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Topic : Teens and Sex

Number of Replies: 621
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:22:25 pm
Author : dataimport
How do you talk to your teens about sex? Share your story.

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May 29, 2008, 4:35 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Got to make it less a mystery and no big deal to kids.  It is a big deal but when they learn the news on the street, they the guys will con the girls and the girls will have no clue, or the guys will think they have to get a notch in the gun to be cool. 
 
May 29, 2008, 6:54 pm CDT

This show inspired me to talk my eight year old

I have eight year old twin girls and we have always been an open loving family, I have always been honest and loving when my kids have had questions.  But I have never gone to them and started a dialog, tonight one of my girls went to bed early saying she did not feel well.  My other daughter stayed up and helped me with her younger brother and feeding our pet Geckos.  While we were busy around the house I started talking to her, mind you we recently confirmed she has already begun the early stages of puberty.  I asked how people know they love someone, she said women fall in love and can't stand to be away from the man they love and write love notes, and guys say things like pucker up, she said a boy had already asked her to do this she said no and said she doesn't want to kiss boys.  She also told me where babies come from, God puts the baby in the Momma and it grows and then it comes out( she gestured between her legs)  and if it has trouble the doctor cuts it out.   Also I was told if you are 16 boys will ask for a date and if the girl is interested she goes and they kiss.  I am very educated now Dr. Phil Thank you!
 
May 29, 2008, 7:09 pm CDT

Lets Be Honest

You know what I find really lame, not to mention psychologically damaging to girls, is what people tell them about sex? When they tell the girl that the guy doesn't care about them, they're just a piece of meat, and the guy will run away as soon as you're pregnant. Well, wonder why they boys think and do that, society has conditioned them to believe they can get away with it because it's expected of them, right out of the mouths of adults. Guys are taught that it is acceptable to have double standards and not take responsibility for their actions because it doesn't matter, it'll all be put on the girl anyway. 

 

I wish Dr. Phil would have gotten to the root of the problem, guys molest girls in middle school and pressure them to "put out or get out" thus traumatizing them, thus making them submissive to boys by the time they're in high school. Lets get real here, we let boys get away with being sexist. This causes the girls to have low self-esteem, as they're taught that their looks and sexuality is the only thing that makes them worthy of the opposite sex.

 

Please Dr. Phil have a show on sexually active BOYS next time, I guarentee it starts with them!

 
May 30, 2008, 1:40 pm CDT

I totally get your point

Quote From: jwils523

You know what I find really lame, not to mention psychologically damaging to girls, is what people tell them about sex? When they tell the girl that the guy doesn't care about them, they're just a piece of meat, and the guy will run away as soon as you're pregnant. Well, wonder why they boys think and do that, society has conditioned them to believe they can get away with it because it's expected of them, right out of the mouths of adults. Guys are taught that it is acceptable to have double standards and not take responsibility for their actions because it doesn't matter, it'll all be put on the girl anyway. 

 

I wish Dr. Phil would have gotten to the root of the problem, guys molest girls in middle school and pressure them to "put out or get out" thus traumatizing them, thus making them submissive to boys by the time they're in high school. Lets get real here, we let boys get away with being sexist. This causes the girls to have low self-esteem, as they're taught that their looks and sexuality is the only thing that makes them worthy of the opposite sex.

 

Please Dr. Phil have a show on sexually active BOYS next time, I guarentee it starts with them!

I have been that teenage girl and now I am a single mother and the beginning is on both sides, and it starts at birth.  The parent or parents must give love and respect to their children praise them every time the are caught being good and discipline them with respect.  Keeping firm yet loving boudaries teaches children to require that of all relationships in their lives.  A little girl whose parents have respect for themselves and her will respect herself and wont be giving herself away to a boy just because he says he wont like her anymore.  A boy who has a good relationship with his parents will not mistreat his girlfriends.  I know you have heard that you need to check out how a guy treats his mother before you hook up to know how he will treat you.  I will treat my girls and my boy with lots of love and respect and remind them how special they are so that they will look for men that treat them like their family does, and I will encourage them to save themselves for marriage because I have never known anyone who regretted having sex too late!  Love, Respect, Discipline the recipe for happy kids.
 
May 30, 2008, 4:56 pm CDT

Poor Baby

Quote From: hurtingurl

hi..im 16 & sadly 2 say it..i've never had "the talk", my parents have never talked 2 me about sex before so i could of been out when i was 13 having sex with #'s of guys..the word hasnt even ever been mentioned in my house!!!...usually parents are soooo paranoid about where their kids are & stuff & when i want 2 go somewhere im like "mom im goin' 2 my friends this weekend" & shes like "whatever"...they've never sat down with me 2 talk about the dangers of sex,drug abuse,& drinkingi've learned all that stuff in school & from my friendsdo they just not care about me that much that i could be having sex with guys and they wouldnt even know???...im 16 & im proud to say im still a virgin..& yes im a huge christian/lutheran & im waiting til marriage for that special someonebut i just cant figure out why they've never talked 2 me about it before...im surprised i wanted them 2 talk 2 me about it because usually teens are like "ewwwww...gross..dont talk about that" but im obviously not like that& 1 more question...r any of you guys scared of being raped or molested???...i am..when im in dark places or walking at night with friends it scares me so i try 2 walk faster to where ever im goin'well...hope u reply...ttyl
I am a christian Mom and my girls are too young for details about sex yet, and I do feel that it is best kept within a marriage I have not practiced that always but the people that I know who have are so unbelieveably happy I would give anything to trade places.  I think that it is very important to tell your parents how you feel, I have seen in my own family little girls raised in church & christian private schools and their parents felt that was enough they did not have talks they did not keep tabs on their girls and they both ended up with babies very young and I am not sure if either are married but they did not even choose good men.  Your body and everything within it is a gift that God gave you to share with your husband, you may need advice about what to do with these gifts when you get married and there are books, doctors, and friends who will help.  It is scary to go into anything not already being an expert but this is something that is worth it and lot of prayer will get you through it.  Life is not easy that is why it came with an instruction manual (The Bible). I was not raised in a good home I have had to learn everything on my own and I promise my kids better.  You need to know that you are special and right now your body is still changing and boys are not evil, they are great to hang out with, and having boyfriends is fine you don't have to give "IT" up to get love, you dont need to let them do anything to you to be their girlfriend.  Boys do get mean and you do need to have a tough skin they will say you did things with them and spread rumors, you have to be very choosy on who you trust because just saying no does not guarantee a good reputation, none in my school knew any of the things I actually did but I got a bad reputation because all the boys I turned down spread rumors about me.  No boy ever tells his friends he couldn't even get a kiss.  I hope this helps, you are special and I am sure your parents love you like crazy.
 
June 2, 2008, 5:48 pm CDT

13 Year old son and sex

My oldest son is 13 and got his first girlfriend about 3 days ago. My husband and I tried having a talk with him about sex but we really don't know how to go about talking to him about it if he "doesn't" really know much about it. He knows it makes babies and that diseases can be caught through sex but he said he doesn't know what sex is exactly. I don't want to feed him information if he doesn't know about it. Today he said that they kissed (without tongue) and now I am even more freaked out. Can someone please help me? I want to have this talk  with my son. i don't want him to not know and at the same time I want him to know. I realize that we live in a day and time where sex is everywhere and I want to try everything in my power to keep my son from doing something he might later regret.
 
June 5, 2008, 5:29 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: bnj41308

My oldest son is 13 and got his first girlfriend about 3 days ago. My husband and I tried having a talk with him about sex but we really don't know how to go about talking to him about it if he "doesn't" really know much about it. He knows it makes babies and that diseases can be caught through sex but he said he doesn't know what sex is exactly. I don't want to feed him information if he doesn't know about it. Today he said that they kissed (without tongue) and now I am even more freaked out. Can someone please help me? I want to have this talk  with my son. i don't want him to not know and at the same time I want him to know. I realize that we live in a day and time where sex is everywhere and I want to try everything in my power to keep my son from doing something he might later regret.

Well education is the best thing. Keep an open dialog with your son about sex. See if he has any questions and answer them thruthfully. If you don't theach him then someone else will. Friends talk about sex among each other and they might say things that are not true and lead him to believe it is normal for a 13 year old to have sex and he is the only one who hasn't done it.

Most important is that you answer thruthfully, don't imprint scary images because it doesn't work. teens feel invincible so he doesn't think he can get an STD. Also learn him about condoms and other anticonception so that if he at one time decides he wants to have sex that he will be at least wise enough to use a condom.

He is only 13 and just kisses his girlfriend it is a long way from kissing to having sex. Kissing is normal at his age. Don't be alarmed if he kisses with tongue either it is right to start experimenting with that at his age.

He isn't ready yet for having sex for a couple of years but only if he is supported in his relationships and decisions, when sex can be openly discussed and when sex isn't demonised or not spoken of. I know it sounds silly that talking about sex and being honest about it prevents him from having sex but it has been the proven way to go in countries as The Netherlands, Germany, France etc. All these countries have very low STD rates and open discussions about sex.

For help talking about this subject you can find several internet sites only make sure it isn't a conservative site because they contain untruths and are often misleading. Sites which compare between europe and the US are often the good sites.

 
June 19, 2008, 1:25 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: flmarijane

Please help me. I am the single mom of a 17 year old girl. The first week of summer a boy down the street came to the house and started talking to her. He told her he was 19, I felt like he was a little too old for her, but she really liked him and all they were doing was talking in the yard at my house or his parents. To make a long story short he isn't 19, he's 23! My 25 year old son found out and went to his parents home and told them to keep this man away from his sister!! My daughter was heart broken, didn't eat or sleep for days. Mad at me, mad at her brother, and mad at the world. He soon disappeared from his parents home and she convinced herself he was living in a box somewhere. This went on for 2 months, Wednesday night on a routine walk she ran into him. He was doing a neighbors yard, he no longer lives with his parents but has moved in with a friend and his mom. There is a reason men aren't suppose to be with young girls, my daughter is so hungry for the attention of the man she won't listen to me anymore. He said things to her a boy can't equal. He made a few attempts to kiss her in the past and always wanted to hug her. The kissing never happened but recently she confided in me she wishes it had.This is a girl I have had no trouble with in the past. At this very moment I don't even know where she is...but I have a good guess. What do I do? This man is not a good influence. Did I add she is a virgin and he isn't. He has no job and gets high....I am so inexperienced in anything like this. Do I just listen to her when she wants to talk but not inter fear? I'm afraid if I stop her, I'll lose her!!!

there is something wrong when an adult is attracted to a teenager.  especially when he lies about his age.  i think he wants to totally control her; especially knowing that she would do anything to be with him.  men like this want to have a dominating sexual relationship with a young vibarant teenager.  after he is done with her, he will seek other young girls, tell them the same story and control them.  this relationship is based on lying, naivity, total control by the older man who has no job and a lack of respect.  all words no action.  you got to ask what do they both have to offer each other?  imagine if she has a child, then things are worse for her future, the childs; even the families!  everyone is affected negatively by the outcome of this deviant relationship.  older guys preying on young girls are common everywhere.  you got to ask yourself what can the law do for this as it's getting worse.  older men preying on young girls need to be prosecuted.  these young girls are to blame too.  they need to listen to their parents and not make claims that they have rights and what to live their life the way they want.  they are still in school for heavens sake and don't know enough about life.  the teens also being naive and inexperience are out of control.  parents need to be proactive in your son or daughters lives.  don't like them call the shots at home.  take control.  that's showing you care about what they do.
 
June 19, 2008, 1:34 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: texasmomma3

I am a christian Mom and my girls are too young for details about sex yet, and I do feel that it is best kept within a marriage I have not practiced that always but the people that I know who have are so unbelieveably happy I would give anything to trade places.  I think that it is very important to tell your parents how you feel, I have seen in my own family little girls raised in church & christian private schools and their parents felt that was enough they did not have talks they did not keep tabs on their girls and they both ended up with babies very young and I am not sure if either are married but they did not even choose good men.  Your body and everything within it is a gift that God gave you to share with your husband, you may need advice about what to do with these gifts when you get married and there are books, doctors, and friends who will help.  It is scary to go into anything not already being an expert but this is something that is worth it and lot of prayer will get you through it.  Life is not easy that is why it came with an instruction manual (The Bible). I was not raised in a good home I have had to learn everything on my own and I promise my kids better.  You need to know that you are special and right now your body is still changing and boys are not evil, they are great to hang out with, and having boyfriends is fine you don't have to give "IT" up to get love, you dont need to let them do anything to you to be their girlfriend.  Boys do get mean and you do need to have a tough skin they will say you did things with them and spread rumors, you have to be very choosy on who you trust because just saying no does not guarantee a good reputation, none in my school knew any of the things I actually did but I got a bad reputation because all the boys I turned down spread rumors about me.  No boy ever tells his friends he couldn't even get a kiss.  I hope this helps, you are special and I am sure your parents love you like crazy.
i was a virgin till i got married at 48 years old.  my friend during one of our talks said he was envious because I was a virgin.  i said why.  he said he can never give all of himself to his wife when they make love because he cannot help but think of other girls he has been with in the past.  let me just say it was torment remain a virgin but worth is all when you are with the woman you love. 
 
June 29, 2008, 5:58 pm CDT

Help! Just found something out about my 14 year old daughter...

Hello. My 14 year old has her first boyfriend. He's about a foot shorter than she is, and looks much younger (he's 14 too). Of course, she looks like she's 25, a very attractive girl with a knockout figure. She has been "going out" with him for about a month. Anyway, she has been going over to his house, with his parents there, for long periods of time lately, and --you guessed it -- they've been fooling around. Yes, I snooped, reading the messages on her cell phone, which greatly alarmed me, since it sounds like they have french kissed, he's seen her breasts, and they were "grinding," which I guess means imitating sex with their clothes on. SO...what do I do now? Try to talk to her? Ground her? Go beat up the guy and his parents? (kidding) I have no one else to talk to. My husband would absolutely freak. So PLEASE, someone give me some advice. I thought she was a level headed kid, but I guess I was wrong.
 
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