Topic : Teen Dating

Thanks for responding to my message.  Anytime values are taught and those values are violated (for lack of a better term), I suppose that leads to setting up lies.  If our values are not to steal and he stole anyway, yet said he didn't do it, that would be setting him up to lie.  I understand dutch values.  Our niece is married to a dutchman and lives in Holland.  Even so, families everywhere have different values.  Some families are more liberal, some are very conservative.  We consider ourselves moderates.  We feel that a 16 year old boy and an almost 18 year old girl should not be spending the night with each other in the same bed.  He knows it's wrong, his hormones told him otherwise, so he lied.  He knew we would have told him no if he had asked. 

 

I know it's normal for him to want a girlfriend but it's baffling to me how he chose this one over all the hundreds of girls he goes to school with.  But he did.  It's been 2 weeks and we allowed him to see her Saturday night and for a few hours Sunday.  We told him that we are slowing this way down.  He admitted that he has not done a good job of balancing time with friends, family and her.  So I'm hopeful things will get better.   

I think it is normal for you to be what others might considder to be over involved with someone you love. You just started dating him. It will come down to more normal levels in a few months and then you'll have more time for your friends.

 

And well I do think you should try to have an evening with friends every now and then because well you just need them as well.

 

As for her underage drinking well can't really say anything about that, it would be legal here so that is up to you.

i have been through a similar thing, with my friends saying i spent too much time with my boyfriend at the time. Yet my friends in turn did it back to me because they thought it was ok. i know now that every teen does that, they will obviously spend more time with the person they are in a relationship with, then there friends, i havent met someone who will do the opposite.

 

i know your friends are missing hanging out with you but they have to understand that you cant spend be with them all the time. However, i think you guys do need "friend time"..without the boyfriend, but without them drinking, because you obviously don't like it. i think since he is not affecting your school work that he isn't as big of problem as your friends would like him to be.

 

Your friends and you just need to find time to hangout, so this whole thing will be over with.

Everyone goes through this! Relax :)
I was in a similar circumstance when I dated my first serious boyfriend. During our entire 2 year relationship, I found it extremely hard to balance school, chores, work, friends, and my boyfriend. Now, more than 6 years later, I still have that problem occasionally in my current relationship.
The one bit of real advice I can give you is just to make sure you make time to hang out with your friends at least once a week without your boyfriend. It sounds like your friend kicked you out of the group project for school because that was sort of a way to communicate how she feels about you spending very little time with her. Like, she felt like you kicked her out of your life for the most part, so she kicked you out of her project. (I know it sounds stupid, but thats the only explanation I can think of). Instead of getting too upset with her, have a night for just the two of you, and talk about how you feel about everything she has done, and everything you have done.
If you make it clear that you want to put aside some special time each week to be with her and your friends, she will feel like you still care.

Hope that helps!

My soon to be 19 year old son is dating a girl who I thought was already 17; just had her 17th birthday a few days ago and my son will be 19 in February. They are head-over-heels for each other and that scares me. This is my sons first serios relationship. What scares me even more, his girlfriends mother is moving away next week to pursue her career and she is not taking her daughter with her. She says she does not want to go because she has been in three different high schools already, but she has no family hear to take care of her. Her mother has agreed to let her live with her friend from high school. If she was my daughter, she would not have a choice, she would just have to go with me. What can I do to convince this mother and daughter that, she will need to go with her mother?

a seveteen and a 19 year old... there is no problem

A 17 year old living on her own there is no problem. I was on my own at 17 because I went to University (different shool system here)

 

So I don't see the problem, and am convinced there is no problem. Even if there was it is not your place to comment on some one elses parenting. 

 

So I am convinced you should do nothing.

I am a teenager. I am 15 to be exact. I have seen alot of things when it comes to teen dating. I have never been very far, so I can't speak from experience, but I have seen things go on with other people. Parents, watch your teenagers. Give them some privacy, but know what's going on with them at all times. Don't lose a connection with them because once you do, they get into trouble with dating and stuff. Don't be an overprotective control freak, but monitor them enough to keep them out of trouble and under control. That's my advice on what my parents have done and I havn't got into trouble with teen dating...yet. :)

I don’t think there is any issue with a 19 year old and a 17 year old dating. Is there something about this girl that you don’t like? The best way for you to approach this situation is with the spirit of willingness. Your son is going to do what he wants to do anyway. If you “forbid” that he date this girl, he’s going to dig his heels in deeper and stay put; even if he is miserable, just to ‘show’ you. If you befriend this young woman, take her under your wing, so to speak, and get to know her very well, maybe the steam will come out of the relationship because theirs is no longer a ‘forbidden love.’ When parents accept what their kids are doing, it isn’t so attractive to them any longer.
The other possibility is that you will get to know her better and you will like her as a person. Yes, if you or I were her mother, she would be moving with us no matter what she says/feels about it- but obviously her mother feels differently. (I suppose that is her choice, although I truly don’t understand that logic!)
I do understand why you would be scared of your son being so head over heels in love with this girl; you want him to have a happy, healthy future. Don’t worry too much about that; he is a young adult now, you have no control over him. The only thing you can do is show him unconditional love while providing healthy boundaries in your household, trust that you’ve taught him to be a person of good character, and go on with your own life. I wish you the best!

I completely agree.  I am 18, but still a senior in high school.  I see first-hands teenagers that tell their parents one thing and turn around and do something totally different.  I always think it's crazy when parents say things like "oh, well my daughter would never do that" or "I trust my son" or "my daughter and I are really close, so she'd tell me if she ever did that".  It's great to think that you've raised your teen right, but that doesn't mean you should completely trust them.

 

I appreciate the space my father gives me, and I have only done one thing to betray his trust, and he reacted accordingly.  Now, when he starts questioning me and doing those "annoying" things parents do, I remind myself that he is doing it out of love and because I have done something to make him question me.

 

Parents of teens, just be careful.