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Topic : Teen Dating

Number of Replies: 435
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:21:50 pm
Author : dataimport
Say it isn't so - your teenager is dating! Share your stories, and tips for making your teen's dating days as worry-free as possible.

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October 3, 2005, 9:02 am CDT

to michelle

Quote From: cestmoi_

i have a question. ok, im 15 and i have a boyfriend. we have been dating for a little over 7 months. my mom has decided recently that im not allowed to see him at all outside of school. im not even allowed to hang out with my friends if she knows that he will be there too. her only reason for not letting me see him is that she "doesnt like him wants us to break up". but i love him & dont have any plans of breeaking up with him soon. ive tried talking to her over & over again about it & have tried convinceing her to let me hang out with him but it doesnt work. do you have any advice on what i can do to get her to let me see him again?? thanks. _michelle

You said that your mom won't allow you to see your boyfriend, and the "ONLY" reasons she gives you are that she "doesnt like him and wants us to break up"... sweety... she must have good solid reasons to feel that way!! No mother- and I'm talking from experience- wants to see her daughter make bad choices/decisions.. that is why we, as responsible parents, MUST take away privledges, etc., doing whatever we have to do, in order to protect our daughters.  

My advice is to listen to your mother. Follow her rules and see what happens. Your boyfriend, the person you think that you love right now, will probably drift away and you will find you don't have much in common... this would happen whether or not your mom made stricter rules, because it is the nature of teen romance. Be good to yourself, respect yourself, and I wish you the best. 

 
October 3, 2005, 2:56 pm CDT

For Starjammir

Quote From: starjammir

 Well 2 years ago I met this girl at my work...blah blah blah we were friends than one day about 2 months ago I told her that I liked her.  She told me that we couldnt go out because shes baptist and im catholic, and her parents would not except it (boy was she right).  So I kept trying and kept telling her how I felt than one day we were walking and she told me how she felt (and her friends agree'd).  Anyways we start dating (Im 18 almost 19 and she will be 18 in Dec), and her parents found out.  Her parents banned her from ever talking to me again or seeing me.  That didn't go over to well, so we still hung out.  About 2 months into the relationship her parents found out again and told her its againist Gods will for you and crap.  Her parents told her that I am just trying to get some (which is 100% wrong) and that she is to never see me again.  They made her quit her job, took her car and her cell phone, and grounded her from leaving the house, and she is not allowed to have anyone over for fear she will call me.  So I went out and bought her a pre paid cell phone so we can still talk.  Anyways she calls me everyday crying her eyes out on how much she misses me and everything. 
Here is the kicker.  She said when she turns 18 she is moving out inless her parents can see/understand this. She is home schooled and she said she will get her GED if she has to.  Her cousin already said she can move in with her if she leaves her house. I do not understand why they will not let her date.  What do I do?  I enjoy spending time with this girl and have NEVER EVER felt this way about any of my past relationships.  There is something about her.  And leaving her is not an option.  I have tried talking to her parents and do not get anywhere.  What do I do now?
Thanks

Hi Starjammir, 

I hope you're still there. I think I told you wrong. Follow your heart dear one. To your own self be true. What else matters if you don't? Answer: Nothing. 

You are very young, but you can make it. Never doubt that.  

Never 

 
October 3, 2005, 5:19 pm CDT

Sorry i was late

Quote From: marthaanna

Hi Starjammir, 

I hope you're still there. I think I told you wrong. Follow your heart dear one. To your own self be true. What else matters if you don't? Answer: Nothing. 

You are very young, but you can make it. Never doubt that.  

Never 

 Sorry I have been very busy with school work (college)...
About the girlfriend matters, Her parents are sending her to see a theripist because they think something is wrong with her because she does not want to be with me.  Lemme say a few things about myself.  I am 18 almost 19 and do NOT drink, smoke, do drugs, or any "special" things.  I CAN NOT cheat on a girl and do want to be with this girl very much.  Her parents tell her she has a hardened heart and has to make the choice between God and me.  Her parents also told me to my face the only reason to get married is to grace God.  I think that they could not be any more wrong.  I am doing everything that I can for this girl.  Sure I may be young but remember 100 years about people my age were having babies and getting married.  I am not ready to get married and either is she (gonna wait until we are almost/done with college) I am trying to follow my heart on this.  That is why I am sticking with her.  I am by NO means telling her to leave her parents (actually I told her to stay with them) but she told me she is tired of doing what they want her to do and living a life they want her to live.  I have given her several chances to give up but she does not want to.   Is this wrong of me to stay with her?  I do want to be with her and LOVE hanging out with her and just being around her.  Over the 2+ years iv known her we have NEVER had a fight.  We are almost completly opposite but that is a good thing I think so we can learn from one another. 
She told me today that she does not want to talk about just her or me, that she wants to talk about us.  She said there is no more just individuals, now we are one.  I was in shock and almost started to cry.  I am a pretty emotional guy (unlike most) hell I dont even listen to normal music....lemme see I got edwin mccain in the cd player. 
Please keep responding to me :)
 
October 5, 2005, 9:55 am CDT

Teen Dating

Quote From: marthaanna

  

Your son still thinks there is a chance with this girl. Otherwise he would move on. He is DEFINITELY depressed!! He needs to get this girl out of his head once and for all. You can help by changing his surroundings any way you can. Take him, or send him on a vacation. Let him visit relatives. Take him out for a treat when he's especially down, even if it's just a drive for a soda. Get him out with kids his own age. Remind him of his strengths. Is he an artist? musician? play golf? Whatever! Remind him what a great guy he is in so many ways! Encourage him to go out with other friends to movies, concerts,parties. Whereever! It may even help to point out what a crappie person she is. Show him there are lots of fish in the sea. Kind and faithful ones too! Once he forgets her and gets on with his life he will be fine again. Guaranteed! 

Good luck! 

We have tried all that.  One of the problems is all thie girl   friends give him information about her constantly.  His males friend tell him like it is and he doesnt want to hear it.  He cries allthe time now even in school.  His guidance councelor in school is very concerned with his depressed mood.  His friends mothers are worried also calling me Saturday nite saying he was really depressed.  He wont give up on her and constantly keeps e-mailing her, calling her, etc.  They run with the same crowd. 

He is also on Accutane.  I dont think it is causing the depressions but it may contribute to it.  I am so afraid he is going to do something awful.  His mind is elsewhere and not where it should be. 

His afther and I are not starting to fight about it.  His father gets angry about it and believes he should just get over it.   

The son feels this is his life, he loves her, doesnt want to live without her, he is responsible for her etc.... 

I am so saddened by his actions over this situation.  I am shocked that I would ahve to have him see a phy because of a girl.  Can it be to just immaturity?  I am very confused.  My only child is so sad. 

Where do I go from here?  The most important year of his life should be so happy but is sad.  He doesnt sleep, doesnt eat properly, wont talk to us. has become nasty, rude, ignorant and doesnt care about anything. 

  

Someone please help me.......before I loose him... 

 
October 5, 2005, 10:02 am CDT

Teen Dating

Quote From: marthaanna

Hi, 

Are things going any better? 

Martha 

Sorry couldnt get on the board for a few days.. 

  

Actually he is worse than ever.  I am very concerned and scared.      In his mind he LOVES her and she is his world.  

Everything has been turned around in his mind now and he feels he did something wrong and only wants her back.  He said he would give up his life for her..........I wish she would just go away....... 

  

His counselor in school is very concerned, friends and their parents are concerned. 

  

Today I am stopping the accutane medicine.  Although I dont believe it is the cause of his depression it may be a contributing factor.   

His counselor now thinks he may need professional help. 

  

I am still in a state of shock over his behaviour all because of a girl.  At the age of 17 he feels she is his life.   

I am very much afraid..........I am afraid he is going to do something more stupid which may cost him his future and his life.  

 
October 7, 2005, 8:01 pm CDT

accutane

Quote From: jjirh1

Sorry couldnt get on the board for a few days.. 

  

Actually he is worse than ever.  I am very concerned and scared.      In his mind he LOVES her and she is his world.  

Everything has been turned around in his mind now and he feels he did something wrong and only wants her back.  He said he would give up his life for her..........I wish she would just go away....... 

  

His counselor in school is very concerned, friends and their parents are concerned. 

  

Today I am stopping the accutane medicine.  Although I dont believe it is the cause of his depression it may be a contributing factor.   

His counselor now thinks he may need professional help. 

  

I am still in a state of shock over his behaviour all because of a girl.  At the age of 17 he feels she is his life.   

I am very much afraid..........I am afraid he is going to do something more stupid which may cost him his future and his life.  

I just read about you wanting to take your son off of accutane.  I used it as a teenager and I really do not remember being depressed (I actually was very excited because my acne was going away), however my niece was taking it about 7 years ago and she became very depressed.  I have heard there is somthing on the drug so please be carefull. 

A concerned mom 

 
October 10, 2005, 8:39 am CDT

I love my teenager...

This is such a great time in my daughters life, because she is going to high school next year, she has great friends, she loves God and she has a boyfriend who is sweet.  My daughter is 13 and by no means what so ever is permitted to go on dates with her boyfriend, however this and every relationship is in opportunity to teach her how to communicate, what to look for, identify with, not identify with and be safe learning, because she is still in my presence.  I still firmly believe that school and family come first in her life. I wanted her to learn that you need to get to know people first before you fall in love with them, and get to know them ask questions, it's ok.  I also want her to learn that her choices matter, and she needs to make alot of them  so we talk alot, and she doesn't like it very much, but she also knows that if she can't present all the information for what she wants to do, like who, what, when, where, why, how, what time does it start and end, and how are you going to get there and get back then we have no communication and she doesn't get her way.  She also does alot in her life, she goes to school, church, violin, home and we do alot together, so time is filled with constructive positive things than doting on seeing her boyfriend, and if she wants to see her boyfriend as a reward for getting her chores done (with supervision) then so be it, I have another daughter who is 9yr old that I can spend time with while she is with her boyfriend.  I hope this is helpful and would welcome any other ideas, but this is what works for me.
 
October 10, 2005, 12:20 pm CDT

for starjammir

Quote From: starjammir

 Well 2 years ago I met this girl at my work...blah blah blah we were friends than one day about 2 months ago I told her that I liked her.  She told me that we couldnt go out because shes baptist and im catholic, and her parents would not except it (boy was she right).  So I kept trying and kept telling her how I felt than one day we were walking and she told me how she felt (and her friends agree'd).  Anyways we start dating (Im 18 almost 19 and she will be 18 in Dec), and her parents found out.  Her parents banned her from ever talking to me again or seeing me.  That didn't go over to well, so we still hung out.  About 2 months into the relationship her parents found out again and told her its againist Gods will for you and crap.  Her parents told her that I am just trying to get some (which is 100% wrong) and that she is to never see me again.  They made her quit her job, took her car and her cell phone, and grounded her from leaving the house, and she is not allowed to have anyone over for fear she will call me.  So I went out and bought her a pre paid cell phone so we can still talk.  Anyways she calls me everyday crying her eyes out on how much she misses me and everything. 
Here is the kicker.  She said when she turns 18 she is moving out inless her parents can see/understand this. She is home schooled and she said she will get her GED if she has to.  Her cousin already said she can move in with her if she leaves her house. I do not understand why they will not let her date.  What do I do?  I enjoy spending time with this girl and have NEVER EVER felt this way about any of my past relationships.  There is something about her.  And leaving her is not an option.  I have tried talking to her parents and do not get anywhere.  What do I do now?
Thanks

Sometimes people of different religious denominations don’t understand the differences in what they believe – and unfortunately, sometimes they aren’t interested in finding out if those differences actually exist.  It sounds like this is part of what’s happening in her family.  (It is true that many Fundamentalist Baptists believe that Catholics are not “true” Christians – which is a shame, since that belief is untrue.  Bottom line: only God knows your heart.)

  

 

  

 

There seems to be a deeper issue here, though – a power struggle between your girlfriend and her parents.  (She’s trying to grow up and make some decisions on her own, and they won’t accept any decision she makes that differ from their opinions.)  I can see both sides of your girlfriend’s situation – I have a 17-year-old daughter whom I love dearly and want to protect, but I’ve tried hard to not treat her the way my Mom treated me (my Mom was very controlling).  It sounds like her parents mean well by wanting her to be close to God, but that they don’t seem to realize that those choices won’t mean anything to her (or to God!) unless she makes them on her own.

  

 

  

 

I applaud you in trying to understand and support your girlfriend.  It sounds like you’re making sound choices in how you’re handling this.  Just keep being supportive and try to not get “stuck” in the middle.  Try to treat her parents with respect, even if you don’t agree with them.  I don’t know where you are in your faith walk, but try to pray that your girlfriend’s parents will come to see God’s truth in all things.  (Unfortunately, there are some things in life that only God can fix.)  In the meantime, if you have questions about the differences and similarities about your beliefs, discuss them with your girlfriend.  That way you’ll know if there are any real differences, and you’ll be better prepared (and able to answer respectfully) if her parents ever put you “on the spot.” 

  

 

  

 

Hang in there, and do what you know in your heart is right.  And for the record, not all Baptists are as narrow-minded as her parents seem to be – you just heard from one!  :o)

  

 

 
October 10, 2005, 1:29 pm CDT

teen dating

I am 16, and I think group dates are the way to go.  I have been doing the group thing for a few years, and my parents agree with it totally.  Also, when single dates are more frequent, it will be less of a shocker for the dear dad, especially if his daughter is his "little girl."  I have also found that group dates are more comfortable, and they have allowed me to discover what kind of boy I like.  It also eliminates many "dangers" out there associated with teen dating. Hope this helps!!!
 
October 10, 2005, 1:37 pm CDT

a teen on teen dating

 I just felt like replying to the main topic on dating with teens.
I'm soon to be 19 in about 4 months. I think that you kind of just need to let teenagers do their own thing, if you set a "certain age limit" on your teen then they'll just feel like being a rebel and go behind your back and date anyway.
I was told by my grandparents (i never lived with my parents until now) that i wasn't allowed to date until i was sixteen. Of course i didnt listen, i dated a few guys, met my "first love" when i was 15 and lost my virginity.
The point of me bringing up virginity and age...all goes to the fact that teenagers will do what they do, and what they want, especially if they really want to date and parents say no, or not unitl you are this old. They will go behind your back and date anyway, which will obviously lead to further things, the most you could do is just trust your child, give them the "alright you can date" but set a lot of rules and they'll definitely follow those as opposed to not being able to date at all, and they'll see it as, well they trust me to date so i'll definitely do what i'm told so i can date. if they make mistakes get heartbroken, be there for them, tell them to talk to you about anything, and even if they do mess up and do something you really dont aprove of, dont scream and holler at them but help them through it, it's one of those things they need to learn on their own, and will probably stop at nothing just to date and of course something is bound to happen....but at least you will be there when it does.
Start off by mentioning group dates , especially if you really dont want your child to date yet or at least just your son/daughter and their "significant other", nothing ever happens on group dates  but the group of kids having fun... joking, watching movies, eating at a resturaunt or what not, when there's a group of people it's easier for everybody to not be shy, they become closer friends and nothing can go wrong when there are many people together such as "comfort levels" being tested.
 

 
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