Topic : Spirited Kids

  I am a mother of seven children.  Three of whom are under the age of 7.  I keep seeing the word spirited used a lot here and Im wondering if maybe out of control is a better term to use in my situation rather than spirited. 

My boys are 5 and 6 years old and on a daily basis I listen to them throw temper tantrums, fight with each other, cry, sometimes use foul language..etc.. the list goes on. 

There seems to be nothing that phases them at all in the least to motivate them to stop the bad behaviour and get better.  Seems like they dont want to learn. 

When they dont get what they want.. they throw a fit.. we are talking about a MAJOR fit.  There is always screaming, and sometimes fighting.  Sometimes I dont tell them no because Im not in the  mood to hear the sceaming about it.  I know this isnt the appropriate thing to do and will only make matters worse.. but Im at my wits end with this and dont know what else to do. 

Here are a few things Ive tried... time outs.. spanking...taking toys..taking tv..writing. 

Nothing works. 

NOthing phases them. 

There seems to be a lot of competition amongst them so much to the point that they take it to a physical level at times. 

I dont want to yell at them.. but sometimes it seems as if that is all they want me to do.  Im tired of not being able to open my windows in the house for fear that someone will hear the yelling and the crying and think the worse of me and the children. 

I love them with all my heart and I only want the best for them. 

Any suggestions would be wonderful. 

  

thanks in advance.. 

  

ladypawn 

I think I like the term spirited because it makes it seem as less of a BAD label, if you know what I mean. I to have a spirited child that can sometimes  do before he thinks. He is ADHD and we are learning to deal with him in a new way (well new to us anyway). I know exactly what you mean about the yelling. I have also had the same feeling at times about not raising windows. My husband has even come in from work and said he could hear my son and I from the driveway. The Dr. has told us the best thing to do is just ignore the tantrum. I know it can be very hard to do. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't but it might be worth a try. The medication for his ADHD is also helping. Also I know from having my other children sometimes it is also an attention getter.   

Good Luck. 

sltell 

  

  

  I get on a daily basis told not to talk to them.. by them.. tougues being stuck out at me.. told im stupid.. told they arent talking to me.etc... 

My husband goes on the "reason with them" philosophy, where I go on the put them in their room when they cant control themselves or sit them in a chair and at last resort.. spank them.  I do talk to them.. but sometimes talking is just not the thing to do when you have extreme situations like that. 

  

  

ladypawn 

  

Thanks for nothing.  I have an appointment with the pediatrician tommorrow, maybe they will help me!

 My daughter is 13 months old and has a very strong personality.  She is learning to listen when I tell her NO, but also is very good at showing me how much she doesn't like it.  She often throws herself on her back and starts bawling.  Then she will continue to test me, and gets upset everytime I tell her no.  I am proud of her for listening to me, but I am concerned about the way she throws herself onto the floor.  I usually just make sure she will not hurt herself, and then ignore her, or walk away.  Is that just her way of expressing herself for her age, or is she starting to throw tantrums.  I am worried that if I don't deal with this properly that she will be a "tantrum thrower" who is difficult to manage.  Advice please?!

My oldest son used to do exactly the same thing when he was about the same age as your daughter.  Like you, I was very worried about his reactions.  I did the only thing I could do:  1)  Make sure he was safe (would not get injured)  and 2)  explained to him both the situation and the way he felt.  "I know you're frustrated"  "I understand that you are desapointed, but you cannot do waterver for whaterver the reason"  and such...  I am no psychologist,  but what I can say is that when  he turned about 18 months old, his vocabulary incresed a lot and gradualy, he started to try to comunicate verbaly his frustration instead of just throwing himself on the floor...  He is now 8 years old and belive me, he is as far as can be from a "tantrum thrower".  He is also the only one of my four kids to have done that...  I hope thispersonal experience will give you a little hope...  (Sorry if there are spelling mistakes, I am French..)

my 2 year old wakes up crying evey morning. she throws fits and I dont even know why. she was always a high matinence baby, but things are getting worse. she gets stuck a million times a day( like she has already gotten stuck under her sisters walker since i have been writing) some people think she has signs off ADHD. I cant seem to get her on any kind of schedual, Especially since our home burnned down last week, we lost everything and didnt have renters insurance. now my husband, our 2 girls and I are borrowing my brothers room. Eden Grace (my little wild child) is having a hard time getting settled in. I feel like I am battling it out with her all day, trying to get our family business in order, and making sure Gabby (our 1 year old) is getting all that she needs.

 Thank you very much for replying to my message.  I feel much better knowing that another mother has been through this and everything worked out well.  Both my husband and I were very headstrong children, so we knew a little bit about what we could be getting ourselves into.  But having the reassurance that I was handling her behaviour properly makes me feel a lot better about everything. 
Just a note:  She may fight me with everthing she has in her when she's upset at me, but when she's not upset, she is the most cheerful and loving girl, and her smile makes everthing worthwhile.  I guess that is what motherhood is all about.

 Just want you to know that I am thinking of you.  This must be a very difficult and stressful time time for you and your family.  I give you a lot of credit for just being able to care for 2 children so close in age, without all the other stress in your life. (I had wanted to have 2 children 1-2 years apart, but after having my daughter, I didn't think I could handle another one until a few more years down the road).
Anyway, just know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Ruby

I am at my wits end. My kids are non-stop, on the go, but when it comes down to harnessing that energy to help me around the house, they are automatically tired. I work 3 jobs, and I'm in school full time (5 classes). I am a police officer; I deliver pizzas; and I work loss prevention (security) at a department store. I am on-call for the ambulance when I am not working or in school. I was laid off from Maytag, when they moved the Galesburg (IL) plant to Mexico. I worked there from the time I was 19 until I was 26. My husband works 2 jobs. My daughter is 5 and my son is 8. I just went to their parent teacher conferences and their teachers both told me that they wish they had more students like my children. They raved about how quietly they sit, and how well they follow directions and get along with other children, and how they can tell that we work together on studying and homework. I know this should make me happy, but I was fuming by the time I left. I have proof that they know how to, and are able to, behave. So why are they so terrible to me? When they are asked to pick up their toys laying all over the house they fight. Bathtime is a fight. If I ask for them to start on their homework, WWIII breaks out. My son will litterally throw himself on the floor and kick his legs and scream. My daughter screams at the top of her lungs. I have actually had neighbors call my Chief and tell him they think I abuse my kids! If anything I think I abuse them by not being strict enough. I always end up being the one who gives in and I just do it myself. In the eyes of the publice I am held at a higher level than most people (because of me being a police officer), and it's just easier to do it myself then deal with nosey neighbors who have no idea what they are talking about. I've tried being nice, I've tried being a bully (not very good at it), I've tried bribing them, now their teachers and I have a plan with using smiley face notes through the week. We thought that maybe if I tell them that I am going to tell their teachers how they are acting they will think twice about being bad. Rewards of stickers would be given at the end of the week for good behavior. Really, I just want to know why they only do it with me. Am I doing something wrong, do they hate me, are they acting out because I'm gone so much.....I need to know.