Quote From: distraughtmomThank you so much for helping me through this. WE have done almost everything you had suggested. WE been though it all. We even went to a therapist. I can only imagine what Dr, Phil would say, "What are you thinking" or is this working for you" ..ANd this is your child and he is still only a child and do what you know is right.
But she is away at college and the problem now is that we told him that her effect on him was bad after all that we saw and all that he did. I think time wil tell if and when he can truly move on. Because we told him , that it wouldnt be wise to contact her all at anymore. If it was meant to be than you wil know that in about 6-8 years. But if it were not, then you have to learn and grow to know what you are looking for. SHe has caused so much heart ache and pain in our family. That inself was a huge red flag. It was all about her, she has shown us that she needs to grow up. She was holding onto him tigher,since she went away. Maybe she thought I need to grab a hold of him and let him know he is the one? But she wasnt given herslef a chance at college either. How could she if she was always talking to him and on the computer with him? I was told this was her first boyfriend as well. She needs to know that it is all not about her. It was going on too much and too long that this was deifinately effecting our son for the worse. We saw him drop everything for her. We saw him being taken away from us. I told him noone has the right to make you choose between them and your family WE watched and watched but at some point , we had to step in and say, NO this is not right, this is not how a relationship works.
We told him , it was never about her personality. It was the effect of her insecurities, her self centered attitude and her immaturity that was not good for you. She had the problems not him.
I know his feelings will not simply dissappear, but with time, and with our love, he will come to undestand, trust us again, and realize it was all for him. I just hope future relationships for him will be more positive and the next girlfriend will truly do what is good for him. This way he will know what a good relationshop is all about. Peace within.
I have come ot the conclusion that he has to go through this and not me. He has to be the one to see what is happening to him, and he has to be the one to understand what is happening and be the one to say no more , I want out. I was trying to do it for him and he is not there yet. I can't make him see what he doesnt understand yet. I can only be there to keep guiding him and reminding him how one should act, how one should behave and hope it sinks one day.
It was a hard decision to make to let go of your child and let them experiecne life and make the decision, either good or bad for themselves, so they can grow and learn on their own. It took me many months to get this far and I think I have to let him go. But be there and support him and help him when it is finally over.
I had to grow as well, I had to learn as a parent
WE went through ups and downs and now it is up to him, and I will be there when he does realize what has happened to him and pick him up and brush him off and send him off again for another life lesson. Istnt that what it is alla about?
Thank you everyone for your support and guidance. It has helped me through it all.
I hope my next response is that he wants out of the relatiohship because it wasnt going anywhere and he wasnt doing what he wants to do and he saw himself changing.
Keep praying for me that my son will wake up soon and learn the truth about having a solid and meaningful relatiohship and how it should work.
