Message Boards

Topic : Spirited Kids

Number of Replies: 162
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:12:56 pm
Author : dataimport
Is your child a bundle of nonstop energy? Are you exhausted at the end of the day? Share advice and support with other parents of spirited kids.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

November 9, 2005, 6:57 am CST

Help with daughter

I am concerned about my 4 y/o daughter. She is very, very spirited! She is very outspoken. She can never, ever sit still. She is extremely hyper. She will talk back to me. She will scream if she dont get her way. She has the biggest imagination I have ever seen a 4 y/o to have. She doesnt like to share her toys. If her brother takes one of her toys she will scream. (she wouldnt even be playing with the toy either). I dont give her hardly any sweets or soda. Her brother is a diabetic so we did away with the sugary stuff. When we are out in public she pitches fits over things she cannot have.Everytime I leave to go somewhere I have to constantly tell her goodbye and give her a kiss before I am even out the door, then I have to continue to wave at her in the window until she cant see me no more. If I dont she will scream and cry. If I tell her to do something she will say OK, but then If I dont say OK back she gets mad and starts screaming, I said OK!! so I have to repeat myself again. I dont spank. I do time outs. 1 minute/age. I am afraid that when she goes to school next year, she will be in the office, more than the classroom. I have never had her checked for OCD or ADHD or anything else, because I am afaid she may be put on medication and I feel she is too young for that. Any ideas on how I can get her to calm down and behave? She is a talker and is never quiet. ( she gets that from me). But I am really concerned on how to deal with her behaviors. I am afraid that if she goes to school she will have to kiss everyone in class before she leaves for the day because that is how she is here at home and with my family. If she forgets to kiss my mom or dad on the cheek before they leave, here comes another fit. IF they dont wave to her through out the driveway, she is mad. What should i do? She is very sneaky and hides things and then lies about it and blames it on her brother. She is definately a handfull. But I love her, I just want what is best for her. Will she outgrow this behavior? Should I have her tested?  I can deal with her here at home, I am just worried about how she will be at school next year. I know I am probably making some mistakes here , so let me have it.  (in a nice way). My other kids arent like this and never have they acted like this. Thanks guys
 
November 30, 2005, 9:47 pm CST

Help with my niece

My niece is a beautiful, intelligent, spirited two year old. Up until a few weeks ago, she was an only child. The princess and spoiled rotten. Now she has a new baby brother, and she doesn't know how to react. My sister-in-law is doing the best that she can, but they live in the country and have only one car. She is home all day with the kids. I know this is hard on her. She seems to yell at my niece more, especially since the baby was born. It makes my heart hurt to hear my niece cry. I know it's because she's frustrated. Things that used to be O.K. to do, she's being punished for now.  Almost every time she touches the baby, she's being yelled at and having her hand smacked. I know my sister-in-law doesn't mean to play favorites, but it seems like the older child is a burden now. I think she's acting out more because bad attention is better than no attention. You know it's bad when the two year old tells her mother to stop screaming. I love my niece very much and would do anything to help her. Any advice?
 
December 1, 2005, 12:01 pm CST

My daughters temper I don't know what to do

I have a 14 month old daughter and her temper is getting out of control.  She is throwing herself down and banging her head against the floor if she doesn't get her way.  I do not know where she learned this behavior from.  I only have one child so I never had to deal with this from a parents point of view.  My brother acted this way when he was younger.  Is it hereditary?  I tried to pick her up and set her on the couch when she was acting this way but that did not help.  I tried to ignore thinking she is doing this for attention but that doesn't seem to work.  For the most part she is an excellent child.  I am a stay at home mom so most of my attention is on her.  Does anyone think that is why she acts this way.    

   

This is an example of what happened today.  I was making her lunch.  I opened the refridgerator to get something out.  She then stood in the fridge and when I asked her to move she screamed at me.  I then picked her up and moved her out of the way so I could close the door.  she started screaming not crying screaming and threw herself to the floor.  I am worried that this is going to get worse over the years any advice is appreciated.  She only reacts this way with me.  What am I doing wrong?   Please give me a suggestion as to how to handle this behavior I really don't know what to do. 

 
December 1, 2005, 6:41 pm CST

Spirited Kids

Quote From: auntiakk

My niece is a beautiful, intelligent, spirited two year old. Up until a few weeks ago, she was an only child. The princess and spoiled rotten. Now she has a new baby brother, and she doesn't know how to react. My sister-in-law is doing the best that she can, but they live in the country and have only one car. She is home all day with the kids. I know this is hard on her. She seems to yell at my niece more, especially since the baby was born. It makes my heart hurt to hear my niece cry. I know it's because she's frustrated. Things that used to be O.K. to do, she's being punished for now.  Almost every time she touches the baby, she's being yelled at and having her hand smacked. I know my sister-in-law doesn't mean to play favorites, but it seems like the older child is a burden now. I think she's acting out more because bad attention is better than no attention. You know it's bad when the two year old tells her mother to stop screaming. I love my niece very much and would do anything to help her. Any advice?
Your SIL needs to involve your niece in taking care of the baby. She can help by getting diapers and toys, she can help give the baby a bath by handing mommy the soap and even helping with drying him off. She needs to feel a part of this baby's life and she needs to know that she is imporant and loved. I always involved my oldest in caring for her little sister and she wasn't even two yet when the little one was born, she knew how to diaper a baby by the time she was three and was helping in many different ways, she loved being mommy's helper and she treated her little sister respectfully. she needs to be encouraged to be gentle with the baby and told that she is so special because she is a big sister to her little brother. your SIL also needs to have some one on one times with your niece, even if it is reading and coloring together while the baby sleeps. SIL needs tog et a grip on how to care for both children without demeaning and discourage one or she is gonna have big problems later. I know it can be complicated at times but it is possible to meet both of theri needs. it takes time and committment on mom's part.
 
December 1, 2005, 6:44 pm CST

Spirited Kids

Quote From: momofsmv

I have a 14 month old daughter and her temper is getting out of control.  She is throwing herself down and banging her head against the floor if she doesn't get her way.  I do not know where she learned this behavior from.  I only have one child so I never had to deal with this from a parents point of view.  My brother acted this way when he was younger.  Is it hereditary?  I tried to pick her up and set her on the couch when she was acting this way but that did not help.  I tried to ignore thinking she is doing this for attention but that doesn't seem to work.  For the most part she is an excellent child.  I am a stay at home mom so most of my attention is on her.  Does anyone think that is why she acts this way.    

   

This is an example of what happened today.  I was making her lunch.  I opened the refridgerator to get something out.  She then stood in the fridge and when I asked her to move she screamed at me.  I then picked her up and moved her out of the way so I could close the door.  she started screaming not crying screaming and threw herself to the floor.  I am worried that this is going to get worse over the years any advice is appreciated.  She only reacts this way with me.  What am I doing wrong?   Please give me a suggestion as to how to handle this behavior I really don't know what to do. 

Your daughter is young and this is normal for most kids. She is throwing tantrums casue she isn't getting her way, ignore her and go on with what you are doing. My children do not like being ignored so they have learned that they better not throw the tantrums casue if they do, they get ignored and they do not get what they want. Be consistent and hang in there, if you do not give in to her, she will eventually see that tantrums is a waste of time.
 
December 2, 2005, 10:15 pm CST

Spirited Kids

Quote From: jb7ctx

I am concerned about my 4 y/o daughter. She is very, very spirited! She is very outspoken. She can never, ever sit still. She is extremely hyper. She will talk back to me. She will scream if she dont get her way. She has the biggest imagination I have ever seen a 4 y/o to have. She doesnt like to share her toys. If her brother takes one of her toys she will scream. (she wouldnt even be playing with the toy either). I dont give her hardly any sweets or soda. Her brother is a diabetic so we did away with the sugary stuff. When we are out in public she pitches fits over things she cannot have.Everytime I leave to go somewhere I have to constantly tell her goodbye and give her a kiss before I am even out the door, then I have to continue to wave at her in the window until she cant see me no more. If I dont she will scream and cry. If I tell her to do something she will say OK, but then If I dont say OK back she gets mad and starts screaming, I said OK!! so I have to repeat myself again. I dont spank. I do time outs. 1 minute/age. I am afraid that when she goes to school next year, she will be in the office, more than the classroom. I have never had her checked for OCD or ADHD or anything else, because I am afaid she may be put on medication and I feel she is too young for that. Any ideas on how I can get her to calm down and behave? She is a talker and is never quiet. ( she gets that from me). But I am really concerned on how to deal with her behaviors. I am afraid that if she goes to school she will have to kiss everyone in class before she leaves for the day because that is how she is here at home and with my family. If she forgets to kiss my mom or dad on the cheek before they leave, here comes another fit. IF they dont wave to her through out the driveway, she is mad. What should i do? She is very sneaky and hides things and then lies about it and blames it on her brother. She is definately a handfull. But I love her, I just want what is best for her. Will she outgrow this behavior? Should I have her tested?  I can deal with her here at home, I am just worried about how she will be at school next year. I know I am probably making some mistakes here , so let me have it.  (in a nice way). My other kids arent like this and never have they acted like this. Thanks guys
I am in the same boat..only not with my own child but with a friends child.  He sounds the same way only in some aspects a lot worse than your daughter.  If anybody gives you advice will you please send it my way.  We are not sure as to what to do with him.  Thank you and I will do the same for you.
 
December 3, 2005, 8:09 am CST

Terrible 2's

Quote From: momofsmv

I have a 14 month old daughter and her temper is getting out of control.  She is throwing herself down and banging her head against the floor if she doesn't get her way.  I do not know where she learned this behavior from.  I only have one child so I never had to deal with this from a parents point of view.  My brother acted this way when he was younger.  Is it hereditary?  I tried to pick her up and set her on the couch when she was acting this way but that did not help.  I tried to ignore thinking she is doing this for attention but that doesn't seem to work.  For the most part she is an excellent child.  I am a stay at home mom so most of my attention is on her.  Does anyone think that is why she acts this way.    

   

This is an example of what happened today.  I was making her lunch.  I opened the refridgerator to get something out.  She then stood in the fridge and when I asked her to move she screamed at me.  I then picked her up and moved her out of the way so I could close the door.  she started screaming not crying screaming and threw herself to the floor.  I am worried that this is going to get worse over the years any advice is appreciated.  She only reacts this way with me.  What am I doing wrong?   Please give me a suggestion as to how to handle this behavior I really don't know what to do. 

 It may be just her starting the terrible twos. That can actually start before two it depends on the child. All three of my older children did the same thing. My son was the worst if someone would have came up to the door they would have thought I was abusing him.  It is not because she is getting most of your attention.  I think maybe she may just be testing her boundries with you. How long do you ignore her before you give her you attention again? Believe me I know it can be hard to do but she will do it as long as she can if she know you will eventually give in and do or say something to her. At this age it can really turn into a battle of wills and if she knows she will eventually when she may get worse as she grows, but if you are willing to let her scream for an hour she will eventually get tried of it and move on to something else. That is what worked with my daughters.  

In my son's case it did not get worse, but it did not get better either until he was 6 (he is now 8) and diagnosed with ADHD and put on medication. Now don't get worried or upset, because it is way to early to tell for sure with your daughter. My son was also doing things that could have possibly put him in danger, like climbing on every thing. I have one more son that is 8 months old and I am already trying to prepare myself for the same thing with him so it won't sneak up on me. Sometimes these things can also be hereditary also, did your brother grow out of it? If he did, your daughter may too. Good luck . 

 
December 3, 2005, 8:41 am CST

Try this

Quote From: jb7ctx

I am concerned about my 4 y/o daughter. She is very, very spirited! She is very outspoken. She can never, ever sit still. She is extremely hyper. She will talk back to me. She will scream if she dont get her way. She has the biggest imagination I have ever seen a 4 y/o to have. She doesnt like to share her toys. If her brother takes one of her toys she will scream. (she wouldnt even be playing with the toy either). I dont give her hardly any sweets or soda. Her brother is a diabetic so we did away with the sugary stuff. When we are out in public she pitches fits over things she cannot have.Everytime I leave to go somewhere I have to constantly tell her goodbye and give her a kiss before I am even out the door, then I have to continue to wave at her in the window until she cant see me no more. If I dont she will scream and cry. If I tell her to do something she will say OK, but then If I dont say OK back she gets mad and starts screaming, I said OK!! so I have to repeat myself again. I dont spank. I do time outs. 1 minute/age. I am afraid that when she goes to school next year, she will be in the office, more than the classroom. I have never had her checked for OCD or ADHD or anything else, because I am afaid she may be put on medication and I feel she is too young for that. Any ideas on how I can get her to calm down and behave? She is a talker and is never quiet. ( she gets that from me). But I am really concerned on how to deal with her behaviors. I am afraid that if she goes to school she will have to kiss everyone in class before she leaves for the day because that is how she is here at home and with my family. If she forgets to kiss my mom or dad on the cheek before they leave, here comes another fit. IF they dont wave to her through out the driveway, she is mad. What should i do? She is very sneaky and hides things and then lies about it and blames it on her brother. She is definately a handfull. But I love her, I just want what is best for her. Will she outgrow this behavior? Should I have her tested?  I can deal with her here at home, I am just worried about how she will be at school next year. I know I am probably making some mistakes here , so let me have it.  (in a nice way). My other kids arent like this and never have they acted like this. Thanks guys

If you take her to the doctor to have her checked for ADHD they may not want to put her on meds at this age. I f do say something about it you can say no. My son was the exact same way and I had one doctor tell me when he was 3 that he had the signs of it. She had also went through it with her daughter so I believed her. However I was not going to put him on meds at 3. I don't know if you are a christian and don't want to push faith on you if you are not, but I found a website that helped me some until he was older, www.christianadhd.com. They have some ideas from techniques to diets. It helped my son for a while, but we did eventually have to put him on medication( he was 6) because he wasn't able to concentate well enough to learn anything in school. We did not want to but it made a world of difference. But at 4 it may help your daughter and that maybe al it takes for her w/o ever going to meds. We limited our son's sugar and caffine intake and that helped. But we also had to limit his fruits too because the turn to sugar during digestion, I learned that from my doctor. So what I am trying to say is don't be afraid to take her to the doctor if you think that it maybe ADHD or OCD take her in and talk to the doctor and if they mention meds, say I am not ready to do that now. Let's try something else first. 

And if she does eventually take meds, that doesn't mean it will be forever. I have friends who's children were on it only to be able to quit by the time they were in high school. Before they can control themselves they have to be able to feel what it is like to be on control. That is something else I learned from my son's doctor. 

 You are not making any mistakes, you are dealing the way you know how.  Good luck and let me know how it goes. 

 
December 3, 2005, 8:31 pm CST

THANK YOU!!!!

Quote From: sltell

If you take her to the doctor to have her checked for ADHD they may not want to put her on meds at this age. I f do say something about it you can say no. My son was the exact same way and I had one doctor tell me when he was 3 that he had the signs of it. She had also went through it with her daughter so I believed her. However I was not going to put him on meds at 3. I don't know if you are a christian and don't want to push faith on you if you are not, but I found a website that helped me some until he was older, www.christianadhd.com. They have some ideas from techniques to diets. It helped my son for a while, but we did eventually have to put him on medication( he was 6) because he wasn't able to concentate well enough to learn anything in school. We did not want to but it made a world of difference. But at 4 it may help your daughter and that maybe al it takes for her w/o ever going to meds. We limited our son's sugar and caffine intake and that helped. But we also had to limit his fruits too because the turn to sugar during digestion, I learned that from my doctor. So what I am trying to say is don't be afraid to take her to the doctor if you think that it maybe ADHD or OCD take her in and talk to the doctor and if they mention meds, say I am not ready to do that now. Let's try something else first. 

And if she does eventually take meds, that doesn't mean it will be forever. I have friends who's children were on it only to be able to quit by the time they were in high school. Before they can control themselves they have to be able to feel what it is like to be on control. That is something else I learned from my son's doctor. 

 You are not making any mistakes, you are dealing the way you know how.  Good luck and let me know how it goes. 

I am going to check out that site and see what I can do. My youngen is driving me nuts! lol! I went to clean out her room and get rid of her old toys to get ready for Christmas and when I checked under her bed, low and behold what did I find??? Why I found half of my Christmas ornaments  under there along with a few presents! She told me the cat put them there! I thought my Christmas tree was looking bare but I figured the toddlers were rearranging the tree again, but nope, my daughter is up to her old sneaky ways again. Thanks for the advice!
 
December 7, 2005, 1:01 pm CST

busy boy

I have a 3.5 year old boy who is very busy.  I have 4 kids altogether.  And everything is about this Eli!  I yell way more than I would like but I get so frustrated.  I can't even go to the bathroom without him getting into stuff.  He climbs on the counter to get things.  We have tried the naughty corner and he just runs away as soon as we turn our backs.  We have tried spanking but he doesn't seem to care that he gets into trouble.  He just finds something else to get into.  He doesn't havea temper just very very busy.  He fell down the stairs a couple of weeks ago and gave himself a black eye.  the very next day he tried to do the same thing again but this time I caught him.  He has a younger brother, that thank goodness, is a easy going kid, but gets ignored because I am busy cleaning up the mess that Eli made or getting him out of things.  I barley start cleaning up one mess and he is onto the next thing.  It seems he is controlling the whole family with his busy behaviour.  We are thinking about putting him in Gymnastic in Jan because it seems that is what he needs but he needs constint entertaining and I am exhausted because he hasn't been sleeping lately either.  I can't keep up with this kid!  any advice on what to do.  all I get from people around here is that he is soo cute, and they don't seem to understand how frustrated I am. 
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Next | Last