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March 22, 2006, 11:40 am PST

Help with a very particular child

I have a two boys (three and two), who are very spirited but for the most part well behaved. My three year old is very particular, what I mean is things have to be done in a certain order or way. For example, if someone other than me puts him in his car seat he will get very upset and want to go back to the start and do it over. This includes, the order in which they get in the bath, who gets dressed first, what he eat, where things are placed in his room or playroom and heaven forbid if his brother changes something or take a toy that is his. I am not sure what to do about this. My concern is that he goes to Junior Kindergarten in September and if he continues to be this particular how will he react there. He is currently in Nursery School and does not seem to have this problem there, just at home.

When my two year old was born he had several health problems and we spent the majority of his first six months in the hospital so the focus was really on him. I wonder if this has created my three year old's need to control everything. has anyone dealt with this before, or know of resources to help deal with it?

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therage

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March 24, 2006, 5:03 pm PST

My "spirited" 3.5 yr. old

Quote From: fairmaiden

I was given a suggestion of a book geared towards parents of kids with O.D.D. and it may help its working with my 8 year old son its called your defiant child 8 steps to better behavior and its by Dr. Russel A. Barkley it has questionaires and goes step by step through all 8 steps and after a week I have seen improvement.I hope maybe this will help a little I understand the stress and how hard it is.I have cried many nights due to the stress hang in there.

I definitely relate, all 2 well, with the frustrated,depressed, overwhelmed parents of this type of child. My 3.5 year old has me at my wits end. I'm in therapy[for other personal issues, such as my husband's infidelity last year, among other things] and now he's in therapy with a child therapist. I PRAY constantly that some solution will work, SOON. I'm really afraid of putting him in school, and he refuses to potty-train. Ahhhhhhhh!

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therage

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March 24, 2006, 5:13 pm PST

at wits end

Quote From: fairmaiden

My son is 8 years old and has gone through alot I had to give custody to his dad when he was 2 because we were getting a divorce and I had no where to live but at a friends house and it wasn't a good place for him for almost a year I think he got to see me maybe four or five times but I finally moved in with my mom and he started visiting every other weekend. after four years his father and I started dating again around that time his grandmother and grandfather split up and he came to live with and my roomate and her 2 kids. now we all live together in an apartment.My roomate has a son who is 9 and a daughter who is 3. My son yells at everyone has physically thrown things at me and tries to hit the 9 year old he's disrespectful to me and our roomate.the only person he listens to is his dad and sometimes thats even questionable.We've tried taking all the toys and games away,time out,spanking everything he just keeps on.My stress level is so high because it starts from the time he gets up till when he gets home from school and finally goes to bed.If any one has had an angry child like this please let me know how to help him because I'm out of ideas

I hear you, I truly do! I feel the same way. I feel alot of guilt all the time because, honestly, most days I don't look forward to my son waking up and REALLY look forward to him finally falling asleep, when he does cause that's just another war EVERY DAY, no kidding. He's also very particular about many things and if they're not done 'that way' he becomes quite impossible. I love my kids[I have another 1yr.3mo. old who's my pride]but at times. . .

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valfarr

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March 26, 2006, 11:25 pm PST

I can relate

Quote From: denacev

I have a two boys (three and two), who are very spirited but for the most part well behaved. My three year old is very particular, what I mean is things have to be done in a certain order or way. For example, if someone other than me puts him in his car seat he will get very upset and want to go back to the start and do it over. This includes, the order in which they get in the bath, who gets dressed first, what he eat, where things are placed in his room or playroom and heaven forbid if his brother changes something or take a toy that is his. I am not sure what to do about this. My concern is that he goes to Junior Kindergarten in September and if he continues to be this particular how will he react there. He is currently in Nursery School and does not seem to have this problem there, just at home.

When my two year old was born he had several health problems and we spent the majority of his first six months in the hospital so the focus was really on him. I wonder if this has created my three year old's need to control everything. has anyone dealt with this before, or know of resources to help deal with it?

My 5.5 yr old is the sameway, and he also does well in daycar and now kindergaten, and he has gottem better over time at home. My family calls him "Alex Keaton" from Family Ties and "Anull", which of course he never hears. Try to look at the bright side, his room will always be clean, and he probably has a very high IQ. He also will finish what he starts, and just NEEDS to know his boundries. These are not "bad" things. We have learned to watch very closely what we say, as he takes everything so literally, and he will set times for when he will do things, so now we do. He was adamement say, that 4yr old wear size 4, and 5 wear 5's, and so on, until he grew out of clothes, so we let him pick his own, gave him more responsibilty, and let him control those things instead of us. Sometimes the rug gets ripped out from under you in this world, and that happened when younger got sick, explain to him, things change, and we don't always have control, but what we do have control of, make your best choices, and than live and learn from them. We now tell him at what age he will do things, than once he gets in his head, we have to stick to it too, because we won't hear the end of it, but this also includes chores as well as privalages. There is a wonderful book, called, "Making my kids mind, before I lose mine", that is great at alot of personality types and how to positively address his behaviors, Christian oriented, but works without religion as well. I will try to find and post author's name, as don't have on hand. Good luck, amd try to flip it around to be something positive, and have fun with it. He's going to grow up with a better advantage than most kids, believe me, just needs focused. Valfarr

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jmicman

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March 27, 2006, 10:26 am PST

Beware of bad parents

Quote From: daughtrey5

MY DAUGHTER IS 35 YEARS OLD AND SHE HAS A 3 YEAR OLD SON AND 5 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. SHE YELLS AT THEM ALOT. IF SHE IS TALKING ON THE TELEPHONE OR TALKING WITH SOMEONE, AND THEY ASK HER A QUESTION, SHE YELLS AT THEM.

I FEEL THAT SHE SHOULD STOP TALKING FOR A MOMENT AND ,LET THEM KNOW SHE HEARD THEM, AND ASK THEM WHAT THEY NEEDED.

IF I SAY ANYTHING TO HER, SHE GET ANGRY WITH ME. I JUST WANT TO HANG UP THE PHONE IF SHE IS TALKING WITH ME, AND SHE YELLS.

MY GRANDKIDS DO NOT DESERVE THIS. THEY ARE VERY GOOD KIDS.

PLEASE HELP !!!

P. CARPENTER

Beware, My step-son and his wife just took my wife and I to court because they do not want to admit that they should be doing more for their children. They have dropped their children off at our house with no notice saying that they were going shopping or to the show, and we wouldnt see or hear from them for two to six days. We would put their children on a schedule and they behaved very well. When we moved 250 miles away, removing their free childcare they immediately put their 5 year old on Ridalin (even though it is not approved for children under 6) and then filed restraining orders against us for trying to tell them the facts about the drug. The judge said that the parents can do anything short of beating or killing their children and the grandparents have nothing to say about it, even if they did care for the child 60% of the time up till now.

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jai149

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March 27, 2006, 9:35 pm PST

My 3 year old is the same way

Quote From: denacev

I have a two boys (three and two), who are very spirited but for the most part well behaved. My three year old is very particular, what I mean is things have to be done in a certain order or way. For example, if someone other than me puts him in his car seat he will get very upset and want to go back to the start and do it over. This includes, the order in which they get in the bath, who gets dressed first, what he eat, where things are placed in his room or playroom and heaven forbid if his brother changes something or take a toy that is his. I am not sure what to do about this. My concern is that he goes to Junior Kindergarten in September and if he continues to be this particular how will he react there. He is currently in Nursery School and does not seem to have this problem there, just at home.

When my two year old was born he had several health problems and we spent the majority of his first six months in the hospital so the focus was really on him. I wonder if this has created my three year old's need to control everything. has anyone dealt with this before, or know of resources to help deal with it?

I can really relate to what your saying. We kept our 3 year old home this year instead of sending him to 3 year old kindergarten because he is SO particular about things.

He is has to have everything in a particular order, his shoes need to be in pairs touching, Books in the right order on the shelf.

I was so relieved to see that someone other than myself has the car seat problem!!!! My son will scream if anyone else tries to put him in or take him out. I have to open the front door and only I can put him to bed a night. And he is like this with his younger sister (she is 2 next month).

I am just wondering, how involved was/is your husband in the day-to-day care of your kids. Mine is really un-involved and tells me that I made the kids like this. I often wonder if its because I have done everything since the moment they were born.

As for dealing with it, I don't. I just try and keep the peace. I find that he really need structure and if it comforts him that I do things in a particular order then so be it. Don't get me wrong it can be REALLY frustrating when I am in a hurry and he is being pedantic and carrying on. I just try to have patience with him and let him do things his way.

Just for interests sake, what star sign is he?

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lpatter

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March 29, 2006, 5:09 am PST

help me lol

I have a two and a half year old daughter and I feel like i am about to lose my mind. She has more energy and attitude than I know what to do with. and its not as if she is angry or in a bad mood because she is not she is always in a good mood. but i have not found a way to discipline that works with her time outs don't work, taking away her toys doesn't and spanking won't work because i don't have the heart to do it. thats not the only problem it seems she only needs five hours of sleep a day. she goes to bed at eight and wakes up and three or four in the morning and wont take a nap can any one relate and maybe have a solutions!!!!!!!!!

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momob1cd

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April 7, 2006, 11:36 am PDT

5 year old boy is spirited /emotional

I am a mom of 2 boys one 5 years old and one 3. My five year old is very smart, emotional, sensitive, perceptive, etc... things have to be exactly the way he is imagining something or he cries. He is obsessed with pretend play/dressing up. Any movie he sees and likes he dresses up like a character from the movie (male and female roles both) and has to have every prop the movie has or he cries. My house is not a movie set so we often get into fights about him trying to be more flexible and realizing that movies are not real life! today he wanted to dress up like anakin skywalker from star wars and freaked out when i gave him 2 brown coats of mine to borrow to look like anakin and they weren't exactly the length of the one in the movie. he cried and whined forever! these are just examples of his high maintenance personality. I give him time outs if he doesn't stop crying and remind him over and over to be flexible but nothing seems to help his emotions. I don't know what else to try. He also cries when plans change or when we have to leave a friends house. He also argues and asks questions constantly about tiny details that a 5 year old doesn't normally need to know about. I feel like i am going crazy parenting him!!!!

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aswearin75

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April 8, 2006, 1:19 pm PDT

9 year old w/ADHD & anxiety

I have a 9 year old girl with ADHD and anxiety. She is VERY dramatic and very hard to discipline. She has a hard time making friends at school because its either her way or no way. Her and I rarely see eye to eye..if I say black , its white...the sky is blue , no Mom its purple with pink in it!! NOTHING I say gets through to her. I have tried every form of discipline there is....NOTHING WORKS. Time outs, taking away toys and things in her room, spanking, taking away extracirricular activities, and missing out on family outings. I need some advice here. I have come to the conclusion that the only thing I havent tried is giving her more space instead of restricting her too much. I am not a high expectations mom...I do expect respect, manners, and decent grades above a C average. For the most part, the manners are pretty much as good as you can get for a 9 year old girl....but the respect and grades have much to be desired. I am not a yeller, so I will wait until she is done showing her butt and then tell her what I think of the situation and ask her what she thinks she can do about it next time it comes up, but nothing is ever her fault so she just says that she is never playing with this child again and carries on with the chip on her shoulder for the remainder of the day. I have contemplated keeping her back in the 4th grade next year due to not being ready socially or academically to go to the 5th grade. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

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jettav

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April 8, 2006, 7:35 pm PDT

Spirited Kids

Quote From: lpatter

I have a two and a half year old daughter and I feel like i am about to lose my mind. She has more energy and attitude than I know what to do with. and its not as if she is angry or in a bad mood because she is not she is always in a good mood. but i have not found a way to discipline that works with her time outs don't work, taking away her toys doesn't and spanking won't work because i don't have the heart to do it. thats not the only problem it seems she only needs five hours of sleep a day. she goes to bed at eight and wakes up and three or four in the morning and wont take a nap can any one relate and maybe have a solutions!!!!!!!!!

Have you tried keeping her awake longer at night and also if she takes naps, maybe delete them, my girls are 3 and 5 and very rarely take naps. They are still little night owls but not like if they had a nap, they sleep a good 10-12 hours nightly.

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Message Boards

Topic : Spirited Kids

Help with a very particular child

My "spirited" 3.5 yr. old

at wits end

I can relate

Beware of bad parents

My 3 year old is the same way

help me lol

5 year old boy is spirited /emotional

9 year old w/ADHD & anxiety

Spirited Kids