Home Message Boards

Topic : Teen Dating

Number of Replies: 438
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:21:50 pm
Author : dataimport
Say it isn't so - your teenager is dating! Share your stories, and tips for making your teen's dating days as worry-free as possible.

Join the new Dr. Phil Community! Currently in BETA, the new Dr. Phil Community will allow you to personalize your message board experience. Start by creating your user profile here.

For help and FAQs on the new BETA Community, please click here.

 
jaimie1974
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
March 31, 2008, 9:15 pm PDT

Advice

Quote From: darkrain24

Okay, my name is Tiffany and I really need some help here understanding what is going on. I am 17 and my parents are okay with me dating and stuff. My boyfriend is 15 and his parents are totally against everything, and have continuously lied to both of us about how they feel about us being together. His parents are very.... influential and have told him that he needs to not be thinking about dating or anything like that, however, he is a very smart person, and through his parents' pushing him to be more mature than any normal child, he doesn't act his age to say the least. His parents don't understand what they have done to him emotionally and we don't know how to get through to them. We are on the edge of just having a big talk to get our feelings out on the table. It is going so far as to keep us from seeing and talking to each other outside of school.... PERIOD. Please someone explain to me what I could do to make things better. All I want is to feel like I am welcome in his family and I know my feelings for their son are true.

His parents might be worried/anxious that a ‘teenage romance’ will derail their son’s education. The best thing that you and your boyfriend can do is to do your best to get and maintain good grades; that way, they can’t have anything to complain about. Your boyfriend MUST be honest with his parents- if he says he is going to be at a certain place, he needs to be there- that is the only way to build trust with his parents. (I’m not implying that he has been dishonest, just giving a suggestion on how to create a more trusting relationship.) His parents might come from a back ground that was somehow marred by a teenage romance, even if you aren’t aware of it, and they desperately want to shield him from any heartache. This comes from a place of love, however, they have to learn to let him go and live his own life; that is a big part of parental love, too. Their reaction probably has nothing to do with you personally- they probably wouldn’t want him spending too much time with any girl at this age. Do your best to have a conversation with his parents whenever the opportunity arises; ‘make’ them fall for you. However, if they don’t, please know that there isn’t anything terrible about you- they are reserved people and there might not be anything you can ever do to please them!
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
xo_bella_xo14
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
happy
May 13, 2008, 6:23 pm PDT

Teen Dating Etc.

Hello, I am a teen and turning 16 this year, I would like to epress my own opinion on this topic.

I agree with many of the posts here, and you really do have to consider many things when it comes to dating.

My parents and I don't talk often about dating, and this is mostly because I am not extremely interested in it; and from my experiance with friends etc, I think that - in high school- the most important thing to do is concentrate on school.

However, I am alowed to date and I do not think there is anything wrong with dating. 15, 16 and onwards I think, is a safe age to allow a teenager to date, depending on their maturity and so forth.

I have never had a boyfriend, and still do not feel like "i need one, and -the oh so famous- we're in love-.

It is the parents decision to allow their teens to date, but they should not hold the reins to tight.

On the topic of boundries- teens want to have fun =), and I know that the more rules there are, the more we want to break them.

It is important to talk to your son/daughter about dating early so they know what to expect, and develop a relationship with them so they can feel like they can talk freely with you about the topic.

My parents introduced the topic of dating quite late, and I never knew if I was allowed to date, and what they expected of me. Now, that we have talked, I know what rules are established.

Trust is very important between parents and their kids...

 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
suziabel
User Mood
Worried

Message Emote
blank
May 27, 2008, 3:20 pm PDT

dating mistake!

So my husband and I thought we would be new age parents and let our 14 year old daughter go out with a 16 yr. old boy.  It was actually more my idea not his it was supposed to be 16 (instead of her doing it behind our backs) It has been 10 months and they have broken up twice and gotten back together each time.  He is totally out of her social league as far as their interests go but we did not pass judgement and were ok with it and always told her that he needs to be respectful to her.  Everything seemed ok till this weekend.  For about the last 3 months she has been sitting around and waiting on the weekends for him to call and make plans at the last minute.  Well it seems that there was a friend whom she has(had?) who is a boy and they were texting and the boyfriend found out, but the boyfriend had been riding around with other girls while our daughter waited on him.  So he broke up with her and I happened to be reading her text messages and he was texting her that she was a slut etc.  Yesterday while we were gone shopping he came over and cried and told her he would change, so now they are back together again.  HELP, she confesed to us that she loves him and we are so worried that he is controling her, but now what???????????????????????????  we tried to talk to her but she just won't listen!!!
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
everrockin
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
May 27, 2008, 5:35 pm PDT

Teen Girls dating

My concern is for teen girls and dating when the boundaries are not respected by teen boys.. I teach teens Lifeskills and Acting classes and teens open up to me about what is really going on in their worlds.. I created a music video called "Your Too Good"
and strong message for girls to take back their power - and not let boys hurt them... you can see it at www.myspace.com/everrockin I will be promoting it this week to help start discussions - these millennium teens are from 12 to 18 in this video Hope it helps start a healthy conversation between parents and and teens of both genders
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
oet_gaol
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
May 28, 2008, 4:26 pm PDT

Teen Dating

Quote From: suziabel

So my husband and I thought we would be new age parents and let our 14 year old daughter go out with a 16 yr. old boy.  It was actually more my idea not his it was supposed to be 16 (instead of her doing it behind our backs) It has been 10 months and they have broken up twice and gotten back together each time.  He is totally out of her social league as far as their interests go but we did not pass judgement and were ok with it and always told her that he needs to be respectful to her.  Everything seemed ok till this weekend.  For about the last 3 months she has been sitting around and waiting on the weekends for him to call and make plans at the last minute.  Well it seems that there was a friend whom she has(had?) who is a boy and they were texting and the boyfriend found out, but the boyfriend had been riding around with other girls while our daughter waited on him.  So he broke up with her and I happened to be reading her text messages and he was texting her that she was a slut etc.  Yesterday while we were gone shopping he came over and cried and told her he would change, so now they are back together again.  HELP, she confesed to us that she loves him and we are so worried that he is controling her, but now what???????????????????????????  we tried to talk to her but she just won't listen!!!

Well first off, it was a good decision to let her date at that age. Here it is quite normal (in the Netherlands) and it will help your daughter learn how she must form a healthy relationship when she grows older. It also says that you trust your daughter which will give her more confidence.

 

As I said it is a learning process, it won't go right on the first try (how unfortunate that might be.) Best thing to do is not only say what he does bad or good (don't only speak bad of him, it makes you unbelievable.) But let her think about it. So don't give the answers but let her think about what she thinks. Let her grow an awareness of what he is doing.

This will help her form her own opinion and make her grow stronger in a relationship so that she might not tollerate his behaviour.  Also empower her when she does not tolerate negative behaviour from him but also empower her response to behaviour that is positive from him (because she needs to learn what it means to be in a relationship, how she should respond etc and again only emphazising his negatives makes you unbelievable.)

 

But no matter what keep an eye out for her, see if there's anything going on that goes way out of line. Step in if needed but remember that it is a grave intervention that only should be done if there are no alternatives. If you have to do that she will probably hate you for a while and she might try to see him behind your back (forbidden fruit always tastes much better)

 

I hope this will help you,

oet Gäöl
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
waywardinparis
User Mood
Distressed

Message Emote
blank
June 5, 2008, 3:37 pm PDT

Teen Dating

My 17 year old daughter is fantastic - responsible, driven, straight A student bound for Harvard from a small town life - basically everything that I have worked my whole life for her to be after surviving a really rotten childhood lacking opportunties myself. She's aso artistic and dramatic and very visceral, but that makes her that much more incredible. She's had one boyfriend for about a year and a half that was honestly her first love. But it ended very sadly and dramatically, as most first loves inevitably do. About 6 months ago, she landed a fantastic first job at a major coffee chain (3 guesses...) that fit her beautifully. Even though they normally don't hire high school students, she got the job based on our (her parents) recommendations to the management. It's very her. But then she got a crush on this 21 year old guy at worf. He's an art student and a drummer and he 'gets her'... we dealt with it then, or so I thought. I rationed with her, told her what a vast difference those seemingly few years were emotionally. Then one of her friends spilled the beans that he is an HPV carrier. That's how mature she is - she told a friend about his STD as if it were news. At any rate, she and her first love got back together for a couple of months then broke up again and now, a month later, I find her texting the 21 year old boy in secret - quickly erasing the evidence. I took her cell phone away from her and waiting for the reply to confirm my suspicions, which it did. I don't know what to do. I have a couple of issues here - first, she has been lying to me on a regular basis to see him, which is unlike the girl I raised. Second, that she is seeing him at all after I expressly forbid it. She showed no respect to her parents, her friends and sister that she involved in the lie, or her employer who forbids relationships between employees, especially when one of them is a "shift manager". If I shut it down, take away the cell and the car - am I turning the whole situation into some kind of modern Shakespearean tragedy of love forlorn and aggrivating the issue? Am I forcing her to climb out of her window under the dark of night and possibly consemate the relationship putting her in more danger? But on the other hand, I cannot allow her to derail her future for a 21 year old dreamer/artist. It will not end well. I don't know what to do...
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
charcli64
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
June 14, 2008, 9:36 pm PDT

16 year old daughter dating...sympathy pains

My daughter is 16 years old and has been dating a boy for 1 year. They are experiencing difficulty and I am experiencing the feelings that I had when I was her age, sadness and worry, about what is happening. I want to help her deal with her feelings, but am having a hard time dealing with it myself. I know that it is unusual, and I don't like it at all, but I don't know what to do. Has anyone else experienced this problem?

 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
chameleona
User Mood
Sad

Message Emote
blank
June 24, 2008, 11:56 am PDT

um yeah

Quote From: viinabragi

Hello, it's the annoying swede again : P.
When I compare our two countries, I start to realise how different our two cultures are. You guys are talking about what age your son/daughter are mature enough to date someone, but in Sweden (where I live) we never have these kinds of discussions. Sure our parents put their foots down if they see their child (lets say it is a 14yrs old boy/girl) date a 20 year old and are going in "wrong direction", but if he or she dates someone that is 2 years older it doesn't matter really. If someones fell in love, it ain't much you can do about it.  I've gotten this feeling that all of you  think it's really  important that it is  you as a parent who alone talk about sex and relationships and no one else.  I don't  think it is right to stop someone to heve feelings for another person. I don't know, maybe american teenagers are "wilder" than swedish teenagers, or more immature,  but I can't see any reason to stop your teenager having dates and (maybe) make a mistake they will learn from. Just because they are dating, it doesn't mean you can't wach over your child and prevent any bigger mistakes. And about teeangers having sex, buy condoms to them. But yet again, our to cultures are different, you want to prevent them from having sex (mostly anyway) while we (sometimes not of course. We too have laws to follow) are more open to sex. I don't say that swedish parents say: "Go out and have sex you guys. Hopefully you get a STD!" but I think that "we" are more open to it and accepts that our 14-15 year olds are having sex. If that's wrong or not, I don't know, but that's how it is (mostly).
Bättre lyss till den sträng som brast, än aldrig spänna en båge (better to listen to the string that broke, than never tighten a bow... Freely tranlated by me :P. Sorry that my translation ability sucks :-/) 
i'm proud of you... you can actually think... congratulations. the thing is, we have too many people who would rather say something is wrong than actually sit down and discuss the implications of their and their child(ren)'s actions. while they do have the children's best interest at heart, i believe they're going about it the wrong way. my mom allows me to date my boyfriend even though he's 18 and i'm 15 because she knows we're both trustworthy. people are different, thus, there's no blanket year that you suddenly become able to make descions for yourself. while yes, children shouldn't be making adult descions, there's nothing wrong with my boyfriend and i walking around town and playing DDR (most amazing arcade  ever, but i'm not sure it's anywhere but the states). if one is capable of acting responsibly, give them the chance to act responsibly. let them understand the consequences of there actions, and they can choose what is right rather than what is popular. we aren't wilder (umm... i think, i've never been to sweden) we're less informed. in my state at least we get "abstinence" education rather than "sexual" education. for those of you cheering right now, take into account that the number of teen pregnancies (and people having sex in the bathroom of my former school) has risen, not dropped. some of that is due to population increase, but not all. we need action! we need information! and we need a chance.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
worriermom
User Mood
Sad

Message Emote
blank
June 29, 2008, 9:53 am PDT

Teen Dating

Quote From: charcli64

My daughter is 16 years old and has been dating a boy for 1 year. They are experiencing difficulty and I am experiencing the feelings that I had when I was her age, sadness and worry, about what is happening. I want to help her deal with her feelings, but am having a hard time dealing with it myself. I know that it is unusual, and I don't like it at all, but I don't know what to do. Has anyone else experienced this problem?

 

I can TOTALLY relate to this - my daughter is 16 and has had a few big dating "ouches" this year (most recently just two days ago).  Like you, I'm experiencing the feelings of sadness/worry I used to have after break-ups and such at her age.  I don't understand it, and I don't know how to shut it off.  I want to support my daughter and help her work through her feelings, but I'm beginning to wonder if she's handling her problems better than I am.  How are you doing after a couple of weeks have gone by?
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
doridoridori
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
July 1, 2008, 3:19 am PDT

Teen Dating

I feel your pain. I have a 16 year old and she has dated for 2 years now. As far as I am concerned way to young. Our problem was either we accept it or she does it behind our backs. Either way it is very difficult. Kids are going to do it weather we want it to happen or not. That is the reality of it all. So we decided the boy could come over to our house when they wanted to see each other where we could be here and keep an eye on them. They new my rules as far as touchy feely or being to close and well there were a couple times my daughter pushed it even in front of me witch made me like a lunitic but I just expressed it and it stopped.. Again in front of me anyway. I am sure behind my back any chance they got they got close. I did put her on the pill at 15 but it screwed her all up and she had to come off it now she is 16 and is dating a boy she has been seeing for a while and I just made her an apt again. This time though she is going for the whole exam. I have asked her time and time again about sex and if she is having it (DUGH!!!) Of course she is but she wont tell me so it is time to go to the doctors and I will have them talk with her about it all.  She knows about diseases and getting pregnant and all that but kids just dont think in the moment and at this age I dont even think they have controll of any kind.. They all think with there hormones.. Anyway it is a very hard time raising teens and I dont wish them on anyone.. now I know what I put my parents threw.. God it took me way to long to realize until I had it in my face.. sorry mom and dad.. Well good luck to all the parents out there trying to raise them now a days or anydays for that matter.. I guess all we can do is keep and open relationship and hope they come to us.. Good luck to you all.. God Bless     
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
Post a Message

First | Prev | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | Next | Last