Message Boards

Topic : Teen Dating

Number of Replies: 435
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:21:50 pm
Author : dataimport
Say it isn't so - your teenager is dating! Share your stories, and tips for making your teen's dating days as worry-free as possible.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

November 7, 2005, 12:55 pm CST

Teen Dating

Quote From: jgreen

I am a single mom, of a 15 year old daughter.  Recently, my daughter has gotten a senior for a boyfriend.  He's 17.  He drives.   

  

I have a problem with my daughter driving with a 17 year old.  I have been in several accidents, and want to avoid the teen/teen driving thing for as long as I can.  I've heard statistics that recommend that teens should not drive together.  However, as I thought that was my problem, I've found out that it isn't the only one.   

  

Before my daughter was able to go anywhere with the new boy, I insisted he come over to meet me.  Even though she didn't think that was necessary, I stood my ground for once.  He seems nice.  I the two of them alone in the living room, so that they could have at least a little privacy (at the request of my daughter).  When I came back in the room, he was sitting the couch, and she was laying across him, watching tv.  The next time I came in, all the lights were off, and I saw them both scramble and jump up from the couch as I walked in.  I was furious, but waited till the boy left before confronting my daughter.  I told her it was inappropriate and she was disrespecting me in my house.  I told her that I know I won't be able to watch her 24/7, but when she's in the house she needs to respect me.   I wanted to flip out because I find it totally wrong and disgusting, and I know that's unreasonable, but as a mother, that's how I felt.  I am trying to deal with this reality though.  So, even after telling her this, the next time he comes over, she goes in her room with him,  Again, it's highly unappropriate and unacceptable so I'm asking for advice.  How should I explain to her that it is unacceptable, and how can I enforce this rule, without making her never want to spend time here?  I would much rather have her here than at his house, where I have no idea if there's any type of supervision.  HELP!!  I want the right words, because I seem to always SCREAM my way through these problems and I'm sure that's just driving her away. 

  

THANK YOU!! 

Hi.  I am 14 and I agree, that is a very hard situation.  I know that you are right, but it is hard for me to say because I can see from your daughter's point of view too. 

  

You don't want her going other places, so you are right not to scream.  That will drive her away and then if you keep her locked up, it will most likely make her angry, withdrawn, and will damage both of you emotionally. 

  

I think you need to talk with her about dating.  Look back at her level of trust with you, and maybe you can work towards a relationship where you can talk about boundaries without being the leash-holding parent. 

  

  

However, you do need to let her know how you feel.  Instead of telling her what she should do, tell her how YOU feel. 

  

Start with that, and if you still feel like you need to step in and be the parent, do that.  But you have the right idea. 

  

It works with my mom and I.  But every relationship is different. 

I think you should call up Dr. Phil. 

  

Seriously.  It would help a lot of people. 

  

Good luck! 

 
November 7, 2005, 3:08 pm CST

Don't Fret

Quote From: roserom

ok im a 13 yr old teen......ive never done anything wrong in my life like drugs and stuff.....but anyways my mom wont let me date or even have a "BOYFRIEND" and this really cute boy wants to go out with me but shes doing everything in her power to make me unhappy.....she asks me why do u even want a bf and i promised her that i wouldnt let him touch me and i wouldnt have sex and i kno the consequences.......someone please help me!!!my mom wont budge at all and im really upset with her because she lied to me..........

It doesn't take hemp and whiskey to make a mom apprehensive about her 13 year old dating. 

Don't even try the "wouldnt let him touch me" because you pointed out that he was cute, right? 

I am 14 so we are around the same age.  I understand, but I can't reach out and move your mom's opinion. 

But I can give you some pointers. 

First of all, you should start talking to your mom casually, build up your relationship.  Don't come across to her as whining about boyfriends because that will make her wonder, why does she want this so badly? 

Also, don't protest to her and call yourself innocent because when you whine like that, it also may make your mom think that you want a "boyfriend" for the wrong reasons (solely immature hormones, power over her to feel older, etc.) 

You seem really anxious, but that's why your mom may be right. 

Dating is a casual, fun pastime and you should not fret about it.  Hang out with guys and girls together and get a hang of getting close to guys, build up her trust.  Then you may be able to start dating. 

But start by asking if you can even invite a guy over.  This is a favorite with parents.  If you seem like you aren't hiding anything, she will trust you and that cute guy a lot more!  But she may still not let you guys go solo.  But then again, group dating is still fun! 

  

Good Luck!   

 
November 9, 2005, 7:35 pm CST

SixTeen, but i still dont like kisses...

      Hi, im new to this site, and well, i am a sixteen year old girl.  Now, im sure most of you are thinking "Ah, to be that age...." *laughs* but well, despite all the " perks " of being this age, i am still 'afraid'/grossed out by kissing.  For the last six monthes, ive been going out with a guy older then me and well until two weeks ago, i broke up with him.  But within those six monthes, of coarse being a man, he liked kissing and doing other things.  Surprisingly, i didnt mind the other things, but when it came to touching my face, and my mouth, i freak out.   

  

      shortly after i broke up with that man, i got together with a guy i actually enjoyed the company of.  And we've been going out ever since.  All my friends say we make a cute couple, but the thing there always saying is that we do everything, ((but no, NOT everything.  You crazy! i may get Fail's in my classes, but im smart enough NOT to do that when im this young!!!)), except kiss, or, "make-out". 

  

      Its apparent that this behavior is not normal for girls my age, but i just dont know why am i the only one who ((seemingly)) feels this way.  Have any of you ever felt this way before?  Thank you so much for reading this!  

  

PS: Im new to this site, and its my first time posting, So im reallllllyyy reallllyyyyy sorry if this is the wrong place to put this question. thanks again!!! 

 
November 9, 2005, 8:00 pm CST

Teen Dating

Quote From: jgreen

I am a single mom, of a 15 year old daughter.  Recently, my daughter has gotten a senior for a boyfriend.  He's 17.  He drives.   

  

I have a problem with my daughter driving with a 17 year old.  I have been in several accidents, and want to avoid the teen/teen driving thing for as long as I can.  I've heard statistics that recommend that teens should not drive together.  However, as I thought that was my problem, I've found out that it isn't the only one.   

  

Before my daughter was able to go anywhere with the new boy, I insisted he come over to meet me.  Even though she didn't think that was necessary, I stood my ground for once.  He seems nice.  I the two of them alone in the living room, so that they could have at least a little privacy (at the request of my daughter).  When I came back in the room, he was sitting the couch, and she was laying across him, watching tv.  The next time I came in, all the lights were off, and I saw them both scramble and jump up from the couch as I walked in.  I was furious, but waited till the boy left before confronting my daughter.  I told her it was inappropriate and she was disrespecting me in my house.  I told her that I know I won't be able to watch her 24/7, but when she's in the house she needs to respect me.   I wanted to flip out because I find it totally wrong and disgusting, and I know that's unreasonable, but as a mother, that's how I felt.  I am trying to deal with this reality though.  So, even after telling her this, the next time he comes over, she goes in her room with him,  Again, it's highly unappropriate and unacceptable so I'm asking for advice.  How should I explain to her that it is unacceptable, and how can I enforce this rule, without making her never want to spend time here?  I would much rather have her here than at his house, where I have no idea if there's any type of supervision.  HELP!!  I want the right words, because I seem to always SCREAM my way through these problems and I'm sure that's just driving her away. 

  

THANK YOU!! 

Oh my.   

  

 Well, i know how your daughter feels.  im 16 now, but until a few weeks ago, i was going out with an 18 year old, he was a senior in my freshman year (( him 17, me 15 )).So i was in the same position she was in.   

  

I REALLY dont mean to be a bad thing for your daughter, but i did not like this man.  I hope your daughters boyfriend is different from the one i had, because my grandparents, (( i live with them)) thought he was a nice boy too, nothing harmful about him.  But well... i really didnt like him.  He was very immature for his age and lacked responcbilty. I went out with this man for six monthes, but was fed up by the way he treated me. It was ironic how unassertive he was at times, needing someone to lead him to a place hes been to longer than the person hes asking, and yet, when he wanted something, he'd be more aggresive then a dog in heat.   

  

after a while, my gramma let me go over his house, with his mom there and such.  But we were able to be in his room, with the door closed.  Long story short, in all honesty, i think 'Men' who go out with 'Girl's do it because they know they can (( most anyways)), and take full advantage of that. One of my female friends that was the same age as him told him to his face that the only reason why hes going out with me is because no one there age would with him because hes too immature, selfish and lazy, not wanting to do anything for anyone unless it benefits himself.  She was right, but until a little later on in the relationship, i knew this as a truth. 

  

After being with a man older then me for that long, i relized i didnt like it. Takeing it as a learning expierence, i remember what happand within those six monthes and now know what i want in a relationship.  It's kinda sad, or ironic, that a few days aftrer the break up, ive been going out with this new guy.  We've been really good friends for a long time, and he cared about me alot, even during my relationship with the man.  How i knew this was because he'd be just as passiniot about the things that happand to me and took them seriously as much as i did.  No, i dont mean music or games, but what was happanding in my life at that time.  

  

hope this helps!!! 

 
November 11, 2005, 8:40 pm CST

Is my teen overly dependent on a relationship?

I'm a single mom with three teens!!! I struggle to make ends meet and try to provide the best I can for them.  I'm worried about my 15 year old son.  He has a girlfriend whom he sees all day in school, from 7:30-3:00 p.m. When he comes home he wants to continually call her or send messages to her on my cell phone running up high bills on both.  If I don't let him there's true chaos: he starts crying, screaming, and throwing such tantrums that make me think- Would it be better to let him have his way just for the sake of peace? What really concerns me, other than the high bills is this terrible dependency he has.  I mean, if he sees her every day for so much time, what is the need to keep in touch with her?  I mean, it seems he has no other life than seeing her or talking to her, and this worries me since I too was once obsessed in this way and I know how much it hurts. I struggle between thoughts of :"Is this normal, am I getting carried away by my prior experience, or am I right about worryig about such obsessive behavior?  Please somebody answer me. I really don't know what to do?
 
November 11, 2005, 8:40 pm CST

Is my teen overly dependent on a relationship?

I'm a single mom with three teens!!! I struggle to make ends meet and try to provide the best I can for them.  I'm worried about my 15 year old son.  He has a girlfriend whom he sees all day in school, from 7:30-3:00 p.m. When he comes home he wants to continually call her or send messages to her on my cell phone running up high bills on both.  If I don't let him there's true chaos: he starts crying, screaming, and throwing such tantrums that make me think- Would it be better to let him have his way just for the sake of peace? What really concerns me, other than the high bills is this terrible dependency he has.  I mean, if he sees her every day for so much time, what is the need to keep in touch with her?  I mean, it seems he has no other life than seeing her or talking to her, and this worries me since I too was once obsessed in this way and I know how much it hurts. I struggle between thoughts of :"Is this normal, am I getting carried away by my prior experience, or am I right about worryig about such obsessive behavior?  Please somebody answer me. I really don't know what to do?
 
November 12, 2005, 5:18 pm CST

what should i do??

     i am 15 an i have a great boyfriend that i have had for almost a year.  i know i am young but i know that i love him (its not hard to love him, he is that sweet) but anyways that not the point i don't think his mom likes me all that much. i have never done anything to her and i am always polite (you know i call her Mrs. smith and stuff like that) i don't really like sit down and have a convo with her or anything because 1 i don't think she likes me, and 2 because i get so nervous that i don't know what to say so i don't say anything.  what can i do to open up to her and let her get to know me and find out how sweet i am and to build trust with her?? is there anything that i can do??   

 
November 12, 2005, 5:42 pm CST

i know how he feels

Quote From: vibarro

I'm a single mom with three teens!!! I struggle to make ends meet and try to provide the best I can for them.  I'm worried about my 15 year old son.  He has a girlfriend whom he sees all day in school, from 7:30-3:00 p.m. When he comes home he wants to continually call her or send messages to her on my cell phone running up high bills on both.  If I don't let him there's true chaos: he starts crying, screaming, and throwing such tantrums that make me think- Would it be better to let him have his way just for the sake of peace? What really concerns me, other than the high bills is this terrible dependency he has.  I mean, if he sees her every day for so much time, what is the need to keep in touch with her?  I mean, it seems he has no other life than seeing her or talking to her, and this worries me since I too was once obsessed in this way and I know how much it hurts. I struggle between thoughts of :"Is this normal, am I getting carried away by my prior experience, or am I right about worryig about such obsessive behavior?  Please somebody answer me. I really don't know what to do?
     i am 15 and i have had my boyfriend for about a year and i see him all day at school and want to come right home and talk to him but i can't his parents say no and it kills me.  i get to talk to him for at most an hour a day and can see him once a week (counting weekends) sometimes not even that.  i am very attached to him and i think it is because he listens to me and he understands me and i know that he really cares and he doesn't have to and that is what makes it so special.  but as far as the text message thing my mom would kill me so we stick with the free things when we can talk (aim and things like that).  i wish i could talk to him more and to me i don't see anything wrong with it other than getting hurt but to me that is a risk i am willing to take.  its part of being a teen. 
 
November 14, 2005, 7:02 pm CST

Thanksgiving date

My son is 14 years old and his girlfriend lives 4 hours away.  He wants to go there for Thanksgiving and his girlfriends aunt will take him, but I don't know if I should let him.  I think Thanksgiving is a family time, and I know that he will be gone enough when he is older.  Am I too old fashion?  I know it is only for a day and he says he sees us all the time (a typical teenage answer).  What should I do?
 
November 19, 2005, 8:52 am CST

Why rush it?

Quote From: roserom

ok im a 13 yr old teen......ive never done anything wrong in my life like drugs and stuff.....but anyways my mom wont let me date or even have a "BOYFRIEND" and this really cute boy wants to go out with me but shes doing everything in her power to make me unhappy.....she asks me why do u even want a bf and i promised her that i wouldnt let him touch me and i wouldnt have sex and i kno the consequences.......someone please help me!!!my mom wont budge at all and im really upset with her because she lied to me..........
I agree with your mother. You're not emotionally mature enough for dating at 13...none of my children are allowed to date until they are at least 16. And I don't see anything about when/how she lied to you, so I can't comment on that part of your post.
 
First | Prev | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | Next | Last