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Topic : Where Should Your Child Sleep?

Number of Replies: 261
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:59:51 pm
Author : dataimport
Does your child sleep in a crib, his own bed, or with you? Tell us what works for your family.

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August 8, 2007, 6:35 am CDT

Where Should Your Child Sleep?

Quote From: toothfairy

I am the mother of a 5 week old boy, and already I have noticed that bad habits start with me.  When I first brought him home, I put him in bed beside me, partly because I couldn't stop worrying about him, but also because I just loved being close to him.  Over the following weeks I noticed that whenever I put him down in his crib and left the room, he would immediately wake up and scream - that would lead to me picking him back up and taking him back into bed with me where he would fall right back asleep.  So - as tough as it was, (and still is) when its bedtime for Dawson, I rock him for a few minutes, but mostly put him in his crib - awake or not (I have a terrible time leaving him by himself when he is awake and alert - I feel guilty!) and just let him be.  Now at 5 weeks old he sleeps in his crib all by himself and I sleep much better in bed with just my husband :)  I think if I had kept on taking him to bed with me, I was setting the whole family up for a bad habit to break in the future.  What do you think?

As a mother of 3 boys, the youngest of which is 8 weeks old tomorrow, I think the important thing to remember with anything we do with our children is only a problem if we see it as a problem (notwithstanding issues of abuse of course). For example, the family who sees co-sleeping as a solution to all family members getting quality sleep may be seen by another family as setting themselves up for ongoing years of children sleeping in the parents' bed. The co-sleeping family may not be concerned about this (or at least not in the beginning). We have had all of our children in bed with us in the early stages of their lives as it meant that I could breastfeed and simply go back to sleep. As I now have the third baby (and the eldest has just turned 4 I might add), if we did not do this I would be sleep deprived and I imagine not very nice to be around! I would like to congratulate you on managing to help your baby overcome his sleep anxiety early, but just remember, the "bad habit" you felt you might have had to break in the future would only be "bad" if you saw it that way. If you and your husband weren't comfortable with co-sleeping (which I guess you weren't) then you have done what is right for your family. Each of us can only do what is right for our own family.

 
August 8, 2007, 2:32 pm CDT

My crowded bed!

I have never understood what the debate is about a child sleeping with its parents!  I come from a co-habitating family (my father was often out of town due to military/job) and I slept with my mother for the first 6-7 years and then on and off.  I am so very close to my mom and still will sleep in the same bed whenever I can. 

My two children slept with us the first five years of their lives (they are five years apart and so we only had 1 child in our bed, at a time).  I found that during that time, right before you drift off into sleep is such a magical time.  A time to share your thoughts about the day, a time to reflect, hash out your worries, reveal your dreams, laugh and just talk.  It is a time to hold each other, cry if need be, and be a family without regard to the rest of the world. 

Each of them, on their own, decided that five years old was the time to leave our bed.  No tears, no anger, no threats, no sleepless nights begging them to stay asleep.  They decided and owned that decision.  But still, every morning, my two children (now 10 and 15) sneak into my room, to cuddle, and share, and talk about their days, ask for advice, and sometimes, give me advice.  But the important thing is, they TALK. 

Would I like more peace and quiet with my husband? Sure.  Do I get tired of the same joke I've heard every morning for the last 5 years from my son? Yes.  Do I want to hear everything my teenaged daughter wants to share?  Definitely not.  But someday, when they are gone leading their own lives, I will have peace and quiet, I will have time with only my husband, I will have no more children in my bed.  But for now ---Everyone, pile on the bed and let's talk!!!!

 
August 12, 2007, 1:50 pm CDT

Where Should Your Child Sleep?

Quote From: tram50

I have never understood what the debate is about a child sleeping with its parents!  I come from a co-habitating family (my father was often out of town due to military/job) and I slept with my mother for the first 6-7 years and then on and off.  I am so very close to my mom and still will sleep in the same bed whenever I can. 

My two children slept with us the first five years of their lives (they are five years apart and so we only had 1 child in our bed, at a time).  I found that during that time, right before you drift off into sleep is such a magical time.  A time to share your thoughts about the day, a time to reflect, hash out your worries, reveal your dreams, laugh and just talk.  It is a time to hold each other, cry if need be, and be a family without regard to the rest of the world. 

Each of them, on their own, decided that five years old was the time to leave our bed.  No tears, no anger, no threats, no sleepless nights begging them to stay asleep.  They decided and owned that decision.  But still, every morning, my two children (now 10 and 15) sneak into my room, to cuddle, and share, and talk about their days, ask for advice, and sometimes, give me advice.  But the important thing is, they TALK. 

Would I like more peace and quiet with my husband? Sure.  Do I get tired of the same joke I've heard every morning for the last 5 years from my son? Yes.  Do I want to hear everything my teenaged daughter wants to share?  Definitely not.  But someday, when they are gone leading their own lives, I will have peace and quiet, I will have time with only my husband, I will have no more children in my bed.  But for now ---Everyone, pile on the bed and let's talk!!!!

i think that everyone should decide for themselves what works best for their family. the debate here is that some people feel everyone should sleep in the same bed, and that other people feel different. also the issue is that co-sleeping doesn't work for everyone. that's why people start having a discussion. but i think everyone should decide for themselves what works.
 
August 15, 2007, 9:57 am CDT

Does your child scream and cry if you don't co-sleep?

Do you give into co-sleeping because your child screams, cries or demands that you be with them all through the night?  Do you find that our child's refusal to sleep without you is making you exhausted?  Why do you give in and how old are your kids?

 
August 15, 2007, 10:19 pm CDT

More for me then my son

Quote From: kidhelp

Do you give into co-sleeping because your child screams, cries or demands that you be with them all through the night?  Do you find that our child's refusal to sleep without you is making you exhausted?  Why do you give in and how old are your kids?

Do you give into co-sleeping because your child screams, cries or demands that you be with them all through the night?

 

I didn't give into co-sleeping I just found he slept better next to me, and when I thought about it how alone he must of felt in his crib after spending 9 months in a ball in me how odd it must feel to be away from me. He would actually sleep better with me then without me.

 

 Do you find that our child's refusal to sleep without you is making you exhausted? 

 

I'm not exhausted at all, my son sleeps from about 11pm-8am. I do put him to bed early then I go to bed about 2 hours early and I usually have to go in there twice cause he is having nighmares and then once I finally go to bed, he then has a better sleep.

 

Why do you give in and how old are your kids?

 

I don't give in I make the choice to give my son a better night sleep so he has better days. Plus I love waking up to him smiling at me and touching my face (its how he wakes me up). Now my son is 7 months old. I don't know how much longer I plan to have sleep with me and my husband, more then likly when he is big enough to get up and out of bed on his own. Then he can make the choice of where he sleeps. I want my son to always know that I'm there for him. Being a parent is about doing whats best for you its about doing what best for your son, if you feel your son/daughter is better sleeping alone then you should do that but dont make choices  on whats best for you.

 

Sorry if I have repeated at all.

 
August 17, 2007, 10:46 am CDT

Where should your child sleep

Quote From: scojalu

As a mother of 3 boys, the youngest of which is 8 weeks old tomorrow, I think the important thing to remember with anything we do with our children is only a problem if we see it as a problem (notwithstanding issues of abuse of course). For example, the family who sees co-sleeping as a solution to all family members getting quality sleep may be seen by another family as setting themselves up for ongoing years of children sleeping in the parents' bed. The co-sleeping family may not be concerned about this (or at least not in the beginning). We have had all of our children in bed with us in the early stages of their lives as it meant that I could breastfeed and simply go back to sleep. As I now have the third baby (and the eldest has just turned 4 I might add), if we did not do this I would be sleep deprived and I imagine not very nice to be around! I would like to congratulate you on managing to help your baby overcome his sleep anxiety early, but just remember, the "bad habit" you felt you might have had to break in the future would only be "bad" if you saw it that way. If you and your husband weren't comfortable with co-sleeping (which I guess you weren't) then you have done what is right for your family. Each of us can only do what is right for our own family.

I think it's terrific that you did not let co-sleeping become a habit.  If co-sleeping is your family's plan, that's one thing.  But, to co-sleep to quell your child's crying is different.  In that case, you might inadvertently be giving your child the message that it is unsafe to sleep independently. This message can generalize to daytime situations, like school or going to friend's house in that your child can develop insecurities and feel a need to have you attached physically at all times.  I think teaching your child self-comforting and coping skills--including at bedtime-- is essential for healthy development.
 
August 17, 2007, 10:48 am CDT

Do you lie down with your child until he or she falls asleep?

Do you lie down with your child until he or she falls asleep?  Do you try to tuck in, but your child won't let you leave the room?
 
August 23, 2007, 11:40 am CDT

Bedtime struggle

Does your child throw a fit about going to bed?  How do you handle it?
 
September 10, 2007, 9:31 pm CDT

TV and Toddlers

Is it all right to set a Toddler ( 18 mos.) in front of a TV all night so that he can fall asleep.  He is awake all day and will not sleep at night.  The TV program is Blue's Clues and it is educational.  Sometimes they forget to put him into bed after he has fallen asleep. 
 
September 11, 2007, 6:09 pm CDT

TV babysitter

Quote From: sherdabear

Is it all right to set a Toddler ( 18 mos.) in front of a TV all night so that he can fall asleep.  He is awake all day and will not sleep at night.  The TV program is Blue's Clues and it is educational.  Sometimes they forget to put him into bed after he has fallen asleep. 

I can understand using a TV for getting the kid to sleep, sometimes you will just do anything to put the kid to sleep at night. They may not move him cause they are scared they will wake him and he will be even harder to get back to sleep. But they will have to face this problem and have him go to bed without TV. I would advice to try and just do other things for now, give like a set time like 10pm and if we cant get him to sleep by then, then we will do TV but I would try reading, flash cards, singing, just playing music, rocking, think of something active they can do in the evening before bed.

 
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