Topic : Teen Dating

hello everyone, i just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to read this and i hope someone can help me out.  

over this past summer, i met a guy named dave on this website called "myspace". we got to know eachother, and with my parents permission we met. we began dating the end of june, and everything was going great. i was very fond of him and so were my parents. he was very sweet & kind and i believed he would do anything for me. before he met me, he had an interest in a 15 year old girl named Sierra from washington. i asked him before we started dating, and he said they were just friends. since i thought i could trust him and i really cared for him, i believed what  he said. one day he was over my house, & left his cell phone in my room by accident. me being the snoopy nosy person that i am, looked at his calls and text messages. i saw that  Sierra had called him. so i thought hey.. theyre friends, they can talk to eachother. so summer goes by, me and him are doing peachy keene. then around the 3rd week of august, Dave had planned a trip to go to washington. surprise surprise.. Sierra lives there. so i'm like okay, make sure you call & write etc. and he says fine. a week goes by, i hear NOTHING from him. so i'm like, okay. i have to break up with him. at that point i was talking to my friend Matt on the phone and Matts like, " i don't trust him and i think you should dump him " so i followed my instincts and the day Dave came back he called me. Dave goes " i missed you so much, my cell lost service and i dont wanna break up with you you're amazing " blah blah blah. so i told him that i didnt trust him anymore and that he was an asshole, and that i thought he probably cheated on me when he was in washington.  

so thats what happend in the summer. i havent talked to dave since really. but my question is.. why am i still hurting, and how can i forgive him and let it go? now its hard for me to trsut people. i have a new boyfriend now, and i'm struggling to be myself around him. i'm deffinitly affraid of being hurt and rejected again. can someone help? 

- Bree  

I'm sorry for you that it turned out to be an *ssh*l* Bree, I hope your current boyfriend is better. 

To get to your question: You are still hurting because someone you really cared for and would give anything for has stabbed you in the back. And that is really painfull, you can't expect it to go away overnight. It might help for you to write your feelings towards him (both positive and negative) on a piece of paper and why he hurt you so much. If you know what you feel you can start dealing with those feelings. 

Then you might write down a list of people you really trust and people you really trusted and that stabbed you in the back, my guess is that the first list is much longer then the second. That will enable you to see for yourself that you can trust most people. 

Also talk to your boyfriend about the last relationship so he will understand what you went through and he will probably be supportive. But be sure that you explain to him that you find it harder to trust people in general and not just him so he won't feel offended. 

I can understand that you find it difficult to be yourseyour boyfriend and you cannot fix that instantly for now you should just stay alert so that you know for yourself that you act differently then you normally would. 

One last thing time doesn't heal wounds you do.  

I hope this will help even though it is probebly not the answer you hoped for. 

Menno 

I beg to differ: thirteen is the right age to start experimenting with dating as long as you don't expect to go clubbing or something like that, but going to eat an ice cream and experimenting with kissing or something like that is perfectly normal at that age. 

Starting to date at the age of 16 is in my opinion a bit late because they are not prepared for the experience of people their age who are almost ready to have sex at that age. 

I base myself on a sexual outing curve that I observed in myself, my friends, my friends friends and other children. 

between the ages of ten and 12 sex is much debated among each other and with adults, they will laugh about anything which might be considered sexual. They will know more synonims for sex then you but when you really ask what that means you'll just get an answer like "well you know gighel gighel."  Traffic light relationships are quite common (on off on off ect.) 

At the age of thirteen dating begins many boyfriends a lot of holding hands and a bit of (french) kissing. Boys might look at porn out of curiosity and talk about it with their friends 

And at the age of 16.9 in the US and 16.4 in the Netherlands (durex 2004) most will have sex for the first time. 

a bit later sex becomes a topic which is discussed by teens as any other normal topic among their circle of friends 

I think it is even essential in their upbringing though that doesn't mean a parent should sit back and relax, but as long as you as a parent knows what your son or daughter is up to it is ok for them to date.  

Another important thing is to educate children about sex before they are twelve because they'll learn from their friends otherwise and that is not a good thing. And if you give sex education don't talk in don'ts and well don'ts (rebellious nature of teens remember) but more along the lines of sex is a wonderfull thing when two people love each other, it is important to acknowledge that sex is pleasurable because teens aren't stupid they know there is a multibiljon dollar porn industry and that it isn't because it isn't fun to do. Also if you make it look like an evil thing it will be even more wanted for teens because they reject authority and they know it is pleasurable. 

One more note to the 13y old girl: I still think you should listen to your mother since you will need her a lot longer then any of the boys you will date. But you might engage to you're mother in an adult conversation why you can't go out (ADULT conversation because if your mother knows you can handle this subject she might be more willing to let you go. screaming doesn't work for sure.) 

Bree, 

   You have to love yourself and believe in yourself. Because when you depend on someone else for your happiness and it fails you have a very hard landing. This is why to a certain degree you have to make a little pillow of love, happiness and security and reserve it for yourself when you have bad times. Then when you feel you are falling you have some-what of a soft landing. Because you are a person and if you believe you are worthy of being treated good and you let it show so people know to treat you good then you will feel much better in situations like this one. Because you control what happens to a certain degree. And believe me I know it is hard to do. And also, prayers do miracles. Good luck!!!!! 

thanks everyone for the help. it means so much :)  

In this area, almost no one dates before 16...and those who do, have parents who aren't involved in what their children do at all. I guess it all just depends on where you live, how you were raised, and what expectations you have for your children.  

As for sex education, we began that with my three children at the age of four, with age appropriate answers to questions, and have always kept the lines of communication open through the years. We've never made it look like an "evil thing,' only something that should be shared only with someone you are very committed to, not just given away willy-nilly.  

My children are now 19, 15 and 13, and they have never objected to the "no dating till 16" rule....as a matter of fact, the older two have THANKED me for it on several occasions when they were able to use it as an excuse not to go somewhere with someone....LOL. 

Hi all, I'm very frustrated and hoping to get some good advise through this message. I'm a single mom of a 20 yr old who for the most part has been a great a kid, always had a good head on her shoulders, very positive and loving and great personality. Since she's been with her boyfriend (about 1 1/2 yrs.) her personality has completely deteriorated, she seems depressed and very moody. She's no longer the happy loving daughter I once knew.  I hear her fighting with her boyfriend daily on the phone and I just can't stand to see her continue in this bad situation. She claims she loves him. I don't think he feels the same about her. Even though he's a loser in my opinion, dropped out of HS, no job, no motivation, he belittles my daughter, manipulates her and mistreats her every chance he gets, and it seems the worse he treats her the more she wants to be with him. He has instilled such of fear in my daugher that she's afraid to piss him off in any way.  I have tried to talk to her but she defends him at all costs. Her and I have gone to therapy which has worked on our communication with eachother, but the boyfriend problem still exists.  How do I enlighten my daughter (tactfully) to leave this guy once and for all.  I think she has now developed a co-dependant relationship with him, and is bordering on obsession, what kind of help can I get for my daugher? Or should I just sit back and let it take its course, hoping she'll get over it soon 

lol u guy at 15 if a child is mature enough u should let her date not 14 thats to young i would say 15 u should start letting ur kids date but make sure u no who the guy is but be open minded about it  

do not judge to fast 16 is a great age to have a relastion ship but to date is 15 dateing and relationships are way deferent things dateing is like just chillin relastionships are much much more me my self i dont like to rush things but i dont like to be judged to fast  

and if ur letting ur 15 year old date make sure shes not over dressed like make her look her age  

amd u have a sex talk aids are way to out of control but as long as u check well ur daughter checks him shell be ok evan nice looking ppl have aids and other sex desises