Topic : Teen Dating

Number of Replies: 441
New Messages This Week: 2
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:21:50 pm
Author : dataimport
Say it isn't so - your teenager is dating! Share your stories, and tips for making your teen's dating days as worry-free as possible.

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March 7, 2006, 4:25 pm PST

No!!

Quote From: lilcricket

I'm 17 years old and I've had my fair share of relationships. My last boyfriend didn't last long, and I'll say that we really didn't hit it off so well as boyfriend/girlfriend. We broke up about 3 months later but were still really close friends and in the past year, we've grown very close. I just turned 17 a couple of months ago and I finally can get out and have a little more freedom (but not too much, my parents do still keep me held back from certain things). But my parents are also older for my age, I'm 17 years old and my parents are both in their early 60's so It's sort of like living with your grandparents all the time. They still live back in the day when if you wore a black shirt you were considered gothic and if you even talked to a guy you were automatically labeled an "item".  

  

But as I said, me and my ex-boyfriend are still very close and really good friends. I talk to him mostly every day and we just know each other inside out. I don't want to be anything more with him than good friends because he has a new girlfriend and they're happy with each other and I don't want to try to ruin that for him. But my mom doesn't seem to understand this. She thinks that I still fall for him and he is just playing me because he does have another girlfriend but constantly talks to me (which he does, but I don't see it that way. I just see it as us being best friends who talk alot.) We try to go do stuff together but my mom says that I can't go off with him unless it's a date and that since I'm so blind to not be able to see what's going on, she's going to do this for me (this, being, keeping me away from him)

And since my mom is getting up there in age, she's pulled away from her friends and is sort of a sit at  home sort of girl. And I don't mind spending time with her at all, but I'm 17 and I'd like to be able to do things too. My dad isn't living at home right now (he works out of town) so we're pretty much here by ourself. Which consequently, makes it hard for me to be able to spend the night with my friends or be out past 9:00 (that is, if i'm allowed to even go out) 

  

I also tell her things that go on in my life sometimes, but lately I've kept things to myself because she doesn't seem to have anything to talk about except my life. She talks to my aunt alot and more than once i've found her sitting talking to my aunt about my personal life which I had hoped she'd keep to herself. I don't really want the entire family knowing about my problems. 

  

So really, my question is, how can I get it through her head that I need my own space and she doesn't have to hold my hand through relationships now that i'm getting older? Or am I being too pushy? 

You are not being too pushy.  But if you are upset that your mother is talking to family members ask her if what is said between you can be kept confidential.  I know your mother is not trying to hurt or embarrass you.  She probably just needs to talk to someone too about the best way to be a parent. 

If you want more privilages it is imparative you be honest with her.  Maybe she sees something in your relationship with this boy that you don't.  Have you thought about finding someone else to go out with?  Also would this other girlfriend of your ex like it if she new you were still seeing him? What do you think?  I have a daughter who does not talk to me about anything in her personal life. I don't even know who she is going out with and she lies and manipulates to get what she wants. And for that she has very little privilages (she can't date until we meet her boyfriends) You sound like a very mature young woman and I think if you talk to your mother about your feelings you can negotiate something that you both can handle.  But if you clam up and hide yourself to your mother she will know and hold back giving you more privilages.  Do you talk to your mother about everything?  Or not? I think you are going to become 18 and you want more space but you have to show your mother that you are more mature about your life.  So discuss with her you feelings and I am sure you can come to some kind of negotiation. Good luck!!! 

 
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March 11, 2006, 6:01 pm PST

I'm so frusrated

My parents both said that I could start dating when I was 14 and when I turned 14 they said no. Now they say I have to be 16 and mature enugh. Well when I get my parents away from each other they both say I'm mature enough and blame the other for not letting me. When they're together they both say that I'm not mature enough and they will reevaluate my maturity when I'm 16. I know I won't be able to change their minds, but I want to undersand why they're saying these things.
 
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March 12, 2006, 3:16 pm PST

hey

Quote From: cnicpon

My parents both said that I could start dating when I was 14 and when I turned 14 they said no. Now they say I have to be 16 and mature enugh. Well when I get my parents away from each other they both say I'm mature enough and blame the other for not letting me. When they're together they both say that I'm not mature enough and they will reevaluate my maturity when I'm 16. I know I won't be able to change their minds, but I want to undersand why they're saying these things.
well basically what Ur parents are doing is blaming each other until they are together. But they both don't want you to date till your older they just don't have the guts to tell u there true feelings on it because they don't want to be the BAD GUY.
 
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March 14, 2006, 12:55 am PST

Pitting

Quote From: cnicpon

My parents both said that I could start dating when I was 14 and when I turned 14 they said no. Now they say I have to be 16 and mature enugh. Well when I get my parents away from each other they both say I'm mature enough and blame the other for not letting me. When they're together they both say that I'm not mature enough and they will reevaluate my maturity when I'm 16. I know I won't be able to change their minds, but I want to undersand why they're saying these things.
Well that fact that you are going from one parent to another and manipulating them to fight to change their minds shows me that you are not mature.  Mature people don't play go between to get what they want.  Have you asked both of your parents together why they feel you are not mature enough?  As a parent I feel that 14 is a not a good time to date either.  As a parent I would consider chaperoned dating.  Have you approached them with that idea.  It is a good way to negotiate want you want with a compromise.  I hope this helps.
 
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chillin'
March 16, 2006, 2:13 pm PST

Wow

Well dating as a teen is hard for me and the reason is...I'm only 16 my mom will only allow me to date guys that are 16-18 maybe 19...and the problem is there are alot of 20 year old guys trying to date me and i hate tellin them no my mom wouldn' allow it cause then i sound like a little baby...so i sneek and date them anyways...it never works out but i do it anyways...i just feel like parents should be more easy on who I can date and i can't!!!!
 
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March 17, 2006, 1:40 pm PST

Statutory rape

Quote From: dazedkayla

Well dating as a teen is hard for me and the reason is...I'm only 16 my mom will only allow me to date guys that are 16-18 maybe 19...and the problem is there are alot of 20 year old guys trying to date me and i hate tellin them no my mom wouldn' allow it cause then i sound like a little baby...so i sneek and date them anyways...it never works out but i do it anyways...i just feel like parents should be more easy on who I can date and i can't!!!!

Hello! I was reading what you were saying and I understand your feelings.  But there are laws with regard to adults who are dating kids under 18 years of age.  Some states have statutory laws that are automatically enforced without parents permission.  This means if  you are dating and having intimate relationships with 20 years old and you are at the age of 16.  That 20 year old is running the risk of being prosecuted and facing up to 15 years in prison.  So you parents not allowing you to date older men is not only to protect you, it is to protect the young men you are dating from anything serious happening to you.  I understand you are 16 and want more freedoms to make choices for yourself.  I remember being your age and dating and wanting more independance.  But think that if your parents find out that you are sneaking and lying to them how they would feel and what your consequences would be if they knew.  Also most 20 year old boys if you express to them that you respect you parents rules and won't go against that because they know what is best. Most boys that age who really like and respect you will understand and look up to your honestly.  They won't look at you as a baby.  I think if you really like a 20 year old and want to date. Talk with your parents about it.   Tell them honestly how you feel.  They will respect you for it and maybe you both can negotiate new terms for showing your honesty. I hope this help.  Working on my marriage and family degree. Thanks!!Michelle 

 
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March 17, 2006, 7:23 pm PST

Reason for everything

Quote From: dazedkayla

Well dating as a teen is hard for me and the reason is...I'm only 16 my mom will only allow me to date guys that are 16-18 maybe 19...and the problem is there are alot of 20 year old guys trying to date me and i hate tellin them no my mom wouldn' allow it cause then i sound like a little baby...so i sneek and date them anyways...it never works out but i do it anyways...i just feel like parents should be more easy on who I can date and i can't!!!!
There is a reason for everything- you said this yourself: "it never works out but I do it anyways..." regarding dating 20 year old men. There are reasons why it is illegal for 20 year old MEN to have relationships with 16 year old girls- because its wrong. Why arent these 20 year old men hanging out with girls their own ages? Probably because the girls their own ages don't believe their "stories" and they aren't as easily manipulated as younger girls are, thats why. I only say this because my own brother is 27 and he always runs around with very young girls- only 17 and 18 year old girls are what he can "get" because girls who are older don't believe the crap that comes out of his mouth, and believe me, its all crap! There are men who will say anything to get with a younger girl who is nieve and who will think they are God's gift to the world, it makes them feel good about themself when a pretty young girl thinks that they are so smart and special. But it is only a matter of time and you will realize these men are telling you a load of lies just to be with you, and its not even worth it. There is no amount of money or anything else that could buy your parents trust in you, they have rules regarding dating because they love and care about you, and they only want to protect you! They aren't making these rules to be mean. Your parents know that there is only one thing that a 20 year old man would want with a 16 year old girl, and they want to protect you from that, because you dont' deserve that crap. I encourage you to consider why your parents have this rule, and consider if maybe, just maybe, they are doing this because they love you.
 
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March 22, 2006, 11:25 am PST

Teen Dating

Quote From: angelzyn

Hey guys. I am facing a new phase of parenting. My eldest is turning 15, and reaching an age of promised privileges(sp?) including double dating. With all that is in the world these days, how do I not smother my daughter, but not leave the door open for the mistakes we all know can happen? Angelzyn

Hey! 

I'm going to be 16 next week. 

I've "dated" since I was 13, though my mom didn't consider it dating. 

Grade 9 was my first serious boyfriend, we were only aloud on the main level of the house because my parents didn't want me having sex and such. The odd time they'd leave us home alone, we'd kiss but no oral sex or anything, being raised and taught whats apporopriate and when and leanring to trust a person first, that's helped my dicissions. I can also tell my mom EVERYTHING. If I thought I was ready to have sex, I'd talk to my mom first because I know she knows way more about it then me. Try to be open with your daughter. Maybe let her go out with guys but not let them in her room alone for a little while, make sure they are mature about there relationship. My parents don't like me "cuddling" on the couch, they think its inappropriate. I think this is pretty dumb becuase atleast we arent upstairs..... 

and we dont cuddle in public. 

I am not going back out with my 1st serious boyfriend, we developed a really good friendship and even if we did break up I know wed be best friends. 

Good luck! 

Sara Diane 

 
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upset
March 28, 2006, 4:43 pm PST

Advice

I would really like some advice about my boyfriend. He will say stuff like, "This girl on the internet is more fun to talk to than you." or there's this girl Miriam that he liked briefly while we were dating and he will say stuff like, "Ya I had sex with Miriam, I'm sorry." and then start laughing and say "You know I'm just kidding right?" He says that he's just joking, but when he says stuff like this it's really hurtful to me. Is this just a normal guy thing or am I just overreacting? Do I need to talk to him about it and ask him to stop? Also, the other day he wanted to spend some time with me and he said something teasing and I walked out of the room just teasing him back. I found out later that he was really mad about what I did. I appologized, but then he kept saying, "So how are you going to make it up to me?" What should I do? Please help! 

  

 
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March 28, 2006, 5:29 pm PST

Teen Dating

Quote From: dazedkayla

Well dating as a teen is hard for me and the reason is...I'm only 16 my mom will only allow me to date guys that are 16-18 maybe 19...and the problem is there are alot of 20 year old guys trying to date me and i hate tellin them no my mom wouldn' allow it cause then i sound like a little baby...so i sneek and date them anyways...it never works out but i do it anyways...i just feel like parents should be more easy on who I can date and i can't!!!!
Well I think your mom has good intentions for setting an age limit on the people you can date. When you hit about twenty, three or four years in age difference doesn't seem like a lot, but when you're 16 trying to date someone who's 20 it seems like a little more of a difference. I'm sure your mom is just trying to protect you from the older guys that would want to take advantage of a younger girl.
 

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