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Topic : Where Should Your Child Sleep?

Number of Replies: 261
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:59:51 pm
Author : dataimport
Does your child sleep in a crib, his own bed, or with you? Tell us what works for your family.

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October 4, 2005, 9:02 pm CDT

Not sleep, but arguing

Quote From: jcollins68

I agree with you completly in you saying that parents do not need to argue in front of their kids. I have a bad habit of giving my son something when my husband says no. I am trying to work on that. We are in our first year of marriage, and have alot to work on as a couple.  I am going to try to put my son in his own bed. But let him know that he can still come get in bed with us whenever he gets scared. You are right , it is petty. Thankyou for your advice. I am young and still learning, with alot more still to learn about life and relationships. 

  

Thanks, 

Jamie 

I disagree on not arguing in front of kids. I believe kids should see arguments AND resolutions. How else are they going to learn to resolve arguments? 

  

Or, if they never see it and one day hear their parents arguing, imagine the fear that could take over. Suddenly they're afraid mom and dad don't love each other. If they've heard arguing and resolution that fear has much less of a hold. 

  

Jmho 

  

 
October 4, 2005, 9:04 pm CDT

Where Should Your Child Sleep?

Quote From: puptent

We put him in his bed at night but he always comes in overnight but the difference for me is my hubby is okay with it.  I agree that they are young and need us as parents but I wonder why he doesn't feel secure enough to stay in his bed all night and have tried to help him with this.  I love the closeness that we (hubby and I) have with our son.  I love waking up in the morning with him in our bed -- it is a wonderful feeling but I don't know that I could let it continue if my hubby did not agree. 

  

I don't know that I would say either of you (you and hubby) are wrong but I know that you need to come to an agreement as it isn't good to argue about and in front of your son.  You two need to discuss this and other child situations ahead of time to see what page you are each on.  This will help to avoid future arguments over how to raise your child. 

  

Good luck and hang in there! 

For my son, at 3, I don't believe it's a security issue that has him coming to our bed in the night. He just loves to cuddle with us as much as we love to cuddle with him.   

  

However, like you say, if hubbie was opposed I would have to find some way to resolve the issue.  Co-sleeping is wonderful but not worth ruining my marriage over! 

 
October 4, 2005, 9:24 pm CDT

weighted blankets

Hi all mothers! My three year old rarely slept through the night. we tried every routine possible and still he couldn't settle himself down for a good nights sleep. My older son has Asperger's syndrome (very high functioning autism) and used a four pound weighted blanket when he was overstimulated. We purchased one for my younger non-autistic son and that very night and from that night on he has lsept all night. He is asleep withinn fifteen minutes. My older son's Occupational therapist says that weighted blankets trick the brain into relaxing. this has worked wonders for our family and I no longer dread bedtime. They are pretty expensive in special need catalogs but check ebay!
 
October 4, 2005, 9:44 pm CDT

I agree with you!

Quote From: jcollins68

I HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD SON THAT STILL SLEEPS WITH MY HUSBAND AND I. I LOVE THAT HE SLEEPS WITH US, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH I CAN NOT SLEEP WITH OUT HIM (MY SON). MY HUSBAND ON THE OTHER HAND HATES IT.  HE SAYS THAT I AM TOO EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO OUR SON.  IT IS VERY FRUSTRATING FOR ME BECAUSE ME AND MY HUSBAND ARE ALWAYS ARGUING ABOUT  WEATHER OR NOT HE SHOULD STILL BE IN BED WITH US. MY HUSBAND SEEMS TO THINK THAT HIM STILL BEING IN BED WITH US WILL MAKE HIM NOT ABLE TO BE INDEPENDENT WHEN HE GETS OLDER. I THINK THAT HE IS READING WAY TO MUCH INTO IT. MY SON IS ONLY 2 YRS. OLD, HE IS STILL PRETTY MUCH A BABY. I JUST DON'T WANT HIM TO GROW UP TO FAST. I SLEPT WITH MY MOM UNTIL I WAS 10 YRS. OLD. MY HUSBAND HAS STARTED TO SLEEP IN THE SPARE BEDROOM B/C HE GETS SO UPSET. AM I WRONG TO DISAGREE WITH MY HUSBAND? 

  

JAMIE COLLINS 

Co-sleeping is the norm throughout the world and throughout history. There is nothing wrong with having your children sleep with you. In fact, in most places thoughout the world they can't believe that this is even an issue with some people. Name me one other mammal mother that doesn't sleep with it's young. People need to realize that this type of parenting dilemma is really not a right or wrong issue (if it's done safely) but a cultural preference. And your husband unfortunately has gotten the eroneous idea that co-sleeping makes a child more dependent when in my experience (and the experience of the vast majority of the rest of the world) has been the polar opposite. When a child has their dependency needs met early on, they are ready to move on to independence at a much earlier age, and it is a true independence. When you push a child away, they will only cling tighter to you. I think it is incredibly ironic that your husband values independence so much and yet he wants to push your son out of your bed prematurely, and the result will almost certainly be clingy, dependent behavior and an anxious attachment.  

  

People might get their babies to "sleep through the night" at six months, but I can almost guarentee you they will be back as soon as you take that crib down. You can baby the baby, or you can baby the toddler. My first child asked for her own bed at 3 years old and was perfectly content to sleep it on her own from then on, no nightmares, no monsters in the closet, etc. The "experts" are wrong, listen to your heart, you know your child the best. I recommend reading "Nighttime Parenting" by Dr. Sears and "Mothering and Fathering: Gender Differences in Parenting." They are wonderful books, perhaps if you could get your husband to read them.... I think the key really is communication with your husband and educating him. Once he can understand that this will help your son develop emotionally and become more independent, he will probably relax and come on board with you. Good luck to you, I hope you can find a solution that works for your whole family. If your husband absolutely won't change his mind, and remains stubborn, perhaps you could consider a mattress on the floor of your room for your son? Good luck. 

  

  

  

 
October 5, 2005, 7:29 am CDT

Where Should Your Child Sleep?

Quote From: triciat4

Co-sleeping is the norm throughout the world and throughout history. There is nothing wrong with having your children sleep with you. In fact, in most places thoughout the world they can't believe that this is even an issue with some people. Name me one other mammal mother that doesn't sleep with it's young. People need to realize that this type of parenting dilemma is really not a right or wrong issue (if it's done safely) but a cultural preference. And your husband unfortunately has gotten the eroneous idea that co-sleeping makes a child more dependent when in my experience (and the experience of the vast majority of the rest of the world) has been the polar opposite. When a child has their dependency needs met early on, they are ready to move on to independence at a much earlier age, and it is a true independence. When you push a child away, they will only cling tighter to you. I think it is incredibly ironic that your husband values independence so much and yet he wants to push your son out of your bed prematurely, and the result will almost certainly be clingy, dependent behavior and an anxious attachment.  

  

People might get their babies to "sleep through the night" at six months, but I can almost guarentee you they will be back as soon as you take that crib down. You can baby the baby, or you can baby the toddler. My first child asked for her own bed at 3 years old and was perfectly content to sleep it on her own from then on, no nightmares, no monsters in the closet, etc. The "experts" are wrong, listen to your heart, you know your child the best. I recommend reading "Nighttime Parenting" by Dr. Sears and "Mothering and Fathering: Gender Differences in Parenting." They are wonderful books, perhaps if you could get your husband to read them.... I think the key really is communication with your husband and educating him. Once he can understand that this will help your son develop emotionally and become more independent, he will probably relax and come on board with you. Good luck to you, I hope you can find a solution that works for your whole family. If your husband absolutely won't change his mind, and remains stubborn, perhaps you could consider a mattress on the floor of your room for your son? Good luck. 

  

  

  

I believe marriage is about two people and the two must try to get on the same page on most issues and sometimes that means compromise, especially when it comes to raising children, children wll and do feel the tension as well as the comfort between his/her parents. I believe strongly in the marriage relationship and if it were me in your position, I would certainly talk to your husband and the both of you work together ona solution/goal, otherwise you may lose your husband completely in the bedroom and after doing things for so long it does become a habit. of course I believe in nurturing and caring and and teaching and guiding our children into maturinga nd developing and becoming independent and all that, as I have two little ones myself who are the joy of our lives, We love them with all our hearts and they are very well behave (have their moments of course) and has great personalities, VERY independent and socially and physically active, they are happy little girls and we never co slept. of course there are times when they get into our beds and snuggle with us and come to us once in a while through the night cause of a dream or becasue they need something but sleeping together all in one bed on a regular basis, doesn't happen in my home and has never had a negative affect and I have hubby in my bed, I have the best of both worlds, happy, well adjusted kids and a hubby that I know will be in my bed next to me when I awake in the morning. Yes, there are times when one of us end up on the couch because one of the girls are with us but that is occasional and if they do fall asleep in my bed, you can bet they will wake up in their own beds and that has never been an issue with our kids. All kids are different and may not adjust as well as others, but remember, marriage is about both of you and you need to communicate and figure out a solution together and in the end everyone will be happy.
 
October 5, 2005, 10:19 am CDT

Sleeping with Daddy

I am a mother of two children, Bradley who is now 3 and Emily who is 15 months old.  When my son was about 1 yr old, my husband started working out of town. He was only home thursday night- saturday and then left again on Sunday. My son had always slept in his own bed (unless he woke up scared, etc then I would put him in bed with me).. Anyways, My husband would come home and he would have our son sleep with us because he never got to spend time with our son, he just wanted to cuddle and love on him all he could while he was home.  I think Children should have their own comfort and stability sleeping in their own beds but certain circumstances call for different measures and I think in the long run they end up sleeping in their own beds.. I don't know any teenagers that are still sleeping between mommy and daddy..  :)  

 
October 6, 2005, 5:57 am CDT

Where Should Your Child Sleep?

Quote From: tarajones

I am a mother of two children, Bradley who is now 3 and Emily who is 15 months old.  When my son was about 1 yr old, my husband started working out of town. He was only home thursday night- saturday and then left again on Sunday. My son had always slept in his own bed (unless he woke up scared, etc then I would put him in bed with me).. Anyways, My husband would come home and he would have our son sleep with us because he never got to spend time with our son, he just wanted to cuddle and love on him all he could while he was home.  I think Children should have their own comfort and stability sleeping in their own beds but certain circumstances call for different measures and I think in the long run they end up sleeping in their own beds.. I don't know any teenagers that are still sleeping between mommy and daddy..  :)  

I think that is great that your husband pulls you son into bed with you. Your husband is obviously feeling that need to comfort his children even if they dont need comforting at that time.  

I havent heard of any teenagers still sleeping with their parents. My 1st child slept with me till she was 5 or 6 and she went to her own bed nicely with no objections. NOw I still practice the family bed with my 2nd child who is now  one yrs. old and I wouldnt have it any other way.  

  

 
October 7, 2005, 12:56 pm CDT

exausted mother of 2 need help

We have a 1 year old baby and a 2and half years girl.  She has slept on her crib untill she turned 2 while he was in the playpan in our bedroom.  After that, we have moved temporarily with my inlaws where the 4 ended up in the same room. She would start the night in the bed with both of us and the baby in the crib across the room. Because I did't want to wake my in-laws during the night, I got in the habit of picking him up everytime he cried.  Most of the nights I would take him to a make shift bed on the floor with me and left our girl in bed with daddy. So now he cries at the same time, every night and won't go back to his crib. As for her, she is sleeping with us. Though we bought her a nice bed, with her favorite character, pillows, etc, she wont stay there. Some nights they will go to sleep and both wake up in the middle of the night. She cries. The baby wakes up. We are so tired!  I want her to stay in her bed but my husband wakes up really early to work and refuses to hear to them crying. I am walking around like a zumbi! I am up several times over night!  Any advice is welcome!
 
October 7, 2005, 8:26 pm CDT

Co-Slept for first 4 months

Our baby came a month early...I was a nervous wreck.  The first few weeks were awful.  We were trying to get the hang of breast feeding and the whole lack of sleep issue having to get up every 2 hours, having to pump because he had not latched on, and all the emotions....I just felt better having him close by.  As he got older and started sleeping longer than 2 hours at night I started putting him in his crib during the day to nap...then I started putting him the crib at night after nursing him....when he would wake up in the middle of night I would just get him and put him the bed with us...then he started sleeping later and later in his own crib (by 3 months).   He is a wonderful and happy baby.  I think it was good for him and I both to do it this way.  I got so much crap from people "Your making a mistake...you should not do that you will never get him out of your bed"...."He needs to be on a schedule"...I was not working for 12 weeks so I just let him set his own schedule.  The only consistent thing is bath time.    

He is such a good baby....my mother keeps telling my second one is going to be a little hellian. 

  

 
October 7, 2005, 9:52 pm CDT

Where Should Your Child Sleep?

Quote From: cnf3735

Our baby came a month early...I was a nervous wreck.  The first few weeks were awful.  We were trying to get the hang of breast feeding and the whole lack of sleep issue having to get up every 2 hours, having to pump because he had not latched on, and all the emotions....I just felt better having him close by.  As he got older and started sleeping longer than 2 hours at night I started putting him in his crib during the day to nap...then I started putting him the crib at night after nursing him....when he would wake up in the middle of night I would just get him and put him the bed with us...then he started sleeping later and later in his own crib (by 3 months).   He is a wonderful and happy baby.  I think it was good for him and I both to do it this way.  I got so much crap from people "Your making a mistake...you should not do that you will never get him out of your bed"...."He needs to be on a schedule"...I was not working for 12 weeks so I just let him set his own schedule.  The only consistent thing is bath time.    

He is such a good baby....my mother keeps telling my second one is going to be a little hellian. 

  

Chancesa re your little one will adjust just fine. I didn't really have a routine either and really I still don't. I am a stay at home mom and my children never stepped foot ina daycare center but my daughter is now 4 1/2 and in preschool, she adjusted just fine and dandy and has no problem withthe school routine. My second child is 2 1/2 and she is just as sweet as can be, not much different then my first, a little bit more stubborn but hot a hellian. it is possible to have two good babies, I think as longa s you are a god loving mother and meeting the needs of your children, they will be fun little kiddos. I think sometimes also, the personalities of the paretns can rub off on the little ones, my hubby and I both are sort of laid back and don't stress over every little thing and maybe that is why my littel ones are so easy going. any way, Just be you and don't worry about what others think, we are all different and we are not going to please every one, I have been given some interesting advice my self, not that I always followed them but we are all certainly different.
 
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