Topic : Spirited Kids

if she has been abused, she has probalbly seen the behaviour from her mother, if she doesn't have a disorder, i think she is just doing what she learned to do when she get''s mad. her mom did it, she just imitates it, just as your daughter starts to imitate it from her. i'd say, if she throws a tantrum, put her in a different room, an almost empty if possible, so it is boring, and she can't really break anything. if you don't have a room, just put her in a corner, say she'll have to stand there untill she can act normally, and ignore her. she can come out if she apologizes for her behaviour and if she can go playing nicely. it might be hard, but you have to ignore her while she has a tantrum. just say that one sentence, put her in the corner, and dont talk to her, or look her in the eye, untill she has apologised. furthermore, you could take her to a doctor that can make sure if she has a disorder or not.

I agree with the previous poster- when she is having a rage/tantrum, don’t miss a beat- take her immediately to the corner or another room and keep her there until she quiets down. Then talk to her, letting her know that if she doesn’t like something or whatever the issue might be, that she is to use her words- not have a fit. She is eight, so she is old enough to answer your questions: ask her, “are you trying to hurt someone when you are mad like that? Why do you get so mad? Can you try something new with me, the next time that you are angry, instead of having a tantrum, try something new; I want you to try to make an agreement with the person you are mad at.” Give her examples of what compromising looks/sounds like if the issue is over a certain toy, etc. You might get to the heart of serious issues by asking her these questions, too, so be open to answering anything that might come up.

Because there is a history of mental illness, you should have her evaluated by a professional. Some Dr.s just put a child on medications, but you don’t need to do that- you need to go through extensive testing to find out exactly what the issue is with her. If she isn’t in therapy, I urge you to begin taking her to therapy again, focusing on how to deal with anger. I wish you the best.

 I have a 9 year old child that been DX with Asperger Syndrom Systems and was wondering if anyone here  has  a child of know someong with the same,I find it hard to talk about this for at times our society are quick to labels things,im sure you understand what im saying...
like a chiild has a temper tanturm in a store they are looked at being spoiled or bad parenting,
My child biggest thing is he cannot read people body language,and till he was DX at our own doing we had a very hard time with the displines issues let me till u the guilt Im still going thrue from the past is overwhelming,The teachers/councillor knew he had it but noone said anything to use excpet my son other problem is his printing and that was the only complaint the school had with him...YA very tiring/rewarding/stress outtimes.

Thanks for letting me vent and Im hoping I didn't  step on the wrong toes by being in wrong place...

So my child is a spirted child  also been told he was along with Cystal Child so many names to go buy,hehe


Im in Canada,Winnipeg
DEB

I have 2 kids, a 3 yr old and a 8 mo. old. Both boys. Nathan (the oldest) is VERY spirited.  He knows what he wants and he does EVERYTHING he can do to get it.  He runs off EVERYWHERE we go (I had to get a child harness for when we go out in public) and runs out the front door into neighbors yards and through bushes. He ignores everything I say. When he doesnt get his way he hits, scratches, spits, bites, and calls me names. Recently he has taken to calling me a "bad mamma". He won't sit still for time-outs, and NOTHING seems to phase him. He is VERY smart for his age (speaks some spanish, knows all of his letters, numbers and colors etc.) but he just cant seem to stay calm and do as he is told.  My baby just recently got over colic (thank god!!) so now he is a very well behaved baby but sometimes it is even hard to take care of him because I am busy running after Nathan.  He leaves a trail of crunched chips, q-tips, toilet paper, and whatever he can get his little tazmanian devil hands on behind him everywhere he goes. I know he knows how to be sweet and he can have very good manners when he wants to.   My husband works ALOT so most of the time I am just left to handle all this on my own.  HELP!

I don't know how consistent you are, but i think being consistent is the key. you have a very smart little boy, so he'll use his brain, to not get punished. and to get what he wants. so he'll know very quickly what he can't and can do. if he can learn letters and spanish, he can also be calm and quiet. so he can, but he won't because he doesn't really have to. btw, i'm not trying to say your a bad parent or something. just keep to the time outs, and put hinm in a corner or something like that. if you put them in a corner, and you say they can't turn around, he will have to stand still. and everytime he walks out, or looks out of the corner, the timeout starts again. i don't know how strong willed he is, and what your discipline is like now. but there are cases that are so bad, that the first 5 minute time out can take up to four hours. don't be disencouraged if that is the case. if you are absolutely consistent, he will know soon enough, that whatever he tries, even if he tries for four or more hours it won't work. as soon as he realises it, he will neatly stand in the corner. for the mess that he makes, i advise him to let him clean it up himself. he is three, so he can alreasy clean a bit, and as soon as he has to clean all the mess he makes himself, he will probably stop making a mess. for the front door, put a lock or a chain on it out of his reach, so you can easily open iot, when you have to go out, but he can't walk out himself, when you're busy with the baby or something. you might also want to make a reward system, and let him help you positively in the house. teach him housework, and keep him busy, so he won't get bored and start irritating. maybe he can help you fold the laundry, or make his bed, (even though in the beginning you probably have to do it over yourself) and praise him if he has accomplished something. and maybe you can teach him other things, kids usually love to learn, especially if they get rewarded for it.

Your eight year old daughter sounds like me when I was little. I used to get so mad and yell and scream at my mom. She tells me stories about how out of control I was. She says that anything could set me off. I would yell that I hated her and I wanted to live some where else etc. We could be having a great time and suddenly I would get so mad, my mom never knew what happened or what was said. When I was a teenager I was rude and mean to her and my little sister. I had no patience for stupid people ( and still don't) LOL. Don't get me wrong, I know there were good times too.

 

Now that I am an adult, I can look back and say that I was and still am a control freak. If things don't go my way I get very frustrated. The difference is that now I know how to control myself and not take everything so seriously. My daughter is now almost 6 and she is just like me. She is very strong willed and opioninated. She has very little patience for her brother and does not like to be told what to do. She was even so strong willed as a baby that when she was learning to talk and you would ask her to say something like 'sock' or 'book' she would refuse. The doctor said she would talk when SHE was ready. Boy was she right. Now she never shuts up.

 

My husband and I have constant battles with her all the time. I just think that people like us are very passionate and emotional. Everything I do whether it is planning a party or cleaning my house or doing my job. I take it seriously. So your daughter getting upset over a board game is natural for her because it is serious to her. You have to follow rules and if you don't then you just aren't doing it right.Funny thing but I totally understand her and my daughter.

 

Now that said, it doesn't make dealing with us any easier. I have days where I break down and yell and scream back at my daughter and I know that is wrong but I can't help myself because I am just like her. In time your daughter will learn to control her emotions better. I find when the anger starts to brew in my little girl I stop and get down to her level and give her a big hug. Calm her before the fire works go off. Tell her I know that she is frustrated and feeling angry but what can WE do to change that. Usually she will stop and think of a solution. It is hard to have to take so much time aside to stop the out burst but she really can't control it and just needs some help before it gets crazy.

 

Let her help you more. Give her responsibilities that she can take pride in but nothing that puts too much pressure on her. For example... Let her set the table at dinner but ask her if she wants to don't tell her she has to. If she thinks it is her choice she will do it and show you what a great job she did when she is done. If you tell her to do it she will resist. Ask her which pretty socks she wants to wear today to make her shoes extra comfy. Don't tell her she has to put her socks on.My mom is a teacher and full of good advice. She says I tell my daughter she HAS to do things...you have to brush your teeth now, you have to get up, we have to go shopping. Doesn't sound like much fun when you say it like that. Make things sound like fun and that she has a say and she will feel more control over her life. I always say about myself.."you can't control a control freak!"

 

Good luck and as they say  " This too shall pass!"

My mom and I are best friends now. I don't know what I would do without her and I appriciate her so much more now that I have kids.

 

Write back and let me know if any of this helps and if you get any good advice from some one that might help me with my spirited angel!

My little girl Leah is 15 months old and she has turned into a fiercly independent girl.  She used to be so cuddly and lovey and nice.  She used to offer hugs and kisses all the time.  But not any more.  She wont let me hold her, or hug her or hold her hand or feed her or anything.  I know I should be happy because that is what I want for her, I know she can't be a baby forever but it is so hard to watch her grow up.  She doesn't even tell me goodbye when I drop her off at the babysitters, she just runs away.  I am so proud of her and I am so happy that she is such a happy well adjusted kid.  I am just selfishly missing the baby days!

My twin boys are 10 years old. They are ADHD like myself. I tried medication however because of the side effects I stopped them from taking them. My boys are good at home we control things like diet and they have a very structured life but still have fun we mostly go on hikes and explore. My trouble is when the boys go to school! They hate it and the teachers always have a hard time with them. One  has to be number one at everything and if he isn't he loses it. My other lives in his own world and it is hard to get him started on any task and he thinks that everyone hates him at school. At home I don't have a hard time getting them focused but when they go out into the world they completely change. How can I help them???????

Thank you bridget

Maybe you need to put your kids into a more specialized education arena.  It sounds like not only are your children not benefiting from school but more than likely they are disturbing others as well which is causing the other children to not learn either.  Sounds like you need to find some kind of programs in your area that specialize in helping ADHD kids adjust to the world.  We have a large mental health facility in our area that works on many different areas.  I would start looking there.  Have you ever considered home schooling the kids?  Good luck 

im looking for answers. i have a 4 year old daughter that is delayed.  She has gotten soo many different diagnosis that i still dont know which one she is.  One psychologist says shes on the low end of the spectrum for autism but yet another says shes not cuz she makes eye contact.  Ive been told that shes also got some sort of learning disability.  She is speech delayed.  She had a evaluation for kindergarden to se if she is where she was suppose to be academic wise and failed.  I was wondering how can i find out exactly what issues she has i hate not knowing what is exactly wrong . :(