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Topic : Teens and Sex

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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:22:25 pm
Author : dataimport
How do you talk to your teens about sex? Share your story.

 
flmarijane

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anxious
July 30, 2005, 4:13 pm PDT

Teens Obsession with Adult

Please help me. I am the single mom of a 17 year old girl. The first week of summer a boy down the street came to the house and started talking to her. He told her he was 19, I felt like he was a little too old for her, but she really liked him and all they were doing was talking in the yard at my house or his parents. To make a long story short he isn't 19, he's 23! My 25 year old son found out and went to his parents home and told them to keep this man away from his sister!! My daughter was heart broken, didn't eat or sleep for days. Mad at me, mad at her brother, and mad at the world. He soon disappeared from his parents home and she convinced herself he was living in a box somewhere. This went on for 2 months, Wednesday night on a routine walk she ran into him. He was doing a neighbors yard, he no longer lives with his parents but has moved in with a friend and his mom. There is a reason men aren't suppose to be with young girls, my daughter is so hungry for the attention of the man she won't listen to me anymore. He said things to her a boy can't equal. He made a few attempts to kiss her in the past and always wanted to hug her. The kissing never happened but recently she confided in me she wishes it had.This is a girl I have had no trouble with in the past. At this very moment I don't even know where she is...but I have a good guess. What do I do? This man is not a good influence. Did I add she is a virgin and he isn't. He has no job and gets high....I am so inexperienced in anything like this. Do I just listen to her when she wants to talk but not inter fear? I'm afraid if I stop her, I'll lose her!!!

 
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young_one
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August 3, 2005, 10:25 pm PDT

hello there

Quote From: flmarijane

Please help me. I am the single mom of a 17 year old girl. The first week of summer a boy down the street came to the house and started talking to her. He told her he was 19, I felt like he was a little too old for her, but she really liked him and all they were doing was talking in the yard at my house or his parents. To make a long story short he isn't 19, he's 23! My 25 year old son found out and went to his parents home and told them to keep this man away from his sister!! My daughter was heart broken, didn't eat or sleep for days. Mad at me, mad at her brother, and mad at the world. He soon disappeared from his parents home and she convinced herself he was living in a box somewhere. This went on for 2 months, Wednesday night on a routine walk she ran into him. He was doing a neighbors yard, he no longer lives with his parents but has moved in with a friend and his mom. There is a reason men aren't suppose to be with young girls, my daughter is so hungry for the attention of the man she won't listen to me anymore. He said things to her a boy can't equal. He made a few attempts to kiss her in the past and always wanted to hug her. The kissing never happened but recently she confided in me she wishes it had.This is a girl I have had no trouble with in the past. At this very moment I don't even know where she is...but I have a good guess. What do I do? This man is not a good influence. Did I add she is a virgin and he isn't. He has no job and gets high....I am so inexperienced in anything like this. Do I just listen to her when she wants to talk but not inter fear? I'm afraid if I stop her, I'll lose her!!!

hello there. I am 16 yrs old. Your last sentence was. "I'm afraid if I stop her, I'll lose her!!!" what if you dont stop her, and lose her? You need to grab her and sit down with her. Explain to her that he's too old for her. Their's a 6 year difference. IF he does take her virginity from her, well then that's rape. And, you can charge him. Then he will stay away from her. But, I think you should sit down, and talk to her. You have to communicate with her though. You have to let her talk to you. Ask her what's going on between them. Tell her your concerned for her safety. Tell her that she can find someone younger, more her age. She doesn't need a guy, who is on drugs, and has no job. This man will probably tell her stuff, she wants to hear, and might try and get her into drugs and stuff. If she starts getting upset, ask her why she is getting upset, then let her get it all out there. I hope I offered you some advice.
 
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spotted
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August 8, 2005, 12:30 pm PDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: flmarijane

Please help me. I am the single mom of a 17 year old girl. The first week of summer a boy down the street came to the house and started talking to her. He told her he was 19, I felt like he was a little too old for her, but she really liked him and all they were doing was talking in the yard at my house or his parents. To make a long story short he isn't 19, he's 23! My 25 year old son found out and went to his parents home and told them to keep this man away from his sister!! My daughter was heart broken, didn't eat or sleep for days. Mad at me, mad at her brother, and mad at the world. He soon disappeared from his parents home and she convinced herself he was living in a box somewhere. This went on for 2 months, Wednesday night on a routine walk she ran into him. He was doing a neighbors yard, he no longer lives with his parents but has moved in with a friend and his mom. There is a reason men aren't suppose to be with young girls, my daughter is so hungry for the attention of the man she won't listen to me anymore. He said things to her a boy can't equal. He made a few attempts to kiss her in the past and always wanted to hug her. The kissing never happened but recently she confided in me she wishes it had.This is a girl I have had no trouble with in the past. At this very moment I don't even know where she is...but I have a good guess. What do I do? This man is not a good influence. Did I add she is a virgin and he isn't. He has no job and gets high....I am so inexperienced in anything like this. Do I just listen to her when she wants to talk but not inter fear? I'm afraid if I stop her, I'll lose her!!!

Age isn't the major problem here (and your daughter is almost an adult anyway--plus some states have different age requirements of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships [in Georgia, that relationship wouldn't be illegal]), but if he's really a deadbeat like you're making him out to be, you got to take responsibility and order him to stay away from your daughter.  You can go to the police and do that becuase your daughter is still a minor.  I had a similar situation happen to my sister who got involved with the wrong type of guy, a deadbeat...she moved in with him and got pregnant, now she's back with us.   If it were me, I'd make sure the deadbeat guy doesn't touch my daughter.
 
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msfitmom50
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upset
August 13, 2005, 3:34 pm PDT

Teen son is into porn +

I really would appreciate advice about this. My son is 15 and frequents a lot of porn web sites. I just confirmed this tonight when I made him show me the history on his web surfer software. He bought the computer for himself a couple of years ago with money he earned from a summer job, so just like not opening his mail, I let him have his privacy with his computer. When he was younger, about 7-12, he had gotten into a nasty habit of stealing his sister's underwear, wearing them and soiling them, then hiding them. I was baffled for years and my daughter (who is 3 years older) was convinced it was him. One day I found the stash of dirty underwear... and a video tape that he had secretly made of my daughter getting ready for bed over a few nights. I made him erase the tape and banned him from TV for a few weeks, put a lock on my daughter's door, and tryed talking to him. He was angry with me He hated me He denied having a problem He promised he would never do it again... Daughter was gone for a year, just returned. She suspected that he was wearing her underwear again, which is when I confronted my son and found out about the porn and again told him that porn encourages disrespect of women and that sneaking into his sister's room and wearing her underwear indicated a problem with sex and that I would like him to see a psychologist about the problem. He denies he has one. I am sick about this for both my kids. Please let me know what you think.
 
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jenoc99
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August 17, 2005, 9:20 am PDT

Porn

Quote From: msfitmom50

I really would appreciate advice about this. My son is 15 and frequents a lot of porn web sites. I just confirmed this tonight when I made him show me the history on his web surfer software. He bought the computer for himself a couple of years ago with money he earned from a summer job, so just like not opening his mail, I let him have his privacy with his computer. When he was younger, about 7-12, he had gotten into a nasty habit of stealing his sister's underwear, wearing them and soiling them, then hiding them. I was baffled for years and my daughter (who is 3 years older) was convinced it was him. One day I found the stash of dirty underwear... and a video tape that he had secretly made of my daughter getting ready for bed over a few nights. I made him erase the tape and banned him from TV for a few weeks, put a lock on my daughter's door, and tryed talking to him. He was angry with me He hated me He denied having a problem He promised he would never do it again... Daughter was gone for a year, just returned. She suspected that he was wearing her underwear again, which is when I confronted my son and found out about the porn and again told him that porn encourages disrespect of women and that sneaking into his sister's room and wearing her underwear indicated a problem with sex and that I would like him to see a psychologist about the problem. He denies he has one. I am sick about this for both my kids. Please let me know what you think.
Just because he bought the computer with his own money doesn't mean he should have free reign of the internet. You are 100% right to be concerned that his porn habit could lead to him disrespecting women and feeling that sex is no big deal. He is only 15, of course he is going to deny that he has a problem!! But you are the mother, you must take this matter very seriously and contact a therepist for him and tell that person the whole story, including the underwear incidents. The underwear wearing, soiling, and hiding in itself is a complicated issue that he needs professional help for. If you don't make him go to see a professional, you are denying him the opportunity to become a healthy and well adjusted adult. He isn't going to want to go, but its up to you to make that non-negotiable. You've got to get tough.
 
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pistachio
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August 18, 2005, 9:42 am PDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: jenoc99

Just because he bought the computer with his own money doesn't mean he should have free reign of the internet. You are 100% right to be concerned that his porn habit could lead to him disrespecting women and feeling that sex is no big deal. He is only 15, of course he is going to deny that he has a problem!! But you are the mother, you must take this matter very seriously and contact a therepist for him and tell that person the whole story, including the underwear incidents. The underwear wearing, soiling, and hiding in itself is a complicated issue that he needs professional help for. If you don't make him go to see a professional, you are denying him the opportunity to become a healthy and well adjusted adult. He isn't going to want to go, but its up to you to make that non-negotiable. You've got to get tough.
communicate with him, i am a teen and i know that the way to help us is by talking to us. it is inevvitable that he will deny having such an ebbarrassing problem, but he does and he needs help for it. YOU are the parent, and it is your job to get him help whether he likes it or not, sure he'll be mad at you for a little while, but in the long run it will do much more good than bad <3 good luck
 
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groovy_mom

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August 22, 2005, 3:58 am PDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: flmarijane

Please help me. I am the single mom of a 17 year old girl. The first week of summer a boy down the street came to the house and started talking to her. He told her he was 19, I felt like he was a little too old for her, but she really liked him and all they were doing was talking in the yard at my house or his parents. To make a long story short he isn't 19, he's 23! My 25 year old son found out and went to his parents home and told them to keep this man away from his sister!! My daughter was heart broken, didn't eat or sleep for days. Mad at me, mad at her brother, and mad at the world. He soon disappeared from his parents home and she convinced herself he was living in a box somewhere. This went on for 2 months, Wednesday night on a routine walk she ran into him. He was doing a neighbors yard, he no longer lives with his parents but has moved in with a friend and his mom. There is a reason men aren't suppose to be with young girls, my daughter is so hungry for the attention of the man she won't listen to me anymore. He said things to her a boy can't equal. He made a few attempts to kiss her in the past and always wanted to hug her. The kissing never happened but recently she confided in me she wishes it had.This is a girl I have had no trouble with in the past. At this very moment I don't even know where she is...but I have a good guess. What do I do? This man is not a good influence. Did I add she is a virgin and he isn't. He has no job and gets high....I am so inexperienced in anything like this. Do I just listen to her when she wants to talk but not inter fear? I'm afraid if I stop her, I'll lose her!!!

Check the laws in your state about this type of thing.  I know in our state there is nothing the police can do.  But, maybe he doesn't know this.  Try asking your daughter what would a grown man want with a teenage girl?  (One thing-SEX)  She has nothing to offer him except sex.    

  

I was able to save my niece from this type of relationship by explaining to the "man" that having a record as a sex offender will follow him for the rest of his life.  Maybe that will scare him off. 

  

Good luck! 

  

  
 
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msfitmom50
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August 22, 2005, 9:31 pm PDT

Teen son is into porn +

Quote From: jenoc99

Just because he bought the computer with his own money doesn't mean he should have free reign of the internet. You are 100% right to be concerned that his porn habit could lead to him disrespecting women and feeling that sex is no big deal. He is only 15, of course he is going to deny that he has a problem!! But you are the mother, you must take this matter very seriously and contact a therepist for him and tell that person the whole story, including the underwear incidents. The underwear wearing, soiling, and hiding in itself is a complicated issue that he needs professional help for. If you don't make him go to see a professional, you are denying him the opportunity to become a healthy and well adjusted adult. He isn't going to want to go, but its up to you to make that non-negotiable. You've got to get tough.
Thanks for your replies. They are "shoring" me up for the confrontation for psych care. I have given him an article explaining the problems with porn and a list of psychologists in the area. He, of course, has not read them. I am making a appt. Thanks for your help. I'll let you know what happens
 
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addled_mom
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worried
August 26, 2005, 1:22 pm PDT

2 12 year old boys experimenting with sex with each other?

I am in need of some advice.  Another boy's mom and I found out today that our 12 year old son's have experimented with kissing and oral sex with each other!  They have visited porn sites together and have discussed different sexual acts that they might want to try with each other.  I am shocked and don't know what to do.   

  

I had a long talk with him this afternoon.  He says he doesn't know why he did it and promised not to do it ever again.  He says he didn't enjoy it, but that he lied to the other boy saying that he did (in an email which I have).  I asked if he liked other boys and he said he wasn't 'gay', but that 'no girl would agree to try those things with him'!  Should I trust him?  Should I punish him?  What should the punishment be? Should I take him to a psychologist?  Or is he just experimenting what other kids his age begin to experiment with? 

  

He's very embaressed.  I've taken away his computer privileges, except that he needs to use the computer for school.  We talked about AIDS and HIV.  We talked about adult acts...but I really don't know if I should punish him or let it go.  Do I watch everything he does, not let him be with other kids his age, or will that make it worse? 

  

Please give me some advice...someone. 

  

Thanks. 
 
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obscene
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August 26, 2005, 4:29 pm PDT

Teens and Sex

The way I see it is your kid and the porn is so normal. I cant think of ONE kid that age that hasnt done it. He wont be gowing out of it anytime soon even when he is 50 he will still look at it. Taking your kids privleages for that will make him ashamed of his sexuallity but he shouldnt do it on a family pc. Im not een saying he even should but I would punsih him for using a family pc. If he would of just kissed the other boy then that is normal. Girls do it dont they? Thats how they learn to kiss. But the oral sex is a too much. That is wow. But your kid hasnt found himself yet so he may not be gay he may not be straight he might just be bi or he just dont know. Make sure your kid understood that he was punished for doing sexual acts at a young age and visiting porn NOT THAT IT WAS WITH A BOY because if he is gay or bi then it will make him ashamed of it and have a harder time coming out. I think a therapist is a horrible idea I would suggest a teen center. They have counselors so its an option to him. Good luck. 
 
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