Topic : Teens and Sex

Well lets focus on the positive side. She didn't have sex! No really that is the big positive side here, she isn't pregnant or has an STD! Now since she is in this stage of her sexuality it is important you get her condoms and get her on the pill.

If you are wondering Am I enabeling her by giving her protection, saying it is okay. Well I don't know and it really doesn't matter either.She hasn't had sex but isn't for off from it either. This means that it is far more important to make sure that she is safe rather then thinking of what kind of message it sends out.

Other thing that you need to do is to talk to her. I don't know if you talk about sex in your home but it is an important part in raising your kid. You need to talk to her in an Adult way (forbidding things will make her shut you out and that of course is not good) You should say that you know what she has done and you can say that you do not agree with that. Do it in a calm way, and give her reasons why you don't like her doing that. Always keep in mind that you are talking to an olmost adult here. She might also have questions of her own please answer them and answer them truthfully, lying only backfires. If you don't know be honest aswell. Don't think she is too young to nkow the answer to a question, if she asks it she is ready to know.

The conversation is not so much about forbidding since it won't work, it should be about empowering her to say no if she feels she is not ready for it. She has to know she isn't wierd not to do that and that it is okay not to hold him off.

Communication is in this all very important as I said. Try to talk to her as an adult even if she is (and always will be) your little angel.

If you want more help try looking for sites on the internet about talking to your kids about sex. Make sure the information is objective and true. (some sites state false facts or present opinions as facts to scare parents into teaching abstinance only.) Sites that are run by a sexologist are a good place to start I guess.

One last thing, remember in all of this that there are two people involved in all of this. Your daughter and her boyfriend. Neither is more to blame then the other. They both did it out of their own free will.

Oet Gäöl

This is the honest truth: teenagers are going to be curious about sex, and will almost always be up for learning new things. It's only in developed countries that teenagers wait until they're older, or married, to engage in sexual acts or intercourse. Waiting is not human nature, nor customary in other nations or countries.

There are countries that allow their men to have multiple wives, both young teens and women alike. Young girls are expected to be mothers by certain ages, sometimes 13 or 14. I know many Americans can't imaging their daughter having to uphold this expectation, but if we lived in another country, this topic would not be up for discussion.

There are MANY aspects of a teenage relationship that parents don't take into consideration. Such as:

Adults have sex to make their relationships better/last longer, so why can't teens? (adult answer: Not responsible) Well, there are PLENTLY of adults out there who don't have the means to care for a surprise child, yet they still do the deed. What makes it different? Sex is enjoyed by two people who want a stronger connection, so I don't see why teenagers having sex is different.

Teenage abortions are on the rise: Adults have abortions, too. We hear all the statistics about teen abortions, but remember that everyone with a uterus and working parts is able to not only have a child, but also have an abortion. not always willing, but physically able. Don't consider us reckless if we have one, think about all the grown women that abort.

STDs are a major problem: Adults can catch STDs just as easily as a teenager can, so again...not seeing a big difference.

Teenage emotions are different than adults: this is true, but I'm sure there are millions of adults out there that become emotionally attched to the men or women they have sex with. Virginity is a big debate amongst parents of teens, but what if your child doesn't view virginity as an important part of their INDIVIDUAL lives? They are people, too. Teens make the choice as to whether they'll wait or not, and no amount of parental dogging will stop a teen who's ready and waiting. Sorry to hurt your parental pride, but you lose control as we get older.

Don't call us names when you're upset. EVER. My mom and sister fight alot, and my sister is no longer a virgin by choice. My mom sometimes resents her for that, and will call her a "slut", "whore", etc. my sister was in a DEDICATED relationship when she had sex, so it was a mature decision. It's no different than an adult being in a commited relationship having sex: I know many more adults actually having casual sex than I do teenagers!

Get out of the parent mind set just for a minute: think honestly about the topic. The human brain is geared toward successful reproduction, it doesn't magically start at seventeen or eighteen. Your teenager is a mammal, as you are, who has animalistic urges. Sex is a natural and healthy part of everyone's lives.

and Single parents: stop being hipocrites. If you're pushing abstinence until marriage and having sex with a partner you met recently, what sort of message is that sending to your kids? It doesn't matter that you've already been married, you're XX years old, make $XXXXX.XX a month/year, etc.- the only thing your child will see is that you don't practice what you preach. And that's unfair.

Think long and hard about ALL decisions you make with regard to your teens and sexuality. Truth be told, America/Great Britain/etc. (developed countries) are actually the weird ones when it comes to sex.

Open_Eyes

Well, this is your lucky day because i am also 14 and see these situations on a daily bases.  Now do not get to hyped up about this yet because you're so lucky they didnt go to far. You should talk to her about her feelings and how she feels about the situation.  Don't start of as "NO SEX IT'S BAD" and blah blah rah rah, because it's not. You've got to understand that sex has made a great impact on the world and lets be honest you can't control our feelings for it and sometimes our feelings get so out of control we rebel !           'O sweet temptation'

Very well spoken!

Well first off I'll answer your question: Put her on the pill, really! If you don't put her on the pill she might have sex again if you do  well she might have sex again but at least she won't get pregnant. (at least when used properly) Big difference? Yeah raising a kid needs her to grow up and become an adult instantly and might ruin her future (I don't know if you can support her and her kid while she goes to college?)

And even if your work shedule was better or even if you didn't work at all. It doesn't matter, only if you'd lock her up 24/7 you could be sure she didn't have sex or do something else you do not approve of. Things happen you can't protect her from everything. you can only make sure she faces every challenge as best she can by helping her along the way.

She is 16 so her having sex is not really a surprise. it's the age many start (between 16 and 17 about 50% of teens have had sex at least once.) Whatever our upbringing, it makes no difference (though it seems that teens from really religious families start earlir because of a lack of sexual education.)

We as a society ussually see girls as the victoms of boys, objects of desire. Do not forget she has raging hormones too. She is also a subject of desire and is a sexual creature aswell. What I'm trying to say is do not blame the boy for the sexual encounter they had, it involved two people not just one.

What I am concerned about is her boyfriend. Her staying with him might be because she lacks confidence about herself. She might think she can't get another boyfriend who does make her happy and feel unworthy towards others. I don't know if that is the case but maybe you carefully want to check into it though. On the other hand girls often like bad boys, but thats usually a fase before they meet someone who is good to them.

Therapy might be  little severe. Other things might do the job just as well (this depends on your judgement as a parent) maybe finding her a hobby she likes and is good at does the job or there are trainings that improve selfconfidence only after that comes therapy. But again you as a parrent need to decide if she has low selfesteem and which of the above measures might help her.

As for keeping her away from him... It's near impossible she is 16 has a mind of her own (as does anyone of over say 14?) You cannot watch her during school hours and when she is with friends. Just saying you think the boy is bad for her (and why) without forbidding her to see him saves you a lot of tears energyand keeps the bond between te two of you good enough so that she keeps an open mind for what you say. If she hates you she will not be open for things you say and that is not good.