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Topic : Teen Dating

Number of Replies: 435
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:21:50 pm
Author : dataimport
Say it isn't so - your teenager is dating! Share your stories, and tips for making your teen's dating days as worry-free as possible.

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November 19, 2005, 9:03 am CST

Teen Dating

Quote From: gburg8705

 I just felt like replying to the main topic on dating with teens.
I'm soon to be 19 in about 4 months. I think that you kind of just need to let teenagers do their own thing, if you set a "certain age limit" on your teen then they'll just feel like being a rebel and go behind your back and date anyway.
I was told by my grandparents (i never lived with my parents until now) that i wasn't allowed to date until i was sixteen. Of course i didnt listen, i dated a few guys, met my "first love" when i was 15 and lost my virginity.
The point of me bringing up virginity and age...all goes to the fact that teenagers will do what they do, and what they want, especially if they really want to date and parents say no, or not unitl you are this old. They will go behind your back and date anyway, which will obviously lead to further things, the most you could do is just trust your child, give them the "alright you can date" but set a lot of rules and they'll definitely follow those as opposed to not being able to date at all, and they'll see it as, well they trust me to date so i'll definitely do what i'm told so i can date. if they make mistakes get heartbroken, be there for them, tell them to talk to you about anything, and even if they do mess up and do something you really dont aprove of, dont scream and holler at them but help them through it, it's one of those things they need to learn on their own, and will probably stop at nothing just to date and of course something is bound to happen....but at least you will be there when it does.
Start off by mentioning group dates , especially if you really dont want your child to date yet or at least just your son/daughter and their "significant other", nothing ever happens on group dates  but the group of kids having fun... joking, watching movies, eating at a resturaunt or what not, when there's a group of people it's easier for everybody to not be shy, they become closer friends and nothing can go wrong when there are many people together such as "comfort levels" being tested.
 

I'm sorry that you had so little respect for yourself and your grandparents that you couldn't see the need to follow the rules and to understand that they only wanted what was best for you. I didn't date till I was 17 and was a virgin till I was nearly 20...because I respected my parents and their wishes....and my children respect my role as their parent, and my responsibilty to keep them safe and protected until we decide together that they can take on certain responsibiliities for themselves.
 
November 19, 2005, 9:11 am CST

Teen Dating

Quote From: stormrain

My son is 14 years old and his girlfriend lives 4 hours away.  He wants to go there for Thanksgiving and his girlfriends aunt will take him, but I don't know if I should let him.  I think Thanksgiving is a family time, and I know that he will be gone enough when he is older.  Am I too old fashion?  I know it is only for a day and he says he sees us all the time (a typical teenage answer).  What should I do?
At 14, none of my children were dating, but at that age, they would have stayed with family for holidays. If they were seeing someone who lived in the same town, we would find a way for them to spend part of the day together, AFTER our family time...and we often have done that with our 16 or 17 yr olds. Once they are 18, then it's up to them to decide where they want to spend their holidays, IMO.
 
November 25, 2005, 6:23 pm CST

Teen Dating

Quote From: poetmom

I agree with your mother. You're not emotionally mature enough for dating at 13...none of my children are allowed to date until they are at least 16. And I don't see anything about when/how she lied to you, so I can't comment on that part of your post.

I beg to differ: thirteen is the right age to start experimenting with dating as long as you don't expect to go clubbing or something like that, but going to eat an ice cream and experimenting with kissing or something like that is perfectly normal at that age. 

  

Starting to date at the age of 16 is in my opinion a bit late because they are not prepared for the experience of people their age who are almost ready to have sex at that age. 

  

I base myself on a sexual outing curve that I observed in myself, my friends, my friends friends and other children. 

between the ages of ten and 12 sex is much debated among each other and with adults, they will laugh about anything which might be considered sexual. They will know more synonims for sex then you but when you really ask what that means you'll just get an answer like "well you know gighel gighel."  Traffic light relationships are quite common (on off on off ect.) 

At the age of thirteen dating begins many boyfriends a lot of holding hands and a bit of (french) kissing. Boys might look at porn out of curiosity and talk about it with their friends 

And at the age of 16.9 in the US and 16.4 in the Netherlands (durex 2004) most will have sex for the first time. 

a bit later sex becomes a topic which is discussed by teens as any other normal topic among their circle of friends 

  

I think it is even essential in their upbringing though that doesn't mean a parent should sit back and relax, but as long as you as a parent knows what your son or daughter is up to it is ok for them to date.  

  

Another important thing is to educate children about sex before they are twelve because they'll learn from their friends otherwise and that is not a good thing. And if you give sex education don't talk in don'ts and well don'ts (rebellious nature of teens remember) but more along the lines of sex is a wonderfull thing when two people love each other, it is important to acknowledge that sex is pleasurable because teens aren't stupid they know there is a multibiljon dollar porn industry and that it isn't because it isn't fun to do. Also if you make it look like an evil thing it will be even more wanted for teens because they reject authority and they know it is pleasurable. 

  

One more note to the 13y old girl: I still think you should listen to your mother since you will need her a lot longer then any of the boys you will date. But you might engage to you're mother in an adult conversation why you can't go out (ADULT conversation because if your mother knows you can handle this subject she might be more willing to let you go. screaming doesn't work for sure.) 

 
November 27, 2005, 4:51 pm CST

thank you all :)

thanks everyone for the help. it means so much :)  

 
November 29, 2005, 6:38 am CST

Feel Free To Differ, But....

Quote From: oet_gaol

I beg to differ: thirteen is the right age to start experimenting with dating as long as you don't expect to go clubbing or something like that, but going to eat an ice cream and experimenting with kissing or something like that is perfectly normal at that age. 

  

Starting to date at the age of 16 is in my opinion a bit late because they are not prepared for the experience of people their age who are almost ready to have sex at that age. 

  

I base myself on a sexual outing curve that I observed in myself, my friends, my friends friends and other children. 

between the ages of ten and 12 sex is much debated among each other and with adults, they will laugh about anything which might be considered sexual. They will know more synonims for sex then you but when you really ask what that means you'll just get an answer like "well you know gighel gighel."  Traffic light relationships are quite common (on off on off ect.) 

At the age of thirteen dating begins many boyfriends a lot of holding hands and a bit of (french) kissing. Boys might look at porn out of curiosity and talk about it with their friends 

And at the age of 16.9 in the US and 16.4 in the Netherlands (durex 2004) most will have sex for the first time. 

a bit later sex becomes a topic which is discussed by teens as any other normal topic among their circle of friends 

  

I think it is even essential in their upbringing though that doesn't mean a parent should sit back and relax, but as long as you as a parent knows what your son or daughter is up to it is ok for them to date.  

  

Another important thing is to educate children about sex before they are twelve because they'll learn from their friends otherwise and that is not a good thing. And if you give sex education don't talk in don'ts and well don'ts (rebellious nature of teens remember) but more along the lines of sex is a wonderfull thing when two people love each other, it is important to acknowledge that sex is pleasurable because teens aren't stupid they know there is a multibiljon dollar porn industry and that it isn't because it isn't fun to do. Also if you make it look like an evil thing it will be even more wanted for teens because they reject authority and they know it is pleasurable. 

  

One more note to the 13y old girl: I still think you should listen to your mother since you will need her a lot longer then any of the boys you will date. But you might engage to you're mother in an adult conversation why you can't go out (ADULT conversation because if your mother knows you can handle this subject she might be more willing to let you go. screaming doesn't work for sure.) 

In this area, almost no one dates before 16...and those who do, have parents who aren't involved in what their children do at all. I guess it all just depends on where you live, how you were raised, and what expectations you have for your children.  

  

As for sex education, we began that with my three children at the age of four, with age appropriate answers to questions, and have always kept the lines of communication open through the years. We've never made it look like an "evil thing,' only something that should be shared only with someone you are very committed to, not just given away willy-nilly.  

  

My children are now 19, 15 and 13, and they have never objected to the "no dating till 16" rule....as a matter of fact, the older two have THANKED me for it on several occasions when they were able to use it as an excuse not to go somewhere with someone....LOL. 

 
December 6, 2005, 11:49 am CST

My daughter is in a bad relationship

Hi all, I'm very frustrated and hoping to get some good advise through this message. I'm a single mom of a 20 yr old who for the most part has been a great a kid, always had a good head on her shoulders, very positive and loving and great personality. Since she's been with her boyfriend (about 1 1/2 yrs.) her personality has completely deteriorated, she seems depressed and very moody. She's no longer the happy loving daughter I once knew.  I hear her fighting with her boyfriend daily on the phone and I just can't stand to see her continue in this bad situation. She claims she loves him. I don't think he feels the same about her. Even though he's a loser in my opinion, dropped out of HS, no job, no motivation, he belittles my daughter, manipulates her and mistreats her every chance he gets, and it seems the worse he treats her the more she wants to be with him. He has instilled such of fear in my daugher that she's afraid to piss him off in any way.  I have tried to talk to her but she defends him at all costs. Her and I have gone to therapy which has worked on our communication with eachother, but the boyfriend problem still exists.  How do I enlighten my daughter (tactfully) to leave this guy once and for all.  I think she has now developed a co-dependant relationship with him, and is bordering on obsession, what kind of help can I get for my daugher? Or should I just sit back and let it take its course, hoping she'll get over it soon 

 
December 9, 2005, 6:04 pm CST

lol

Quote From: poetmom

In this area, almost no one dates before 16...and those who do, have parents who aren't involved in what their children do at all. I guess it all just depends on where you live, how you were raised, and what expectations you have for your children.  

  

As for sex education, we began that with my three children at the age of four, with age appropriate answers to questions, and have always kept the lines of communication open through the years. We've never made it look like an "evil thing,' only something that should be shared only with someone you are very committed to, not just given away willy-nilly.  

  

My children are now 19, 15 and 13, and they have never objected to the "no dating till 16" rule....as a matter of fact, the older two have THANKED me for it on several occasions when they were able to use it as an excuse not to go somewhere with someone....LOL. 

lol u guy at 15 if a child is mature enough u should let her date not 14 thats to young i would say 15 u should start letting ur kids date but make sure u no who the guy is but be open minded about it  

do not judge to fast 16 is a great age to have a relastion ship but to date is 15 dateing and relationships are way deferent things dateing is like just chillin relastionships are much much more me my self i dont like to rush things but i dont like to be judged to fast  

and if ur letting ur 15 year old date make sure shes not over dressed like make her look her age  

amd u have a sex talk aids are way to out of control but as long as u check well ur daughter checks him shell be ok evan nice looking ppl have aids and other sex desises 

 
December 17, 2005, 3:46 pm CST

Teen Dating

Quote From: thuggie_16

lol u guy at 15 if a child is mature enough u should let her date not 14 thats to young i would say 15 u should start letting ur kids date but make sure u no who the guy is but be open minded about it  

do not judge to fast 16 is a great age to have a relastion ship but to date is 15 dateing and relationships are way deferent things dateing is like just chillin relastionships are much much more me my self i dont like to rush things but i dont like to be judged to fast  

and if ur letting ur 15 year old date make sure shes not over dressed like make her look her age  

amd u have a sex talk aids are way to out of control but as long as u check well ur daughter checks him shell be ok evan nice looking ppl have aids and other sex desises 

Thanks for your advice, but I think that I am in a better place to make the decision on what is best for my children than you are, and we're all quite comfortable with no dating until at least 16. It worked with the oldest and so far it's working with the other two as well.
 
December 22, 2005, 9:20 am CST

problemchild

ok im a 16 yea old girl..my parents have been devorced for 7 years and my dad wasnt ever a part of my life and my mom has always been their for me......and she sayd im becomming a problem at times....casue im never home.....my attituded and my boyfriend........she hasn met him we jus started dating...she doesnt want me to have  bf cause the  last one i had......my grades suck......im  a cheeleader.....and my mom is a great person she trys to help me i jus wont take it......her bf is the closest thing to a dad right now.......hes awsome we have talks when im not n good moods or im really mad at  my mom......my bf jason is the only one who understands why and how i get mad.......i jusnwish i could be jus as close to my mom as i used to be!!!!! 

  

  how do i talk to her 

   lis 

  

  

 
December 27, 2005, 3:15 pm CST

12-year old wants to movie date with friends

My daughter will be 12 in February, so actually she's still 11. She's had this "boyfriend" since school started. At first I thought it was innocent and cute so I used the term "boyfriend" with her. She has gone to football games with her girlfriends and their parents; to basketball games with her friends and us, and "Joe" is always there...and they call this "dating." Now she wants to go to a movie with her girlfriends (four of them) and "Joe" is going to be there too. My husband is having a fit, but has agreed to go along with what I think (he's my daughter's stepdad). I've told my daughter that she could go as long as I was there...then she wants me to be in the same theater and not the same movie. ???? She says that I don't trust her. She doesn't like to be alone with this boy, and she is very mature for her age. I know.....that 12 isn't very mature yet. I just don't know what to do. I have been told by a physician that I am too controlling and smothering her. That I'm actually making her afaid of life. Where do I draw the line between keeping her safe, and smothering her?
 
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