Topic : Teen Dating

Hello all. I'm a 20 year old college student who is residing at home. I've been dating my boyfriend for about two months now and we care about each other very much. A few nights ago I was at his house and got really tired and we both agreed it would be best if I didn't drive home considering it's a 20 minute drive on the freeway. The next morning I got home and my mom decided to ground me. I'm not allowed to see my boyfriend for a week now. I have an older sister who is a lesbian and when she and her girlfriend started dating they were spending the night together all the time. My mom didn't care because, well, my sister couldn't get pregnant. However, at that time, my sister was responsible for taking me to school in the morning and most mornings I didn't know if I would have a ride to school. My sister got grounded once and after that was told that if she wanted to stay out all night, she would have to make her car payments. Well, I pay my cell phone bill, my house phone bill, my car insurance, and my car is already paid off. The only thing I don't pay for is my education because my parents said that as long as I was in school they would pay for it so I wouldn't have to worry about it. I see this as a problem, though. It seems like they're giving my sister special treatment because of how she is. She was 19 at the time all this was going on and I'm 20. I've always been the good kid whereas my sister smoked pot, ran away, ditched class, and stole money from my mom. My mom says that it's not right for a girl to stay at her boyfriend's house because they aren't married. Yet it's perfectly acceptable for my sister to be living with her significant other? She keeps telling me that one day I'll have a little girl and then I'll think my mom wasn't so bad with me. Well, when my daughter is an adult, I'm going to treat her like one. I really think that she is treating me like a kid, especially since she gave me a curfew (I have to be in by midnight). She says that she wants to know where I am at night and that I'm safe. So if she knows that I'm at my boyfriend's house with him why can't I stay there (he lives with his mom and younger brother)? She let me go camping with my last boyfriend after we'd been together for no more than two weeks and had no idea where the camping location was. It was for a class of mine, but she still had no idea if my then boyfriend and I were actually going camping or if we were going to be staying at some hotel for the weekend. She also had no way of getting in touch with me. But, if I stay with my boyfriend, she knows where I am, that I'm safe, and she is able to reach me. If I were a parent, I'd rather my daughter spend the night at her boyfriend's house where I know exactly where she is and that I can reach her instead of going camping God only knows where and not being able to get in touch with her. What do you think?

 If your 20 why does she care so much about you dating and staying with your boyfriend? Parents should stop being so protective of any teens 17+ because we have the abilities they we need to make good decisions.

 Well 2 years ago I met this girl at my work...blah blah blah we were friends than one day about 2 months ago I told her that I liked her.  She told me that we couldnt go out because shes baptist and im catholic, and her parents would not except it (boy was she right).  So I kept trying and kept telling her how I felt than one day we were walking and she told me how she felt (and her friends agree'd).  Anyways we start dating (Im 18 almost 19 and she will be 18 in Dec), and her parents found out.  Her parents banned her from ever talking to me again or seeing me.  That didn't go over to well, so we still hung out.  About 2 months into the relationship her parents found out again and told her its againist Gods will for you and crap.  Her parents told her that I am just trying to get some (which is 100% wrong) and that she is to never see me again.  They made her quit her job, took her car and her cell phone, and grounded her from leaving the house, and she is not allowed to have anyone over for fear she will call me.  So I went out and bought her a pre paid cell phone so we can still talk.  Anyways she calls me everyday crying her eyes out on how much she misses me and everything. 
Here is the kicker.  She said when she turns 18 she is moving out inless her parents can see/understand this. She is home schooled and she said she will get her GED if she has to.  Her cousin already said she can move in with her if she leaves her house. I do not understand why they will not let her date.  What do I do?  I enjoy spending time with this girl and have NEVER EVER felt this way about any of my past relationships.  There is something about her.  And leaving her is not an option.  I have tried talking to her parents and do not get anywhere.  What do I do now?
Thanks

hi i have 3 kids one is 12 the other two are 15 and 17  well i think my 17 old son is hanging around with the wrong kids becasue he keeps coming not wanting to do anyhting and always stealing money from em and his grades have gone down. Now my 15 year old daughter i think shes sleeping around with lots of guys because i found some pics of her and a guy doing "it" and she always has condoms in her purse. And my youngest daughter shes trying to always be liek her big sister and so now shes sleeping around and doing drugs and i think shes gonna drop out of school. PLEASE DOCTOR PHILE HELP ME PLEASE O GOD HELP ME

I need help desperately.  I have a 17 year old that had his first girlfriend that lasted 1 year.  During that time she cheated on him with other guys but he always took her back.  During the summer she went away on a 3 week trip and cheated on him.  When she came home they broke up, actually she broke up with him. 

He wont accept it.  He is very distraught over this and we cant seem to get him over this hump.  He has become separated, mean, just got into a fight on Friday and got the you know what kicked out of him, from the kid she cheated with.  We are very much afraid something else is going to happen that is bad.  His friends are trying  to help, their mothers are trying to help, his priest at school is trying to help.  His self esteem is at the bottom of the barrel right now.  And he thinks of himself as a very bad person.  It is tearing me apart, emotionally and physically.  I dont know if he is in a state of depression or not.  I dont know where to turn right now before something bad happens.  All I do is cry over the situation to see him in so much pain and not think good of himself.  I just keep thinking the worse is yet to come.      

Can someone please help me?  I am desperate and so is my son. 

I wouldn't be suprised if your 17 yr old is smoking pot as well.  You need to talk to your kids, talk to your 15 yr old about sex, ask her if she is doing it?  Your 12 yr old is going to drop out of school????You need to get a handle on these kids, they sound as though they are walking all over you.  Put your foot down, don't let them out of the house so they can't do this step.  Good luck 

  

I read your post and just wanted to say that I think if you love this girl you would make it easier for her to get her education.  Why not wait until she is done being homeschooled so she can at least have that.  I know it will seem like forever, but a GED is nothing like having the real thing.   

  

How easy would it be for you to convert to her religion?  Go to church with them.  tell them you will go every sunday and that will be the only time you see her until they feel you are serious about this. 

My 18 year old daughter has a male friend. She claims they are just friends but here is my problem. They are together all the time. He is lazy, sloppy and has bad manners. He also has a chip on his shoulder and is very defensive about everything. He makes excuses for everything. He also brags about things (and he has no reason to brag). The biggest problem is, that wherever my daughter goes, he goes. I keep telling Lindsey that she will never meet any other friends if he is around. She needs other friends, Male and Female.  She goes to school but if she has time between classes, he will show up there to spend time with her. She goes to a theater class and he will go with her. I don't know what to do. I want her to have other friends. She is a pretty bright girl and doesn't need to be hanging around all the time with a lazy 20 year old who doesn't work and is very lazy and all he cares about is video games. If I forbid her to see him, then she will rebel and sneak. If I let her see him, then she will never meet other friends. If I could afford it, I would send her away to school. I mean far away. Does anyone have any suggestions? 

  

Suzanne in TN.  

Hi Suzanne in TN. 

What I would advise is to let your daughter know exactly how you feel. Do not pull any punches with your feelings to be "polite" or "fair" to him. Spell out exactly what her future would be if she ended up with him, ie.: She would wake up to his face every morning, her kids would look like him, she would have to live with his decisions on everything, or fight with him about them, her kids would act like him, talk like him, and even be named after him, and if he grates her nerves now he would be grating her nerves for evermore. Point out where he lives, and how he lives and that that is what she should expect from him in the long run.Tell her she must be truthfull to herself about her feelings about him, and remember she is young and so very able to attract better. She MUST NOT CHOOSE ANYONE UNTIL SHE KNOWS HERSELF MUCH BETTER!!! And she must have the guts to tell this guy so, or accept the consequences. 

Judy in IL 

PS- Tell her there is no hurry to leave home, and give her all the space she needs, and help getting her on her feet. Don't let her go down the tubes without a fight! 

While reading your post I could actually picture this guy in my head!! 

He is a moocher who has leached onto your daughter hoping and praying that she will have enough pity on him eventually to be his girlfriend... or that he can hang around long enough to pressure her into being more then friends... ugh!! This must be so hard for you!!  

I agree with the other poster who said that you've got to tell your daughter how you feel immediatly. Don't mince words...but also don't be so harsh that she gets defensive and accuses you of being judgmental of him. Yes that will be hard... I know that you are worried about being too harsh and pushing her into his arms, but you can't be willing to be so permissive that you end up allowing this to happen. My advice is to start a conversation about her future, does she want to get married, have kids some day? What kind of man does she want to marry? Etc... if you can get her into 'dream land', you can then yank the rug out from under her by pointing out all of this guys' flaws. If or when she starts making excuses for him, point out to her that she is MAKING EXCUSES. I really wish you the best!!