Message Boards

Home

Message Boards

Topic : 05/29 Parenting Dilemmas

Number of Replies: 283

New Messages This Week: 0

Last Reply On:

Created on : Thursday, May 25, 2006, 09:42:01 am

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Are you a parent whose household is spinning out of control? Cindi says her daughter, Kristina, used to be a fresh-faced all-American beauty, but now, with seven tattoos, she looks like a freak! Cindi says that if her daughter gets inked one more time, she’ll cut her off. Then, Nancy was heartbroken when she learned her 17-year-old daughter had been keeping a devastating secret. See this teen's message about how opening up saved her life. And, when Nancy Davis was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis 14 years ago, the doctor said her life was over. She knew she had to get better for her three young sons. See her heartwarming message for anyone dealing with an illness. Then, a mom struggles with 7-year-old triplets competing to be the best! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

More May 2006 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

( Subscribe to this Topic )

hunterb53

User Mood
Touched

Message Emote

May 31, 2006, 2:34 am PDT

When mom is too controlling? CUT HER OFF.

Quote From: lisas08

Hi, I am a Mother of 2 and a wife of 10 years, I am also 33 years old. I Have 5 tattoos. And very successful in my life. I think its sad that your mom is saying "if her daughter gets inked one more time, she'll cut her off" I grew up in a Mormon Loving caring home. My Mom And Dad freaked when they saw my first inked, but she would never ever never never never say she would cut me off. for A mother to do this to her child just because she wants to get Inked, IS WRONG! If you love your child. you don't CUT THEM Off

Maybe, Kristina Needs to CUT OFF HER MOM!!!!!!!

Parents need to pick and chose your battles. If she runs away in drugs drinks, Then I think you should drop a Mom Law down (that is when I take ever thing a way from MY Kids. they do get a bed and bedding no door no toys no life nothing if I am in a good mood they might get there clothes.) but come on cut her off. Please! As Dr Phil says Are you kidding ME!!!

Kristina she Needs to live with her choice, And for And for the mom its called Love and Learning about Kristina and he accountabilities. Her Life!!!! To The mom Take a chill PILL!!!!

it seems like she is a good girl. Good Luck Kristina

From the very religious Mormon Mom that Likes to get Inked too!!!!

Right on!! Absolutely, and Kudos!! My three boys, and my 2 grandsons have never been effected negatively regarding my tattoos. I do have to say however , I had to tell my dad to knock off the mean remarks behind my back to my family members or I would cut him off. I respected my decision to have my work done, I respect his opinion to be angry with me, that his "little girl" was a screw-up, but he needed to dish those opinions to me directly !! He stopped, and the other family members who had 'hidden' tats, came to my defense directly to him waiting for him to 'dis them. He now is very verbal to my face about it when he cares to be, but he knows not to talk behind my back to my boys. Now it is all clear on all fronts, and I can still be 'daddy's little girl' with a bit of colour .

. . . My tat is covering a serious burn I got 15 years ago. This is a positive alternative.

Read Replies to this Message

bunneymate

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
surprised

May 31, 2006, 9:23 am PDT

How Sad

Quote From: sheripaul

My son who is now 23 has wanted to get a tatoo for years. I really hate tattoos and find them ugly and low class, however now that he is an adult, of course he can do what he wants. I do implore parents to help set limits for their children because as we all know (as adults) our beliefs, perspectives and decisions at a young age are not those that we maintain as we grow older and hopefully wiser. Because a tatoo is such a permanent expression of a point in time, I believe it is better to avoid making such a long term decision until later in life. The way I delayed my son's tatoo for years was to tell him that if he is able to afford to spend money on a tatoo, then he doesn't need my support for his college education, living expenses or other ways that I financially support him. He needs to be spending his money on things that positively impact his future - not wasting it on a trendy tatoo. I was fully prepared to end my support of him if he chose to spend hundreds of dollars on a tatoo. He did choose to get his ears pierced (at one point with a wide guage) and bleach and color his hair. As another poster mentioned, these are temporary expressions and can be changed - they are not permanent like a tatoo. I love my son and want the best for him, and if he now chooses to get that tatoo he's been wanting, he can take some of his college graduation money and do that. I just hope he decides to put it somewhere that can easily be covered - he is considering law school or politics and I wonder how his clients or constituents would feel about it? To the poster above - it's naive to think that people aren't judged on their appearance - why do you think the diet, cosmetic, anti-aging and clothing industries are worth billions? We don't even elect politicians anymore who aren't attractive and look good on television, regardless of how humanitarian they are. As a society we make quick decisions about people and judge them based on their appearance - every study I've read proves that. Even ancient civilizations and third world countries judge their members based on appearance - it is part of being human.

I have a young son and I cannot IMAGINE using your tactics to censor his self-expression. I cannot believe that your son is still talking to you (although I'd imagine he's only speaking to you for the money). As you say I'm naive to think that people aren't judged by their appearance, you may want to re-read my original post, as you obviously did not read it thoroughly. I said "I do not tolerate people who judge others by their appearance." That does not mean that I don't believe shallow people like yourself don't exist. I just don't tolerate or accept your kind.

I do not subscribe to the anorexic mentality plaguing women in our society. I do not subscribe to the antithought administration that runs this country. I do not subscribe to censorship. And I certainly do not subscribe to emotional blackmail and would never use such extreme measures to get my way and exert control over another person.

Ancient civilizations are dead for a reason, and third world countries leave handicapped and mentally retarded citizens, including children, for dead in the streets, and sometimes kill babies w/defects b/c of their appearance. If these values are what you need to use to justify your position, you may want to rethink your position.

Read Replies to this Message

bunneymate

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
happy

May 31, 2006, 9:26 am PDT

Ay...The Things We Believe...

Quote From: hunterb53

Come on, if you are going to think of planning a pregnancy with an epidural as part of the plan for child birth, you might has well look at the risks of the epidural also, My girlfriend planned on her special labor & delivery with an epidural as part of it, and is now paralyzed for the rest of her life. I'd rather have the tattoo, than epidural, I'd rather feel for the rest of my life, than plan on missing out of an incredible experience of natural childbirth, not to mention being able to run & play with my children. *3 of which I went through, without meds, or epidurals. Every life experience has its risks.

I agree with you, Hunterb! And kudos to you for having 3 kids au natural. You're a better femme than I.

I have a tat on my lower back and guess what. I had an epidural. There goes that myth.

Read Replies to this Message

purplepain

Message Emote

May 31, 2006, 10:02 am PDT

05/29 Parenting Dilemmas

Quote From: hunterb53

So a recovering drud addict (a previous bad choice in life, something that does not outwardly show after recovery) should wear a band on their arm to indicate that previously in their life they made a poor judgement?
What about the girls/women who carry a child to term and deal with the out of wedlock pregnancy ? Should we give the male counterpart some sort of scarlet letter to mark his part ?
I completely understand where you are coming from.
Heaven(Management) knows a reputable firm does NOT want to have a low-life tattooed person representing them, because it would send the wrong message to those closed minded patrons who have the big bill-folds.
There are plenty of sailors, marines or airmen who have a tat and they are giving their lives for our freedom to have this discussion. Should we decide they aren't 'good enough' to lay their lives down?
Body art is worn by more people than we will ever know about because, it is our 'dirty little secret' Body art does not change our spirit .
Do you know there are some cemetary rules banning a tattooed corpse to be buried at their site.

Discrimination/Judgement ? A very fine line, and Human Resources all over the country has a bit of well intended "power" to take care of the interests of the almighty buck, and the share holders, isn't that what it all comes down to?

NO way , some of us who are of age, just do it to piss you guys off!! Success IS a REVENGE. . . .

I really don't see the relevance of what you are saying here.

All I was doing was making it clear that if a business doesn't want tattooed individuals to work for them they have a legal right to do so.

I have no clue what you are talking about, with out of wedlock baby's and drug addicts...your argument makes no sense. I'm talking about a company decided to discriminate against people for marking up their bodies and changing their appearance voluntarily.

No, body art doesn't change who you are, but it's still a choice so it doesn't deserve protection under the law. You didn't have to get a tattoo.

Also, I don't know anything about the military. Since every person I have ever known in the military has several tattoos...I can't imagine what you are talking about.

You seem very angry. I personally don't care if people have tattoos. I wouldn't have one myself. I don't like them. But I also don't like certain hair cuts or certain kinds of clothes. Doesn't mean I hate the people who do have them. Whatever...live and let live.

And yes it does come down to the "almighty buck" because THAT is why people start businesses...LOL

I'm trying to make it clear that if a company doesn't want people who have marked up their bodies working for them then they have that right. That's it.

Read Replies to this Message

eilene

User Mood
Cheerful

Message Emote
angry

May 31, 2006, 10:11 am PDT

MS -Not everyone is as fortunate as Nancy D!

Ms Davis implies that MS is mind over matter. Wrong! I know she must know that everyone that has MS is not as fortunate as she obviously is. My beautiful daughter was diagnosed with MS in the very prime time of her life; she fought it, she denied it, she accepted it and went on with her life. But she went from vitally active, to using desks, tables, walls, railings, etc. so she could stay on her feet; she finally HAD to start using a cane; she did this for a long period then it became impossible to even get around with the cane; begrudgingly she had to accept a wheelchair, she would not have an electric one because she wanted to do everything possible to maintain what muscle she had left. Eventually, she had to have the electric one because the strength in her arms was not enough to be able to move around. Now she has the most advanced electric wheelchair they make. When we help her get dressed, we physically have to move her forward to pull the shirt down, then physically pull her back to a sitting position. We lift her legs on and off the steps of the chair. If she didn't have the courage of a lion she would probably be in a nursing home! Thanks to her wonderful husband of 32 years (married at 18) she still lives in their own home and he works 80 miles away and returns every single day to take care of her and the house.

She can still use her arms to some extent. Her brain is exceptional and she uses it every day. Her computer skills keep her active in life; she has many skills and talents that she uses through her computer. But telling her she can change her condition by being positive and doing all the right things is an ignorant and selfish thing to say.

I have never written to Dr Phil, but today I sent him a letter telling him how angry and disappointed I am that he only presented the very good side of MS when he had Nancy Davis on. It made me angry and hurt for all the people that suffer from this horrible disease and I hope to God that it doesn't make them feel like a failure just because they could not achieve what Ms. Davis has.

Read Replies to this Message

eilene

User Mood
Cheerful

Message Emote
frustrated

May 31, 2006, 10:33 am PDT

You Are So Right!

Quote From: desharkmom

I posted yesterday, congratulating Nancy on the way she deals with her MS and made a few comments about my own battle. I may left the wrong impression. I know that I'm extremely fortunate that I do as well as I do. I do attribute some of that to attitude and behavior but I also know that most of it is just "dumb luck." MS takes many forms and is really a different condition for everyone that has it, which makes it much harder for people to understand. Some of the most hated words I hear from people are "but you look just fine!" They just don't get it and never will. MS and outwards appearances have very little to do with each other and just because you look great doesn't mean there isn't anything wrong. I know people who have really worked at defeating their MS, have kept a positive outlook and struggled with their everyday activities. Yet, no matter how hard they try, their bodies are destroyed. I have a friend with MS who was a university professor. After his diagnosis he kept working, kept up his daily running schedule and never gave up or let it get him down. He is now in a wheelchair, totally paralyzed from his neck down. It wasn't because he didn't try to fight, it's just a horrible, unpredictable disease that does minimal damage to some people and wreaks total havoc with others. He still doesn't let it get him down and with the use of electronc aides, he is writing his second textbook on economics. I do appreciate Nancy and what she has done to raise money for reasearch, etc., but in some ways she is doing a great disservice to those people with MS who haven't been as lucky as she has. I do think that Dr. Phil should have said that the disease does take many different forms and although Nancy is definitely to be admired for her attitude and work, she cannot be held up as a typical example of what people with MS can do if they just try. It can make life much more difficult for others with MS when people see her and think that everyone else should be able to do the same. It just doesn't work that way. Good luck with educating people as to the true nature of the disease. Jeanne

I so agree with both of you and I was so happy to find these posts from you. I am new to this bullitin board so I didn't find them at first and so I posted my own thoughts about the MS program. I was so disappointed when I viewed it. I thought since it was on Dr Phil that it might be an educational program that would help people with MS and those that love them.

Thank you both for expressing my feelings totally and my love, prayers and thoughts go out to you . .Eilene

Read Replies to this Message

harleypie

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote

May 31, 2006, 11:41 am PDT

Disagree

Quote From: kts1017

Yes, there are quite a few people with tatoos but is their entire body covered in them? I think that is the major issue. Just about anything in extreme is probably going to be questioned or judged by someone. And teaching our children to be accepting is fine and right but teaching them, also, that the world isn't always that way is just as important. (You missed the "defensive" part in that many of the comments are from those with tatoos and they feel they have to defend their decision. If they were entirely comfortable with it, they would brush it off and go on.)

I think the word "defensive" was used with the sentence that people with a tattoo are defensive and quite frankly, I take offense to that.......................and the "major" issue is anything in extreme is probably going to be questioned or judged by someone????? Who is the "someone" judging whether it's extreme or not, "You"????? My sister is a lesbian, is that extreme to you, a friend of mine has eight children, is that extreme???? I ride a motorcycle ............is that extreme to you???? My point again, who is anyone to judge, not I................I do not judge and I certainly do not find tattoo sleeves (an entire arm tattoo, in case you do not know what an arm sleeve is) or an entire body tattoo as "extreme" or "too much" but again, as I may point out, the only ones that would say that are people who are judgemental and/or decide that "their" morals are correct! I also want to point out to you as far as how I raised my kids, not to judge or worry about what others think was instilled to them for a reason................I was raised old fashioned and held back because of biased people that made me feel always wrong for my views and thus prevented me from doing a lot..............and my kids now have unlimited dreams and have absolutely no problem talking to me about anything which is a far cry from kids out there sneaking around their parents because of being judged...................sorry, I prefer my way over yours!

Read Replies to this Message

llkmom

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
upset

May 31, 2006, 11:52 am PDT

Mom needs to get a clue!

"A mother's worst nightmare"? Kristina's mom needs to get a clue. Having a child with tatoos is no where even close. Try having a child diagnosed with a terminal illness. Try burying your daughter on her 16th birthday. This woman is extremely shallow and superficial. Yes, it is a fact that the world will judge you based on your appearance - but your mother should not! My son has a beautiful tatoo of a rose (his sister drew it) tatooed on his chest. He waited until three months after her funeral at my request before he had it done. I told him it needed to not be an emotional decision. He waited and I happily went with him to have it done by a reputable artist. Life is too short and too uncertain to be consumed by what color someone's skin is, how they dress, or how much they weigh. People should be judged based on character - not by how they look. ALL children should know and experience complete acceptance and love from their mother without having to conform to a certain acceptable image first.

Read Replies to this Message

raiderett

User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
frustrated

May 31, 2006, 12:05 pm PDT

I do not care for that stereo type

I agree that I am too, affended by the stereo type of being a freak because of having tattoos. I am 22yrs old and haave 2 children and 6 tattoos. In fact my mother and I got one together and I paid for them both. I think it is a matter of what kind of tattoo it is, for example all of my tattoos are in places thst are not always visable to the public. I have my daughters name and a rose on my left shoulder, a trible band with a flower in the center of it on my right forearm, a big mask like butterfly on my lower back, a cross with a lilly with the word PAPA for my late Grandfather on my left ankle, and Chinese writing that stands for reincarnated spirits on my other ankle. Soon I will be getting another one on my right shoulder of my new baby boys name and birthdate, so I happen to like them. Plus if the person is old enough to do what they want with their body then the mom has no say in the matter, and is very wrong for saying that she will cut her daughter off if she gets another one. My mom likes all mine and from what I saw in the picture her tattoos they are very beautiful, and not in any way tacky.But that is just my opinion.

Read Replies to this Message

pjcraig60

User Mood
Touched

Message Emote

May 31, 2006, 12:11 pm PDT

daughter with secert

i was so touch by this young lady whos step-father sexually hurt her. there are so many young ones out there who have gone throught something like this themselfs, i was one of them. i was 12 when my step-father was going to show me how true love was to be, because my grandfather was wrong the way he was doing it to me from age 10.i wish i could have gone to my mom but the family was going thru some very hard times. my family finely found out when i was 15 by my now husband of 29 years..he saved my life even tho it ruined some of my families. i now teach my children and grandbabies to always talk to me or someone who can help.

Read Replies to this Message

First | Prev | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | Next | Last

Recent Shows: Dr. Phil Family Returns: ... | Cut the Cord | "Will My Mother-in-Law De... | Shocking School Sex Abuse... | P.I. Moms: The Truth Behi...