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Topic : Spirited Kids

Number of Replies: 162
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:12:56 pm
Author : dataimport
Is your child a bundle of nonstop energy? Are you exhausted at the end of the day? Share advice and support with other parents of spirited kids.

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August 28, 2006, 9:03 am CDT

Daughter in Couseling

My daughter, Jenna has recently started couseling because I feel she is out of control.  I thought and hoped she would grow out of it, but she's now 6 and in the second week of  first grade and she's already been in trouble in school.  Nothing serious, just being hyper.  Not staying in her seat, talking excessively, not paying attention, not following directions, speaking out of turn, and the list goes on.  My mother, who is District Manager with Arbonne International, says not to let them medicate her.  She says by eliminating all of the artificial preservatives and dyes in the food she eats, we can get this under control.  I don't want a quick fix, but I'm leaning toward meds.  I have two other children, both happy, normal boys ages 4 and 7 who get very frustrated with Jenna and my oldest is sometimes very mean to her.  That's the only good thing about him living with his father (I'm a single mom) is that he isn't always exposed to her out-of-control behavior.  The other day Jenna told me that she wanted to die so her brother didn't pick on her anymore because it hurt.  THAT BROKE MY HEART!  That the last thing any parent wants to hear from their child and I am very CONFUSED as to what to do to help her.  ANY ADVICE?????
 
August 28, 2006, 9:31 am CDT

I disagree

Quote From: jmicman

Beware, My step-son and his wife just took my wife and I to court because they do not want to admit that they should be doing more for their children. They have dropped their children off at our house with no notice saying that they were going shopping or to the show, and we wouldnt see or hear from them for two to six days. We would put their children on a schedule and they behaved very well. When we moved 250 miles away, removing their free childcare they immediately put their 5 year old on Ridalin (even though it is not approved for children under 6) and then filed restraining orders against us for trying to tell them the facts about the drug. The judge said that the parents can do anything short of beating or killing their children and the grandparents have nothing to say about it, even if they did care for the child 60% of the time up till now.
I don't agree with yelling at children simply because you're on the phone, but I also don't agree with letting a child be rude and interrupt.  I am a stickler, without yelling at them (all the time), that when adults are talking, whether it be on the phone or whatever, children should be patient and wait, unless it is a emergency.
 
September 15, 2006, 7:24 am CDT

try sports

i have learned that if i can harness my 11 yr olds energy into productive things, she's so much easier to handle.  she has gotten into netball & i have bought her a ring & bsll.  every spare minute she is out there shooting hoop & practising her mooves.  she's left being in a much better mood & is usually too tired to cause any trouble with other family members.  so sports is defiantely 1 to try for kids with endless energy.
 
September 18, 2006, 7:31 pm CDT

Very Spirited 4yr old... HELP!!!!

Hi!  I am new here and eager to hear some comments.  Our son is 4 (just turned 4 on 9/15)  He is very strong willed (spirited), and frankly, I am at the end of my rope!!  He is relentless, if he wants something, he will get it, it doesn't matter what consequences he has.  For example, today he kept digging his fingers in the chocolate icing of the cake I was making.  I let him do it three times and I told him that he needed to stop.  He kept saying; "but I want it, give me, but I want it."  I held him back and told him that if he kept on, he would get time out.  Well, sure enough, I put him in time out, he got up, and I put him back down, he got up again and I put him again.  Finally, I spanked him and said that he needed to stay... he got up again, I spanked again, he got up again.  Finally, after about three rounds of this he stayed, but he kept saying that he wanted the chocolate, AHHHHHH!!!!  He is like this at preschool as well.  He will not sit, he will not go to circle time, he yells "NO" to the teachers.  I am more consistent than my husband, my husband opts to ignore him or yell at him when he gets angry.  My dh is getting better, though.  I don't mind disciplining in public, my dh dreads it and almost always ends up shooshing me or telling to lower my voice! AHHHH!!  (again!).  I don't remember the last day Ethan had a good day.  This makes me very sad.  He is beyond stubborn, I have never seen a child be so relentless and immune to consequences.  What should I do??? Thanks. 
 
September 24, 2006, 6:56 pm CDT

mine too

Quote From: mommytoethan

Hi!  I am new here and eager to hear some comments.  Our son is 4 (just turned 4 on 9/15)  He is very strong willed (spirited), and frankly, I am at the end of my rope!!  He is relentless, if he wants something, he will get it, it doesn't matter what consequences he has.  For example, today he kept digging his fingers in the chocolate icing of the cake I was making.  I let him do it three times and I told him that he needed to stop.  He kept saying; "but I want it, give me, but I want it."  I held him back and told him that if he kept on, he would get time out.  Well, sure enough, I put him in time out, he got up, and I put him back down, he got up again and I put him again.  Finally, I spanked him and said that he needed to stay... he got up again, I spanked again, he got up again.  Finally, after about three rounds of this he stayed, but he kept saying that he wanted the chocolate, AHHHHHH!!!!  He is like this at preschool as well.  He will not sit, he will not go to circle time, he yells "NO" to the teachers.  I am more consistent than my husband, my husband opts to ignore him or yell at him when he gets angry.  My dh is getting better, though.  I don't mind disciplining in public, my dh dreads it and almost always ends up shooshing me or telling to lower my voice! AHHHH!!  (again!).  I don't remember the last day Ethan had a good day.  This makes me very sad.  He is beyond stubborn, I have never seen a child be so relentless and immune to consequences.  What should I do??? Thanks. 

My son turned 4 on 9/8 and I know what your going through. I stop my son in his behavior by taking his favored toys and putting them on a top shelf somewhere in the house. If he continuses to act up I take another toy then his TV and so on. It works better then time out for me because he wont stay put either. See if this works for you too. Oh yeah He gets candy when he does his chores and bed time when he dosen't.

Good luck.

Holly

 
September 24, 2006, 7:04 pm CDT

okay

Quote From: ewinansohio

My daughter, Jenna has recently started couseling because I feel she is out of control.  I thought and hoped she would grow out of it, but she's now 6 and in the second week of  first grade and she's already been in trouble in school.  Nothing serious, just being hyper.  Not staying in her seat, talking excessively, not paying attention, not following directions, speaking out of turn, and the list goes on.  My mother, who is District Manager with Arbonne International, says not to let them medicate her.  She says by eliminating all of the artificial preservatives and dyes in the food she eats, we can get this under control.  I don't want a quick fix, but I'm leaning toward meds.  I have two other children, both happy, normal boys ages 4 and 7 who get very frustrated with Jenna and my oldest is sometimes very mean to her.  That's the only good thing about him living with his father (I'm a single mom) is that he isn't always exposed to her out-of-control behavior.  The other day Jenna told me that she wanted to die so her brother didn't pick on her anymore because it hurt.  THAT BROKE MY HEART!  That the last thing any parent wants to hear from their child and I am very CONFUSED as to what to do to help her.  ANY ADVICE?????
The only thing I can say is I agree with your mother Dont medicate her. My sister was the same and when she was put on drugs it altered her whole personality. Yeah she was calm but she was sooooo sad all of the time. Said it made her feel weird. Now that she is grown she cannot get some jobs that she would like to have becaues of he use of procribed medication. Mabey she is bord and needs an outlet for all that energy. My son has ADHD so I put him in dance and that seems to work.
 
September 25, 2006, 9:48 am CDT

My rompey child

My son is 3 1/2 years old and will turn 4 in January. I am at my wits end with his behavior. I am so frustrated with his attitude and how he acts. I am having a hard time with him smart mouthing, yelling and pouting for everything I say to him or ask him to do. I just had a new baby and he was the only child in my life for 3 years solid and I am not sure if hes acting out for the attention even if its negative attention. He doesn't seem jealous he doesn't act out toward the baby or try to hurt him. It seems to always be toward me and the things I ask of him. The other day I  took him to the store with me to get the baby formula and he asked why and I told him because we had to so the baby would have food and he said ok , then he saw a box of cereal that caught his eye and ran over to it, I told him we would come back and he got an attitude with me and started to back talk, we left the aisle and he ran from me to go back to it . I picked him and carried him out of the store he was screaming at the top of his lungs in the car, kicking the back of the seat and telling me in a demanding voice "your going to take me back in and get the cereal" I didn't respond to him and that made him even worse with the screaming and kicking. I then told him I wasn't going to talk to him until he could quit screaming and crying. He eventually stopped but I had to hear it the whole drive home. I sat him down and talked to him calmly as I could and explained why we left and he didn't seem to care. He rolled his eyes at me and even tried to walk away. I am not sure whats going on but I would love some advice if someone is going through the same thing or has already gone through it. I am so desperate to understand his behavior and try to help solve the issues that underly with it.

 

 

 
September 25, 2006, 3:35 pm CDT

I can feel your frustration

Quote From: momoftwoboys

My son is 3 1/2 years old and will turn 4 in January. I am at my wits end with his behavior. I am so frustrated with his attitude and how he acts. I am having a hard time with him smart mouthing, yelling and pouting for everything I say to him or ask him to do. I just had a new baby and he was the only child in my life for 3 years solid and I am not sure if hes acting out for the attention even if its negative attention. He doesn't seem jealous he doesn't act out toward the baby or try to hurt him. It seems to always be toward me and the things I ask of him. The other day I  took him to the store with me to get the baby formula and he asked why and I told him because we had to so the baby would have food and he said ok , then he saw a box of cereal that caught his eye and ran over to it, I told him we would come back and he got an attitude with me and started to back talk, we left the aisle and he ran from me to go back to it . I picked him and carried him out of the store he was screaming at the top of his lungs in the car, kicking the back of the seat and telling me in a demanding voice "your going to take me back in and get the cereal" I didn't respond to him and that made him even worse with the screaming and kicking. I then told him I wasn't going to talk to him until he could quit screaming and crying. He eventually stopped but I had to hear it the whole drive home. I sat him down and talked to him calmly as I could and explained why we left and he didn't seem to care. He rolled his eyes at me and even tried to walk away. I am not sure whats going on but I would love some advice if someone is going through the same thing or has already gone through it. I am so desperate to understand his behavior and try to help solve the issues that underly with it.

 

 

At 31/2 years, I think their attention spans are rather short.  Not only that he may well be acting out because of the new baby. 

Ask yourself what he was like before the baby came.  That should give you a  big clue.  

I know you must be very busy with the new baby, so you may want to see if you are giving your oldest some daily individual time.  Doing something he enjoys while the baby takes a nap may help him feel special again (in his mind).  Also rewarding him for good behavior takes the focus away from the bad. 

Try making a chart and reward him with a gold star when he is good.  Set it up to where if he gets X number of stars in a day (or a week), he gets a special treat.  Sometimes when they see something visual like that, they are more motivated to work towards a goal.  The treat could be a trip to the park with daddy.  Or a special trip to the ice cream store for a double decker cone.  What ever would excite him. 

Good Luck.  Mostly it takes consistency and LOTS of patience.  I can see you are trying very hard now, so I hope these suggestions help.

 
September 25, 2006, 7:26 pm CDT

Losing my patience

Quote From: barblim

At 31/2 years, I think their attention spans are rather short.  Not only that he may well be acting out because of the new baby. 

Ask yourself what he was like before the baby came.  That should give you a  big clue.  

I know you must be very busy with the new baby, so you may want to see if you are giving your oldest some daily individual time.  Doing something he enjoys while the baby takes a nap may help him feel special again (in his mind).  Also rewarding him for good behavior takes the focus away from the bad. 

Try making a chart and reward him with a gold star when he is good.  Set it up to where if he gets X number of stars in a day (or a week), he gets a special treat.  Sometimes when they see something visual like that, they are more motivated to work towards a goal.  The treat could be a trip to the park with daddy.  Or a special trip to the ice cream store for a double decker cone.  What ever would excite him. 

Good Luck.  Mostly it takes consistency and LOTS of patience.  I can see you are trying very hard now, so I hope these suggestions help.

I have tried to do the reward chart and have stuck with it on a daily basis. I have also rewarded his good behavior instead of the bad. Sometimes though the bad outways the good and theres no way around negative action about his behavior. He had the same type of attitude towards me even before the baby came, now its just magnified times 3. His behavior is spinning out of control and so am I. I spend time with him, when he comes home from preschool and on wednesday evenings when my boyfriend works a double he knows thats my day for him and only him. Sometimes he manages to push me to the point where I give him what he wants and when he wants it to stop a fight with him or to stop from screaming at him.. I cannot stand to treat him that way but sometimes its almost as if the only way I can speak to him to get him to listen. This evening we went to the mall to spend some time out of the house and as a family and he seemed to find a way to just make the adventure horrible. We were stopping to get something to eat before we left to take it home and he ran off from us as I was puting the baby in the car seat and hid under a table with a curtain over it and I couldnt see him or find him. I was horrified that something had happened to him or someone took him. I was panicked. He peeked out from under the table and I wnt nuts. I yelled at him and told him he couldnt do that and he was bad for running off like that and what if someone would have taken you. His reply to the whole entire situation was he didnt care and he thought it was a game. He said that no one took him so I shouldnt have worried he was just under the table whispering for me to find him. I am at my wits end and I dont know what else to do with him. I just wish I could find something that works. Hes even starting to act out at preschool. I guess its just the age but boy this age really is rough...  
 
November 8, 2006, 9:46 am CST

Toddler vs. Cat

I have very energetic 18 month old who loves our cat a little too much. Every time he approaches her his first greeting (and 2nd and 3rd....) is to hit her really hard or pull out her fur. I figured that at some point she'd swat at him and he would learn to not mess with the her anymore and that would be that. But instead, though she has swatted at him a few times, he keeps coming back and the cat has become much more tolerant, growling and hissing but not swatting anymore. I feel like I need to protect the cat all the time. My reaction is usually to say "no" and then show him how to pet the cat and "love the cat."  If that doesn't work (which it usually doesn't) I just remove the cat from the situation by putting her outside. He isn't being rough with the cat for the sake of being mean -- it's all done with a great big smile, but I'm afraid that by giving the situation so much attention that he's going to see it as a way to get a reaction out of me. Now he's starting to treat his new baby brother the same way when he gets the opportunity --  though I usually make sure he doesn't get the opportunity. I realize that he is still very young and hopefully he'll outgrow this, but what can I do right now to help put a stop to this behavior?
 
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