Topic : Teen Dating

From what I've read, I agree pretty much entirely with Oet Gaol on this subject.

Firstly, I think that pinning down an age at which one is 'mature enough to handle' dating is a silly thing to do.  16 is an arbitrary age; maturity depends on so, so very much more than the amount of time you've been alive.  How do you make that judgement?  Biologically, we should already be popping out children by the time we're 16.  Nature definitely intended us to be ready for non-platonic relationships with the opposite sex by the time we're 16.  So whose standards of maturity are you using? 

I'd probably argue that 15 is quite young to be having sex, but to be dating?  Come now, that's ridiculous.  Surely we gain maturity through experience?  Dinner and movie dates- and loads of other classic dating activities that I can think of- are surely pretty damn harmless. 

How long has she been going out with her current boyfriend?  Were they alone?  Where did they go?  I'll admit that I'm biased on this issue, in the spirit of full disclosure: I just turned 17 in May, and in June I went with my boyfriend of a year and a half to Rome for five days.  It was sort of the most spectacular thing ever.  I've had to face all sorts of condemning comments and expressions from people, particularly my parents' friends, but I maintain that there was absolutely nothing wrong or shameful or inappropriate in it.   15 is a tad young, though, for that sort of thing, but I don't know the circumstances at all.    

I recently graduated from high scholl, and I know how hormonally driven teens are.  I have friends who are devout Christians, yet think that sexual acts are o.k. as long as you don't go as far as vaginal intercourse.  of course, this is not all teens.  I myself am 18, have never even had my 1st kiss, and plan on waiting for marriage to even make out.  I agree that dating one on one will happen in due time.  I think it depends on the individual teen(how much you trust her based on knowing her well and her recent actions, her moral beliefs, her level of maturity, her knowledge about sex(most teens who are engaging in sexual activities are somewhat ignorant about consequences)).  I would suggest talking with her.  Too many teens take things too fast and end up in trouble(atleast from what I've seen).  It's good for teens to take things slow, have fun(clean), and get to know themselves better during the teen years, then focus on a relationship.  Relationships are also better that way.  Good luck!

I want to warn you taking it to slow is also possible. My friend who grew up in a place of the Netherlands where most are devoted Christians. She has told me stories about those same teens and tweens that got married at an earlie age because they didn't want to have sex before marriage. When they then had sex they found themselves incompattible and got devorced not long after.

You take it one step further and not even kiss though I don't want to force you I do want you to rethink your decission, whatever the outcome. Kissing is something I never heard about being forbidden, maybe because in roman times it was even more common then it is now. But still a kiss is something very personal which you share with another person it is something which makes you feel connected... or... not. Not kissing right is a real turn of for both men and women.

What if your partner isn't right for you kissingwise? You may not think a big deal of it but I think a good kiss is even more important then good sex. Sex is nothing more then sport with a bit of pleasure mostly at the end (unless you do it with the right person at the right time etc.) but the kiss can make it special... or... not.

Besides where are you gonna find a man who is willing not to kiss untill marriage? He want's to show you he loves you he wants to connect with you and a hug or a carress can only do so much. I think that not kissing might make you inavailable for any man, or woman whatever you prefer.

Now some Biology Sociology and Psychology. The topic learning. The Homo Sapiens is a specie which has the capabillity to learn just as our ancesters had before us. The way we learn is as follows we observe and we imitate, we fail and try again untill we succeed.

Babies don´t just walk they start with learning they have limbs which they can controll then they learn to control them they sit upright then start crawling after that they´ll pull themself up so they can stand and only then they´ll start walking wobbly at first strong and confident later on.

If you do not learn to have relationships then you cannot maintain them, I´m sorry but life´s no fairytale, there is no prince on the white horse you´ll meet and everything is ok. But relationships need work. As with any work you need to know how you need to use the tools if you want to make money (or love ;-) )

Now for some history. I would like to explain where this rule no sex before marriage comes from. in ancient times you did not have children, or at least they werren't seen as such, they where mini adults working like adults as soon as they could. and got children as soon as they could. It wasn't uncommen that they married at age 12 when puberty set in. So they married when they where biologicly ripe for having children.

Only when people got richer they had the time and money to see children as such. So boundries where pushed back more and more so that now we live in a civilization where we don't marry untill they are over twenty years old but there hormones say they want sex at age 15 or 16. artificcialy we keep this a bit later at 17 but marriage isn't realistic anymore.

Though the way it was isn't good either children now aren't ready for sex at age 12 because we imform them at their level rather then letting them in on all aspects of life (egyptians for instance encouraged teens to have sex with each other so they could practice for marriage)

I'm not saying you should give it up, as long as you believe it is right it is okay by me but I'm just making sure you know the whole story and I want to make sure that you make an informed decision and hopefully be a little bit less strict (go out and kiss, it's truly great!!!)

Don't worry you'll regret it, I remember my first kiss like it was yesterday and even though she isn't my girlfriend anymore and that technicly I sucked at it (no pun intended) I still feel it was like heaven. The only regret I have is that I didn't do it sooner .

I hope I didn't ramble on to much, but I think that you should live as a teen and feel free for those years that you can.

Theaching about dangers of sex is a bad idea. Instead theach them about sex, with among other things the dangers.

There is a crucial difference, teaching about the dangers can have two effects:

1.)   Your child will feel bad about having sex even when she has a husband, she might even feel wrong about her own body. Notthing a bit of behaverial-cognitive therapy can't cure but preventing is better then healing, right?

2.)   Your child thinks itselve imune for the dangers (teens think they ae invincable, just the state their mind is in at that point) and they ignore your preachings and do it anyway.

When do you need to talk about sex? well therapists suggest from an early age, make it age appropriate and start with the basics. So boys have a penis and girls a vagina (it's not foofoo woowoo or whatever it has a name, use it!)

Then explain them what sex is and tell them it can be a great experience if they love someone to share it with them.

Talk about the dangers and connect it to safe sex so they can prevent the bad stuff from happening.

Maybe other things I can't think of now

Untill around age twelve they are just being inquisitive, so answer to their nature and give them the information they deserve. If they ask a question please answer it truthfully lieing only does harm! Besides, wasn't lieing a sin? (could be wrong there...) If they need to learn it from friends they'll only get the good stuff not the bad. (Why else is teen pregnacy rates and STD rates many times higher in the US then in for instance the Netherlands where talking about sex is open and encouraged.) Sex education is even mandetory here and is tought at primary and high schools.

And remember teens don't wait why would you!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

In short: your doing the right thing

In Long:

Well the trouble with teens is that they have minds of their own and they will use them. So that means that your husband can't controll who she hangs out with.

A no will only increase the atractiveness of this boy beause he has a certain danger level around him, he is a forbidden fruit. Anyhow it won't help.

Then if it isn't ment to be it will end if it is you can't stop them no matter what.

And remember this: your parrents probably didn't like all your friends but did that let that stop you? Or did they even say something about it? Some times as a parrent you just need to suck it up and lay low and hope that it ends soon. In this case their is nothing happening what shouldn't be happening so just lay low for a while and hope it blows over...