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Topic : Spirited Kids

Number of Replies: 162
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:12:56 pm
Author : dataimport
Is your child a bundle of nonstop energy? Are you exhausted at the end of the day? Share advice and support with other parents of spirited kids.

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July 11, 2006, 9:27 am CDT

Strong willed 4 year old

We have a very strong willed 4 year old.  She most definitely has a mind of her own and has always since she was just a baby.  However, it's really becoming a big problem now.  She's going to start preschool this fall and I'm afraid that if she can't listen they won't let her stay.  Ava basically thinks she's "knows it all" and thus she feels like she doesn't need to listen to adults.  She will either ignore us, walk away, or just go ahead and do what she wants even though we have just told her no.  If we tell her not to touch something she'll do it anyway because she thinks she knows better.  The other day we were getting into our vehicle and I told her to sit down in her carseat as I buckled up her sister who is 1 yrs old.  Ava wouldn't listen to me and sit down instead she was jumping around and thus fell out of the truck!  Thank goodness she didn't get hurt, but it did scare her good.  Afterwards we explained the example of why she needs to listen, and she says that she understands, but a few hours later she goes right back to doing what she wants.    

   

Yes, we do discipline in our house.  She gets time outs.  We used to do it in her room until she started playing with her toys, so we switched to a corner in the house where she'll sit for 4 minutes.  We also swat on the butt.  Not spank, just swat in serious cases such as the other day she was walking to the road and I told her not to take another step (as I was changing the infants diaper and I couldn't get to Ava).  Ava didn't want to listen and continued walking.  I set my infant down (with no diaper) and ran after Ava before she could reach the road.  I was very upset to say the least.    

   

It's this sort of stuff that is on a daily basis.  She's an extremely smart little girl and I know she fully understands what we ask of her, she just choses not to listen.  

   

Please.....................help................  

   

I don't want Ava to be held back from preschool or anything else just because she won't listen.  I also don't want her sister to learn this bad behavior either.  

   

Thank you.  

 
July 14, 2006, 12:09 pm CDT

Same problem

Quote From: bpqworld

I have a 7 year old who is much the same way, but it sounds like you are still at the "caring about it" stage.  I mean you, not him.  I cared for a long time about trying to accommodate all the little peccadilloes my son has about wanting things just so, but then I reached the "I'm too tired to care, deal with it" stage.  It's great!!  Not having the appropriate play clothes for a particular character won't kill anyone, and having to adapt is a great character builder.  He will relax if you do.  As long as you bend over backwards trying to accommodate, he'll keep pushing.  Now, instead of a pleading tone of voice ("Honey, don't you think that black robe is really okay for the Emperor?")  I use a very matter-of-fact tone, and leave it to him to deal ("This is what we have. Use your imagination to make it work, or do something else.")  I still get pushed now and then, but now I don't feel frustrated or guilty about hime behavior.

Two boys with much the same problem only they are a bit smaller. The one is almost 3, the other 17 months and o so active.  Remember that each have their own unique personality. Sometimes I wonder if my 3 year old is going to be  a perfectionist! His the same as yours except its still with toys and the way his brother must ''play'' with them.  I try to accomodate him with what he wants - within terms - but it can be very challenging to do. I am however afraid that this will escalate into something impossible to handle. I do try to remember that he is a little person who soon will have his own ideas about life and so if I can keep him happy for 1 more day...even if its just imaginery ...them I have succeeded. 

 
July 24, 2006, 2:36 pm CDT

Spirtied kids

Just thought i would share a little.  I am new to this board.  I was having massive problems with our little girl when she has to go to a preschool from her home daycare.  The transition happened the same day that I gave birth to her baby brother.  after much frustration we found a book called the spirited child.  It has been a god sent on her tempement, how to prepare her, and how for me to understand her.  just thought i would share...
 
August 1, 2006, 7:30 am CDT

fYou are not alone.

Quote From: ajackson

Hello.
  This will be somewhat long. First I'll start off with saying I have three children; Zachary 4, Mikayla 2 and Allyson 8.

  I knew from when Allyson was a toddler that there was something wrong.. she was always 'bouncing off the walls'  I couldnt even get her to watch tv for two mins.  As time went on and she was in Pre K and then K - the teachers could not handle her. So i had her tested( conners rating scale and well as psychiatrist evaluations). Back then, she was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD.   So from that time till just recently she went through some medicine for the ADHD.  About six months ago she was then Diagnosed with Bipolar and ADHD and the Dr put her on medicine for both. I then after a few months requested the dr to take her off the medicine for Bipolar which was serequel 10 mg and Lamictal 100 mg(not sure of spelling of either) and right now shes taking just Adderall xr 30 mg.   I have taken her to see another psychiatrist who tells me theres no way a child can be bipolar and adhd at the same time... so I am really confused.

This has been a long struggle for my husband and I. She is always lying about everything. Fighting litterally with her brother and sister.  We can't have animals because she killed the last kitten we had. Shes very loud when she talks, when she talks its like she yells. She is very energetic.  Mornings are awful when its time for school.. that is the worse part of the day. In school she doesnt respond to the teachers sometimes when she is spoken too.. Sometimes doesnt do her work but just  sits there.  There is a lot of off the wall things she does but it would be a book for me to sit here and type it all out.   
  So basically to make a long story short... How do you punish a kid that has these disorders? I have tried everything I could think of   from time outs to taking things from her, grounding her from her favorite things.. I've been to parenting classes thinking that maybe it was me with the problem.. but that didnt help.. ive tried an award system and praise  and nothing has worked... on some occassions I have spanked her butt like when she brings harm to others such as her siblings and when I do that she laughs and says 'that doesnt hurt'.
 Just recently and I dont know the results yet.. she had a cat scan and an EEG done.   But I am seriously going out of my mind and I'm slipping into depression or something .. I am always angry, always frustraited and I feel like I never get a break from anything.  All adive is appreciated. Thank You.
I am not sure if I have anything that will help or not but I can tell you that you are not alone.  I have a seven year old daughter that I adopted last year.  She has been in my home for foster care since 2002.  She is diagnosed with ADHD, Bipolar, Mood Disorder, Reactive Attachement Disorder, some kind of eating disorder where she eats strange things, and I am sure I have forgotten some.  I am fortu nate to live in an area with good supports for these types of disorders.  She attends a day-treatment program year round shere they specialize in severe beavior challenges.  Her pyschiatrist is in-house there.  We also have an excellent Children's Hospital for access to counseling.

However, even with all of these things, life is difficult.  I also deal with the lying, stealing, fighting, loud talking, defiance, etc.  She has had CPS investigate us twice since the adoption for stories she has told at school.  My family wants me to disrupt the adoption because our home has become so stressed.  So I know how you feel when you say you are feeling depressed and worn out becuase I feel the same way.  I love her so much but have no idea what to do with her or how to reach her.

I don't know if this helps you or not but you are not alone.

Lisa
 
August 3, 2006, 4:02 pm CDT

There’s Intelligence in Strength

Quote From: meaniejr

We have a very strong willed 4 year old.  She most definitely has a mind of her own and has always since she was just a baby.  However, it's really becoming a big problem now.  She's going to start preschool this fall and I'm afraid that if she can't listen they won't let her stay.  Ava basically thinks she's "knows it all" and thus she feels like she doesn't need to listen to adults.  She will either ignore us, walk away, or just go ahead and do what she wants even though we have just told her no.  If we tell her not to touch something she'll do it anyway because she thinks she knows better.  The other day we were getting into our vehicle and I told her to sit down in her carseat as I buckled up her sister who is 1 yrs old.  Ava wouldn't listen to me and sit down instead she was jumping around and thus fell out of the truck!  Thank goodness she didn't get hurt, but it did scare her good.  Afterwards we explained the example of why she needs to listen, and she says that she understands, but a few hours later she goes right back to doing what she wants.    

   

Yes, we do discipline in our house.  She gets time outs.  We used to do it in her room until she started playing with her toys, so we switched to a corner in the house where she'll sit for 4 minutes.  We also swat on the butt.  Not spank, just swat in serious cases such as the other day she was walking to the road and I told her not to take another step (as I was changing the infants diaper and I couldn't get to Ava).  Ava didn't want to listen and continued walking.  I set my infant down (with no diaper) and ran after Ava before she could reach the road.  I was very upset to say the least.    

   

It's this sort of stuff that is on a daily basis.  She's an extremely smart little girl and I know she fully understands what we ask of her, she just choses not to listen.  

   

Please.....................help................  

   

I don't want Ava to be held back from preschool or anything else just because she won't listen.  I also don't want her sister to learn this bad behavior either.  

   

Thank you.  

I recently had a son of my own who is very strong willed. For example he will cry until he’s red in the face until he’s picked up and fed. I see allot of me in him, being the hard headed person that I am. As well as his father who is very intelligent and strong willed. Unfortunately there’s not much that I can do at this stage but to let him cry … for a little while. But I do admit to it, I look at that little face and just have to give in. However in your case since your child is older, and you can do allot more. Like taking away privileges and as a last resort spank not swat your child. Especially if he runs into the street or endangers his life. To quote the bible “spare the rod and spoil the child.” As for the preschool issue I, being a child care provider for 8 years, and see no reason a teacher shouldn’t be able to handle a strong willed child. If a child acts out in class the issue should be addressed with the parent and the child. Too often, overwhelmed and underpaid school teachers would rather give up than help the child and the parents learn new ways of how to become a better individual. In short no child should be denied of an education, no matter how unique. If you feel that there’s a problem with any child care provider there are several steps you can take. Like, discussing the problem with the owner of the preschool or even alerting the authorities if you know your child is being abused.

 
August 9, 2006, 11:48 pm CDT

Strong willed kids

Quote From: rorosmomo

I recently had a son of my own who is very strong willed. For example he will cry until hes red in the face until hes picked up and fed. I see allot of me in him, being the hard headed person that I am. As well as his father who is very intelligent and strong willed. Unfortunately theres not much that I can do at this stage but to let him cry for a little while. But I do admit to it, I look at that little face and just have to give in. However in your case since your child is older, and you can do allot more. Like taking away privileges and as a last resort spank not swat your child. Especially if he runs into the street or endangers his life. To quote the bible spare the rod and spoil the child. As for the preschool issue I, being a child care provider for 8 years, and see no reason a teacher shouldnt be able to handle a strong willed child. If a child acts out in class the issue should be addressed with the parent and the child. Too often, overwhelmed and underpaid school teachers would rather give up than help the child and the parents learn new ways of how to become a better individual. In short no child should be denied of an education, no matter how unique. If you feel that theres a problem with any child care provider there are several steps you can take. Like, discussing the problem with the owner of the preschool or even alerting the authorities if you know your child is being abused.

 
August 11, 2006, 9:18 am CDT

Relief and Confusion!!

I am new to the board, and am the mother of 2.  A 6 year old and a 2 year old. 

My 2 year old son has to be one of the most exhausting responsibilities I have to contend with every day!!  At first I was under the impression that he was having a hard time with his Father reenlisting into the military and leaving home for long periods of time, so I excused the outbursting, whiny behavior to that.  Then came the hitting and biting as he got excited, whether it be upset or not.  He would just lose control, again, I just dismissed it as terrible twos and him not having the words to express himself.  Then came time for us to head toward the side of the country that hiis dad was on, but first there was a stop to visit family.  It became very apparent at this time that this behavior was something that was going away, but turning into a force to be reckoned with.  And no one lays out for for you like your family....I was told to stop making excuses for him and discipline him much harder than I had been.  Time outs are a joke, a stern tone is only met with yelling and hitting, tantrums are getting worse, and the answer of "NO!!" is one that is like nails on a chalkboard to me now. 

Once I stepped back and started taking a look at his behavior from a different point of view, I realized that he seems angry, frustrated, and just down right defiant!!  But there are times that he is sweet and pleasant, and incredibly affectionate.  But one thing that reamins the same is everything is on a higher volume notch than most kids.  He is persistantly LOUD!!! 

And the words to descibe him were tending to be repeated by different people on several different occassions.

I hit the bookstore to do a little research.  And the same phrase kept coming up.....SPIRITED. 

Now that I have a name for it, and have found some kind of relief, now, the new confusion starts...what do I do about it and where do I start?  PLEASE HELP!!! 

 
August 12, 2006, 8:06 pm CDT

great book

There is a great book by Doctor James Dobbson called The strong willed Child. I highly recomended it to all with "spirited" little one like myself. My 4 year old is VERY outgoing and rambunsious.  He tested me daily on just about everything. There are a few things that we have started doing with him.  Instead of saying "please stop hitting your brother" we say "You will NOT hit your brother. You do not have that right."  It takes him by surprise, but it lets him know that he doesnt have a right to do those things and that its not ok behavior.  We have noticed a significant difference.  Blessings,
 
August 14, 2006, 12:58 am CDT

i love my spirited girls, lol.

my girls are both very different, however they are both very spirited kids.  which i love and gently encourage. 

 

as they grow older, they are learning to tame their wildness, lol, and keep themselves in check.  we always tell them, "there's a time & a place for certain behaviours".

i know that as long as they harness this energy, etc, for good and not evil, they will go far in this world. 

 

 i was very spirited as a child, but throughout lifes' experiences, i have lost a fair bit of it.  i love to see it in the kids, as long as they don't get out of hand.

 
August 15, 2006, 11:19 am CDT

There is hope

Quote From: nermalkitties

I am new to the board, and am the mother of 2.  A 6 year old and a 2 year old. 

My 2 year old son has to be one of the most exhausting responsibilities I have to contend with every day!!  At first I was under the impression that he was having a hard time with his Father reenlisting into the military and leaving home for long periods of time, so I excused the outbursting, whiny behavior to that.  Then came the hitting and biting as he got excited, whether it be upset or not.  He would just lose control, again, I just dismissed it as terrible twos and him not having the words to express himself.  Then came time for us to head toward the side of the country that hiis dad was on, but first there was a stop to visit family.  It became very apparent at this time that this behavior was something that was going away, but turning into a force to be reckoned with.  And no one lays out for for you like your family....I was told to stop making excuses for him and discipline him much harder than I had been.  Time outs are a joke, a stern tone is only met with yelling and hitting, tantrums are getting worse, and the answer of "NO!!" is one that is like nails on a chalkboard to me now. 

Once I stepped back and started taking a look at his behavior from a different point of view, I realized that he seems angry, frustrated, and just down right defiant!!  But there are times that he is sweet and pleasant, and incredibly affectionate.  But one thing that reamins the same is everything is on a higher volume notch than most kids.  He is persistantly LOUD!!! 

And the words to descibe him were tending to be repeated by different people on several different occassions.

I hit the bookstore to do a little research.  And the same phrase kept coming up.....SPIRITED. 

Now that I have a name for it, and have found some kind of relief, now, the new confusion starts...what do I do about it and where do I start?  PLEASE HELP!!! 

I have a 4 year old who is as they say "spirited"  I say "crazy"  because after the day of deeling with him I feel crazy.  My son might be different as in the fact that he has ADHD.  It took a long time for me to give in and relize he had a problem.  I kept saying he would grow out of it but what happend was he got so big that I have a hard time picking him up and controlling him.  When I found out I was going to have another baby I knew that I had to do something.  I couldn't take him anywhere that didn't have a cart because he would just run away from me thinking it was a game.  He was always on the go.  My husband and I could not take Zayne to eat with us because we would have to leave before we would get done eating he would cry, screem,run, kick, hit, you name it he has done it. I had tried everything to get him to listen being calm and asking nice to spanking him and he didn't care what I did he still was out of control.  I broke down and took him to his doctor and just asked him what he thought about the way he acts.  He refered us to a place for mental health.  It made me feel like a bad mom because I felt that I was the problem or the reason he acted like he did.  Then I took him to the place we were refered to and they set him up with a counselor.  He spent 30 min. with her once a week for about 4 weeks.  She tested him for ADHD and told me that he does have it but he would have to see there doctor to get meds to help him deal with it.  When I took him to see the doctor he put Zayne on Adderall which if you dont know is an amphetamine.  I had a big problem with that because he would not eat and it would wear off and he would be up all night.  I called the doctor and he switched his meds to Tenex which is not an amphetamine.  The first few days he took it all he did was sleep but now that his body has learned to work with it he is a well behaved little boy.  He gets to start school this year and he is playing soccer on a team.  Stuff I wouldn't have been able to let him do before.  I know that the last thing you want to do is medicate your child but sometimes it is for their own good and you won't feel like pulling your own hair out at the end of the day.  I hope this helps you! 

                                          Best Wishes,

                                                 Paige

 

                  

 
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