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Topic : Teen Dating

Number of Replies: 435
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:21:50 pm
Author : dataimport
Say it isn't so - your teenager is dating! Share your stories, and tips for making your teen's dating days as worry-free as possible.

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July 1, 2008, 3:19 am CDT

Teen Dating

I feel your pain. I have a 16 year old and she has dated for 2 years now. As far as I am concerned way to young. Our problem was either we accept it or she does it behind our backs. Either way it is very difficult. Kids are going to do it weather we want it to happen or not. That is the reality of it all. So we decided the boy could come over to our house when they wanted to see each other where we could be here and keep an eye on them. They new my rules as far as touchy feely or being to close and well there were a couple times my daughter pushed it even in front of me witch made me like a lunitic but I just expressed it and it stopped.. Again in front of me anyway. I am sure behind my back any chance they got they got close. I did put her on the pill at 15 but it screwed her all up and she had to come off it now she is 16 and is dating a boy she has been seeing for a while and I just made her an apt again. This time though she is going for the whole exam. I have asked her time and time again about sex and if she is having it (DUGH!!!) Of course she is but she wont tell me so it is time to go to the doctors and I will have them talk with her about it all.  She knows about diseases and getting pregnant and all that but kids just dont think in the moment and at this age I dont even think they have controll of any kind.. They all think with there hormones.. Anyway it is a very hard time raising teens and I dont wish them on anyone.. now I know what I put my parents threw.. God it took me way to long to realize until I had it in my face.. sorry mom and dad.. Well good luck to all the parents out there trying to raise them now a days or anydays for that matter.. I guess all we can do is keep and open relationship and hope they come to us.. Good luck to you all.. God Bless     
 
July 11, 2008, 8:09 am CDT

17 dating 24 yr old

I'm just not so sure where to turn. We have a solid marriage...5 kids  and one foster baby. My dh and 17 yr old son work together in grocery. Dh is manager. Ds is resp. and quiet but 6'2", althletic and looks and acts older. This 'chick' is 24. She is the 2nd assistant at the store...yes, same store. Everyone knows and everyone has said how wrong this is. They are not having sex...not yet anyway. We took his texting away for lieing but even after we have spoken to him, sought council and discussed this calmly...he assured us he would break it off. We agreed to him going to the park to break up but that never happened.
Please help ....My husband is getting another male employee w/ him to talk to both our son and this chick.
Our son had such a promising career in the military, college, etc and he is throwing it all away for this girl. She lives w/ 4 other people( one a recovering meth , one's a pg mom w/ 2 other children and then a couple in their 60's...all living together in chaos. AND this chick was married at 17.....
Any comments I would appreciate.
I'm in Oklahoma and the age of concent is 16.
 
July 11, 2008, 12:57 pm CDT

17 and 24!!

Quote From: mamamany

I'm just not so sure where to turn. We have a solid marriage...5 kids  and one foster baby. My dh and 17 yr old son work together in grocery. Dh is manager. Ds is resp. and quiet but 6'2", althletic and looks and acts older. This 'chick' is 24. She is the 2nd assistant at the store...yes, same store. Everyone knows and everyone has said how wrong this is. They are not having sex...not yet anyway. We took his texting away for lieing but even after we have spoken to him, sought council and discussed this calmly...he assured us he would break it off. We agreed to him going to the park to break up but that never happened.
Please help ....My husband is getting another male employee w/ him to talk to both our son and this chick.
Our son had such a promising career in the military, college, etc and he is throwing it all away for this girl. She lives w/ 4 other people( one a recovering meth , one's a pg mom w/ 2 other children and then a couple in their 60's...all living together in chaos. AND this chick was married at 17.....
Any comments I would appreciate.
I'm in Oklahoma and the age of concent is 16.

You're right.  17 and 24 (actually 20+) are a poor combination.  Throw in her past and her current living situation and it is even less desirable. 

In my opinion, having another employee talk to both of them is pointless.  For one thing, what is the guy supposed to say ... "the boss asked me to talk with you two"??  The 24 year old clearly has issues that your son doesn't need.  Likely he appreciates her "acceptance" (or more?) of him, but the chances of anything approaching a healthy relationship are between slim and none.  Meanwhile, he'll fail to achievev what he can and should.

You said he "had such a promising career in the military, college, etc".  Were those his ideas, and if so, how and when was he going to go about achieving them?  Why not act on them now (summer courses, enlistment, whatever)?  Indeed why didn't he act on them before?

If this is "just" a summer job and steps have been taken for school/military in August/September, perhaps the store should simply prohibit "fraternization" in some form - especially for anyone in any kind of managerial position (like 2nd ass't.).  If not, maybe your son needs to work elsewhere, and that your husband ought to be able to "arrange".

I'm not familiar with all the laws in Oklahoma, or a lot of other places, but there often is a difference between ages of consent and full independence/adulthood.  It seems to me you shouldn't effectively underwrite behavior of which you don't approve.  Also, if you are still supporting your son, doubly if you are legally required to do so, you should still have some ability to establish and enforce certain rules and expectations.  Stick to your position - and at the very least remind him to stick to his word about breaking it off.

 
July 12, 2008, 6:34 am CDT

17 &24

The other employee didn't talk to her. I guess I wasn't clear...my husband brought the 24, our son and another employee into the meeting. 1) to protect him in case she said he verbally harassed her and 2) because she thinks he's cute and likes him. kinda two fold.
Altho others in the store have told her that this iswrong...not at our request but because they are giving her their POV.
We really do have a great relationship w/ our son. ...I know it probably seems like an oxymoron saying that but when he isn't involved w/ a female he's funny, no drink/drug, we love his friends and have encouraged him to have fun this senior yr...we probably should have been clear w/ the age range :-)
From what we got from our talks is he has told his friends she's 24. They also like the same music, like work....there's alot in common but the age thing is just a concern.
I truly appreciate your email. Thank you for responding.


 
July 14, 2008, 1:04 pm CDT

Teen Dating

Quote From: ginnyn

 I have 2 girls 11 and 14.  They will not be allowed to date outside of a group gathering until they are 16.  my 14 yo is not even really interested in dating, but my 11 yo has already started quizing me about it.
I just read this whole discussion and being an 18 year girl, my parents never told me i couldn't date, so I was wondering why they cannot date till the age of 16? Is there a certain reason or is that the way you were brought up?
 
August 19, 2008, 9:34 am CDT

My 16 year old lies and sneaks

I really need advice on how to make my daughter stop lieing and sneaking,, she is dating a 17 year old boy

who lies all the time and is very sneaky and very controling and my daughter never acting like this before as she would say "i love him" ..,recently she took  off on foot not telling me where she is going ,1 hr later I call her cell no answer, I called his  cell,he states she's not with me, in which hes lieing,,I called his parents and they contact him as well ,6 hrs later after worried sick ,come to find out she was with him the whole time what they were doing Im sure I know but when I question her Iget lies ,,,,  they both had it made his mom would take them places movies, out to dinner etc,,,,,but now they both burned the bridge ,, I just need advice on how to get though to my daughter that this boy is not right for her if he controls her now after 6 months of dating its only going to get worse ,,, I have rules but she doesnt want to live by them   so she then she wants to goes stay with herd ad which is bad news he never backs be up I ground her but ,there he dosent have rules and lets her do everthing, shes a very sweet girl but the lieing and sneaking have to stop,I told her the boyfriend is done no more phone calls no more meeting him ,but when she goes with her dad he lets her do everything,, what can I do before its to late  

 
August 28, 2008, 6:29 pm CDT

I Need Help .. from a parent!

Hi, I’m 18 years old, and I have been going out with more boyfriend for 2 ½ years, and being an Indian with parents from Indian, they have zero tolerance with dating, they think that all Indian girls should be anti boy until their ready to get married!, and I totally disagree, when I was in gr8, I had not a boyfriend, but u can call it a crush and my parent found out and I got into a lot of trouble, after that last year my mom some how found out about my current boyfriend and she mad a big deal and I got into alto of trouble, after that they thought me and him stopped talking and I moved on in life, but ovb I didn’t and im just way to scared to tell them, and just recently my mom had found out about him and the same thing is just going to happened all over again, I cant take this getting got anymore, I hate lying to my parents it just that sometimes they don’t leave me a choice, I don’t know how to explain to my mom that im 18! And I can have friends that are guys as well and even a boyfriend, and I can not leave my boyfriend because we have been together for more than 2 years and he absolutely respects me, I just need help, how do I  explain this to her, that I have feeling, I can also “like” guys. HELP!

 
August 31, 2008, 5:22 pm CDT

Teen Dating

Quote From: distraughtmom

Believe me I know exactly what you are going through and I am still going through this with my 15 year old son dating a college student of 19. ALthough the age gap is not as large , it still is alarming and we did everything you did and he still insists on communicaing with her.

 

Our problem is that she is very manipulating and controling of him and we cant uinderstand why he is putting up with it.  I think my husband and I are going to get him private help in that he needs to see what is in front of him and what can happen to him. We grounded him, we talked to him, we did it all but nothing has gotten through.

 

I thought at one point to just let him get hurt and go through this in order to learn for himself. But how does a prent let their child be put throught this when they know exactly where it will end up. It is so hard, I really dont have any other solutions for you except to say you are not alone.

 

I wish you luck. I am still searching to find the right solution.

I too know exactly what you mean.....our 16 year old daughter hooked up with a 23 year old man.....both of course lied about his age.  At first we were told he was 19...then 21 - then 23.  THey both started disrespecting her curfews and felt they could come and go as they pleased and that we were being "irrational" expecting her to keep curfews and attend school.  She knew so much more than us and was leaving a note "by the time you read this mom, I  will be gone with [insert boyfreinds name here]. She is totally unhappy at home.  Imagine that!  We found the note and confronted her and of course asked her what could be causing this unhappiness and since we can't resolve or figure out that answer, she could move in with either of her brothers, a good freinds place, or her grandparents or we would set her up in a place close to school. Of course none of these were options in her book, the only place she wanted to be in was with this boyfreind of hers.......She wrote her last exam at then end of her first semester in grade 11 and she has now run away to be with him and has been living with him for 6 months now.  For the past 5 months, I would call every week or two to "check and make sure she was alright and to ttry and talk to her- but it has all grown into it being - ALL MY FAULT...I worked to much, I didn't pay enough attention to her and the list and  anger and drama being fed to her goes on and on and she hangs up on me.  I barely ever got a word in edgewise..... I have now quit trying. 

 

She is hell bent on going this direction and pushing me further and further away so  I wrote her and have said "goodbye" She clearly has made her choice and has cut me completely off to the point that she only yells and screams at me..then so be it.  I will be here if and when she is ready to work on our relationship.

But as a parent - that broke my heart! 

 

You are so right, we know where all of this is going to end up, they have to learn themselves - there is nothing we can do but stand by pick up the pieces when they fall and love them anyway. I will stand along with you and hopefully find that right solution as well!

 

 

 

 

 
September 24, 2008, 3:41 pm CDT

about my oldest girl

hi every one i have a 14 year old and she is dateing a 16 year old and i dont realy like the idea but they have be seening each other .because it is really head to keep them apart because he lives in the same building we do so how do i keep then apart please help if you can ok thank you all my email is cat.eyes.35@hotmAIL.COM HOPE TO HEAR BACK

 
October 19, 2008, 6:45 pm CDT

Respect

Quote From: sim2714

Hi, Im 18 years old, and I have been going out with more boyfriend for 2 ½ years, and being an Indian with parents from Indian, they have zero tolerance with dating, they think that all Indian girls should be anti boy until their ready to get married!, and I totally disagree, when I was in gr8, I had not a boyfriend, but u can call it a crush and my parent found out and I got into a lot of trouble, after that last year my mom some how found out about my current boyfriend and she mad a big deal and I got into alto of trouble, after that they thought me and him stopped talking and I moved on in life, but ovb I didnt and im just way to scared to tell them, and just recently my mom had found out about him and the same thing is just going to happened all over again, I cant take this getting got anymore, I hate lying to my parents it just that sometimes they dont leave me a choice, I dont know how to explain to my mom that im 18! And I can have friends that are guys as well and even a boyfriend, and I can not leave my boyfriend because we have been together for more than 2 years and he absolutely respects me, I just need help, how do I  explain this to her, that I have feeling, I can also like guys. HELP!

Hi! I had stricked parents too. I obeyed my parents. It turned out to be the best thing I did. They know best. They want you to get married one day. They want to make sure that you dont sell yourself cheap. They want you to be very special girl who is careful not to do the wrong things in life. 18 is still young & you already know him more then 2 years. That was very wrong. No wonder your parents are frustrated with you. Enjoy your youth. You dont have to be commited to a boy. You are still young. Fix your future with educations. Plenty of time for boyfriend. You should respect your parents & dont be a rebel against them. You gave them lots of reasons not to trust you. Wake up to yourself. Dont make mistakes now that will affect the happiness in your future. If he is the right one today, then he will be there when you are all grown up & ready. Remember your parents love you & no one love you more. They want the best for you. If they dont like him. Maybe they have a good reason why they dont like him. I dont know why. Maybe he doesnt respect them & make you go against your parents. Thats a good reason why they dont like him. Be honest. Dont sneak around. Believe me its for your best interest. You should respect yourself. Dont allow anyone to make you do the wrong thing. I just wish from god that he didnt touch you. If he didnt. Well that will be good for you & your parents. Dont ever get used. Remember If he was the one for you, he will be there in the future, with your parents blessings. Good luck
 
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