Quote From: canlitigatorour daughter was allowed to date as of november and the boy asked her out immediately upon hearing the news.....she turns 16 in march.....and is dating....the boy who she has liked and who has liked her also since grade 7---neither of them have had previous relationships, and the boy who we know and have seen around over the past couple years, more regularly this year, but to this moment she is not comfortable with having him around without another girl at the house...grin. so being alone in her room would be unthinkable. tonight they were supposed to be hanging out with a group of friends and discovered there might be drinking-and both of them decided that they as individuals wouldn't be going-all on their own without parents help. instead, they decided to spend some time together, and they went for a walk (albeit a long one) in very cold and wet weather, this being their first time ever alone. he has moved very slowly with her, only in the past month or so has he put his arm around her or held her hand. he also gave her his cross he has been wearing since grade 6. he being catholic attends church each week, and he told her himself he thought he was mature enough to have a girlfriend...but not mature enough for anything else....he's a bit innocent about girls, and thats given them their ups and downs (most recently my daughter's best friend announced she was in love with the boy herself-as you can imagine it caused quite the trauma in girl world-worse so at the school because my daughter is what you'd call a popular girl and her best friend is the girl that she took under her wing at beginning of grade nine, trying to help her fit in, lending her clothes, (the girl is from a very low income family) buying her makeup, and on top of that, the girl spent every, and i mean every, weekend at our home since october)...so the couple is dealing with that at school. then there is the other well meaning friend of our daughter who asked the boy if he'd like to see her new bra....[though it never got that far as she then saw our daughter before the guy could get a word in....bra girl now has magically injured her ankle and expects our daughter's guy to carry her books, etc...you get the point...at first he was nicely polite and assistive, but by the end of the day he refused to help her any more...perhaps he got the hint. the bottom line on my end is I think that teens their age, and especially guys who aren't familiar at the relationship thing, don;t always recognize the dangers of what i would call more aware girls, and maybe the reverse is true for more aware guys also. so far though they've had to have some boundary talks, they are doing fine and are able to communicate through most of their issues...but i think that comes from the friendship they share.....-i guess my question is, how does my teen handle the minefield of people trying to come between them-never seen anything like teen girls who are so aggressive....because she knows him so well, she knows by the look on his face what he's thinking...and these are not girls he is interested in...at all....he treats my daughter well, he bought her a lovely pair of gold earings with little diamond chips for christmas, he walks her home every day and texts her regularly at least once each evening....so I would say that for us, its maturity and the fact he was a long time friend first that allows our comfort level.
Well you can't help her with getting through the minefield. It is something she needs to experience for herself. She will come to you for help if she needs it. Love is a dificult emotion and the dating, flirting etc that ecompagnies it one of the most difficult social interactions.
She needs to do this on her own only with a bit of support from you so that she can learn how it all works. usually boys and girls start learning this process from around age 11/12 slowly taking it one step further as they get older. You see that she and her friends are still at the beginning of this process though, I see some behaviour that in reference to what I see here (in a more social (sexual) liberal environment) is innocent.
I do think your daughter has time to adapt since their relationship moves very slow. So just support her if she needs it and let her figure it out for herself for the rest. Be aware not to be to much onto their relationship since it could create pressure and could make their love fail (and might even get her mad at you.) And seen the relationship you describe it really isn't necesary.
Then another thing. have you given her sex education? And I don't mean just abstinance. If this relationship devellops they might have sex at a point. It would be good if she knows (how) to use a condom, it would be unfortunate if she would be one of the many teen girls that get pregnant.
You don't have to fear that you will give her an ok for going out and having sex. Studies have shown that teens do not have sex earlier (even a bit later) when educated but that it will decrease the chance for STD's and teen pregnancies tremendesly. (compare figures for US and France or the Netherlands for instance.)
I know that it might feel wierd ackward or even wrong but in the interest of your daughters future you do need to have the talk if you haven't done it already. And don't feel imune to this I once read that a studie showd that 75% of parrents in the US thought that their kids did not have sex while 55% of those kids said that they did.
I'm sorry if I came across a bit harsh now but I think it is important. Now how do you approach the subject? well their are many sites out their that have good advice on how to talk to your daughter. try this site for instance, http://www.teenpregnancy.org/ I thought that it had good info if I remember correctly.
I hope my advice is of any help to you,
xx Oet Gäöl
P.S. if I didn't explain something well enough please reply, I will be happy to explain it further.
