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Topic : Teen Dating

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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:21:50 pm
Author : dataimport
Say it isn't so - your teenager is dating! Share your stories, and tips for making your teen's dating days as worry-free as possible.

 
saradiane
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March 22, 2006, 11:25 am PST

Teen Dating

Quote From: angelzyn

Hey guys. I am facing a new phase of parenting. My eldest is turning 15, and reaching an age of promised privileges(sp?) including double dating. With all that is in the world these days, how do I not smother my daughter, but not leave the door open for the mistakes we all know can happen? Angelzyn

Hey! 

I'm going to be 16 next week. 

I've "dated" since I was 13, though my mom didn't consider it dating. 

Grade 9 was my first serious boyfriend, we were only aloud on the main level of the house because my parents didn't want me having sex and such. The odd time they'd leave us home alone, we'd kiss but no oral sex or anything, being raised and taught whats apporopriate and when and leanring to trust a person first, that's helped my dicissions. I can also tell my mom EVERYTHING. If I thought I was ready to have sex, I'd talk to my mom first because I know she knows way more about it then me. Try to be open with your daughter. Maybe let her go out with guys but not let them in her room alone for a little while, make sure they are mature about there relationship. My parents don't like me "cuddling" on the couch, they think its inappropriate. I think this is pretty dumb becuase atleast we arent upstairs..... 

and we dont cuddle in public. 

I am not going back out with my 1st serious boyfriend, we developed a really good friendship and even if we did break up I know wed be best friends. 

Good luck! 

Sara Diane 
 
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gopher
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March 28, 2006, 4:43 pm PST

Advice

I would really like some advice about my boyfriend. He will say stuff like, "This girl on the internet is more fun to talk to than you." or there's this girl Miriam that he liked briefly while we were dating and he will say stuff like, "Ya I had sex with Miriam, I'm sorry." and then start laughing and say "You know I'm just kidding right?" He says that he's just joking, but when he says stuff like this it's really hurtful to me. Is this just a normal guy thing or am I just overreacting? Do I need to talk to him about it and ask him to stop? Also, the other day he wanted to spend some time with me and he said something teasing and I walked out of the room just teasing him back. I found out later that he was really mad about what I did. I appologized, but then he kept saying, "So how are you going to make it up to me?" What should I do? Please help! 

  
 
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gopher
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March 28, 2006, 5:29 pm PST

Teen Dating

Quote From: dazedkayla

Well dating as a teen is hard for me and the reason is...I'm only 16 my mom will only allow me to date guys that are 16-18 maybe 19...and the problem is there are alot of 20 year old guys trying to date me and i hate tellin them no my mom wouldn' allow it cause then i sound like a little baby...so i sneek and date them anyways...it never works out but i do it anyways...i just feel like parents should be more easy on who I can date and i can't!!!!
Well I think your mom has good intentions for setting an age limit on the people you can date. When you hit about twenty, three or four years in age difference doesn't seem like a lot, but when you're 16 trying to date someone who's 20 it seems like a little more of a difference. I'm sure your mom is just trying to protect you from the older guys that would want to take advantage of a younger girl.
 
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lilcricket
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March 28, 2006, 6:57 pm PST

Teen Dating

Quote From: gopher

I would really like some advice about my boyfriend. He will say stuff like, "This girl on the internet is more fun to talk to than you." or there's this girl Miriam that he liked briefly while we were dating and he will say stuff like, "Ya I had sex with Miriam, I'm sorry." and then start laughing and say "You know I'm just kidding right?" He says that he's just joking, but when he says stuff like this it's really hurtful to me. Is this just a normal guy thing or am I just overreacting? Do I need to talk to him about it and ask him to stop? Also, the other day he wanted to spend some time with me and he said something teasing and I walked out of the room just teasing him back. I found out later that he was really mad about what I did. I appologized, but then he kept saying, "So how are you going to make it up to me?" What should I do? Please help! 

  

I've had the same exact problem. I really don't know why guys like to do that, their ideas of sweeping a girl off their feet needs tweaking if you ask me. I'm 17 and one of my exboyfriends constantly liked to remind me that he saw his exgirlfriend atleast once a week at work and that they had a hot and steamy relationship. Or that he was talking to some girl online, or if we started getting cozy and I pulled away when it got too far, he'd call me a tease and get irritated. From personal experience and as one girl to another, I'd say you need to give him a 'choose or loose' talk. If he's being a tease about certain things and then when you turn around and give it right back to him, he gets angry and expects you to 'make it up to him'...you might want to look elsewhere for a Saturday night date. And once again, just from personal experience, guys who act like that turn out to be jerks in the end. Not worth any girl's time until they straighten their act up and stop acting like 10 year olds who still go by the I-like-you-I-punch-you, middle school tactic of picking up girls.
 
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cheermomma
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March 29, 2006, 8:49 am PST

help with my 16 year old

I have a beautiful 16 year old daughter who is in love with an 18 year old. He was away for 9 months and they wrote to each other faithfully. At one point they were dating and she had heard some things and broke up with him.  He is now home and says he loves her and has missed her but the will never get back together over some things she did. How can I help her. She says it is all her fault and she is depressed. When I ask her to talk to me about it all she will say is it is her business and she will handle it her way. They talk almost all day some days and others days in spurts. When he doesn't call she gets all down. I know she is just hoping they will get back together. I am her mother and have been heart broken myself at young age. She was a cheerleader at her high school but now is so negative. I really need help on how to help her. It is causing me great anxiety and heart ache.
 
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ebeadit1
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March 29, 2006, 10:32 am PST

More than just heart ache

Quote From: cheermomma

I have a beautiful 16 year old daughter who is in love with an 18 year old. He was away for 9 months and they wrote to each other faithfully. At one point they were dating and she had heard some things and broke up with him.  He is now home and says he loves her and has missed her but the will never get back together over some things she did. How can I help her. She says it is all her fault and she is depressed. When I ask her to talk to me about it all she will say is it is her business and she will handle it her way. They talk almost all day some days and others days in spurts. When he doesn't call she gets all down. I know she is just hoping they will get back together. I am her mother and have been heart broken myself at young age. She was a cheerleader at her high school but now is so negative. I really need help on how to help her. It is causing me great anxiety and heart ache.
It is normal for a teen to feel depressed with regard to breaking up with a boy.  But she is not letting it go with this boy.  And based on what you are explaining. She is developing an unhealthy relationship with this boy where her self esteem is tied up with whether this boy loves her or not.  If he does not want to get back with her then why are they talking so much? He is 18 years old and she is only 16.  There is a big maturity difference between the 2 years.  I understand she does not want to talk to you about everything. But I would talk to her about letting go of a relationship that makes her feel badly.  This boy sounds very manipulative by telling her he loves her but won't go out with her.  I would explain to her how you feel.  She most likely won't listen but talk anyways.  I really think you need to talk with her and tell her your feelings and encourage her to talk without you judging her about this relationsip.  I think you probably need to let her go and let her figure this out as long as it does not develop into a very pathological relationship.  If you feel this boy is too old for her being 18.  Talk with his parents about your concerns.  Your daughter is not an adult but this boy is an adult and knows more about the ways of the world than her.  So just let go a little and watch how things progress.  I would encourage friendships outside of this relationship.  I hope this helps.
 
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jenoc99
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March 30, 2006, 5:55 am PST

Advice regarding boyfriend

Quote From: gopher

I would really like some advice about my boyfriend. He will say stuff like, "This girl on the internet is more fun to talk to than you." or there's this girl Miriam that he liked briefly while we were dating and he will say stuff like, "Ya I had sex with Miriam, I'm sorry." and then start laughing and say "You know I'm just kidding right?" He says that he's just joking, but when he says stuff like this it's really hurtful to me. Is this just a normal guy thing or am I just overreacting? Do I need to talk to him about it and ask him to stop? Also, the other day he wanted to spend some time with me and he said something teasing and I walked out of the room just teasing him back. I found out later that he was really mad about what I did. I appologized, but then he kept saying, "So how are you going to make it up to me?" What should I do? Please help! 

  

The other poster's advice was right on. This boyfriend doesn't sound very nice!! Let say that he is "only" joking or teasing, it is still very hurtfull, isn't it? He is doing and saying these hurtfull things to see how much crap that you will take from him, and since you keep taking his crap, he is going to keep giving it to you. When he makes you feel bad, it makes him feel good about himself... not exactly the type of person you want to have a relationship with, is it? When you described the situation when you walked out of the room, giving him a 'taste' of his own medicine and you discovered he was really mad and you apologized, did you get the feeling that no matter how much you said sorry, it would never be enough? Please listen to your instincts- you are young but you have instincts, and your instincts are telling you that this guy is no good for you. You deserve the type of boyfriend who makes you feel good about yourself, not bad. You deserve to be happy and secure in a relationship, not worrying that you aren't as "good" as another girl on the internet! He is being a mean bully. I urge you to start spending less and less time with him, and don't allow his hurtfull comments to bother you, because he is only saying those things to make himself feel good. Its sick!
 
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ebeadit1
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March 30, 2006, 6:57 pm PST

Talk to him

Quote From: gopher

I would really like some advice about my boyfriend. He will say stuff like, "This girl on the internet is more fun to talk to than you." or there's this girl Miriam that he liked briefly while we were dating and he will say stuff like, "Ya I had sex with Miriam, I'm sorry." and then start laughing and say "You know I'm just kidding right?" He says that he's just joking, but when he says stuff like this it's really hurtful to me. Is this just a normal guy thing or am I just overreacting? Do I need to talk to him about it and ask him to stop? Also, the other day he wanted to spend some time with me and he said something teasing and I walked out of the room just teasing him back. I found out later that he was really mad about what I did. I appologized, but then he kept saying, "So how are you going to make it up to me?" What should I do? Please help! 

  

This boy sounds very inmature and very insecure.  He sounds like he has abandonment issues that is why when you walked out  of the room he became angry.  His feelings of inadequecies and his immaturity cause him to seem insensative but really her is just insecure about you leaving him.  This kind of relationship can become quite patholoigical and abusive if you don't address the problems with him.  Tell him honestly how you feel and validate his insecurities by talking abou t them.  If he knows you understand his insecurities he might stop behaving the ways he does to hurt you.. If after you have spoken with him and resolved the issues and he continues this hurtful behavior I would leave the relationship and find someone who enhances you as a person.  Good luck. 
 
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mamabanker
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March 31, 2006, 2:45 pm PST

Help with 19 year old daughter

How do we deal with a 19 year old daughter who continues to see a boy who is no longer welcome in our home?  For some reason he has her eating out of the palm of his hand.  He has repeatedly cheated on her and she knows about it.  How do we make her see that she is just teaching him that he can continue to treat her badly with no consequences on his part.  This is tearing our family apart.  She deserves so much more.  How do we make her see she is worth more than this?
 
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jkstoned
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April 1, 2006, 8:02 pm PST

Teen Dating

Quote From: gopher

Whoa. Okay, just hang on a minute. Not all teenage girls are like this. I think what happens with girls in an abusive relationship is they become attached to their abusive partner and they fear seperation from them. They say stuff like, "well he can be really sweet and caring sometimes," or "He says he loves me," or they feel like they're boyfriend is having a hard time and they keep telling themselves that they would be very insensitive if they left him in his time of need. They form an unhealthy dependency on them and they can't let go. These girls don't want to be treated like dirt, they are just emotionally attached. And just maybe you haven't found the right person yet because you're looking in the wrong places. Don't worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

yeah, i guess i got a little carried away...i'm just starting to feel certain emotions again, after being addicted to hashish and I was reminded of things that happened to me in highschool and it got me angry. 

  

it's just upsets me to think that nice girls are staying in a relationship and being treated like dirt. 

  

also there is the "nice guys" v.s. "jerks" phenomenon. A lot of (not all, by a lot) of girls are attracted to jerks and "bad boys". I think it's because they have more confidence than the nice guys. 

  

and yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but they're about to be reeled up by some bad-boy jerk or rich fisherman :( 

  
 
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