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Topic : 05/29 Parenting Dilemmas

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Created on : Thursday, May 25, 2006, 09:42:01 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Are you a parent whose household is spinning out of control? Cindi says her daughter, Kristina, used to be a fresh-faced all-American beauty, but now, with seven tattoos, she looks like a freak! Cindi says that if her daughter gets inked one more time, she’ll cut her off. Then, Nancy was heartbroken when she learned her 17-year-old daughter had been keeping a devastating secret. See this teen's message about how opening up saved her life. And, when Nancy Davis was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis 14 years ago, the doctor said her life was over. She knew she had to get better for her three young sons. See her heartwarming message for anyone dealing with an illness. Then, a mom struggles with 7-year-old triplets competing to be the best! Talk about the show here.

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May 30, 2006, 8:07 pm PDT

05/29 Parenting Dilemmas

Quote From: harley6

I thought I'd be suprised at some comments from people about tats.  I am 43 I have three grown children a wonderful husband and I am a professional!!!!! I have three tats on my back and I am proud of them I am not seeking attention my husband  gives me all I need and I ride a Harley too!!  I can't understand why people JUGDE other by their looks. We will all have our judgement day and you will not have the gavel in your hand!

I agree -- besides -- consider the tattoo artist:  

  

I am awed by those who can draw well -- and then consider the fact that the tattoo artist does their work on a canvas that is less than flat, and moves and flinches and breathes.......... amazing!!  

  

We have a friend who is a tattoo artist -- and he has even manged to do a very well executed tat on his own leg.   

  

Funny how being judgemental is considered OK if the person you are judging scares you by being different or more assertive........  

  

We will get there -- when we can look inside instead of on the outside -- but it will be a battle...........but one with incredible pay off.  

  

  

Want to talk irony...........  did you see todays show??  About the evils of judging people by their looks..... funny how it should follow the show that started this whole discussion 

 

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May 30, 2006, 8:32 pm PDT

To Nancy with MS

As someone who has a very rare and potentially disabling disease called SYRINGOMYELIA or SM for short, I was appauled at the fact that you can't even pronounce your own disease correctly.  I watched the segment over and over hoping that I heard you wrong but you completely leave out the "L" in the name of the disease constantly calling is "scerosis".  I'm glad that you have been able to raise so much money for MS since your disease receives such little funding from the government it's great that you have been able to make a difference.  I am trying to make a difference with my disease as well but I have yet to find anyone who cares.  But at least I took the time to learn how to pronounce my disease correctly and I teach everyone who knows me how to pronounce it as well as I feel that's very important in getting the disease known and getting it some attention.  Although unfortunately for me, unlike you, there are no famous people with SM so the chances of people giving a darn any time soon are very slim.  Please respect your illness and the others who have it and learn how to pronounce it correctly or at the very least call it MS.  

Loryann  

  

 

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May 30, 2006, 8:39 pm PDT

tats

Quote From: wlarson

Our society isn't anywhere near as tatphobic as Dr Phil would suggest.  There are so few people who don't have one or judge those who do, that section of the show was pretty much moot.  Get real Dr. Phil and join the rest of the world please.  Most of us aren't anywhere near as conservative as you are. 

I have many tats and I disagree with you and agree with Dr. Phil, the world is still "tatphobic" as you call it.  Particularly when the tats are huge and in obvious areas.  Body art is supposed to be just that, art, not a way to show the world you can do and be what you want regardless of future consequences.  All of my tats can be hidden easily with minimal clothing, (socks, short sleeve shirts) and I still feel that I was able to express myself without going overboard. 

  

Loryann 

 
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May 30, 2006, 9:09 pm PDT

I would choose NOT to work for you. . .

Quote From: purplepain

Discrimination is illegal because you are judging, or preventing someone from moving forward in life or living life with out problems because of something they cannot help.

A tattoo is a choice. Race is not a choice, sex is not a choice, disability is not a choice. You choose to have tattoo's there for people CAN choose to not hire you because of that choice of yours.
So a recovering drud addict (a previous bad choice in life, something that does not outwardly show after recovery) should  wear a band on their arm to indicate that previously in their life they made a poor judgement? 
What about the girls/women who carry a child to term and deal with the out of wedlock pregnancy ?  Should we give the male counterpart some sort of scarlet letter to mark his part ?
I completely understand where you are coming from.
 Heaven(Management) knows a reputable firm does NOT want to have a low-life tattooed person representing them, because it would send the wrong message to those closed minded patrons who have the big bill-folds.
 There are plenty of  sailors, marines or airmen who have a tat and they are giving their lives for our freedom to have this discussion.  Should we decide they aren't 'good enough' to lay their lives down? 
Body art is worn by more people than we will ever know about because, it is our 'dirty little secret'  Body art does not change our spirit . 
Do you know there are some cemetary rules banning a tattooed corpse to be buried at their site.

Discrimination/Judgement ?  A very fine line, and Human Resources all over the country has a bit of well intended "power" to take care of the interests of the almighty  buck, and the share holders,  isn't that what it all comes down to?

NO way , some of us who are of age, just do it to piss you guys off!! Success IS a REVENGE. . . .
 

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May 30, 2006, 9:20 pm PDT

tats on the job

Quote From: cstohrer

  

I think that you are very wise to indicate that things can change quite a bit once you get a tattoo or drastically change your appareance.  I understand that eventhough having a tattoo does not make you a bad person, it makes it difficult to be accepted in some sectors of society, specially the ones where a person is likely to gain prosperity.  I think parents should always be close to their kids and inform them about potential consequences of their actions so they develop  a responsibilty.   

Good job! 

I agree.  I work in a large midwestern hospital which has a conservative dress code.  The rules include no visible tattoos, no visible piercings with the exception of ears, and no more than three earrings per ear.  The only heavily-tattooed person I have seen at this hospital is a young lady who works as a surgical tech in the operating room.  They tolerate her tats because she is completely covered by her surgical garb, but if she were to apply for a transfer to a different unit, she would be rejected for the tats that go up her neck and around her ears.  She has tattooed herself into a corner, job-wise, unless or until they relax the rules or she finds a different employer who is more tolerant.  If she decided she wanted to go on to become an RN, none of the schools in this area would accept her because their dress codes are just as strict as the hospital's.  I would ask her and her tat-loving friends, is this really worth it? 
 
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May 30, 2006, 9:35 pm PDT

Nancy Davis

I want to thank Nancy Davis for her example. I am a mother of a 2 year old and six month old and I am going through a time of diagnosis in my life. After two high risk pregnancies, I struggled to get the attention of doctors when suffering from a rare condition called Cholestasis. After getting encouragement from my husband who is a nurse, I actively took control of my healthcare and I think that has made the difference in the births of my two healthy kids. Unfortunately, I am experiencing troubling symptoms still and the difficult pregancies may have triggered a possible autoimmune disorder lying dormant. According to my doctor these symptoms indicate a serious condition, possibly MS. I was really upset that I had to fight for a diagnosis and treatment with my high risk pregnancies and now seem to be suffering all over again when I thought my medical issues were behind me.  

   

 Nancy gives me hope that even though a diagnosis is difficult, I should never relent. I am a mother and I must be there physically as well as emotionally and spiritually for my kids. I feel that too many women (especially mothers) under report their symptoms. We don't want to be complainers, focusing on ourselves instead of our kids. BUT the best thing we can do for our kids is not to ignore our health or potential symptoms. If it indeed is MS that I have, Nancy has shattered the myth that MS means my kids will grow up without an active mother. If it is not MS, Nancy gives me the strength to feel that I can and deserve an answer for my symptoms. I don't need to apologize for, minimize, discredit, or ignore my health. I appreciate her honesty and her courage to refuse to be a victim!    

   

I want to personally thank the Dr. Phil show for having Nancy as a guest and recognizing this as a major problem for parents.  

 
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May 30, 2006, 9:58 pm PDT

Wrong and Dangerous information

Quote From: ursaarctos

As a paramedic for over 25 years, it seems that "necessary" ID cards relating to medical information come around every few years. So far as I know, none of these "necessary" ID schemes last very long.Unless the ID had some biometric information on it that tied it to a specific individual, it is useless - just like the "in case of emergency" info people are urged to put on their cell phones, the "Vial of Life," et cetera. I cannot make treatment decisions based on what is on the card, because I don't know that the card belongs to any certain person.

Under the provisions of HIPPA, Letterman-Petris-Short Act, et cetera, a hospital/doctor/et cetera cannot even confirm or deny whether a person is a patient without a release from that patient. No one could give out medical information on a specific individual without a release from that person. This would apply to a centralized repository of medical records, too.

So, basically, you have a card with information on it that may or may not relate to a particular person. Since you don't know who the card belongs to - even if you find it in a wallet, et cetera - it would only serve to provide information that can be considered when making treatment decisions. If someone withheld, or gave, care based on a card like this, alone, it would be below the standard of care.

There are a very limited number of things that can be used in the field and in the emergency department to resuscitate a patient. Resuscitation is pretty basic and, if you are crashing, there are not a lot of choices as to what we can use. If a person presents in a coma, they are going to get the same treatment whether or not they have an ID card that says they are a diabetic. That information is helpful, but does not determine what kind of care you give a patient.

Once a person is resuscitated, there are better and more appropriate ways to obtain further information about a person's medical history. Methods that are verifiable and can be trusted.

Yes, people are injured because of incomplete medical information. Unfortuntely, it is, probably, inevitable in a medical care system as complex as ours that there will be some mistakes. Sometimes, it is impossible to wait until you have all the information on a patient before you have to do something.

In addition, putting all this medical information in a depository that is accessable by the web, is a BAD IDEA. Any database that is available over the Internet can be hacked. Once that happens, everything about you is public knowledge.
Actually this person is wrong.That's the difference between a paramedic whose job it is to keep them alive UNTIL they get to the ER and the medical staff who has to actually figure out treatment.  My husband is a charge nurse in an er and if they found me unresponsive I would want them to know my blood type and my allergies to certain drugs. My husband supports a medical ID card and ANY DOC or Nurse would obviously take the allergy medicine and the contact information seriously in a wallet or on a person. My husband had a scary incident where a woman was found belligerent and angry at police officers. They spent a long time with her before getting her medical help because they did not recognize her medical problem. Had they known she was having stroke like symptoms, and that she was a diabetic, they would have been able to get her to the hospital sooner. They had no contact information for her that she could give them because of her symptoms. My husband was shocked when she came to the ER and he happened to be in triage. The cops were dropping someone else off when they told him of the situation. My husband indicated that she might have a medical problem. Had the cop not stopped at the ER when he did, that woman would have died. I am sure she feels SHE NEEDED a medical ID card!
 
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May 30, 2006, 11:50 pm PDT

mark of an angel?

There are so many stereotypes about tattooed people. I had my first ink in 1986, at 17. It was done to "be cool." I've had six since. Only recently did I discover that if I could go back in time and erase my tatoos, I would. No confusion, now that I am tattoed, I am really proud of my "colored" skin. I have lots of flowers and decorative stuff... No skull and cross bones, (not that there's anything wrong with that...) Originally, I got my ink on my wrists to protect me from becoming corporate America. Now, America is tattooed... I think Dr. Phil's idea that people are judged by their tattooes is somewhat dated. On the other hand, I encourage anyone thinking about a tattoo to think about it for at least a year, if you still want to do it; do it. Also, avoid tattooing anywhere that will develop badly... Don't do an armband around your triceps if "bingo wings" run in the family,Also, remember, Cheap tatoos aren't good, and good tatoos aren't cheapJ Leigh in Maine
 
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May 31, 2006, 12:40 am PDT

Every life decision has pros & cons. . .

Quote From: evansmar

I know many girls like getting tatoos on their backs. I think they would reconsider if the knew that many doctors in Canada will not give an epidural during childbirth if they cannot find a spot of normal skin.  There is some worry about the toxic nature of the dyes in the tatoos.  

  

  

Come on, if you are going to think of planning a pregnancy with an epidural as part of the plan for child birth, you might has well look at the risks of the epidural also,  My girlfriend planned on her special labor & delivery with an epidural as part of it, and is now paralyzed for the rest of her life.   I'd rather have the tattoo, than epidural, I'd rather feel for the rest of my life, than plan on missing out of an incredible experience of natural childbirth, not to mention being able to run & play with my children.  *3 of which I went through, without meds, or epidurals.  Every life experience has its risks. 
 
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May 31, 2006, 2:11 am PDT

Blackmail and Manipulation!!!

Quote From: sheripaul

My son who is now 23 has wanted to get a tatoo for years.  I really hate tattoos and find them ugly and low class, however now that he is an adult, of course he can do what he wants.  I do implore parents to help set limits for their children because as we all know (as adults) our beliefs, perspectives and decisions at a young age are not those that we maintain as we grow older and hopefully wiser.  Because a tatoo is such a permanent expression of a point in time, I believe it is better to avoid making such a long term decision until later in life.  The way I delayed my son's tatoo for years was to tell him that if he is able to afford to spend money on a tatoo, then he doesn't need my support for his college education, living expenses or other ways that I financially support him.  He needs to be spending his money on things that positively impact his future - not wasting it on a trendy tatoo.  I was fully prepared to end my support of him if he chose to spend hundreds of dollars on a tatoo.  He did choose to get his ears pierced (at one point with a wide guage) and bleach and color his hair.  As another poster mentioned, these are temporary expressions and can be changed - they are not permanent like a tatoo.  I love my son and want the best for him, and if he now chooses to get that tatoo he's been wanting, he can take some of his college graduation money and do that.  I just hope he decides to put it somewhere that can easily be covered - he is considering law school or politics and I wonder how his clients or constituents would feel about it?  To the poster above - it's naive to think that people aren't judged on their appearance - why do you think the diet, cosmetic, anti-aging and clothing industries are worth billions?  We don't even elect politicians anymore who aren't attractive and look good on television, regardless of how humanitarian they are.  As a society we make quick decisions about people and judge them based on their appearance - every study I've read proves that.  Even ancient civilizations and third world countries judge their members based on appearance - it is part of being human.

I am so glad that your son isn't on the battlefield giving orders to our troops, because he wouldn't know how to think for himself!!  When your son is 23 he should be able to make decisions for himself without your help (manipulation, or blackmail!!)  I am so proud of the fact that my three boys, at 23 were well on their way to their futures,  that if they wanted to have a tattoo, well then they could make those decisions from within and with their own future in sight.  You need to let go, & not live vicariously through him.    

  

I also am glad that my human kind isn't nearly as shallow & superficial as your world.  We can change the world for the better.  I am also glad to know that I am not buying into the lifts, & plastic surgery, and the other illusions that are part of your perception that is the 'reality' at the check-stands and at every upscale retailer/advertiser selling ads to sell their products as tho' they are the be all & end all of existence.  It is naive to think people are ONLY judged on their appearance, and that we ALL vote only on looks.  I would be ashamed to put myself in that category.  If those are the reasons you vote and view people, I can see why you have to bribe your son to perform.  I am glad I can put my heart and my life to better use.    

 
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