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Topic : Teen Dating

Number of Replies: 435
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:21:50 pm
Author : dataimport
Say it isn't so - your teenager is dating! Share your stories, and tips for making your teen's dating days as worry-free as possible.

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October 11, 2005, 6:51 pm CDT

Teen Dating

Quote From: donljones

We have a 14-year old daughter (15 in Nov) - freshman in high shcool - who has recently developed strong attachment emotions for a 17-year senior (soon to be 18).  We do not allow her to date yet and they only see each other at school or in group situations (theme parks, concerts).  However, we recently found out the boy has a checkered past (and present) including breaking and entering a neighbor's home and taking laptop computers.  Our daughter naively thinks the boy was "not really involved" but has "learned his lesson".  He confessed to the neighbor - hence, they did not prosecute.  However, he has other arrests as well.  We want to stop our daughter from seeing and/or talking with this boy now since we know (a) he is trouble and (b) he will be 18 soon.  However, when we discussed this last night, she fell apart.  Today could be different.  But we are adamant and do not want the boy around her at all.  Ideas?
 that was my situation to a T, except my boyfriend hadnt been arrested... he had smoked and drank occasionally in the past, and i told my parents that when i found it out. they gave him a chance, and after some tribulation, he really did learn his lesson, and things are wonderful now. However, im afraid he's a rare case. Just talk to her about it... let her know what the situation is. Hopefully she'll listen.
 
October 17, 2005, 3:34 pm CDT

dating

Quote From: donljones

We have a 14-year old daughter (15 in Nov) - freshman in high shcool - who has recently developed strong attachment emotions for a 17-year senior (soon to be 18).  We do not allow her to date yet and they only see each other at school or in group situations (theme parks, concerts).  However, we recently found out the boy has a checkered past (and present) including breaking and entering a neighbor's home and taking laptop computers.  Our daughter naively thinks the boy was "not really involved" but has "learned his lesson".  He confessed to the neighbor - hence, they did not prosecute.  However, he has other arrests as well.  We want to stop our daughter from seeing and/or talking with this boy now since we know (a) he is trouble and (b) he will be 18 soon.  However, when we discussed this last night, she fell apart.  Today could be different.  But we are adamant and do not want the boy around her at all.  Ideas?

Freshmen/senior dating is seen a lot.  About the boys somewhat criminal past - I wouldn't think about it.  Moreso think about your daughter as new to high school. I was a freshman last year, and I've changed so much...with my maturity, dating, and emotions.  It's a huge transistion.  Give your daughter a while to make her own mature decision, and maybe give the boy a chance...let her make her own mistakes...and if she gets hurt, be there for her. 

  

I hope I helped you out. 

 
October 19, 2005, 11:24 am CDT

Teen Dating

Quote From: delaneyme

17 +? In America, you are not an adult until you are 18. AND She lives under her parents roof. she should respect that.
Being an adult doesn't neccecarily have to do anything with it, In the Netherlands you're indeedan adult at the age of 18 but as of the age of 16 you can decide over you're body including having sex or not with whom you like.
 
October 20, 2005, 7:07 am CDT

teen dating

My daughter just turned 15 and is not dating, although we would allow her to under the right circumstances.  She has self confidence and is a beautiful person, spirit, mind and body.  I have always taught her to respect herself and not to budge on things that are important to her.  We have talked a lot about relationships (mostly about friendships, but also those more-than-friendship relationships).  Long story short, I was going to get her the book "He's Just Not Into You" to help her see signs for a bad turn, or conversely to see positive things, when she does start dating.  I know how easy it is to make excuses for a bad relationship at a  young age when you're "in love".  However, this book seems more for women than for girls.  Any suggestions on literature similar to this (short phrases that she'll remember) for teens?
 
October 20, 2005, 3:14 pm CDT

yes

Quote From: oet_gaol

Being an adult doesn't neccecarily have to do anything with it, In the Netherlands you're indeedan adult at the age of 18 but as of the age of 16 you can decide over you're body including having sex or not with whom you like.
You're right. Being an adult doesn't necessarily have anything to do with it. I know plenty of adults, 18 , 20, 25, 30, 36, etc  who are not responsible. The fact of the matter is... this 20 yr old, legally an adult still lives in her parents home and that means she still has to respect the rules set by her parents. I'm not saying that she shouldn't be allowed to not go out or not have a curfew or anything like that, but because she lives in her parents home they all need to sit down and decide what is best and what the rules are.
 
October 24, 2005, 7:49 pm CDT

15 - YIKES

I am a single mom, of a 15 year old daughter.  Recently, my daughter has gotten a senior for a boyfriend.  He's 17.  He drives.   

  

I have a problem with my daughter driving with a 17 year old.  I have been in several accidents, and want to avoid the teen/teen driving thing for as long as I can.  I've heard statistics that recommend that teens should not drive together.  However, as I thought that was my problem, I've found out that it isn't the only one.   

  

Before my daughter was able to go anywhere with the new boy, I insisted he come over to meet me.  Even though she didn't think that was necessary, I stood my ground for once.  He seems nice.  I the two of them alone in the living room, so that they could have at least a little privacy (at the request of my daughter).  When I came back in the room, he was sitting the couch, and she was laying across him, watching tv.  The next time I came in, all the lights were off, and I saw them both scramble and jump up from the couch as I walked in.  I was furious, but waited till the boy left before confronting my daughter.  I told her it was inappropriate and she was disrespecting me in my house.  I told her that I know I won't be able to watch her 24/7, but when she's in the house she needs to respect me.   I wanted to flip out because I find it totally wrong and disgusting, and I know that's unreasonable, but as a mother, that's how I felt.  I am trying to deal with this reality though.  So, even after telling her this, the next time he comes over, she goes in her room with him,  Again, it's highly unappropriate and unacceptable so I'm asking for advice.  How should I explain to her that it is unacceptable, and how can I enforce this rule, without making her never want to spend time here?  I would much rather have her here than at his house, where I have no idea if there's any type of supervision.  HELP!!  I want the right words, because I seem to always SCREAM my way through these problems and I'm sure that's just driving her away. 

  

THANK YOU!! 

 
October 26, 2005, 7:24 pm CDT

Teen Dating

Quote From: jgreen

I am a single mom, of a 15 year old daughter.  Recently, my daughter has gotten a senior for a boyfriend.  He's 17.  He drives.   

  

I have a problem with my daughter driving with a 17 year old.  I have been in several accidents, and want to avoid the teen/teen driving thing for as long as I can.  I've heard statistics that recommend that teens should not drive together.  However, as I thought that was my problem, I've found out that it isn't the only one.   

  

Before my daughter was able to go anywhere with the new boy, I insisted he come over to meet me.  Even though she didn't think that was necessary, I stood my ground for once.  He seems nice.  I the two of them alone in the living room, so that they could have at least a little privacy (at the request of my daughter).  When I came back in the room, he was sitting the couch, and she was laying across him, watching tv.  The next time I came in, all the lights were off, and I saw them both scramble and jump up from the couch as I walked in.  I was furious, but waited till the boy left before confronting my daughter.  I told her it was inappropriate and she was disrespecting me in my house.  I told her that I know I won't be able to watch her 24/7, but when she's in the house she needs to respect me.   I wanted to flip out because I find it totally wrong and disgusting, and I know that's unreasonable, but as a mother, that's how I felt.  I am trying to deal with this reality though.  So, even after telling her this, the next time he comes over, she goes in her room with him,  Again, it's highly unappropriate and unacceptable so I'm asking for advice.  How should I explain to her that it is unacceptable, and how can I enforce this rule, without making her never want to spend time here?  I would much rather have her here than at his house, where I have no idea if there's any type of supervision.  HELP!!  I want the right words, because I seem to always SCREAM my way through these problems and I'm sure that's just driving her away. 

  

THANK YOU!! 

Well as a 15 year old i understand what your daughter is going through and i have to point this one out that as much as parents like to believe that teens don't understand what can and what could happen they do know. i have been with my boyfriend for over a year my mother loves him and he to is 16 and about to start driving. i do not believe in age deffence depending on the age. i don't think at this time you should be to worried but keep your eyes open. talk to her like you have and as a teen myself i can say i cuddle on the couch with him and i kiss him and such yes she might have been doing more than just cuddling on the couch but you need to have some trust in her and give her a little space... As she takes him into her room everyone has there different views on that but you have to trust her that she Will make the right decision like if you still believe that is wrong then give her the space but say he can be in your room but u must have the door open. and yes if you do enforce something to strong she may go hang out at his house and yes she might be doing that kind of stuff but i think the question that you should be asking yourself is do you trust her enough the make the right decision.
 
October 27, 2005, 7:39 am CDT

advice

Quote From: jgreen

I am a single mom, of a 15 year old daughter.  Recently, my daughter has gotten a senior for a boyfriend.  He's 17.  He drives.   

  

I have a problem with my daughter driving with a 17 year old.  I have been in several accidents, and want to avoid the teen/teen driving thing for as long as I can.  I've heard statistics that recommend that teens should not drive together.  However, as I thought that was my problem, I've found out that it isn't the only one.   

  

Before my daughter was able to go anywhere with the new boy, I insisted he come over to meet me.  Even though she didn't think that was necessary, I stood my ground for once.  He seems nice.  I the two of them alone in the living room, so that they could have at least a little privacy (at the request of my daughter).  When I came back in the room, he was sitting the couch, and she was laying across him, watching tv.  The next time I came in, all the lights were off, and I saw them both scramble and jump up from the couch as I walked in.  I was furious, but waited till the boy left before confronting my daughter.  I told her it was inappropriate and she was disrespecting me in my house.  I told her that I know I won't be able to watch her 24/7, but when she's in the house she needs to respect me.   I wanted to flip out because I find it totally wrong and disgusting, and I know that's unreasonable, but as a mother, that's how I felt.  I am trying to deal with this reality though.  So, even after telling her this, the next time he comes over, she goes in her room with him,  Again, it's highly unappropriate and unacceptable so I'm asking for advice.  How should I explain to her that it is unacceptable, and how can I enforce this rule, without making her never want to spend time here?  I would much rather have her here than at his house, where I have no idea if there's any type of supervision.  HELP!!  I want the right words, because I seem to always SCREAM my way through these problems and I'm sure that's just driving her away. 

  

THANK YOU!! 

I'm a mother of a 14 year old daughter. The rules of dating are that any boy she wants to date must come and meet her parents here at our home. Then they can watch t.v. in the living room, or they can watch a movie on her t.v. in her room, but the door is always open, and I walk by frequently. She knows that the rules are that they can sit next to one another, they can even cuddle, but they can't be under the same blanket. My advice to you is to be inviting to this boy, encourage him to come over for dinner and rent movies, and meet his parents before you allow her to go over there. When you meet the parents, there is nothing wrong with telling them about your rules in your home, and ask that when/if your daughter is over there, that they have the same rules. My goal is to make my daughters friends, male and female, comfortable and welcomed in my home so that they will respect me and the rules of our home. I encourage you to do the same, you won't regret it.
 
November 3, 2005, 5:28 am CST

Teen Dating

Quote From: gburg8705

 I just felt like replying to the main topic on dating with teens.
I'm soon to be 19 in about 4 months. I think that you kind of just need to let teenagers do their own thing, if you set a "certain age limit" on your teen then they'll just feel like being a rebel and go behind your back and date anyway.
I was told by my grandparents (i never lived with my parents until now) that i wasn't allowed to date until i was sixteen. Of course i didnt listen, i dated a few guys, met my "first love" when i was 15 and lost my virginity.
The point of me bringing up virginity and age...all goes to the fact that teenagers will do what they do, and what they want, especially if they really want to date and parents say no, or not unitl you are this old. They will go behind your back and date anyway, which will obviously lead to further things, the most you could do is just trust your child, give them the "alright you can date" but set a lot of rules and they'll definitely follow those as opposed to not being able to date at all, and they'll see it as, well they trust me to date so i'll definitely do what i'm told so i can date. if they make mistakes get heartbroken, be there for them, tell them to talk to you about anything, and even if they do mess up and do something you really dont aprove of, dont scream and holler at them but help them through it, it's one of those things they need to learn on their own, and will probably stop at nothing just to date and of course something is bound to happen....but at least you will be there when it does.
Start off by mentioning group dates , especially if you really dont want your child to date yet or at least just your son/daughter and their "significant other", nothing ever happens on group dates  but the group of kids having fun... joking, watching movies, eating at a resturaunt or what not, when there's a group of people it's easier for everybody to not be shy, they become closer friends and nothing can go wrong when there are many people together such as "comfort levels" being tested.
 

ok heres the deal with me. im 13.......mom  doesnt trust me........LIED to me....this boy gave me his wrist band and she says its a sign of dating......but then she lies to me and says we can go out......she asks me wher the wrist band is and i show her....i trusted her,she WAS my best friend.......she brings it back to him and brings me back my necklace wich i let him borrow....:( im so upset with her........we never had this problem b4........
 
November 3, 2005, 1:21 pm CST

Teen Dating

ok im a 13 yr old teen......ive never done anything wrong in my life like drugs and stuff.....but anyways my mom wont let me date or even have a "BOYFRIEND" and this really cute boy wants to go out with me but shes doing everything in her power to make me unhappy.....she asks me why do u even want a bf and i promised her that i wouldnt let him touch me and i wouldnt have sex and i kno the consequences.......someone please help me!!!my mom wont budge at all and im really upset with her because she lied to me..........
 
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