Topic : Teen Dating

my advise, PUSH HIM AWAY. as a mom you can get rid of him  weather she is 18 or not. i dated a guy who was the same way. he is controling. and controling, well when she starts disobeying him he will become abusive. weather it is emotionaly or physically. if you think she is upset now just wait. as a mother it is your duty to stop it before it gets to late. i mean her friend that gave her the jewelry is gay. and a long time friend. he has no interest in her in that way. her boyfriend would have to be stupid to act that way. tell her to ditch him and find a new date. i am WARNING you he is trouble. signed, an 18 year old who has been there

I read a lot of problems that you parents have and I know that you must love your children very much. I am 20 years old and although I am not a parent I would like to offer you some advice, since I was just 16 four years ago and I know what it is like growing up as a teenager today. When I was growing up my parents sheltered me a lot, and I never really knew too much outside of school work. By the time I reached highschool, everything changed. I got that little bit of freedom that I wanted to badly for so long. My parents to this day at the age of 20 don't want me to date anyone, so I am not saying that the freedom I got in highschool was because they let me have it. I don't want to sound pessimistic, but in truth whatever teenagers want to do they will do. I have always been a good kid, I was valedictorian went to an Ivy League school the works, and I would never disrespect my parents. The thing is although my parents tried to limit my everyday life they never really prevent me from doing the things I wanted. Nowadays you can tell your son or daughter that they cant date until 16, but dont be surprised if they haven't been dating since age 10. I know a lot of young people and I know how different they can be when they are with their parents and with friends. I know that parents want to feel as if they have some control over their childrens lives, and they do....at home. I am sure that this may not be what many of you want to hear, but it is true. The one thing that you can do is just try to be a friend to your son/daughter, and although they won't nearly tell you everything, the little bit of their lives that they will let you in on is better then nothing.

This boyfriend sounds really possessive/obsessive....and verges on dangerous. I would get her to consider whether or not she can picture herself living the rest of her life feeling the way he makes her feel with his comments and demands on her........if not, then suggest that she would be better off ending things with him NOW.  But I would also make sure she stays safe and protected while/after breaking off the relationship, as he could go off the deep end on her.

My daughter met a man online when she entered a wrong email address. He is abt 34, sgl, and college educated They kept in touch constantly by email, phone, IM, etc. After a few months they wanted to meet. She is 18, senior, and they met in a public place. The second time, (he lives across the country), she had her girlfriends with her when they spent time together. Of course we have discouraged this relationship since day one and didn't know she was meeting him.    

Her previous serious boyfriend was 4 yrs older than her and in the military. She wants to be independent in every way, and doesn't want our input in her relationships. She is pretty responsible with most committments, but still resents our authority and advice. She will listen to her dad more than me.    

I'm so upset, I don't know where our parenting lines should be drawn. After graduation, she will work and live at home to save for college, but she can't wait to leave, naturally. He is flying back this weekend to meet us, she thinks we will like him after we meet him... I would never approve the age difference unless she was 30,  at least old enough to know her own mind. Would you accept this?   

 I would say go ahead and meet the guy, and go with your gut feeling about him.  Not all older guys with younger girls are creeps.  And the fact that he is willing to meet her parents says something about him.  I know that 16 yrs difference seems like a lot, but she is 18, and legally there is really nothing you can do.  Maybe everyone could sit down and talk, see where they think this may go.  Honestly, I wouldn't push the issue.  She knows where you and her father stand on this, and any pushing to break it off will only push her away.  Then, if things do go wrong, she may not feel as though she can come to you.  I say accept it.  In her opinion, she already knows her own mind, and will learn from many mistakes in life.  This could either be a mistake, or it could be the real thing, and he could make her happy.  And, in the end, isn't that what really matters?  Hope this helps.

16 year age difference is a lot. Why can't this 34 year old man find a women his own age or at least older than 25??!!! There must be something not right if he feels that he needs to engage in a relationship with someone who's not even out of highschool. 

  

Predators have a twisted way of earning the trust of the girl and her family. That 18 year old daughter is easy prey. Once the trust is gained, then comes the intimidation. She will be too scared to leave a horrifying relationship. This man is sick. Be aware...be very aware of the situation. 

16 year age difference is a lot. Why can't this 34 year old man find a women his own age or at least older than 25??!!! There must be something not right if he feels that he needs to engage in a relationship with someone who's not even out of highschool. 

  

Predators have a twisted way of earning the trust of the girl and her family. That 18 year old daughter is easy prey. Once the trust is gained, then comes the intimidation. She will be too scared to leave a horrifying relationship. This man is sick. Be aware...be very aware of the situation. 

I agree with you, most of the time, guys like this are predators, and sick.  But, she is 18, and flat out telling her no will make her run into his arms.  That's why I said accept it, get a feel for the guy, and most of all, be there for the daughter, make sure that if it turns out bad, she is still welcome at home with her parents.  Even though 99% of 34yr olds going after 18 yr olds ARE not good people, there is that 1% who are.  I think the mother should use the mother's instinct, and see which side this man falls on. 

                 I have a daughter who is 14 and in the 8th grade, and she usually has a boyfriend. She has had many. But recentley she has been crushing on her social studies teacher, she talk about him constantly and tells me she is thinking about him. She tells me sometimes that lately she has been dreaming about him. I think for some sense that she thinks he is attracted to her, but he is married, and is in his 30's but for some reason she thinks he could possibly be interested, I know teens have crushes all the time, but I am afraid she will take it too far. 

She has had impossible crushes before, but this one is the most serious, I dont know why she always seems to have  "serious" crushes on men too old , but unusually this teacher she is crushing on now, is not bad looking. But i dont know what to do? She needs to realize he's too old and married. Also, before she had a crush over  this camp youth teacher, over the summer. When she left camp she missed him and it ruined her entire summer, she is still not over him totally but lately , she;s been thinking about this teacher. It really bothers me. 

If this is a stupid question I am sorry I am a new parent.. 

well please give advice, ! 

thanks  

anne 

Logic and reasoning are the key. Tell her this... 

  

"This man is in his 30s and he is married. He is (16-20) years older than you and he is not going to leave his wife for one of his students who just started high school. By law, this man cannot have any kind of relationship with you other than a professional student-teacher relationship. This man cannot love you and he is only interested in teaching you and helping you succeed, but he is not interested in a loving relationship with you. There is no need to have this crush because this crush will not go anywhere." 

  

If that doesn't work, then take her to a doctor. She may have an illness that needs attention.