Quote From: jenoc99Don't back down on the rules!! Sure, maybe other kids don't have to have the responsibilities that you give your daughter- but feeding the dog, taking out trash, etc., isn't like brain surgery- having responsibilities creates a sense of duty and she will be happy later in life that she was actually taught and shown what its like to have responsibilities.. like when her college room mate is "stressed" because she has to work 10 hours a week and your daughter has been doing that since she was old enough to work- she will actually see with her own eyes that she was lucky to have parents who gave her rules, boundaries, and chores because otherwise she would have ended up a lazy, irresponsible person who sat around waiting for everything to come to her. Your co-workers are WRONG! Do they have teens? Did they follow the advice they gave you- just cave in and give? How productive are their children now?
I have 3 daughers, my oldest is 15, and I feel strongly that she must have a handfull of chores that get done and reasonable rules. When she follows the rules and does chores, then she gets to have the freedom to go to the movies with friends, etc. I don't believe in just taking her word for anything, because, after all, I do remember being 15!! I have "networked" with her friend's mothers and we keep close tabs on what they are doing. I feel that I need to give my daughter freedom to have fun and to have life experiences, but I can't, and I won't, just "let go" like many other parents do. I also noticed what you mentioned, that other kids have cell phones, many gadgets, etc., and thats not what our household is like, either. If she wants to save her money and buy herself something, than she is free to do that, and she has bought her own cell phone with pre-paid minutes. Now that she has it, I realize the convenience of being able to contact her, and I have paid for the last minute card because she has proved her responsiblity with it. Also, it was her own money that she used to pay for it, so she has respect for it as property. I urge you to not cave in, don't listen to others, you've got to keep listening to your instincts!! "everyone else is doing it" has been an age-old phrase. Sometimes its true, other times its not true- you will know the difference!
It doesn't surprise me that your work colleagues have that attitude as I have heard it many times. I would ask them though would you give your child a joint, or maybe their first taste of P cause hey they are going to try it at some stage anyway. Perhaps they might like to dial up a drunk driver and put their child in the car and send them on their way cause statistics say they are liikely to do that too.
I work in an Emergency Dept and see the results of parents just giving in - so called good children so intoxicated that they have wet themselves, or young girls drugged or intoxicated barely dressed. One young girl 15 yrs old stripped off and lay spread eagled in the corridor. When her parents arrived they would not believe that she behaved like this and it was everyone else's fault their daughter was intoxicated.
We need more parents like yourself. I have 3 children 15, 13 & 11. My oldest, a boy, did have a girlfriend at 14, after meeting with her mother they were allowed to visit with each other with rules. No bedroom, no 'snogging', and no interefering with school or after school activities, among others. Both her mother and myself are solo mums. The kids agreed to the rules and never attempted to break them. If I had not met, or had the support from her mother then my son would not have been allowed to visit with her in her home, however, she would have been more than welcome in ours. The relationship lasted approx 8 months. Last wk he asked if he could have another girl come round.
I read my children;s txts - they tried the do you not trust us - and I replied yes I do trust you which is why I know I can read your txts at anytime and not find anything inappropriate written. They are my responsibility and my job to keep them safe and if that means spying then I shall spy - I also remeber what I was up to at 15.
Anyway on one of these recognasance missions I found txts from thiis new friend saying she was home, supposedly unwell. That she had been drinking and wanted to see him. She asked why he did not want sex with her (thank GOD some of my lecturing has hit home).
I sat my son down, gave him a huge hug, told him how proud I was that he had said he did not want to have sex. I then told him that I felt this girl inappropriate. He said she was really nice. As I explained she probably was a very nice girl, however, she was not making good decisions with her life. I have explained that the rules are still the same, that he will not be socialising with her outside school hours unless it is at our home, with me present and as long as she stays within my rules. I would like to say a big fat NO but this often leads to kids feeling that they are forced to disobey so I hope that with rules in place that my son may teach her a better way. I shall however be watching closely and if I feel he is going down her road then he will hit a brick wall - being me.
I feel as a parent we are walking a knife edge. I have gone through many scenarios of what I may come up against in the future and attempted to put in place possible solutions - I believe in being prepared. It is not easy being a parent and in particular a solo parent.
I do ask why are we allowing (or even encouraging) our children to bypass their childhood. What will they have to look forward to in life when they have experienced it all at such young ages.
