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Topic : Setting Boundaries

Number of Replies: 344
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:21:13 pm
Author : dataimport
It's important to set healthy boundaries for and with your teen. Share your strategies.

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September 24, 2008, 4:47 am CDT

Setting Boundaries

How on earth do you set boundries with a child that wont listen and just walks out the door and lies and sneaks and then when she gets real desperate she goes down and files a false report on you for abuse but before she does this tells you to your face I am going to have all your children taken away from you and ever night you will be crying and then does it.. I defended myself against these alligatioins and won they found nothing but how do I get past it and get my daughter who has gotten exactly what she wanted to live elsewhere and still does what she wants when she wants back into my home and feel safe that she wont pull something else. She has been living with another family in town and I am working with this family and a councelor who comes to my home to work with us and DSS or DYFS or what ever it is called now. She is dating a boy who is oder than her who was taken away from his mother 4 years ago and they live in my neighbor hood and she is the one who took my daughter to the police station and did the talking for her and the boy and her do not have a healthy relationship and we are trying to get it to end but we cant agree on anything that has to do with boundries unless it is almost an everday thing, We have not even been able to start dealing with what she has done and what the problems are in our home with rules and the mess we are in. What and how do I get past all of this to be able to trust and feel ok with her again and get past and open her eyes about this boy and the choices she has been making? Any help will be great.    
 
September 26, 2008, 12:43 pm CDT

Setting Boundaries

Quote From: kbasic

I am going through a separation and eventual divorce from my husband.  I have a 15 year old son who was a very good child but has turned nasty and mean.  He has become lazy about his school work and very mean and rude to me.  On occasion he has told me to shut up, ignored advice about studying, and has abandoned his former friends.  Help.  He spends time on the computer, cell phone, xbox or anything else but he won't study or help much around the house.  I don't know what to do.  Please help!

What about his friends? has he changed friends or is he having a problem with kids in school? Something is going on. Drugs? Pay attention to these things and hope you can figure it out. This is an age where they change anyway but that seems drastic so just pay close attention to who what and where he is going and with who and doing what. Good Luck
 
September 26, 2008, 12:44 pm CDT

Setting Boundaries

Quote From: doridoridori

What about his friends? has he changed friends or is he having a problem with kids in school? Something is going on. Drugs? Pay attention to these things and hope you can figure it out. This is an age where they change anyway but that seems drastic so just pay close attention to who what and where he is going and with who and doing what. Good Luck
Sorry also this divorse may be very difficult for him and this could have a huge impact on him. Has he expressed anything about all of it?
 
September 29, 2008, 4:52 am CDT

Setting Boundaries

Quote From: strawberrylove

My brother has a strong lack of judgment, and has currently a severe crack and alcohol problem.  I was molested starting at the age of seven by a family member,  My brother is now staying at his house, I told him not to put the family member who hurt me on the phone, and he continues to do it.  I needed an outlet so, I called a local rape crisis center hot line, and an advocate took the time to listen to my concerns.  My brother keeps crossing the line, and I feel that I am being re-victimized.  Please provide me with a sound word of advice.

Well I probably am not the one who should be giving any advice as my life is in major turmoil as well but I think that you need to not allow that to happen. If your brother does not get it and continues to put you in that posission than I would just hang up the phone so you dont have to be put on the other end with this man. Your brother is not in any posission to be making any kind of good judgements at this time so I would let him know if he does it again you will not take any phone calls from him coming from that house. You have the power to hang up the phone and that is what I would do. Sorry may not be the best advice but thought it important to make your point very clear and if he can not get it just dont take the phone calls or hang up when he does go to do this. Let him know you love him very much but that he is hurting you by what he is doing. Good Luck and hope your brother gets the help he needs..    
 
September 29, 2008, 4:57 am CDT

Setting Boundaries

Quote From: klento65

My boyfriends daughter is 12 and thinks since it is summer she should be able to talk on iher cell phone  all night.  During school we have caught her on it after 11pm so we started to take it away at 930pm so she could get ready for bed.  Since it is summer she wants full range.  Should a 12 be talking to anyone after 11pm to anyone?  Please help
All I can say is stop it now.. no 9:00-9:30 tops she is too young for that already if you let it continue where will it lead to when she gets even older? All night? Stop it now.  
 
October 7, 2008, 8:43 pm CDT

Setting Boundaries

Quote From: doridoridori

How on earth do you set boundries with a child that wont listen and just walks out the door and lies and sneaks and then when she gets real desperate she goes down and files a false report on you for abuse but before she does this tells you to your face I am going to have all your children taken away from you and ever night you will be crying and then does it.. I defended myself against these alligatioins and won they found nothing but how do I get past it and get my daughter who has gotten exactly what she wanted to live elsewhere and still does what she wants when she wants back into my home and feel safe that she wont pull something else. She has been living with another family in town and I am working with this family and a councelor who comes to my home to work with us and DSS or DYFS or what ever it is called now. She is dating a boy who is oder than her who was taken away from his mother 4 years ago and they live in my neighbor hood and she is the one who took my daughter to the police station and did the talking for her and the boy and her do not have a healthy relationship and we are trying to get it to end but we cant agree on anything that has to do with boundries unless it is almost an everday thing, We have not even been able to start dealing with what she has done and what the problems are in our home with rules and the mess we are in. What and how do I get past all of this to be able to trust and feel ok with her again and get past and open her eyes about this boy and the choices she has been making? Any help will be great.    
when I did something that hurt my parent, she would buy me only what I needed. She would buy food that I would have to prepare myself, well bacisly she just cut me out and stoped talking to me completely. I was never that out of control. Perhaps you should call the police on her if she does something dangerous. (like sneak out.)
 
October 7, 2008, 8:46 pm CDT

Setting Boundaries

Quote From: gwenvs

I came across this video on the web!

I can not believe this girl.  Her parents need to seriously reconsider their parenting!

http://kauzmedia.com/lipsandlaughter/?q=node/42

What do you think about her reaction? I am outraged!

They need t take that car back to the dealership and not replace it.

 
October 9, 2008, 4:28 am CDT

Setting Boundaries

Quote From: werty709

when I did something that hurt my parent, she would buy me only what I needed. She would buy food that I would have to prepare myself, well bacisly she just cut me out and stoped talking to me completely. I was never that out of control. Perhaps you should call the police on her if she does something dangerous. (like sneak out.)
Thank You so much for your reply and I have done all that she was out of my house for over a month while we tried to figure it all out. We were unable to buy her her clothes for the start of school she never got her pictures taken in school wich means she can not attend her dances or any after school things because you need to have a id card with your picture on it wich all was her doing. WE have told her if she continues to break the rules I will file a chins on her and then if she does not follow that then the courts will step in. She is with a boy that is no good for her and has changed her drasticaly, she does not see it but everyone else does. We just hope for the best right now and hope that she will wake up one day and say what the hell have I done? She is a  full time job that is for sure and the stress has been aweful. But thank you for your advice and I will being taking it. Thanks Again
 
October 21, 2008, 1:02 pm CDT

daughter want's space

my 12 year old daughter want's to start going to the movies and mall with her friends by themselves. What should I do.
 
October 21, 2008, 1:11 pm CDT

setting boundaries

Quote From: doridoridori

All I can say is stop it now.. no 9:00-9:30 tops she is too young for that already if you let it continue where will it lead to when she gets even older? All night? Stop it now.  
I also agree that you should take the phone away from her at 9:00pm. I also have a 12 year old daughter that is the same way. My daughter at first got upset but then realized she is not getting her way.
 
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