Topic : Teen Dating

Number of Replies: 437
New Messages This Week: 3
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:21:50 pm
Author : dataimport
Say it isn't so - your teenager is dating! Share your stories, and tips for making your teen's dating days as worry-free as possible.

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February 9, 2008, 4:52 pm PST

Teen Dating

Quote From: canlitigator

our daughter was allowed to date as of november and the boy asked her out immediately upon hearing the news.....she turns 16 in march.....and is dating....the boy who she has liked and who has liked her also since grade 7---neither of them have had previous relationships, and the boy who we know and have seen around over the past couple years, more regularly this year, but to this moment she is not comfortable with having him around without another girl at the house...grin. so being alone in her room would be unthinkable. tonight they were supposed to be hanging out with a group of friends and discovered there might be drinking-and both of them decided that they as individuals wouldn't be going-all on their own without parents help. instead, they decided to spend some time together, and they went for a walk (albeit a long one) in very cold and wet weather, this being their first time ever alone. he has moved very slowly with her, only in the past month or so has he put his arm around her or held her hand. he also gave her his cross he has been wearing since grade 6. he being catholic attends church each week, and he told her himself he thought he was mature enough to have a girlfriend...but not mature enough for anything else....he's a bit innocent about girls, and thats given them their ups and downs (most recently my daughter's best friend announced she was in love with the boy herself-as you can imagine it caused quite the trauma in girl world-worse so at the school because my daughter is what you'd call a popular girl and her best friend is the girl that she took under her wing at beginning of grade nine, trying to help her fit in, lending her clothes, (the girl is from a very low income family) buying her makeup, and on top of that, the girl spent every, and i mean every, weekend at our home since october)...so the couple is dealing with that at school. then there is the other well meaning friend of our daughter who asked the boy if he'd like to see her new bra....[though it never got that far as she then saw our daughter before the guy could get a word in....bra girl now has magically injured her ankle and expects our daughter's guy to carry her books, etc...you get the point...at first he was nicely polite and assistive, but by the end of the day he refused to help her any more...perhaps he got the hint. the bottom line on my end is I think that teens their age, and especially guys who aren't familiar at the relationship thing, don;t always recognize the dangers of what i would call more aware girls, and maybe the reverse is true for more aware guys also. so far though they've had to have some boundary talks, they are doing fine and are able to communicate through most of their issues...but i think that comes from the friendship they share.....-i guess my question is, how does my teen handle the minefield of people trying to come between them-never seen anything like teen girls who are so aggressive....because she knows him so well, she knows by the look on his face what he's thinking...and these are not girls he is interested in...at all....he treats my daughter well, he bought her a lovely pair of gold earings with little diamond chips for christmas, he walks her home every day and texts her regularly at least once each evening....so I would say that for us, its maturity and the fact he was a long time friend first that allows our comfort level.

Well you can't help her with getting through the minefield. It is something she needs to experience for herself. She will come to you for help if she needs it. Love is a dificult emotion and the dating, flirting etc that ecompagnies it one of the most difficult social interactions.

 

She needs to do this on her own only with a bit of support from you so that she can learn how it all works. usually boys and girls start learning this process from around age 11/12 slowly taking it one step further as they get older.  You see that she and her friends are still at the beginning of this process though, I see some behaviour that in reference to what I see here (in a more social (sexual) liberal environment) is innocent. 

 

I do think your daughter has time to adapt since their relationship moves very slow. So just support her if she needs it and let her figure it out for herself for the rest. Be aware not to be to much onto their relationship since it could create pressure and could make their love fail (and might even get her mad at you.) And seen the relationship you describe it really isn't necesary.

 

 

Then another thing. have you given her sex education? And I don't mean just abstinance. If this relationship devellops they might have sex at a point. It would be good if she knows (how) to use a condom, it would be unfortunate if she would be one of the many teen girls that get pregnant.

 

You don't have to fear that you will give her an ok for going out and having sex. Studies have shown that teens do not have sex earlier (even a bit later) when educated but that it will decrease the chance for STD's and teen pregnancies tremendesly.  (compare figures for US and France or the Netherlands for instance.)

 

I know that it might feel wierd ackward or even wrong but in the interest of your daughters future you do need to have the talk if you haven't done it already. And don't feel imune to this I once read that a studie showd that 75% of parrents in the US thought that their kids did not have sex while 55% of those kids said that they did.

 

I'm sorry if I came across a bit harsh now but I think it is important. Now how do you approach the subject? well their are many sites out their that have good advice on how to talk to your daughter. try this site for instance, http://www.teenpregnancy.org/ I thought that it had good info if I remember correctly.

 

I hope my advice is of any help to you,

xx Oet Gäöl

 

P.S. if I didn't explain something well enough please reply, I will be happy to explain it further.

 
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February 13, 2008, 4:57 am PST

Is my son nuts....lol

My 17 year old son had cried for years that there just weren't any good girls out there. He finally found her. She was stunningly beautiful inside and out.......she was a strong Christian girl.......she met everything that he had put on his list for the perfect girl. She played Halo.......was a great student athlete, didn't party, was as sweet a kid as there could possibly be. He was her first love......she his.....They dated for 6 months.  But he put very little into the relationship.........and I mean infintessimal.......and yet she stood by him......then 4 days ago.........he broke her heart by ending it........and made it look as though she was the one who didn't do anything to make it work.  He never sent her cards, letters,  after the 1st month or so......He complained of not being able to see her enough during the school week....but they spent just about every weekend available that they possibly could going out to movies, dinner, concerts........at my expense.......Yeah.I know..........I totally spoiled his rear end because my wife and I liked the girl so much. My son has great grades.........is heading to USC on an Athletic scholarship.......She's made it into SC too! He said she didn't open up enough to him about her feelings early enough, but I know she did and I know this to be absolutely false.......since the majority of his friends are saying it aint so "Joe." I want to wring his neck for what he did.........My wife and I raised him to do better.....He comes from a very loving home........where love and understanding aren't just mere words.........it's actually practiced..........So why do I want to wring my sons neck? I know kids make mistakes..........and I am afraid he is making a huge one........and I am actually happy for her because I felt he didn't deserve someone like her after treating her this way. She deserves better. I hope and pray he will learn from this........and I know that I am really more disappointed in him than anything......but why do I still want to wring his neck?
 
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February 13, 2008, 3:14 pm PST

Teen Dating

Quote From: benzmansl65

My 17 year old son had cried for years that there just weren't any good girls out there. He finally found her. She was stunningly beautiful inside and out.......she was a strong Christian girl.......she met everything that he had put on his list for the perfect girl. She played Halo.......was a great student athlete, didn't party, was as sweet a kid as there could possibly be. He was her first love......she his.....They dated for 6 months.  But he put very little into the relationship.........and I mean infintessimal.......and yet she stood by him......then 4 days ago.........he broke her heart by ending it........and made it look as though she was the one who didn't do anything to make it work.  He never sent her cards, letters,  after the 1st month or so......He complained of not being able to see her enough during the school week....but they spent just about every weekend available that they possibly could going out to movies, dinner, concerts........at my expense.......Yeah.I know..........I totally spoiled his rear end because my wife and I liked the girl so much. My son has great grades.........is heading to USC on an Athletic scholarship.......She's made it into SC too! He said she didn't open up enough to him about her feelings early enough, but I know she did and I know this to be absolutely false.......since the majority of his friends are saying it aint so "Joe." I want to wring his neck for what he did.........My wife and I raised him to do better.....He comes from a very loving home........where love and understanding aren't just mere words.........it's actually practiced..........So why do I want to wring my sons neck? I know kids make mistakes..........and I am afraid he is making a huge one........and I am actually happy for her because I felt he didn't deserve someone like her after treating her this way. She deserves better. I hope and pray he will learn from this........and I know that I am really more disappointed in him than anything......but why do I still want to wring his neck?
Well dating is a skill just as carpentry, he just needs to learn I'm afraid. You could talk to him about it though...
 
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March 17, 2008, 7:06 am PDT

14 yo wants to date

My 14yo step-daughter asked in Dec if she could date an 18 yo boy from her church.  My husband told her no she wasn't old enough to date.  Then he asked her what mom thought about it and she said, mom thinks it is cool and ok.  This past Thursday she called again and asked, and then my husband spent 2 hours on the phone with her crying and telling him how unfair/mean he was.  Mom still thinks its ok, but we don't.  She is not mature enough to take on the responsibility of this.  I am a little confused why mom says yes she can date BUT she is TOO YOUNG for the "talk".  PLEASE HELP!!
 
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March 17, 2008, 1:21 pm PDT

Teen Dating

Quote From: amanda40356

My 14yo step-daughter asked in Dec if she could date an 18 yo boy from her church.  My husband told her no she wasn't old enough to date.  Then he asked her what mom thought about it and she said, mom thinks it is cool and ok.  This past Thursday she called again and asked, and then my husband spent 2 hours on the phone with her crying and telling him how unfair/mean he was.  Mom still thinks its ok, but we don't.  She is not mature enough to take on the responsibility of this.  I am a little confused why mom says yes she can date BUT she is TOO YOUNG for the "talk".  PLEASE HELP!!

though I don't think 14 and 18 years of age mix particularly well because of the enormes age difference. A 14 year old will see dating as kissing while an 18 year old might want to go a bit further. But also on the intrests they will probably differ.

 

Anyways she is old enough to dat teens start somewhere around that age with dating. But if they are well prepared by their parents they will do it in an age apropriate way.  E.g. 13 and 14 year old will do kissing have dates to the movies etc.

 

Having the talk is never to early listen to the questions she has. Just as a coincidence this is the week of the springbutterflies in which schoolchildren (age 4 -12) are thouht about relationships, dating and sex in a way that is apropriate for their age. Children will indicate to you how far they are answer their questions and tell a little more and that is all the talk you will need.

 

You need to prepare her for when things get more serious and she might come into a position she wants to say no in but isn't empowered in her beliefs to do it. You will need to empower those ideas by talking about sex and dating but also by letting her date. Feel blessed that she asked you if she can date which means she want's an open relationship with you. Isn't that better then her sneaking behind your back?

 

You can't watch her 24/7 you know. This way you'll at least get to know what is going on with her.

 
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March 31, 2008, 2:49 pm PDT

Help Understanding

Okay, my name is Tiffany and I really need some help here understanding what is going on. I am 17 and my parents are okay with me dating and stuff. My boyfriend is 15 and his parents are totally against everything, and have continuously lied to both of us about how they feel about us being together. His parents are very.... influential and have told him that he needs to not be thinking about dating or anything like that, however, he is a very smart person, and through his parents' pushing him to be more mature than any normal child, he doesn't act his age to say the least. His parents don't understand what they have done to him emotionally and we don't know how to get through to them. We are on the edge of just having a big talk to get our feelings out on the table. It is going so far as to keep us from seeing and talking to each other outside of school.... PERIOD. Please someone explain to me what I could do to make things better. All I want is to feel like I am welcome in his family and I know my feelings for their son are true.

 
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March 31, 2008, 9:15 pm PDT

Advice

Quote From: darkrain24

Okay, my name is Tiffany and I really need some help here understanding what is going on. I am 17 and my parents are okay with me dating and stuff. My boyfriend is 15 and his parents are totally against everything, and have continuously lied to both of us about how they feel about us being together. His parents are very.... influential and have told him that he needs to not be thinking about dating or anything like that, however, he is a very smart person, and through his parents' pushing him to be more mature than any normal child, he doesn't act his age to say the least. His parents don't understand what they have done to him emotionally and we don't know how to get through to them. We are on the edge of just having a big talk to get our feelings out on the table. It is going so far as to keep us from seeing and talking to each other outside of school.... PERIOD. Please someone explain to me what I could do to make things better. All I want is to feel like I am welcome in his family and I know my feelings for their son are true.

His parents might be worried/anxious that a ‘teenage romance’ will derail their son’s education. The best thing that you and your boyfriend can do is to do your best to get and maintain good grades; that way, they can’t have anything to complain about. Your boyfriend MUST be honest with his parents- if he says he is going to be at a certain place, he needs to be there- that is the only way to build trust with his parents. (I’m not implying that he has been dishonest, just giving a suggestion on how to create a more trusting relationship.) His parents might come from a back ground that was somehow marred by a teenage romance, even if you aren’t aware of it, and they desperately want to shield him from any heartache. This comes from a place of love, however, they have to learn to let him go and live his own life; that is a big part of parental love, too. Their reaction probably has nothing to do with you personally- they probably wouldn’t want him spending too much time with any girl at this age. Do your best to have a conversation with his parents whenever the opportunity arises; ‘make’ them fall for you. However, if they don’t, please know that there isn’t anything terrible about you- they are reserved people and there might not be anything you can ever do to please them!

 
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May 13, 2008, 6:23 pm PDT

Teen Dating Etc.

Hello, I am a teen and turning 16 this year, I would like to epress my own opinion on this topic.

I agree with many of the posts here, and you really do have to consider many things when it comes to dating.

My parents and I don't talk often about dating, and this is mostly because I am not extremely interested in it; and from my experiance with friends etc, I think that - in high school- the most important thing to do is concentrate on school.

However, I am alowed to date and I do not think there is anything wrong with dating. 15, 16 and onwards I think, is a safe age to allow a teenager to date, depending on their maturity and so forth.

I have never had a boyfriend, and still do not feel like "i need one, and -the oh so famous- we're in love-.

It is the parents decision to allow their teens to date, but they should not hold the reins to tight.

On the topic of boundries- teens want to have fun =), and I know that the more rules there are, the more we want to break them.

It is important to talk to your son/daughter about dating early so they know what to expect, and develop a relationship with them so they can feel like they can talk freely with you about the topic.

My parents introduced the topic of dating quite late, and I never knew if I was allowed to date, and what they expected of me. Now, that we have talked, I know what rules are established.

Trust is very important between parents and their kids...

 

 
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May 27, 2008, 3:20 pm PDT

dating mistake!

So my husband and I thought we would be new age parents and let our 14 year old daughter go out with a 16 yr. old boy.  It was actually more my idea not his it was supposed to be 16 (instead of her doing it behind our backs) It has been 10 months and they have broken up twice and gotten back together each time.  He is totally out of her social league as far as their interests go but we did not pass judgement and were ok with it and always told her that he needs to be respectful to her.  Everything seemed ok till this weekend.  For about the last 3 months she has been sitting around and waiting on the weekends for him to call and make plans at the last minute.  Well it seems that there was a friend whom she has(had?) who is a boy and they were texting and the boyfriend found out, but the boyfriend had been riding around with other girls while our daughter waited on him.  So he broke up with her and I happened to be reading her text messages and he was texting her that she was a slut etc.  Yesterday while we were gone shopping he came over and cried and told her he would change, so now they are back together again.  HELP, she confesed to us that she loves him and we are so worried that he is controling her, but now what???????????????????????????  we tried to talk to her but she just won't listen!!!
 
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May 27, 2008, 5:35 pm PDT

Teen Girls dating

My concern is for teen girls and dating when the boundaries are not respected by teen boys.. I teach teens Lifeskills and Acting classes and teens open up to me about what is really going on in their worlds.. I created a music video called "Your Too Good"
and strong message for girls to take back their power - and not let boys hurt them... you can see it at www.myspace.com/everrockin I will be promoting it this week to help start discussions - these millennium teens are from 12 to 18 in this video Hope it helps start a healthy conversation between parents and and teens of both genders
 

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