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Topic : Teen Dating

Number of Replies: 435
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:21:50 pm
Author : dataimport
Say it isn't so - your teenager is dating! Share your stories, and tips for making your teen's dating days as worry-free as possible.

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March 17, 2008, 1:21 pm CDT

Teen Dating

Quote From: amanda40356

My 14yo step-daughter asked in Dec if she could date an 18 yo boy from her church.  My husband told her no she wasn't old enough to date.  Then he asked her what mom thought about it and she said, mom thinks it is cool and ok.  This past Thursday she called again and asked, and then my husband spent 2 hours on the phone with her crying and telling him how unfair/mean he was.  Mom still thinks its ok, but we don't.  She is not mature enough to take on the responsibility of this.  I am a little confused why mom says yes she can date BUT she is TOO YOUNG for the "talk".  PLEASE HELP!!

though I don't think 14 and 18 years of age mix particularly well because of the enormes age difference. A 14 year old will see dating as kissing while an 18 year old might want to go a bit further. But also on the intrests they will probably differ.

 

Anyways she is old enough to dat teens start somewhere around that age with dating. But if they are well prepared by their parents they will do it in an age apropriate way.  E.g. 13 and 14 year old will do kissing have dates to the movies etc.

 

Having the talk is never to early listen to the questions she has. Just as a coincidence this is the week of the springbutterflies in which schoolchildren (age 4 -12) are thouht about relationships, dating and sex in a way that is apropriate for their age. Children will indicate to you how far they are answer their questions and tell a little more and that is all the talk you will need.

 

You need to prepare her for when things get more serious and she might come into a position she wants to say no in but isn't empowered in her beliefs to do it. You will need to empower those ideas by talking about sex and dating but also by letting her date. Feel blessed that she asked you if she can date which means she want's an open relationship with you. Isn't that better then her sneaking behind your back?

 

You can't watch her 24/7 you know. This way you'll at least get to know what is going on with her.

 
March 31, 2008, 2:49 pm CDT

Help Understanding

Okay, my name is Tiffany and I really need some help here understanding what is going on. I am 17 and my parents are okay with me dating and stuff. My boyfriend is 15 and his parents are totally against everything, and have continuously lied to both of us about how they feel about us being together. His parents are very.... influential and have told him that he needs to not be thinking about dating or anything like that, however, he is a very smart person, and through his parents' pushing him to be more mature than any normal child, he doesn't act his age to say the least. His parents don't understand what they have done to him emotionally and we don't know how to get through to them. We are on the edge of just having a big talk to get our feelings out on the table. It is going so far as to keep us from seeing and talking to each other outside of school.... PERIOD. Please someone explain to me what I could do to make things better. All I want is to feel like I am welcome in his family and I know my feelings for their son are true.

 
May 13, 2008, 6:23 pm CDT

Teen Dating Etc.

Hello, I am a teen and turning 16 this year, I would like to epress my own opinion on this topic.

I agree with many of the posts here, and you really do have to consider many things when it comes to dating.

My parents and I don't talk often about dating, and this is mostly because I am not extremely interested in it; and from my experiance with friends etc, I think that - in high school- the most important thing to do is concentrate on school.

However, I am alowed to date and I do not think there is anything wrong with dating. 15, 16 and onwards I think, is a safe age to allow a teenager to date, depending on their maturity and so forth.

I have never had a boyfriend, and still do not feel like "i need one, and -the oh so famous- we're in love-.

It is the parents decision to allow their teens to date, but they should not hold the reins to tight.

On the topic of boundries- teens want to have fun =), and I know that the more rules there are, the more we want to break them.

It is important to talk to your son/daughter about dating early so they know what to expect, and develop a relationship with them so they can feel like they can talk freely with you about the topic.

My parents introduced the topic of dating quite late, and I never knew if I was allowed to date, and what they expected of me. Now, that we have talked, I know what rules are established.

Trust is very important between parents and their kids...

 

 
May 27, 2008, 3:20 pm CDT

dating mistake!

So my husband and I thought we would be new age parents and let our 14 year old daughter go out with a 16 yr. old boy.  It was actually more my idea not his it was supposed to be 16 (instead of her doing it behind our backs) It has been 10 months and they have broken up twice and gotten back together each time.  He is totally out of her social league as far as their interests go but we did not pass judgement and were ok with it and always told her that he needs to be respectful to her.  Everything seemed ok till this weekend.  For about the last 3 months she has been sitting around and waiting on the weekends for him to call and make plans at the last minute.  Well it seems that there was a friend whom she has(had?) who is a boy and they were texting and the boyfriend found out, but the boyfriend had been riding around with other girls while our daughter waited on him.  So he broke up with her and I happened to be reading her text messages and he was texting her that she was a slut etc.  Yesterday while we were gone shopping he came over and cried and told her he would change, so now they are back together again.  HELP, she confesed to us that she loves him and we are so worried that he is controling her, but now what???????????????????????????  we tried to talk to her but she just won't listen!!!
 
May 27, 2008, 5:35 pm CDT

Teen Girls dating

My concern is for teen girls and dating when the boundaries are not respected by teen boys.. I teach teens Lifeskills and Acting classes and teens open up to me about what is really going on in their worlds.. I created a music video called "Your Too Good"
and strong message for girls to take back their power - and not let boys hurt them... you can see it at www.myspace.com/everrockin I will be promoting it this week to help start discussions - these millennium teens are from 12 to 18 in this video Hope it helps start a healthy conversation between parents and and teens of both genders
 
May 28, 2008, 4:26 pm CDT

Teen Dating

Quote From: suziabel

So my husband and I thought we would be new age parents and let our 14 year old daughter go out with a 16 yr. old boy.  It was actually more my idea not his it was supposed to be 16 (instead of her doing it behind our backs) It has been 10 months and they have broken up twice and gotten back together each time.  He is totally out of her social league as far as their interests go but we did not pass judgement and were ok with it and always told her that he needs to be respectful to her.  Everything seemed ok till this weekend.  For about the last 3 months she has been sitting around and waiting on the weekends for him to call and make plans at the last minute.  Well it seems that there was a friend whom she has(had?) who is a boy and they were texting and the boyfriend found out, but the boyfriend had been riding around with other girls while our daughter waited on him.  So he broke up with her and I happened to be reading her text messages and he was texting her that she was a slut etc.  Yesterday while we were gone shopping he came over and cried and told her he would change, so now they are back together again.  HELP, she confesed to us that she loves him and we are so worried that he is controling her, but now what???????????????????????????  we tried to talk to her but she just won't listen!!!

Well first off, it was a good decision to let her date at that age. Here it is quite normal (in the Netherlands) and it will help your daughter learn how she must form a healthy relationship when she grows older. It also says that you trust your daughter which will give her more confidence.

 

As I said it is a learning process, it won't go right on the first try (how unfortunate that might be.) Best thing to do is not only say what he does bad or good (don't only speak bad of him, it makes you unbelievable.) But let her think about it. So don't give the answers but let her think about what she thinks. Let her grow an awareness of what he is doing.

This will help her form her own opinion and make her grow stronger in a relationship so that she might not tollerate his behaviour.  Also empower her when she does not tolerate negative behaviour from him but also empower her response to behaviour that is positive from him (because she needs to learn what it means to be in a relationship, how she should respond etc and again only emphazising his negatives makes you unbelievable.)

 

But no matter what keep an eye out for her, see if there's anything going on that goes way out of line. Step in if needed but remember that it is a grave intervention that only should be done if there are no alternatives. If you have to do that she will probably hate you for a while and she might try to see him behind your back (forbidden fruit always tastes much better)

 

I hope this will help you,

oet Gäöl

 
June 5, 2008, 3:37 pm CDT

Teen Dating

My 17 year old daughter is fantastic - responsible, driven, straight A student bound for Harvard from a small town life - basically everything that I have worked my whole life for her to be after surviving a really rotten childhood lacking opportunties myself. She's aso artistic and dramatic and very visceral, but that makes her that much more incredible. She's had one boyfriend for about a year and a half that was honestly her first love. But it ended very sadly and dramatically, as most first loves inevitably do. About 6 months ago, she landed a fantastic first job at a major coffee chain (3 guesses...) that fit her beautifully. Even though they normally don't hire high school students, she got the job based on our (her parents) recommendations to the management. It's very her. But then she got a crush on this 21 year old guy at worf. He's an art student and a drummer and he 'gets her'... we dealt with it then, or so I thought. I rationed with her, told her what a vast difference those seemingly few years were emotionally. Then one of her friends spilled the beans that he is an HPV carrier. That's how mature she is - she told a friend about his STD as if it were news. At any rate, she and her first love got back together for a couple of months then broke up again and now, a month later, I find her texting the 21 year old boy in secret - quickly erasing the evidence. I took her cell phone away from her and waiting for the reply to confirm my suspicions, which it did. I don't know what to do. I have a couple of issues here - first, she has been lying to me on a regular basis to see him, which is unlike the girl I raised. Second, that she is seeing him at all after I expressly forbid it. She showed no respect to her parents, her friends and sister that she involved in the lie, or her employer who forbids relationships between employees, especially when one of them is a "shift manager". If I shut it down, take away the cell and the car - am I turning the whole situation into some kind of modern Shakespearean tragedy of love forlorn and aggrivating the issue? Am I forcing her to climb out of her window under the dark of night and possibly consemate the relationship putting her in more danger? But on the other hand, I cannot allow her to derail her future for a 21 year old dreamer/artist. It will not end well. I don't know what to do...
 
June 14, 2008, 9:36 pm CDT

16 year old daughter dating...sympathy pains

My daughter is 16 years old and has been dating a boy for 1 year. They are experiencing difficulty and I am experiencing the feelings that I had when I was her age, sadness and worry, about what is happening. I want to help her deal with her feelings, but am having a hard time dealing with it myself. I know that it is unusual, and I don't like it at all, but I don't know what to do. Has anyone else experienced this problem?

 

 
June 24, 2008, 11:56 am CDT

um yeah

Quote From: viinabragi

Hello, it's the annoying swede again : P.
When I compare our two countries, I start to realise how different our two cultures are. You guys are talking about what age your son/daughter are mature enough to date someone, but in Sweden (where I live) we never have these kinds of discussions. Sure our parents put their foots down if they see their child (lets say it is a 14yrs old boy/girl) date a 20 year old and are going in "wrong direction", but if he or she dates someone that is 2 years older it doesn't matter really. If someones fell in love, it ain't much you can do about it.  I've gotten this feeling that all of you  think it's really  important that it is  you as a parent who alone talk about sex and relationships and no one else.  I don't  think it is right to stop someone to heve feelings for another person. I don't know, maybe american teenagers are "wilder" than swedish teenagers, or more immature,  but I can't see any reason to stop your teenager having dates and (maybe) make a mistake they will learn from. Just because they are dating, it doesn't mean you can't wach over your child and prevent any bigger mistakes. And about teeangers having sex, buy condoms to them. But yet again, our to cultures are different, you want to prevent them from having sex (mostly anyway) while we (sometimes not of course. We too have laws to follow) are more open to sex. I don't say that swedish parents say: "Go out and have sex you guys. Hopefully you get a STD!" but I think that "we" are more open to it and accepts that our 14-15 year olds are having sex. If that's wrong or not, I don't know, but that's how it is (mostly).
Bättre lyss till den sträng som brast, än aldrig spänna en båge (better to listen to the string that broke, than never tighten a bow... Freely tranlated by me :P. Sorry that my translation ability sucks :-/) 
i'm proud of you... you can actually think... congratulations. the thing is, we have too many people who would rather say something is wrong than actually sit down and discuss the implications of their and their child(ren)'s actions. while they do have the children's best interest at heart, i believe they're going about it the wrong way. my mom allows me to date my boyfriend even though he's 18 and i'm 15 because she knows we're both trustworthy. people are different, thus, there's no blanket year that you suddenly become able to make descions for yourself. while yes, children shouldn't be making adult descions, there's nothing wrong with my boyfriend and i walking around town and playing DDR (most amazing arcade  ever, but i'm not sure it's anywhere but the states). if one is capable of acting responsibly, give them the chance to act responsibly. let them understand the consequences of there actions, and they can choose what is right rather than what is popular. we aren't wilder (umm... i think, i've never been to sweden) we're less informed. in my state at least we get "abstinence" education rather than "sexual" education. for those of you cheering right now, take into account that the number of teen pregnancies (and people having sex in the bathroom of my former school) has risen, not dropped. some of that is due to population increase, but not all. we need action! we need information! and we need a chance.
 
June 29, 2008, 9:53 am CDT

Teen Dating

Quote From: charcli64

My daughter is 16 years old and has been dating a boy for 1 year. They are experiencing difficulty and I am experiencing the feelings that I had when I was her age, sadness and worry, about what is happening. I want to help her deal with her feelings, but am having a hard time dealing with it myself. I know that it is unusual, and I don't like it at all, but I don't know what to do. Has anyone else experienced this problem?

 

I can TOTALLY relate to this - my daughter is 16 and has had a few big dating "ouches" this year (most recently just two days ago).  Like you, I'm experiencing the feelings of sadness/worry I used to have after break-ups and such at her age.  I don't understand it, and I don't know how to shut it off.  I want to support my daughter and help her work through her feelings, but I'm beginning to wonder if she's handling her problems better than I am.  How are you doing after a couple of weeks have gone by?
 
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