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Topic : Spirited Kids

Number of Replies: 162
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:12:56 pm
Author : dataimport
Is your child a bundle of nonstop energy? Are you exhausted at the end of the day? Share advice and support with other parents of spirited kids.

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June 8, 2007, 10:46 pm CDT

AT MY WITS END...SERIOUSLY!

I have 2 kids, a 3 yr old and a 8 mo. old. Both boys. Nathan (the oldest) is VERY spirited.  He knows what he wants and he does EVERYTHING he can do to get it.  He runs off EVERYWHERE we go (I had to get a child harness for when we go out in public) and runs out the front door into neighbors yards and through bushes. He ignores everything I say. When he doesnt get his way he hits, scratches, spits, bites, and calls me names. Recently he has taken to calling me a "bad mamma". He won't sit still for time-outs, and NOTHING seems to phase him. He is VERY smart for his age (speaks some spanish, knows all of his letters, numbers and colors etc.) but he just cant seem to stay calm and do as he is told.  My baby just recently got over colic (thank god!!) so now he is a very well behaved baby but sometimes it is even hard to take care of him because I am busy running after Nathan.  He leaves a trail of crunched chips, q-tips, toilet paper, and whatever he can get his little tazmanian devil hands on behind him everywhere he goes. I know he knows how to be sweet and he can have very good manners when he wants to.   My husband works ALOT so most of the time I am just left to handle all this on my own.  HELP!
 
June 9, 2007, 7:41 am CDT

Spirited Kids

Quote From: giggle_biscuit

I have 2 kids, a 3 yr old and a 8 mo. old. Both boys. Nathan (the oldest) is VERY spirited.  He knows what he wants and he does EVERYTHING he can do to get it.  He runs off EVERYWHERE we go (I had to get a child harness for when we go out in public) and runs out the front door into neighbors yards and through bushes. He ignores everything I say. When he doesnt get his way he hits, scratches, spits, bites, and calls me names. Recently he has taken to calling me a "bad mamma". He won't sit still for time-outs, and NOTHING seems to phase him. He is VERY smart for his age (speaks some spanish, knows all of his letters, numbers and colors etc.) but he just cant seem to stay calm and do as he is told.  My baby just recently got over colic (thank god!!) so now he is a very well behaved baby but sometimes it is even hard to take care of him because I am busy running after Nathan.  He leaves a trail of crunched chips, q-tips, toilet paper, and whatever he can get his little tazmanian devil hands on behind him everywhere he goes. I know he knows how to be sweet and he can have very good manners when he wants to.   My husband works ALOT so most of the time I am just left to handle all this on my own.  HELP!
I don't know how consistent you are, but i think being consistent is the key. you have a very smart little boy, so he'll use his brain, to not get punished. and to get what he wants. so he'll know very quickly what he can't and can do. if he can learn letters and spanish, he can also be calm and quiet. so he can, but he won't because he doesn't really have to. btw, i'm not trying to say your a bad parent or something. just keep to the time outs, and put hinm in a corner or something like that. if you put them in a corner, and you say they can't turn around, he will have to stand still. and everytime he walks out, or looks out of the corner, the timeout starts again. i don't know how strong willed he is, and what your discipline is like now. but there are cases that are so bad, that the first 5 minute time out can take up to four hours. don't be disencouraged if that is the case. if you are absolutely consistent, he will know soon enough, that whatever he tries, even if he tries for four or more hours it won't work. as soon as he realises it, he will neatly stand in the corner. for the mess that he makes, i advise him to let him clean it up himself. he is three, so he can alreasy clean a bit, and as soon as he has to clean all the mess he makes himself, he will probably stop making a mess. for the front door, put a lock or a chain on it out of his reach, so you can easily open iot, when you have to go out, but he can't walk out himself, when you're busy with the baby or something. you might also want to make a reward system, and let him help you positively in the house. teach him housework, and keep him busy, so he won't get bored and start irritating. maybe he can help you fold the laundry, or make his bed, (even though in the beginning you probably have to do it over yourself) and praise him if he has accomplished something. and maybe you can teach him other things, kids usually love to learn, especially if they get rewarded for it.
 
June 20, 2007, 8:25 am CDT

Be strong!

Quote From: cicenas

I am the mother of three daughters.  They are 8, 3 and 9 mos.  My eight year old has always been an emotional (spirited) child.  I can remember her being an infant and being so "emotionally high-maintenance" I would wonder if it would ever get better.  People have been saying for years now that it is just a phase.  The last time I checked a phase didn't last eight years.  I can remember trying to get ready for work when she was just two.  She would scream, yell, kick, roll around on the floor, beat the walls, etc. because I couldn't sit down with her right then and hold her.  The behavior continued to worsen over the years to the point that no matter how much I loved her, I dreaded coming home because I knew the meltdowns that were coming our way.  That is a hard thing to admit. 

 

She is now eight years old and it is as if she has an emotinal light switch that she flips on and off at her own will.  There are other times that she doesn't seem to be able to control her emotions whatsoever.  This ranges from having to wear socks to being told anything that she doesn't want to hear.  The older she gets it seems that she does try when she wants and is fabulous.  This used to be something that she hid behind closed doors, now that is not the case.  She lets it loose whether she is in front of friends, at school, on the basketball court, during cheerleading games, you name it.  It was at a point last year that her 2nd grade teacher had to ban board games from the classroom because she would get so upset and meltdown if the children didn't play EXACTLY by the rules or if she lost.  She tries so hard to be in control of every detail in her life and when she can't control it, it controls her.

 

I am so worried about her.  Everyday we get up and say this is a new day . Lets emrace it!!!!!!  Unfortunately that is short-lived and then I regret that there is another day gone.  My husband and I are typically pretty consistent with discipline and we do support one another.  I do have to admit that she pushes me to a point where I just start yelling and acting like a 3 year old myself.  I am embarrassed and ashamed.  Please, I don't know where to turn.  Could she be bi-polar?  Is it possible that there are other issues at hand other than her throwing temper-tantrums?  I really am beginning to think that this goes beyond that.

 

PLEASE HELP!!

Your eight year old daughter sounds like me when I was little. I used to get so mad and yell and scream at my mom. She tells me stories about how out of control I was. She says that anything could set me off. I would yell that I hated her and I wanted to live some where else etc. We could be having a great time and suddenly I would get so mad, my mom never knew what happened or what was said. When I was a teenager I was rude and mean to her and my little sister. I had no patience for stupid people ( and still don't) LOL. Don't get me wrong, I know there were good times too.

 

Now that I am an adult, I can look back and say that I was and still am a control freak. If things don't go my way I get very frustrated. The difference is that now I know how to control myself and not take everything so seriously. My daughter is now almost 6 and she is just like me. She is very strong willed and opioninated. She has very little patience for her brother and does not like to be told what to do. She was even so strong willed as a baby that when she was learning to talk and you would ask her to say something like 'sock' or 'book' she would refuse. The doctor said she would talk when SHE was ready. Boy was she right. Now she never shuts up.

 

My husband and I have constant battles with her all the time. I just think that people like us are very passionate and emotional. Everything I do whether it is planning a party or cleaning my house or doing my job. I take it seriously. So your daughter getting upset over a board game is natural for her because it is serious to her. You have to follow rules and if you don't then you just aren't doing it right.Funny thing but I totally understand her and my daughter.

 

Now that said, it doesn't make dealing with us any easier. I have days where I break down and yell and scream back at my daughter and I know that is wrong but I can't help myself because I am just like her. In time your daughter will learn to control her emotions better. I find when the anger starts to brew in my little girl I stop and get down to her level and give her a big hug. Calm her before the fire works go off. Tell her I know that she is frustrated and feeling angry but what can WE do to change that. Usually she will stop and think of a solution. It is hard to have to take so much time aside to stop the out burst but she really can't control it and just needs some help before it gets crazy.

 

Let her help you more. Give her responsibilities that she can take pride in but nothing that puts too much pressure on her. For example... Let her set the table at dinner but ask her if she wants to don't tell her she has to. If she thinks it is her choice she will do it and show you what a great job she did when she is done. If you tell her to do it she will resist. Ask her which pretty socks she wants to wear today to make her shoes extra comfy. Don't tell her she has to put her socks on.My mom is a teacher and full of good advice. She says I tell my daughter she HAS to do things...you have to brush your teeth now, you have to get up, we have to go shopping. Doesn't sound like much fun when you say it like that. Make things sound like fun and that she has a say and she will feel more control over her life. I always say about myself.."you can't control a control freak!"

 

Good luck and as they say  " This too shall pass!"

My mom and I are best friends now. I don't know what I would do without her and I appriciate her so much more now that I have kids.

 

Write back and let me know if any of this helps and if you get any good advice from some one that might help me with my spirited angel!

 
August 6, 2007, 12:09 pm CDT

Baby no more!

My little girl Leah is 15 months old and she has turned into a fiercly independent girl.  She used to be so cuddly and lovey and nice.  She used to offer hugs and kisses all the time.  But not any more.  She wont let me hold her, or hug her or hold her hand or feed her or anything.  I know I should be happy because that is what I want for her, I know she can't be a baby forever but it is so hard to watch her grow up.  She doesn't even tell me goodbye when I drop her off at the babysitters, she just runs away.  I am so proud of her and I am so happy that she is such a happy well adjusted kid.  I am just selfishly missing the baby days!
 
August 15, 2007, 11:06 am CDT

Twin Boys Good at Home not at school or anywhere I am not there

My twin boys are 10 years old. They are ADHD like myself. I tried medication however because of the side effects I stopped them from taking them. My boys are good at home we control things like diet and they have a very structured life but still have fun we mostly go on hikes and explore. My trouble is when the boys go to school! They hate it and the teachers always have a hard time with them. One  has to be number one at everything and if he isn't he loses it. My other lives in his own world and it is hard to get him started on any task and he thinks that everyone hates him at school. At home I don't have a hard time getting them focused but when they go out into the world they completely change. How can I help them???????

Thank you bridget

 
August 15, 2007, 11:21 am CDT

Spirited Kids

Quote From: bridgetjolly

My twin boys are 10 years old. They are ADHD like myself. I tried medication however because of the side effects I stopped them from taking them. My boys are good at home we control things like diet and they have a very structured life but still have fun we mostly go on hikes and explore. My trouble is when the boys go to school! They hate it and the teachers always have a hard time with them. One  has to be number one at everything and if he isn't he loses it. My other lives in his own world and it is hard to get him started on any task and he thinks that everyone hates him at school. At home I don't have a hard time getting them focused but when they go out into the world they completely change. How can I help them???????

Thank you bridget

Maybe you need to put your kids into a more specialized education arena.  It sounds like not only are your children not benefiting from school but more than likely they are disturbing others as well which is causing the other children to not learn either.  Sounds like you need to find some kind of programs in your area that specialize in helping ADHD kids adjust to the world.  We have a large mental health facility in our area that works on many different areas.  I would start looking there.  Have you ever considered home schooling the kids?  Good luck 
 
August 29, 2007, 6:43 am CDT

autism, what are the signs

im looking for answers. i have a 4 year old daughter that is delayed.  She has gotten soo many different diagnosis that i still dont know which one she is.  One psychologist says shes on the low end of the spectrum for autism but yet another says shes not cuz she makes eye contact.  Ive been told that shes also got some sort of learning disability.  She is speech delayed.  She had a evaluation for kindergarden to se if she is where she was suppose to be academic wise and failed.  I was wondering how can i find out exactly what issues she has i hate not knowing what is exactly wrong . :( 
 
August 1, 2008, 12:48 pm CDT

Jeckle & Hyde

My son is 22 months old and his is having some major behavior problems.  When he gets mad and especially if he's tired he hits, bites, sceams, pulls hair, throws things and pinches.  Lately when I try to put him down for a nap or bedtime he rips the sheet off his crib and throw his blankets on the floor.  He screams and sometime he even laughs.  It can take me up to 1 1/2 hours to get him to sleep at night sometimes.  We try to have a very consistant schedule for him.  When he is not tired or really mad he is a great kid, he will sit and read books and play with his toys.  I could really use some advice, please help
 
August 4, 2008, 4:03 pm CDT

Spirited Kids

Quote From: beth474

My son is 22 months old and his is having some major behavior problems.  When he gets mad and especially if he's tired he hits, bites, sceams, pulls hair, throws things and pinches.  Lately when I try to put him down for a nap or bedtime he rips the sheet off his crib and throw his blankets on the floor.  He screams and sometime he even laughs.  It can take me up to 1 1/2 hours to get him to sleep at night sometimes.  We try to have a very consistant schedule for him.  When he is not tired or really mad he is a great kid, he will sit and read books and play with his toys.  I could really use some advice, please help

I have a two year old son and i gave up long time ago on keeping sheets on his bed. I have put cardboard books in his bed for him to look at at night. I also have left mega blocks out for him to play with. I put him to bed about 8 he playes for awhile then about 9 or when it gets dark he tucks himself back in. I love that i dont keep nagging him to stay in bed. I dont know about you but I cant make kids go to sleep on command so he will just sleep when he is ready. the stress in much less at night now.

As for the hitting bitting ect. I would pick him up and say in a sing song voice UHOH some one needs some alone time. take him to chair and say you can join us when you are ready to be sweet.  you may think he is not ready for this or understand it but he is i started this about 18 months with my son. after a couple of times he knew he was doing something wrong without me telling him or yelling at him. good luck and i wish you less stress. i would like to know if you try these and see how they work for you

 
September 19, 2008, 4:15 pm CDT

Mother of four

I  am a mother of four and my 2year old son is a real challenge for me.He used to be my Baby and he still is,but i have also a 5 month girl,so sometimes i just havent time to give him all my attention.He ist such a cutie,but he is a loud little boy,he yells and scream when we go shopping because he doenst wont to sit in the stroller.He wants to walk or that i carry him,whats impossible.he constantly cries and be upsad,and i just dont know how to handle the situation,because I think i do something terrible wrong.My both older kids always needs me too,but how should I do that with all the energy my 2year old have,they were never so challenging.
 
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