Topic : Teen Dating

You said that your mom won't allow you to see your boyfriend, and the "ONLY" reasons she gives you are that she "doesnt like him and wants us to break up"... sweety... she must have good solid reasons to feel that way!! No mother- and I'm talking from experience- wants to see her daughter make bad choices/decisions.. that is why we, as responsible parents, MUST take away privledges, etc., doing whatever we have to do, in order to protect our daughters.  

My advice is to listen to your mother. Follow her rules and see what happens. Your boyfriend, the person you think that you love right now, will probably drift away and you will find you don't have much in common... this would happen whether or not your mom made stricter rules, because it is the nature of teen romance. Be good to yourself, respect yourself, and I wish you the best. 

Hi Starjammir, 

I hope you're still there. I think I told you wrong. Follow your heart dear one. To your own self be true. What else matters if you don't? Answer: Nothing. 

You are very young, but you can make it. Never doubt that.  

Never 

We have tried all that.  One of the problems is all thie girl   friends give him information about her constantly.  His males friend tell him like it is and he doesnt want to hear it.  He cries allthe time now even in school.  His guidance councelor in school is very concerned with his depressed mood.  His friends mothers are worried also calling me Saturday nite saying he was really depressed.  He wont give up on her and constantly keeps e-mailing her, calling her, etc.  They run with the same crowd. 

He is also on Accutane.  I dont think it is causing the depressions but it may contribute to it.  I am so afraid he is going to do something awful.  His mind is elsewhere and not where it should be. 

His afther and I are not starting to fight about it.  His father gets angry about it and believes he should just get over it.   

The son feels this is his life, he loves her, doesnt want to live without her, he is responsible for her etc.... 

I am so saddened by his actions over this situation.  I am shocked that I would ahve to have him see a phy because of a girl.  Can it be to just immaturity?  I am very confused.  My only child is so sad. 

Where do I go from here?  The most important year of his life should be so happy but is sad.  He doesnt sleep, doesnt eat properly, wont talk to us. has become nasty, rude, ignorant and doesnt care about anything. 

Someone please help me.......before I loose him... 

Sorry couldnt get on the board for a few days.. 

Actually he is worse than ever.  I am very concerned and scared.      In his mind he LOVES her and she is his world.  

Everything has been turned around in his mind now and he feels he did something wrong and only wants her back.  He said he would give up his life for her..........I wish she would just go away....... 

His counselor in school is very concerned, friends and their parents are concerned. 

Today I am stopping the accutane medicine.  Although I dont believe it is the cause of his depression it may be a contributing factor.   

His counselor now thinks he may need professional help. 

I am still in a state of shock over his behaviour all because of a girl.  At the age of 17 he feels she is his life.   

I am very much afraid..........I am afraid he is going to do something more stupid which may cost him his future and his life.  

I just read about you wanting to take your son off of accutane.  I used it as a teenager and I really do not remember being depressed (I actually was very excited because my acne was going away), however my niece was taking it about 7 years ago and she became very depressed.  I have heard there is somthing on the drug so please be carefull. 

A concerned mom 

Sometimes people of different religious denominations don’t understand the differences in what they believe – and unfortunately, sometimes they aren’t interested in finding out if those differences actually exist.  It sounds like this is part of what’s happening in her family.  (It is true that many Fundamentalist Baptists believe that Catholics are not “true” Christians – which is a shame, since that belief is untrue.  Bottom line: only God knows your heart.)

There seems to be a deeper issue here, though – a power struggle between your girlfriend and her parents.  (She’s trying to grow up and make some decisions on her own, and they won’t accept any decision she makes that differ from their opinions.)  I can see both sides of your girlfriend’s situation – I have a 17-year-old daughter whom I love dearly and want to protect, but I’ve tried hard to not treat her the way my Mom treated me (my Mom was very controlling).  It sounds like her parents mean well by wanting her to be close to God, but that they don’t seem to realize that those choices won’t mean anything to her (or to God!) unless she makes them on her own.

I applaud you in trying to understand and support your girlfriend.  It sounds like you’re making sound choices in how you’re handling this.  Just keep being supportive and try to not get “stuck” in the middle.  Try to treat her parents with respect, even if you don’t agree with them.  I don’t know where you are in your faith walk, but try to pray that your girlfriend’s parents will come to see God’s truth in all things.  (Unfortunately, there are some things in life that only God can fix.)  In the meantime, if you have questions about the differences and similarities about your beliefs, discuss them with your girlfriend.  That way you’ll know if there are any real differences, and you’ll be better prepared (and able to answer respectfully) if her parents ever put you “on the spot.” 

Hang in there, and do what you know in your heart is right.  And for the record, not all Baptists are as narrow-minded as her parents seem to be – you just heard from one!  :o)

 I just felt like replying to the main topic on dating with teens.
I'm soon to be 19 in about 4 months. I think that you kind of just need to let teenagers do their own thing, if you set a "certain age limit" on your teen then they'll just feel like being a rebel and go behind your back and date anyway.
I was told by my grandparents (i never lived with my parents until now) that i wasn't allowed to date until i was sixteen. Of course i didnt listen, i dated a few guys, met my "first love" when i was 15 and lost my virginity.
The point of me bringing up virginity and age...all goes to the fact that teenagers will do what they do, and what they want, especially if they really want to date and parents say no, or not unitl you are this old. They will go behind your back and date anyway, which will obviously lead to further things, the most you could do is just trust your child, give them the "alright you can date" but set a lot of rules and they'll definitely follow those as opposed to not being able to date at all, and they'll see it as, well they trust me to date so i'll definitely do what i'm told so i can date. if they make mistakes get heartbroken, be there for them, tell them to talk to you about anything, and even if they do mess up and do something you really dont aprove of, dont scream and holler at them but help them through it, it's one of those things they need to learn on their own, and will probably stop at nothing just to date and of course something is bound to happen....but at least you will be there when it does.
Start off by mentioning group dates , especially if you really dont want your child to date yet or at least just your son/daughter and their "significant other", nothing ever happens on group dates  but the group of kids having fun... joking, watching movies, eating at a resturaunt or what not, when there's a group of people it's easier for everybody to not be shy, they become closer friends and nothing can go wrong when there are many people together such as "comfort levels" being tested.