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Topic : Teens and Sex

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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:22:25 pm
Author : dataimport
How do you talk to your teens about sex? Share your story.

 
feng456
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September 18, 2005, 12:35 am PDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: lilacmess

I am posting today in hopes that some can learn from my experience. My 13-year-old step-daughter recently moved in with us. We have several computers in our household because my husband is a network administrator, including one in the basement which is for the kids' use. We have a content-filter installed on the computer which prevents the kids from visiting any site on the net that we have not previously approved. In other words, the default position is total lockdown to everything on the net. We have to hand enter specific web addresses in order for them to be allowed. So far, this is working. Our kids are not able to look at pornography or other objectionable materials. We have, however, allowed them to use chat services such as Yahoo Messenger and MSN Messenger. Anyway, the 13-year-old spend pretty much all her time on the computer chatting. She also has a boyfriend, and we suspected that the relationship had gone way too far. So my husband installed a spy tool on the computer that allows us to view and read every single thing that takes place on that computer, including chat and IM sessions. Boy did we get the shock of our lives. Not only has she been having unprotected sex for months, long before she moved in with us, but she's been having sex chats and cyber sex with a multitude of people, some friends some strangers. I could not even begin to repeat here the types of things she's been saying and allowing boys and men to say to her, but, trust me, these are things that would make a prostitute blush. Needless to say, she no longer has any internet access at all, and, when it returns, it will be without any chat, IM, or email capabilities. So my advice to parents regarding the internet is that if you are allowing your kids to use chat and IM services to talk with their friends, don't! Chat rooms are not suitable places for kids of any age and IM just brings out the worst in them. Here we thought we have done everything possible to keep our kids from seeing pornography. Little did we know we had one right here under our roof turning herself into pornography.
ya i just wanna add that webcams are always a no no cuz i know (dont ask how) that a lot of people will masturbate online together.
 
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june7th
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September 18, 2005, 4:16 pm PDT

Update on my problem

Quote From: tray00

I guess that depends on how old you are?  At least it would to me as a parent.  How old is your boyfriend as well? 

  

Depending on how old you both are I would talk to them, tell them how you feel and and how you feel about it, ie:  you don't want a baby, you use birth control, you were both tested for std's, ect.  IF you havent' broken the promise tell them that, but tell them that you want thier acceptance.  Again this all depends on how old you are.  If you break up with this person do they realize the next person could be someone who is not as mature and responsble. someone with an std?   

  

I also think you know their is plenty of things you can do other then having sex.  I also think your erge to have sex will go away after a while.   

  

Keep us informed! 

I am 15 and my boyfriend is 18, my parents have no issue with the age gap because they have a five year age difference. I will graduate next year (my birthday is in December so I started school at age 4). I know most people don't think that I would have been emotionally stable or mature to have made this decision, but I most certainly am. My relationship with my boyfriend is stronger and more serious than other people our age as  we were best friends before we became a couple and went through some very rough and emotionally trying times together. I am not some average sexually active teenager, I am very careful, and informed about birth control methods, we use condoms and I am on birth control as a back up plan. I know what many people will think when they see his age, but he isn't just some guy who wants to have sex, we made the decision together and we didn't pressure eachother either. Unfortunately, we did break the promise after talking it over and doing a lot of thinking about the consequences that it would have, yet again I wasn't pressured, and i only regret the fact that I lied to my parents.
 
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jenoc99
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September 18, 2005, 5:37 pm PDT

Making a promise

Quote From: june7th

I am 15 and my boyfriend is 18, my parents have no issue with the age gap because they have a five year age difference. I will graduate next year (my birthday is in December so I started school at age 4). I know most people don't think that I would have been emotionally stable or mature to have made this decision, but I most certainly am. My relationship with my boyfriend is stronger and more serious than other people our age as  we were best friends before we became a couple and went through some very rough and emotionally trying times together. I am not some average sexually active teenager, I am very careful, and informed about birth control methods, we use condoms and I am on birth control as a back up plan. I know what many people will think when they see his age, but he isn't just some guy who wants to have sex, we made the decision together and we didn't pressure eachother either. Unfortunately, we did break the promise after talking it over and doing a lot of thinking about the consequences that it would have, yet again I wasn't pressured, and i only regret the fact that I lied to my parents.

Every 15 year old girl thinks the same thing that you think, that your relationship is stable and serious, etc., and I know that it seems true at this point. But when you are a few years older you are going to look back and realize how young you are-  going through all the responsible procedures that you've gone through before making the decision to have sex does not mean that its okay to have sex. Just because you made good decisions before you had sex together does not mean that its okay to have sex and to continue to have sex.  

Your parents are going to find out again, and then what? Why is sex so important to you and your boyfriend? If your relationship is so strong and stable, then sex wouldn't be so important. 
 
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nortiz_55
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September 22, 2005, 9:59 am PDT

Being a teenage mother

 I am a seventeen year old mother. I am posting today to urge all parents not to ignore any and all signs of your son or daughter being sexually active. I struggle everyday wondering how did I get here? Even though my son is  the biggest blessing in my life, I wonder what my life would be like if my parents would have put a stop to what and where I was going in my life. I was dating a man that was 23 years old when I was only 15. And well I got pregnant two months later. I was off doing drugs and anything else you could ever imagine. But my little boy is what saved my life. So I just hope that all you parents out there really understand that by you ignoring any signs can put them in my shoes- a teenage mom raising a son by myself, struggling everyday. I wonder what my life would be like if my parents would have done something to prevent me from chosing the wrong road in life! I've been wanting to get my story out there to reach teens and parents and make them understand sex is such a big responsibility. You have to be ready to take the consequences that comes with sex. Alot of teens are lucky they didn't get pregnant, but for those of us who did, we must take responsability for our actions. I hope I did some good in writting this.  

                                                                                                                                       Thank you- 
 
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tray00
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September 23, 2005, 6:49 am PDT

Teens and Sex

From reading and posting on boards on this topic and other topics, I find a lot of people feel as though if their parents would of informed them better or stopped them from having sex they wouldn't be where they are today.  My parents didn't "inform" me, but I knew what I was doing was wrong, I don't blame my parents for my baby at age 15.  I blame myself, I didn't have to do it.  And if my parents would of stopped me from seeing this guy I don't know what or where that would of taken me.  (run away, senak out I dont' know)   

  

I do know that when I was 16, I thought I was in love.  I thought I was old and mature.  I was going to marry this guy, and I was going to have another baby right away.  I must stress that I thought I was so mature.  Boy was wrong, 15 years later, I can say that I wasn't mature and what was I thinking ..... I was going to marry this guy and have another baby.  Could you imagine, being 17 with 2 kids.  What was I thinking!  So yes we do think we are mature and know what we want in life, but just because we do that doens't that he knows what he wants.  Things change. 

  

  
 
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madsdk
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September 24, 2005, 11:08 am PDT

Teens and Sex

In Denmark where I live it is in my opinion unfortunately normal that teens aged 14 or even 13 have sex.  We have the record in Europe in drinking among teens and pre-teens. It is normal that a 7 or 8. grade student have been drunk at least one a month, some even every weekend. And it is acceptabel that  teens do that here in Denmark. I think that it is a big problem that they do this.  It is normal in your country that a person aged 12-14 are drinking alkohol ?. Of course it is not every teen who does that, but a very large number of them do it.
 
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viinabragi
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September 25, 2005, 1:52 am PDT

Just about the same thing in Sweden

Quote From: madsdk

In Denmark where I live it is in my opinion unfortunately normal that teens aged 14 or even 13 have sex.  We have the record in Europe in drinking among teens and pre-teens. It is normal that a 7 or 8. grade student have been drunk at least one a month, some even every weekend. And it is acceptabel that  teens do that here in Denmark. I think that it is a big problem that they do this.  It is normal in your country that a person aged 12-14 are drinking alkohol ?. Of course it is not every teen who does that, but a very large number of them do it.
 I recognise what you're saying. We have almost the same situation here in Sweden  (about the alcohol I mean). A lot of my friends are getting drunk every 3 week  or so. And it is quite a problem yes. So I think it is really common for a teenager in Sweden to drink alcohol quite often.
 
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blondie01
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September 26, 2005, 2:19 pm PDT

What to do?

im 14 years old and im really scared...my parents are real christian and we have had many of talks about saving your self till marrige...well me and my boyfriend have been together a year and we decieded we were ready to take that big step...i always belived to save my self for marrige...but i fell in love with him and i just knew we were ment to be....well i am pregnat now...about a month and his parents know but mine do not....i know i need to tell them but i dont know how..im just scared because weve had so many talks of saving my self...i know they wont hate me or disown me i just dont know how to tell them...what do i do?... 
 
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lilmiss06
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September 26, 2005, 2:29 pm PDT

something that should of waited

I'm a seventeen year old girl who is a senior in high school. My parents warned me all the time about getting pregnant and not ending up like my sister and not having a child at a young age. Well i made the choice of sleeping with a man i didn't know. Me and my boyfriend Joey was sleeping together a week before we started dating not even three days after we started dating i discovered that i was pregnant. Do you know how scary it is not knowing if he's going to stick around or not. Every night i pray that god will watch over me and my baby and keep me and joey together. We are engaged after only being together three months. To all the parents out there with teenagers,be careful and talking doesn't always work know where they are and who they are with. Be open to talk about sex with them and have your son or daughter use protection because in every kid mind whether they want to think it or not it's always there. "It can't happen to me"! Well guess what it did!
 
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lilmiss06
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September 26, 2005, 2:34 pm PDT

important

Quote From: blondie01

im 14 years old and im really scared...my parents are real christian and we have had many of talks about saving your self till marrige...well me and my boyfriend have been together a year and we decieded we were ready to take that big step...i always belived to save my self for marrige...but i fell in love with him and i just knew we were ment to be....well i am pregnat now...about a month and his parents know but mine do not....i know i need to tell them but i dont know how..im just scared because weve had so many talks of saving my self...i know they wont hate me or disown me i just dont know how to tell them...what do i do?... 

Sweetie you should tell your parents. Yes your very young but it's not like their going to hate you and kill you. All they will do is yell and maybe be upset for a while but if your parents love you like their supposed to they love you no matter what. UN-conditional love, trust me I was scared to tell my parents but i did and they are helping me out by letting me stay at home still. They accept my boyfriend and the choices we made. So will yours. Tell them they'll get over it they be happier that you told them then you hiding it from them so they couldn't be there for you. i send my blessings congrads by the way. hopefully everything goes well.
 
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