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Topic : Setting Boundaries

Number of Replies: 344
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:21:13 pm
Author : dataimport
It's important to set healthy boundaries for and with your teen. Share your strategies.

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November 20, 2008, 1:57 am CST

Your Teen is Their Own Individual

I'm not saying that teen children shouldn't have rules or boundaries.  It is important for them to learn structure, self-discipline and a good morale.

 

However, what is the problem with a lot of teens today is not the teen themself...it's the parent.  Too often do parents attempt to dictate and control the lives of their teen.  Now, I'm not saying just let them do whatever they like, whenever they like.  I'm simply suggesting that parents see them as their own person, rather than simple extensions of themselves.

 

That's right.  Your teenager is a human being.  A person.  An individual with their own thoughts, ideas, dreams, challenges and life.  Sure, you may not approve of a lot of the actions your teen may take.  But, as long as it dosn't break the law, your home rules or a good moral standard, let them be!  Allow them to grow into their own person, not the person you want to create in them.  This will only create resentment and actually push them further from you.  All parents know how teens are.  Very rebellious and argumentative.

 

Also, never enforce your teen to act as an adult if you are going to continue to treat them like a child.  In other words, don't insist they get an after school job, pay for their own car, insurance, gas or cell phone bill and then come home and be given a bedtime.  That isn't too unreasonable.  Sure, they should conduct themselves as adults for the purposes of becoming one.  But, no one wants to have that burden without the full experience.  In other words....NO "Act like an adult while I treat you like a child."

 

Also, the idea that teens think they know everything is only a cliche, and dosn't apply to just teens.  Have you heard most adults?  How about the elderly?  They think they know everything as well, simply because they have been alive half a century or more.  The truth is, not all of them do.

 

Therefore, rather than treat your teen as your own personal extension, how about treat them like they are their own person?  You will be amazed at the results.

 
June 19, 2009, 4:38 pm CDT

i know exactly how you feel

Quote From: littlepuss1

Hi I am getting very annoyed and angry, not to mention feeling helpless.

I have 1 x 18 year old son, 1x 16 year old daughter. between the 2 of them I feel totally redundant.  I dont feel that I have any respect in my own home. I ask one thing usually to stop the lanquage ( the F word excetera).  I just dont see the need for its use constantly. when I go crook at them they just say get over it or you didnt tell him to stop it why do you always pick on me says my 16 yo.

I have constant arguements about helping me around the house. My son thinks because he is at work all day he shouldnt have to do anything. dosn't seem to matter when I work though or have been busy all day.  all I ask him to do is clean his dirty room.  My daughter does help when she is in the mood.

My problem is I suffer from chronic depression, and dont feel I have the strength to argue without getting upset.   

What can I do to get some dicipline and respect in my house I really do think  i deserve it .

 

thanks leanne

I have 2 teenage daughters myself and they are HELL on wheels. They argue back about everything they are in there own little world and nobody can tell them anything. My 14yr old thinks she can come and go especially now that its summertime. She doesnt do any kind of chores,she hates to be around us her and her sister always fight and I dont want to hit them cause i think they are to old for whippings, my 14 yr old barely past to the 8th grade barely.She has always been a straight A student. She is a very bright and intelligent child the both of them are, but I think I give her to much freedom cause all i ever ask of my girls is to be the best they could be in school and they could have a life (as kids would say) well know that they are in Jr high everythings changed and know they are way out of control with the back talking and telling each other they hate each other. I just dont know what to do anymore.  

So just so you know your not alone. and if you get advise of what to do please fill me in.  :D 

 
June 28, 2009, 10:54 pm CDT

Feeling guilty

I kicked my 18 yr. daughter out. 
 
August 5, 2009, 6:54 am CDT

Older sister informs a mom about 18 year old brother drinking/ how to deal with this?

I have an issue involving my eighteen year old son and his just turned 21 year old sister.  She recently had been invited to spend time with my son and his best friend at thee friend's house, a friend who has sworn he would never drink, because, I think, his dad has a beer in his hand almost every time we see him when he's not working. (As far as our home, we don't drink and don't keep alcohol available. )  The two guys had had a couple girl friends over and the one girl brought beer.   They are all between the ages of 17-18.  This was apparently unknown to the best friend's parents, whose home they were hanging out in.  My son apparently had at least one beer.  This is the first time I have been made aware that my son his had a drink with friends. He was very low key during high school and not a partier. This is his big summer, before college.  Unfortunately, it also coincides with his very recently acquiring a driver's license!  The night I am speaking of, we had let him, for the first time, drive home from his nearby friend's house, where he had stayed until 11:30.  Having just learned this information about the beer from my older daughter, who says that he also had some previously when we allowed him to go alone with some friends to the beach, I am very concerned, but want to make sure I approach this the best way.  I would like my older daughter to keep his trust, so that she continues knowing what he's up to, so I don't want to reveal to him that she told me.  I don't want him to start hiding everything he does from everybody.  The fact that he drove home after drinking whatever amount of beer it was is very very upsetting to me.  He has the attitude lately that there is nothing that will affect him and that he knows all the answers about everything and is so cocky as to actually say that.  I need to address this right away and just need advice on how to do it.  I was considering posting clear and obvious information about what alcohol does to you around for him to see and letting it go at that.  But the fact he drove himself home makes me want to crack down a lot harder, obvioiusly!    Anyone with experience in this who has a wise thought on the matter?  I just know that if I reveal the source of my information, he will be so hard on his sister and she will no longer be able to give me any insights into what he has been up to.  I also don't want to be a wimp here. 
 
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