallow are we?!!!, Even Dr. Phil wasn't very fair regarding this topic.  If this poor girl was born without a face, then she would be treated the same way this girl is being treated right now. Mom if you are so silly to think that this is a "Mom's worst nightmare"  then you need to experience a better perspective. You daughter is beautiful, articulate, and alive!! Some parents are experiencing situations where their daughters are prostitutes and lost, or just plain dead because of their lifestlyle excluding their families.
 
 It would be so nice if we were all blind.  The society we experience  in the U.S. is be judged by your looks, guilty until proven otherwise.  A failure if  you have anything different, weight problems(fat or skinny)  , facial hair(women), sex, creed, race difference is all something held against us until we fit in the mold. I want to know who sets the standards & the molds that are supposed the be acceptable.  Lets get over ourselves, and start worring about issues more humanitatian than tat's.  I am amazed that the boards are more heated with the tat topic than the other topics on this show. (Actually  not amazed, just  paying attention to the fact that society dictates the opinions being expressed.)

Even that says something of the society we experience here in the US.  Lets start rising above this, and all the other predjudices  fueling our every day experiences.  As Dr Phil says we have choices.

I agree about finding a new doctor. When I had a bad spell in 1987 my doctor at that time said I would never walk again. I kicked him out of my hospital room and I fired him on the spot!  

   

I made the physical therapists take me down to their parallel bars and I learned to walk again. I also learned that a sense of humor is a must when dealing with chronic problems.   

I am shocked at all the closed minds....beauty is in the eye of the beholder...maybe everyone who thinks tatooed people are ugly...well ever think we find you ugly...and not just the outside...but the inside that judges a person from the outside!! This episode has really bothered me. And the comments after even more so...all the bible qoutes...give me a break!! I think God is a bit more concerned with our spiritual self than what is on our skin....get off the your high horse...a bit of ink is not the highway to hell....