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Topic : Spirited Kids

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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:12:56 pm
Author : dataimport

Is your child a bundle of nonstop energy? Are you exhausted at the end of the day? Share advice and support with other parents of spirited kids.



 
denacev
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April 12, 2006, 10:52 am PDT

My little Taurus

Quote From: jai149

I can really relate to what your saying.  We kept our 3 year old home this year instead of sending him to 3 year old kindergarten because he is SO particular about things.   

He is has to have everything in a particular order, his shoes need to be in pairs touching, Books in the right order on the shelf.   

  

I was so relieved to see that someone other than myself has the car seat problem!!!!  My son will scream if anyone else tries to put him in or take him out.  I have to open the front door and only I can put him to bed a night.  And he is like this with his younger sister (she is 2 next month).   

  

I am just wondering, how involved was/is your husband in the day-to-day care of your kids.  Mine is really un-involved and tells me that I made the kids like this.  I often wonder if its because I have done everything since the moment they were born.  

  

As for dealing with it, I don't.  I just try and keep the peace.  I find that he really need structure and if it comforts him that I do things in a particular order then so be it.  Don't get me wrong it can be REALLY frustrating when I am in a hurry and he is being pedantic and carrying on.  I just try to have patience with him and let him do things his way.   

  

Just for interests sake, what star sign is he? 

I understand the front door thing, if I open it when we are going in without him ringing the doorbell he gets extremely upset! 

Believe it or not my husband is very involved in the day to day care of my kids.  He is the one who baths them and gets them ready for bed.  He loves to sit and play with them for hours.  I was very sick when I was pregnant with our second son, so a lot of the evening care was left to him.  Lately he has been traveling constantly with his job and our preschool teacher suggested that this may be part of the reason the tantrums have been more frequent.  I was away all weekend and I am hoping that this gave my son some much needed bonding time with my husband. 

I probably give in 50% of the time.  It depends on the situation.  I worry that we are not be consistent with him.  He is a Taurus (like his father) and extremely stubborn.  After a long talk with my husband he is changing his schedule so that he can be home more.  Our son asks for him quite a lot, which contradicts the fact that he wants me to do everything. 

  

I hope 4 is better:) 
 
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denacev
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April 12, 2006, 10:54 am PDT

Spirited Kids

Quote From: valfarr

My 5.5 yr old is the sameway, and he also does well in daycar and now kindergaten, and he has gottem better over time at home. My family calls him "Alex Keaton" from Family Ties and "Anull", which of course he never hears. Try to look at the bright side, his room will always be clean, and he probably has a very high IQ. He also will finish what he starts, and just NEEDS to know his boundries. These are not "bad" things. We have learned to watch very closely what we say, as he takes everything so literally, and he will set times for when he will do things, so now we do. He was adamement say, that 4yr old wear size 4, and 5 wear 5's, and so on, until he grew out of clothes, so we let him pick his own, gave him more responsibilty, and let him control those things instead of us. Sometimes the rug gets ripped out from under you in this world, and that happened when younger got sick, explain to him, things change, and we don't always have control, but what we do have control of, make your best choices, and than live and learn from them. We now tell him at what age he will do things, than once he gets in his head, we have to stick to it too, because we won't hear the end of it, but this also includes chores as well as privalages. There is a wonderful book, called, "Making my kids  mind, before I lose mine", that is great at alot of personality types and how to positively address his behaviors, Christian oriented, but works without religion as well. I will try to find and post author's name, as don't have on hand. Good luck, amd try to flip it around to be something positive, and have fun with it. He's going to grow up with a better advantage than most kids, believe me, just needs focused. Valfarr

Thanks for the book advice.  I am going to look for it and see how it helps. 

  
 
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wifeofrory
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April 18, 2006, 12:57 pm PDT

BadMad

I'm not sure if I should call my daughter "spirited" or not.  I'll try to make this as short as possible.  She was with me 24/7 until right b/4 she turned 3.  Then she went to daycare.  Progressed in the "classroom" environment fine, but nap time was unbearable.  She would go into rages where the teacher would have to sit on her to contain her.  She would throw things, scream, run from the teachers, bite, hit, etc. (anyone who got in her way).  However we only saw this behavior twice at home.  Right b/4 she turned 4 we started her in preschool.  Things were pretty good, with only an occasional nap time fit.  Until the last 3-4 weeks. (she has since been kicked out of preschool because the teachers can't handle her outbursts).  She knows why she is doing this.  She says she justs wants to be with me.  I have a job where I can take her to work so this does not help the situation.  I told her I would get a babysitter and she said "You know how i'll act".  I just don't understand why she's acting out.  She gets tons of attention from me and her father.  She also has an 18 yr. old sister who is very attentive.  There is no lack of discipline (between Dr. Phil and Supernanny, we've tried every punishment known to man) but no change in behavior when she knows there is nothing the teachers can do to her.  Any thoughts?  Please help!!!!
 
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motorbike2
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April 24, 2006, 4:13 am PDT

Demanding Child

I have a four year old at home who is very demanding,if she wants something you have to get it straight away or she will nag and nag,this might go on unless you tell her to wait a few minutes.This really frustrates me,because as well as her I nearly have a 1 year old too look after as well. 

       Jasmine (4) can be very defiant,I tell her to go and clean her room and she will say no,I tell her that i'm going to through all of her toys out in the garbage,sometimes it will work and other times it wont.I was wondering if anyone can give me other ideas of how to get your child to clean her room. 
 
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rocknroxie
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April 24, 2006, 3:12 pm PDT

My daughter needs help.

My daughter created a blog and has fun with it.  They have a 9 year old girl, Jenna Jae (JJ) and three boys, 5 yr. Garrett (G), 3 yr. Wyatt (Wy), and 1 yr. Trenton (T).  She has a great hand's on husband and they are very happy.  However, the message she posted April 21 made me sad.  They really do have a very happy family.  I wish I could help them with Wyatt, because he is exactly as she posted.  I can barely stand to be around him, and I'm his Grandma. Dr Phil, can you help my daughter with her whiney 3 year old?  She has tried everything. http://jbyrdsgirl.blogspot.com/   

Loving your children for who and what they are isn’t always easy

Last night I opted to stay home with T.  I wasn’t up to going to the ballgame.  So Mr. Fun took the three older kids and invited his best friend and his daughter to go.  I didn’t want my ticket going to waste.  They got home around 9PM and Wy was being Wy *sigh*.  Lately I feel that I have lost my control on him.  He doesn’t listen.  He is stubborn.  He screams until he’s just about to throw up and nothing I do or say will stop him before he gets to that point.  I don’t know exactly how to parent this child.  I find something that seems to be working and a couple weeks in he decides that so said punishment doesn’t phase him.  The only thing that seems to work is taking XBOX away.  Well, that’s not fair to his brother who only gets to play it on weekends anyhow.  Taking away his toys seems to work but again, his toys are his brother’s toys.  So I am punishing G when G hasn’t done anything wrong. So back to last night.  I guess he wasn’t a very good listener at the game and it continued when he got home.  I did not give in but that doesn’t make a difference, he’s still going to be a challenge.  Already this morning I had to walk away from him.  I really want to turn and scream right back at him but what good will that do?  Might make me feel better until the guilt sets in for being a freakin’ moronic mom.  So I walk away but that doesn’t help the situation either because he follows me screaming louder.  My other children can take no for the final answer.  My other children will do what they are told.  They aren’t always happy about it and they may fold their arms and pout but that’s okay.  I can handle their reactions.  Wy’s reaction is always over the top.  Always full drama. Here’s a list of the daily struggles I have with him:    

~getting dressed

~putting shoes on

~eating breakfast

~going to the bathroom without me in their with him

~not drinking 5 glasses of milk a day (2 is plenty then he needs to drink water)

~picking up his toys or crayons and coloring books

~eating lunch

~going anywhere but school

~eating lunch

~getting out of the bath

~putting a pull up on or going to the bathroom before bed (he has his choice and chooses to do neither)

~and anything else I ask or tell him to do.

Any request is followed with a whiney "I don't want to. So I am exhausted and I have a feeling of desperation.  His preschool teachers and all the moms that volunteer say he’s so well behaved and the sweetest boy ever.  This I am thankful for.  But it is so embarrassing when he acts out in public and I have to drag his screaming self out of a store while trying not to drop T.  Luckily this doesn’t happen often, but it happens. When we are having a really bad day, I feel like I am the wicked witch of the east and someone just poured water on me…..I’m melting…..I don’t want to fight with him all the time…..I just want him to take what I say as the final answer and move on…..I want to enjoy is childhood…..I don’t want to dread him…..I love him for who he is, but I want to enjoy him…..  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  
 
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debbie28
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April 24, 2006, 3:49 pm PDT

Just turned 4

  

       My daughter just turned 4 and she is driving my husband and I up a wall. My Mom keeps telling me that I need to be more patient with her and I am trying. We just got back from vacation and she was bad the whole time that we were away. She is an incredibly smart little girl and she is so independent. But she has a comment for everything and she has a sassy little mouth.  My husband and I are trying to figure out a way to deal with her. Does anybody have any advice for me? I am thinking about going out and buying the book "The Strong Willed Child" by James Dobson.  

        We try to discipline her but she just ignores what we are saying and does it again. She will start preschool in September at the christian school in town. But that is the only preschool where I live. So I am hoping that since it is a christian preschool they can help with her attitude. So does anybody have any advice for me on how to raise and discipline a 4 year old with too much energy. 
 
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bpqworld
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May 3, 2006, 11:40 am PDT

Teacher "sat" on Her?!

Quote From: wifeofrory

I'm not sure if I should call my daughter "spirited" or not.  I'll try to make this as short as possible.  She was with me 24/7 until right b/4 she turned 3.  Then she went to daycare.  Progressed in the "classroom" environment fine, but nap time was unbearable.  She would go into rages where the teacher would have to sit on her to contain her.  She would throw things, scream, run from the teachers, bite, hit, etc. (anyone who got in her way).  However we only saw this behavior twice at home.  Right b/4 she turned 4 we started her in preschool.  Things were pretty good, with only an occasional nap time fit.  Until the last 3-4 weeks. (she has since been kicked out of preschool because the teachers can't handle her outbursts).  She knows why she is doing this.  She says she justs wants to be with me.  I have a job where I can take her to work so this does not help the situation.  I told her I would get a babysitter and she said "You know how i'll act".  I just don't understand why she's acting out.  She gets tons of attention from me and her father.  She also has an 18 yr. old sister who is very attentive.  There is no lack of discipline (between Dr. Phil and Supernanny, we've tried every punishment known to man) but no change in behavior when she knows there is nothing the teachers can do to her.  Any thoughts?  Please help!!!!
AAAggghhhh!!  As a former daycare teacher and administrator I about jumped out of my skin when I read your post, most particularly the part about naptime troubles at school.  I don't know what state you live in, but chances are your state has regs that cover appropriate conduct at daycare, and forcing a child to nap or restraining them in any way are probably way out of line.  If a 4 year old child doesn't want to nap, they should be given something quiet to do or look at so that others may rest. But under no circumstances is it appropriate for the teacher to "muscle" a child into compliance.  Maybe the problem isn't what they teachers do "to" her at school, but what they aren't doing "with" her.  There are lots of things she could be doing to help a teacher out at naptime that would utilize her intelligence, instead of trying to shut it off at naptime.
 
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bpqworld
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May 3, 2006, 12:00 pm PDT

Spirited Kids

Quote From: momob1cd

I am a mom of 2 boys one 5 years old and one 3.  My five year old is very smart, emotional, sensitive, perceptive, etc... things have to be exactly the way he is imagining something or he cries.  He is obsessed with pretend play/dressing up.  Any movie he sees and likes he dresses up like a character from the movie (male and female roles both) and has to have every prop the movie has or he cries.  My house is not a movie set so we often get into fights about him trying to be more flexible and realizing that movies are not real life!  today he wanted to dress up like anakin skywalker from star wars and freaked out when i gave him 2 brown coats of mine to borrow to look like anakin and they weren't exactly the length of the one in the movie.  he cried and whined forever!  these are just examples of his high maintenance personality.  I give him time outs if he doesn't stop crying and remind him over and over to be flexible but nothing seems to help his emotions.  I don't know what else to try.  He also cries when plans change or when we have to leave a friends house.  He also argues and asks questions constantly about tiny details that a 5 year old doesn't normally need to know about.  I feel like i am going crazy parenting him!!!!
I have a 7 year old who is much the same way, but it sounds like you are still at the "caring about it" stage.  I mean you, not him.  I cared for a long time about trying to accommodate all the little peccadilloes my son has about wanting things just so, but then I reached the "I'm too tired to care, deal with it" stage.  It's great!!  Not having the appropriate play clothes for a particular character won't kill anyone, and having to adapt is a great character builder.  He will relax if you do.  As long as you bend over backwards trying to accommodate, he'll keep pushing.  Now, instead of a pleading tone of voice ("Honey, don't you think that black robe is really okay for the Emperor?")  I use a very matter-of-fact tone, and leave it to him to deal ("This is what we have. Use your imagination to make it work, or do something else.")  I still get pushed now and then, but now I don't feel frustrated or guilty about hime behavior.
 
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wifeofrory
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May 7, 2006, 4:30 pm PDT

Spirited Kids

Quote From: bpqworld

AAAggghhhh!!  As a former daycare teacher and administrator I about jumped out of my skin when I read your post, most particularly the part about naptime troubles at school.  I don't know what state you live in, but chances are your state has regs that cover appropriate conduct at daycare, and forcing a child to nap or restraining them in any way are probably way out of line.  If a 4 year old child doesn't want to nap, they should be given something quiet to do or look at so that others may rest. But under no circumstances is it appropriate for the teacher to "muscle" a child into compliance.  Maybe the problem isn't what they teachers do "to" her at school, but what they aren't doing "with" her.  There are lots of things she could be doing to help a teacher out at naptime that would utilize her intelligence, instead of trying to shut it off at naptime.
Thanks for replying!!!  I agree with the idea that my child could be directed towards other "quieter" activities.  She hardly ever naps at home because we don't feel her behavior changes if this occurs.  I'm just glad to know that I'm not the only one out there who thinks this could have been handled differently.  Thanks again!!
 
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jobabe
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May 19, 2006, 2:37 pm PDT

You are not alone!

Quote From: debbie28

  

       My daughter just turned 4 and she is driving my husband and I up a wall. My Mom keeps telling me that I need to be more patient with her and I am trying. We just got back from vacation and she was bad the whole time that we were away. She is an incredibly smart little girl and she is so independent. But she has a comment for everything and she has a sassy little mouth.  My husband and I are trying to figure out a way to deal with her. Does anybody have any advice for me? I am thinking about going out and buying the book "The Strong Willed Child" by James Dobson.  

        We try to discipline her but she just ignores what we are saying and does it again. She will start preschool in September at the christian school in town. But that is the only preschool where I live. So I am hoping that since it is a christian preschool they can help with her attitude. So does anybody have any advice for me on how to raise and discipline a 4 year old with too much energy. 

I had to laugh as I read your message! I have a four year old girl and well, lets say I know exactly what you are going through. She is also very sassy and very strong willed. I am currently reading James Dobson's book The Strong Willed Child. It is a very good book. Another book of his that is also quite good is Dare to Discipline. I know how you feel with the whole discipline thing. With our daughter you will discipline her for something and five minutes later she is doing the same thing again. It is really frustrating. I also feel like pulling my hair out and my mom also says I need to be more patient, but heck this has been going on for the last year and a half. My daugher also starts preschool next year and I am also really hoping that things will get better once she is at "big" school. Right now all I can say to you is that you are not alone and do yourself a favour go out and buy the book. It definately helps to understand just how to go about dealing with a strong willed child. Maybe you and I can keep on encouraging each other as we work through this season our daughters are in! 
 
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