It is nice you want to protect your children but this is not the way to do it and I'll explain to you why:
First off you make a logical error; you assume that they will be only friends until you allow them to fall in love or that they will fall in love for themselves or whatever. Therefore you assume that you can control love and all the emotions that go with it and well love "just" happens.
At around age 8 a "map" is done forming in our brain describing the perfect mate which we will then apply to all potential mates. If someone matches you will get a physical response in the body, hormones, serotonins and endorphins (could be wrong on the latter two but it was something like that at least) are pumped into the bloodstream or fired between nerve cells and this induces a feeling we know as love.
And yes friends sometimes do become lovers sometimes but you also have the so called love at first sight.
then you say you want to keep them from broken hearts and damaged emotions, but you are setting them up for it actually let me explain why. Humans are, just as many other higher mammals, creatures that need to learn much of their behaviour. And well when it comes to dealing with emotions, we need to learn big-time.
When a 12 year old breaks up it isn't fun for them they are in fact heart broken but this is a preparation for new relationships. Because the relationship a twelve year old has isn't as deep as a 13 year old which isn't as deep as a 15 year old which in turn is less deep then a 20 year old simply because the view of the world is simpler. This in turn means that there view on love is simpler which means they can cope with there feelings easier because the relation doesn't go as deep.
Same thing is that a child learns to cope with death by loss of a pet first then secondary family (uncle, grandparents) and last with close family (parents, siblings, loved one) (in most cases) this helps him build coping strategies for dealing with death which helps them better when a deeper emotional attachment is felt for a person.
Also mature thought processes can only develop if stimulated. I read just yesterday about an experiment in which a primate was kept in isolation until adulthood and only then introduced into his species. his attempts at mating where clumsy at best. point being the primate will only learn certain things when seeing and doing it himself. For humans this goes as well (and not only when it comes to mating of course.)
Then dating will almost never result in unwanted pregnancies or STD's a far more serious danger is the pressure of waiting until marriage and the lack of education and availability of contraceptives that comes with it. Why else is it that in liberal countries like the Netherlands, France or Germany where there is an open discussion about sex, STD's and teen pregnancies rates are way lower then in the U.S.A. (see other recent post of mine, think in the teen and sex section.)
Also what is unrealistic is the thought that you actually can control your teens this much, you don't know where they are 24/7 they are in school but do you know their roster? Even if you ask them what says they wont lie on an extra hour? or when they go to a friends house I can tell you any friend will cover his or her story if asked.
I've heard it countless times; teens that couldn't go out went to sleep at a friend which had more relaxed rules so they could party all night long.
Then you say children aren't mature enough to make those decisions and I agree but they are not children they are adolescents and therefore they can have more decisions. A twelve year old can decide about his medical treatment here and a 15 year old has the right to say if he/she wants to have sex with an adult and medical files of a 16 year old may not be disclosed to parents anymore (Dutch laws) so a twelve year old may decide over his death but not over dating someone (at age twelve relationships are on/off all the time)
Relationship progression: young children often have self exploring experiences (touching genitals etc.) in which they are just curious of their body or want to have that nice feeling they discovered by accident. (Research suggests that half the five year olds has had an orgasm) but again this is not sexual behaviour.
at age 11 children start to become more interested in relationships, anything sexual will be remarked by them and giggled at quite extensively, but they don't know the meaning of any of the words just yet. Relationships at this age are so called traffic light relationships. Kissing is just a peck on the mouth, the very idea of French kissing or sex is absolutely disgusting. Masturbation begins also at this age (at least for boys girls are less likely to masturbate)
Then age 13 kissing starts to become more real, and French kissing starts around this age. Relationships tend to last a few months.
at age sixteen many teens come out for their true nature (e.g. when they are homosexual) years of doubt, confusion (and shame) is resolved (at least in a best case scenario)
at age 17-18 most people lose their verginity but a bit earlier isn't unheard of.
Then there is a traditional value of wating untill marriage (you don't name that though but I'll tackle it anyway) before having sex but this stems from a time that marriage was soon after reaching puberty and nowadays marriage is reached in the late twenties/early thirties for couples. so the value is well a tad bit outdated.
Last, I find it offensive that you say that young people shouldn't be left in a dark room alone, you don't respect adolecents that way. I myself only 20 (but proclaiming scientific views and/or social norms in the Netherlands) They can be responsible aswell it's all about good parenting. I mean I have slept many times in the same room with girls my age without anything happening, even though I share a great emotional bond (friendship though) with them. Youngsters do take resposibility if they are trusted and brought up right.
So I know this is a large post but I think it says everything and why I think you could be making a large mistake.
Kind regards,
Oet Gäöl
