Topic : Teen Dating

I am in need of some advice!!! My sister is 16 and she has been living with me(21) and my boyfriend (24) for 2 years now.  Last year she began dating a boy who seems really nice and polite on the surface, however every time I let her go somewhere with him he always brought her home late. Her curfew was already midnihgt and the city curfew was 10:30 so I thought I was giving enough already and had a conversation with her and him on how important it is that she is home on time. After that nothing changed! He was leaving for college in a few weeks and we were moving across town so I let it go until she came home almost two hours late!  At that time my boyfriend and I sat down with her and told here that we were no longer allowing her to see him since he could not respect our rules.  She was upset and I thought she would get over it.  6 months later she is begging to go hang out with him we argued for a week until I said, "OK , one last time and then I never want to hear of him again!" She agreed and when he came to pick her up my boyfriend told him that after that day he was never to contact her or come to our home again!  He agreed they went out and she was actually home on time.   A few months past by and I catch her in some lies, so needless to say my trust in her was damaged.  Even though I didn't fully trust her she was working and showing some responsibility so I let her go out and do more.  Last week she calls me and asks if her and "matt" (a different guy that I have met and approved of) can go to dinner and a movie after work.  No problem, just be home by midnight.  This week I find out she was out with the other guy!!!! I asked her if she had a confession to make and she refused, she just wanted to know what I knew.  I guess she has hidden so much from me that she did not want to admit to something I didn't already know about. when I told her that she was grounded for a month for lying to me and that I was taking her cell phone as well.  She said no! I think this is ridiculous!! So we argued for about 2 hours about the fact that I made a rule, she disobeyed, lied, and now she needed to be punished!  She refuses to respect my wishes and will not choose between her sister, who loves and takes care of her and some punk kid who disrespects and causes conflict between us!  I have no idea what to do and I'm sure when I get home she'll be planning world war III. 

I'm 16 years old and never had a boyfriend, I am currently seeing a guy who is 17 and has his driver's license.  He wants to be able to pick me up and take me out but my parents (especially my mom) won't let me go in the car with him.  She says it's nothing against him, but the other drivers out on the road.  So if it's nothing against him then what is the difference when I'm in the car with them.  They would rather me take public transit where people are stabbed and many other criminal acts take place then go in the car with my friend.  I really want to be able to go in the car, I'm not going to do anything and they trust me.  I don't understand why they just won't let me go to the movies which is a 3 min drive from my house with him.  Eventually they are going to have to let me grow up.  It's really embarrassing when you go on a date, and your date has a car but your parents still drop you off and pick you up.  Does anyone have any advice on how to change my mom's position?! I would really appreciate it!

Your father's "liberal" approach wasn't his choice, it is the only thing he knows how to do! If he said to you, no, you can't have sex- what would you do? You would rebel against him and you would do it anyway, twice as much, with twice as many people- just to 'show' him. And your father knows that. So he believes if he says ok, fine....that you will be better off. He's backed into a corner, so its not actually a choice.
If you think you are mature now, wait until you are 25 and reflect on your actions then. You are the same person that you were at 13, but you have different perspectives, attitudes, opinions, etc., and when you are 25 you will be a totally different person than you are now at age 25. I hope that you continue to make mature decisions for yourself, since the adult in your life who is supposed to be guiding you isn't.

Excuse me, but I take that as an incredible insult to myself and to my family. If he would have told me he would prefer I didn't do it, I would not, because I respect him and his wishes. We have a very open relationship and I tell him everything. Also, the part where you say  "You would rebel against him and you would do it anyway, twice as much, with twice as many people- just to 'show' him" is an extreme insult and totally improper judgement on your behalf. It is implying that I am a slut and unfaithful to my boyfriend - both of which I am the absolute opposite of. It just proves that you are absolutely ignorant, judgemental and are too afraid to admit that the teenager in your life will some day be doing the same thing.  

You also say "If you think you are mature now, wait until you are 25 and reflect on your actions then. You are the same person that you were at 13..." Does this mean you assume I am thirteen as of now? I am not. I clearly state in my post that I am 15 (turning 16 tommorow), at the very beginning. I have been dating this boy since I was 13. Read things through please.

I have a son who just turned 18. He has a full time summer job, his own car, pays his own car insurance and meets curfew of 12:30a. He has a girlfriend who is 19 and has no curfew. She will come to our home at my son's curfew of 12:30a and initially was staying until 3a or later. When I saw this happening, I wasn't comfortable with it, so I sat 2am as the time she had to go home. I told both her and my son. A few nights they were successful in getting her out the door around 2am but then 2 nights in a row I had to wake them up (they were asleep on the couch) to send her home. The second night I told my son I was through with being his alarm clock and them not respecting my 2am rule so his girlfriend could no longer come over after his curfew. One of the problems is my son's Dad, from who I am divorced. When my son is at his house, he lets my son's girlfriend stay as long as she wants (3 -4am) so my son doesn't understand why I care.

Does anyone have this issue and if so how are you handling it? I want my son to feel comfortable bringing his girlfriend to my house, but I believe 2am is late enough for her to be at our home.

Of course you are 'happy' with the way your dad approached you and your dating situation. You are doing what you want, when you want.
I think what the other poster was saying, about your age, is to think about this: are you the same person now at age 15 that you were at the age of 13? You surely have changed and grown in many areas, such as the way you think, act, etc. When you are older, you will notice that you continue to grow and change, your ideals will change and evolve, and you won't be the same person you are today at age 15.
I don't know why you are so angry and insulted, what did you expect from a message board? If you are as mature as you think, other opinions wouldn't bother you so much. Something for you to think about.

I am a 48 yr old mother of 2, ages 20 & 18.  I have had to engage the local youth outreach program through the local police dept to assist in a situation that appeared out of control.  Your sister is a minor. Her boyfriend is obviously over 18 if he's going to college. You may have to get a restraining order against her boyfriend. It seems like since she did want you to know some of the truth, she may herself not know how to handle this entire situation. She may actually on some level be grateful if you get some professional help.

Stick with your boundaries, and do what you say you are going to do. She has not shown herself mature enough to handle you giving her a little rope.  She has lied to you, you have no grounds to trust her. Tell her that -this is her "deal", not yours. You are simply responding to it as her sorta-parent. Also, don't be afraid to go check up on her. If she says she's going to the mall, go see if she's there. If she gets mad, again tell her it's her "deal". Her decisions have made it impossible for you to trust her. When she is honest with you, perhaps you will be able to trust her again.

Good luck and hang in there. YOU are doing the right thing, someday maybe your sister will even say "Thank you" (but don't hold your breath!)_.

I am seventeen years old and dating a wonderful guy from my highschool.  When we began dating at age fifteen, my mom forbade me from seeing him because she didn't like him because of his weight and his religion.  I tried to talk to my mom about it, but she wouldn't talk about it without yelling at me and saying I am just a child who doesn't know what she wants.  My boyfriend, however, talked to his mom about it and she met me and talked to me.  She told my boyfriend she thought I was nice and gave him permission to see me.  So, without my mother's knowledge, we began dating again.  While my mother didn't know about us, his mother always knew where we were and what we were doing.  We were both completely open with her, telling her about our first kiss and first dance and everything.  When I turned 16, my mom gave me the "privilage" of dating whomever I choose, thought she still openly disapproves of my boyfriend.  My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three years, but she only knows of a little over one.  Because of her close-mindedness, I tell her very little about my boyfriend and I, whereas, his mother knows everything.  We have never had sex, but I know that if we were to consider it, we would both go to his mom, not mine. 

 

My point is, my mom will never really know me because she shut out my feelings and thoughts.  On the other hand, my boyfriend's mom has a very close relationship with him, and has the relationship with me that my mother doesn't, because she didn't treat us like little children with no intelligent thoughts.  If you want a good relationship with your children, have a relationship and not just a dictatorship.  Yes, as the parent you are in charge, but that doesn't mean your kids are always wrong.  A lot of what they know they learned from you.  They will respect your opinions and obey you if you respect their opinions.

hi I'm dar i have a thirteen year old who insists that she is old enogh to date. i told her that when she went to seventh grade she could, but since then she has dated to many boys tto count. A lot of the time i don't know their name i'm so convused.

           Resently she has been on and off with a boy named alan hes 14 and does almost anything to get into trouble. He smokes weed drinks and even tries to get her to have sex.

          Although she made the right choice to say no to sex she still tried the weed like most teeagers and now she drinks wehn she can get her hands on it.

               I have an achol cabnit and i have only one key that only i have but i'm still worried that this boy is getting in her head and making her a diffrent person.

 

               help i don't know what to do..............

While I cannot relate to your situation, I commend you for having raised a responsible teenager.  Kudos to you for being a resposible parent and standing by your curfew (and his abiding by it too!) Maybe you've already approached your ex with this issue(?)  You don't mention the girlfriend's parents.  Do you know them?  Of course, not everyone raises their children by the same moral standards/rules, but try voicing your concern to them...or how about talking directly to your son's girlfriend??  She may be 19, but it's your welcome she's overstaying.  Good luck anyway, you seem to have a pretty good kid otherwise.