Topic : Spirited Kids

 

 I was having a terrible time with my girls ages (2,5,7 at the time) and I was thinking of trying to apply Dr Phil's wisdom about privileges/punishments with them, when I came up with this idea.

  Every privilege my girls have in our house was written down on a piece of paper and drawn for the little ones. I cut them out and stuck Velcro on the back. Then I made two column Today and tomorrow.  When ever the girls misbehaved they would have to go over and take one of their privileges and put it on the can't have today section. If they already had something like Ice cream which they were only allowed to have once a day and that's what they pick then it would go on the tomorrow list. It sounds like it wouldn't work but it does. if the girls refuse to pick a privilege then I would warn them " you don't want mommy to pick because I'll pick a good one."

 I chose to pick a apple as a privilege more as a warning then anything, because it's always the first to go, but don't worry the fridge is full of other fruit and veggies.

 I find that this gives kids a visual of what they could lose if they don't stop misbehaving. And they start working for the things they want to keep. I don't know if I've explain this too well so below is a example of my chart at home.

 

privileges                |   Can't have today                 |  Can't have tomorrow.

 

apple                                                                                       Note: if the privilege is in the tomorrow

ice cream (only allowed to have 1 serving daily)                       list when tomorrow comes I

juice (only allowed to have 2 juice boxes a day)                        switch the privilege to the today

milk                                                                                                      list then take the privilege off the  

cookies(only allowed to have 3 a day)                                           privilege list for that day. This way

t.v                                                                                                            they cannot keep putting off the

computer                                                                                               privileges until the next day.

x-box

story time

friends over

over to friends

playing outside

playing with the dogs.

        Another thing that really works in my house is having my girls pick up their toys and doing chores for computer time. I hand each one a bag and say if you fill this bag full of toys you can have 15 minutes of computer time and they do. If you make your bed and pick up your clothes you may have another 15 minutes on the computer. If you don' have a computer then set aside play time with them. one thing I have learned as a parent is kid will do anything to have you play with them.

You know, I have read some articles about children not sleeping well at night and behaviors during the day.  The behavior is like ADHD.  But lack of sleep impacts everyone differently, including children.  When you talk with the doctor the next time, you may want to mention any sleeping issues, like snoring?  I am not a doctor, but that is just a thought.

Best of luck with the testing.

 

my daughter is 6 years old and has just started grade 1.then i had  a baby 3 months ago. the problem is that my daughter is highly emotional and puts a lot of pressure on herself. she gets very upset and extremely hurt when she loses at a game. or when aother child does better in her class. she id obsessively organised, panicks when she misses a day of school. she is frantic about everything.  i am very laidback and relaxed ans so is her father. her teacher keeps saying to her that she gets worked up about small things. dont know what to do, is it even a issue??

My daughter is 4 1/2. I just came to realize she is also a spirited "spunky" child. I had just gotten the Dr. Dobson book from the library and also Raising your spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. I haven't gotten through the whole book yet, but many things inside I totally relate to.

The high energy, and the not listening is driving me crazy! I feel I have to repeat and repeat and repeat to the point I am so angry I start yelling/screaming at her to get her attention.

 

My daughter also goes to a Christian preschool. I am very fortunate to have a wonderful teacher who has been working with me. My daughters main problem is sharing with other kids, and here lately always wanting to be first. "I had this first", I want to be the leader.. The teacher said this stuff is all normal at this age, but I feel like I dread getting her from school, wondering how her behavior was today!!

On play dates, whether it is at the Mcdonald's play area or at our home, I always feel like I have to be "on gurad", watching out for her not wanting to share or what ever! She is very intense about those types of things. She is also very independent too. And I totally relate to the sassy mouth!! We have been taking toys, tv privelages away, etc.. and it seems sometimes it works, and other times not. So many days I am so exhausted by the time my husband gets home, I just tell him-- she's all yours for the rest of the night! I also have a 2 year old son to take care of, and sometimes I feel I am not giving him the attention he needs, because my daughter is just so demanding.

 

Sorry i went on and on without much advice, but just to let you know I totally relate to all you were saying.

But the other book seems really good too. I haven't read the Dr. Dobson book yet, but the other book so far is very interesting. Maybe that one could also give you some advice.

Let me know if you just need an ear to listen!

 

 

Wow....I just posted a response to someone else regarding hyeractivity in children.  My 21/2 year old was showing classis forms of ADD/ADHD (the daycare thought he would end up with an ADD diagnosis and his doctor prescribed adderall....a totally different subject that continues to anger me to this day).   I too noticed a high degree of energy when my child was hungry or tired, but I also noticed over time that is was getting worse.  Dad and i both work full-time and wasn't seeing as much of a problem as home unless we had visitors or took the kids out for an evening.  I found  WONDEFUL group that evaluated my son.  He was diagnosed with Sensory Integration Dysfunction (SID), and there are many variations.  He happends to be one in which he seeks out sensory intakes and can't process them.  He now works with a Occupational Therapist and a Behavioral Modification Specialist and his behavior is on his way to an acceptable level now.  In fact, we enjoy outings much more now....we still have problems if the outings are for extended periods of time, but the fact that we can go to the grocery store or to a restaraunt now without losing control of our son's "energy" levels (resulting in a feelin of failure) is amazing.  And, our daycare no longer requires the level of individual attention that he once demanded of them (more to protect the other children).  Baby steps in the right direction I suppose.  Anyway....maybe it's a thought for you.  Our therapists alternate sessions between home and daycare so he learns in both environments, which helps him in other situations as well.  Luckily, our daycare was open to this help.  We continue a "sensory diet" and manage his food intake as well (sugar levels, dyes, etc), and are please with our improvement in the past 2 months alone.   

 

I will probaly stop posting this information now (twice in one day may be an unwritten limit!!!!).  My goal was to learn more, and I'm just surprised at the lack of information regarding this (even from pediatricians)!!!  It's fairly new and different from "old school" behavioral issues, so maybe the added information may help someone.  Good luck to all!!!

my beautiful, loving 11 yr old daughter really needs an attitude adjustment. 

 

she's in those between years & i can empathise & sympathise with her, but i don't really see the reasons behind the nasty attitude.  i figure ~ hormones or not ~ she must choose to behave the way she does.

plus she used to lie a lot, for no real reason from when she could talk, but has stopped for a few years.  we have since found out that in this 6 months she has taken it up again.

 

she is so frustrating to deal with, she just doesn't make sence.

her age is 11, she looks like a 15 yr old, has the mouth & attitude of a 15 yr old, but the mental maturity of a 9 yr old.  we're beginning to worry, i hope she catches up with at least her age soon.

 

so, is it normal, or do i have a problem teen on my hands?

My daughter is 51/2 and is the classic spirited child. She is also a total drama queen. People are fooled by the pink frilly princess dresses and big eyelashes until you ask her to do something that she doesn't want to do. She gets very sassy and rude and even though she is only 51/2 I often feel like I am fighting with a 15 year old. I can totally relate to your frustrations. My 18 month old is suffering because of all the drama that goes on every day and he is now starting  to copy her with the yelling and screaming. I used to be able to put her to bed early if she was getting to be too much to handle but now she can tell time. That just starts another battle. We have tried time outs and taking away privledges and toys but that only works for a short time.

 

 Dr. Phil always says you have to find their currency. I have recently changed my approach. Instead of an instant punishment, I tell her what she did was not acceptable and that she is not to do those things or says those things again. Then later when she asks for something like T V or a treat or sometrhing special, I tell her NO. I explain that she didn't listen earlier or misbehaved  and that now she can't do or have this specific thing now. She never knows when it's coming or what might be taken away. This also gives her the chance to earn the request  back when she does behave nicely and she thinks twice about what she might lose next time.          

 

 It's the predictability that gave her the control over me . " I know that if I hit my brother I will go to my room and I will take that punishment to get moms attention."  Now she is gamballing with what the punishment might be and she doesn't like that lack of control. I hope that helps you and let me know if you get any other advice. I 'm always open to anything that will make things easier and happier at home.   

   My daughter is 51/2 and I feel your pain. She is sassy and demanding and a total drama queen. She loves to be the boss and is very mean to her little brother. My husband and I have tried everything from time outs to just ignoring the attention seeking fits. They say kids have the terrible two's but she turned from my little angel to a monster, a week after her third birthday.   

 

   I've changed my approach to her discipline. Dr. Phil always says to find their currency, something that is very important to her. That would be control. The more control she feels she has the happier she is.  When she misbehaves, I tell her that what she did was not acceptable and not to do it again. The next time she asks for something like TV or a treat, I tell her NO and explain.  The punishment now is for the misbehavior earlier. She can't choose the thing she looses and I've got my control back.  We've made the punishment predictable ( if you hit your brother, you go to your room, if you talk back you get a time out). A spirited child will take that to get the attention and control of making you angry. This way I've taken away her control and she has to take her chances. They  say to be consistant. I am. She is consistantly being punished, but under my control, NOT  hers.

 

I hope this helps even a little. I f you hear any other advice that works, let me know. I'm going to try the books " The strong willed child" and " Raising your spirited child" and hope for the best.

By the way,  my daughter loves school and is a great student. The teacher has no problems with her  and is surprised by my stories of my spirited angel.

My daughter is that same thing. She is very independent and you could threaten, time out, anything and if she strongly believs it then she isnt going to change. I read that book and loved it but really wasnt much help.

I did speak to a psychiatrist about her and he told me that to stay consistant, pick your battles, and if you do time out only do the amount of minutes that equal her age. Like if she is 5 years old then do 5 minutes if the behaviour continues then do it again. It worked with ours. The attention span isnt long enough to handle 10 minutes-they forget what they are in for. Also discuss the behaviour and how to correct it after timeout is over! Then last but not least- Love her and tell her that you love her its the action you dont like.

 

It has worked with my daughter and has helped her in learning to control things like her will and temper!

Hope it helps

My 8 year old stepdaughter Kayla is a real handful, she comes from a background of abuse, but has been away from her mother for the better part of four years now and seems to be doing great in therapy.  But when she is challenged either at school or at home, she flies into such rages and tamptrums, that i fear for the safety ofher sister and two half siblings. I have addressed this with her doctor, and he sugested that she may have ADHD or, since there is a family history of Bipolar disorder on her mother's side, that may be a possibility also.  my mother and husband say that she is just "spirited".  I have to laugh when they say this sincethey are not around her 90 percent  of the times she throws these tantrums.  My four year old is though, and he is starting to pick up some of the same behaviors.  I don't want to medicate her if it is unessisary, but I don't know what to do if these tantrumsd persist much longer.  

 

Any advice?