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Topic : Teens and Sex

Number of Replies: 621
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:22:25 pm
Author : dataimport
How do you talk to your teens about sex? Share your story.

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October 20, 2005, 2:29 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: oet_gaol

Well birth control would at this point give the wrong impression I think, more or less you would say go ahead and do it, it also doesn't protect against HIV and other STD's so it is not an ideal solution. But do do the education talk with her about the pleasures of sex when you should begin with it and that you should always where protection and why. 

  

Now about the boy: What you should do is indeed let them only come over to your house because there you know they won't have sex. and you indeed watch them but don't let em know you watch them read a book, cook or something even though you then won't be able to see them for a hunderd percent you know that nothing will go on. You can also leave the room for a few seconds or a minute because boys are quick but not thát quick. 

  

If they kiss it is not a problem, kissing and boyfriends starts around 13y (based on the experience from me and my surroundings)  

  

Then also talk (at a different time let's say a week apart over the time she had had sex) Then also talk to her in an adult way and give VALID arguments why you think she should wait with having sex (and don't say till she's married because that is a utopia) and why it is a really special thing. but do not forget to hear her side of the story why she did it but also how it felt. And let her talk till she's finished, this wil make her more open towards your arguments.  

  

And make sure that you take the time for the conversation, sit down with her and make sure she understands where you are going to talk aboutand why (express your concerns towards her) hear her side first and when she is finished you give her your side but all in a calm manner so she wont think "whatever" and at the end of the conversation make sure she knows it's the end (but dont cut the conversation short) and continue with whatever you are doing. 

  

Again back to the boy: 

How old is he? I mean an age difference between 13 and 16 would be a huge age difference, while 14 and 17 might be alright. I say this because 16 and 17 year old are emotionally ready to have sex a 13 or 14 year ol does not but a 14 year old has a better defense against pushy boys. Remember that when your in puberty your body makes rapid changes so a year makes a lot of difference. So if there is a large age difference you might want to confront that boy why he goes out with such a young girl. I myself wouldn't go out (at age 16)with a girl who was more than two years younger or older, because age is a lot of difference in puberty. At age 17 it became 3 years older younger and at the moment it still is (no I'm not a parent though an adult but I do have a strong opinion on matters like this) 

Her "boyfriend" is 14 he has had a bad home life and his father is no help-he has also just remarried-I do try to stay out of their way when he is over but a couple of times when I've only been out for a couple of minutes-when I've come back they stop whatever they've been doing REALLY fast and adjust themselves-I think touchy feely kind of thing is going on.  Would I be out of line if I talked to him directly about the situation?
 
October 20, 2005, 3:36 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: justmom

Her "boyfriend" is 14 he has had a bad home life and his father is no help-he has also just remarried-I do try to stay out of their way when he is over but a couple of times when I've only been out for a couple of minutes-when I've come back they stop whatever they've been doing REALLY fast and adjust themselves-I think touchy feely kind of thing is going on.  Would I be out of line if I talked to him directly about the situation?

I don't  no, I know I wouldn't have minded if that was asked taken by surprise yes but wouldn't mind it. But again you don't want to be the angry mom that tactic will backfire (remember yourself as a teen how many times didn't you think "whatever") Also avoid that you're daughter is around at the time but discuss it with her first and give arguments why you do what you do. And again be sure to be resonable he may be 14 but he does have an opinion. 

  

But I don't know if it is touching/feeling that is necesarrely going on think about how you would've dealt if you're mom walked in while kissing wound't you stop doing it as fast as you could, pretending nothing was going on? And if it is above clothes it might not be that bad but just normal you cudle/couress aswell with your parter right? but don't put away your feelings completly keep an eye open and notice if something different is up, then you can always take more extreme actions. 

 
October 21, 2005, 7:02 am CDT

Birth Control Idea

I'm new to the message boards...so bare with me! I have an idea for a form of birth control and I wanted to get some opinions on it...I am a stay at home mom with two daughters, one six years and one 9 months. The other night while my nine month old was crying through out the night (She's teething) I thought to myself..."I bet Abby won't want children for a long time after going through all these loud nights!" Once I got the baby settled, I couldn't get back to sleep. So, I started thinking...I should record Emma crying over and over and over again and sell it to parents to play to their teenage daughters while they're in a deep sleep to encourage birth control, or possibly abstinence!! What do you think? Would you buy it? I'm certainly not a "Business Woman", but as a stay at home mom, the extra money would be wonderful!!! Any suggestions? 

I appreciate any responses!!  

Thanks in advance! 

Raegan 

 
October 21, 2005, 11:30 am CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: raegany

I'm new to the message boards...so bare with me! I have an idea for a form of birth control and I wanted to get some opinions on it...I am a stay at home mom with two daughters, one six years and one 9 months. The other night while my nine month old was crying through out the night (She's teething) I thought to myself..."I bet Abby won't want children for a long time after going through all these loud nights!" Once I got the baby settled, I couldn't get back to sleep. So, I started thinking...I should record Emma crying over and over and over again and sell it to parents to play to their teenage daughters while they're in a deep sleep to encourage birth control, or possibly abstinence!! What do you think? Would you buy it? I'm certainly not a "Business Woman", but as a stay at home mom, the extra money would be wonderful!!! Any suggestions? 

I appreciate any responses!!  

Thanks in advance! 

Raegan 

Well though it seems a good approach it won't work: Simply because teens do not always oversee the consequences of having sex (depending on their age) and second it wouldn't take away the problem which is unsafe sex so the only proper solution is good sex education from an early age (see posts below.) 

  

I wont say you won't make any money off of it but it won't work, maybe even be harmfull to the teen (it is a form of brainwashing having played the cries over and over again which will result into sleepdeprevation.) 

 
October 21, 2005, 12:06 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: oet_gaol

Well though it seems a good approach it won't work: Simply because teens do not always oversee the consequences of having sex (depending on their age) and second it wouldn't take away the problem which is unsafe sex so the only proper solution is good sex education from an early age (see posts below.) 

  

I wont say you won't make any money off of it but it won't work, maybe even be harmfull to the teen (it is a form of brainwashing having played the cries over and over again which will result into sleepdeprevation.) 

Yes, maybe your posts are correct...however, I would hope that these cd's would coincide with proper sex education...I think that talking to your children about sex is extremely important, but maybe a little humor mixed in (With the crying baby cd) might break the ice of a serious topic. As far as it being a harmful brainwashing technique, I have to disagree. Having a baby is appealing to a lot of young girls...I think a few nights of listening to a cd will be no where near as harmful as actually getting pregnant...then they'll really understand what sleep deprivation is!! Anyways...I was just having a little fun...I really do come up with a new concept once a week...whether any of them will ever get me anywhere is yet to be seen! Life is much too short to be serious all the time...that may be just as important to teach our children as birth control is! :)
 
October 21, 2005, 2:22 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Please Help! My daughter is 17 but will turn 18 in a few days. She has a 21 year old boyfriend & Plans to get married 4 days after she turns 18. I have tried to talk to her asking her to wait at least until she graduates high school but she is determined to go through with it immediately. I have even told her that I will not help with any of the cost unless she waits a year, she told me that she really did want to wait but didn't want to upset her boyfriend. I have been in an abusive relationship before & know some of the signs and am worried that he could become abusive twards her I have let them both know that I feel this way and have asked him to seek counseling. So far he has chosen not to. What can I do??
 
October 21, 2005, 5:38 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: oet_gaol

I don't  no, I know I wouldn't have minded if that was asked taken by surprise yes but wouldn't mind it. But again you don't want to be the angry mom that tactic will backfire (remember yourself as a teen how many times didn't you think "whatever") Also avoid that you're daughter is around at the time but discuss it with her first and give arguments why you do what you do. And again be sure to be resonable he may be 14 but he does have an opinion. 

  

But I don't know if it is touching/feeling that is necesarrely going on think about how you would've dealt if you're mom walked in while kissing wound't you stop doing it as fast as you could, pretending nothing was going on? And if it is above clothes it might not be that bad but just normal you cudle/couress aswell with your parter right? but don't put away your feelings completly keep an eye open and notice if something different is up, then you can always take more extreme actions. 

Thanks for all your help-you've been a BIG help!
 
October 22, 2005, 2:48 am CDT

This is what I don't get

Instead of all you parents being so concerned that you're going to "step on your childrens' toes" because you're so afraid to lock them out of the computer, discourage them from going to porn sites, and you're soooooo afraid to keep them from seeing their 14-year-old lovers, why don't you be more concerned about their school work and helping them prepare for college? I know it's "normal" for teenagers especially to try to look at porn sites, etc., but why not have your computer password protected? I mean, that seems pretty simple to me. And I was appalled at the woman who said that her 12-year-old son had been kissing and having oral sex with another 12-year-old boy, and her MAIN CONCERN was trying to be "politically correct" and not be "too harsh" with him because it was with another boy. After all, he "might be gay". What is wrong with you people??? Come on!!
 
October 22, 2005, 3:42 am CDT

Good for you

Quote From: shaelana

I am a happy 17 year old mom....i ahve a 8 month old baby i was pregnant at 15 had her at 16 i was scared at first but now i am very happy. It was hard but i dealt with it. I believe if you are old enough to get pregnat then be responsible and raise your kid. I dont believe in abortion (except for special circumstances) and i dont believe if you know what your doing and have sex then you shouldnt give your baby up for adoption. Anyways i just wanted to write this and show some of the "opionated" people out there that there are responsible teenagers.

Just wanted to say that you sound like the exception rather than the rule: that is, you're happy with your baby because you're independently able to provide financially and emotionally for the child and your individual maintenance. Sounds like you have also successfully reconcilled to the fact that the father of your child is not in the picture either financially or emotionally.  

  

To me, those youngsters who get in your circumstance and then rely on welfare or put the burden on their own parents to meet all their needs give all young single parents a bad rap. 

 
October 22, 2005, 7:38 am CDT

I know what you're going thru

Quote From: wynative

My daughters are 15 and 13, my 15 year old is constantly having to ask boys if they think she is pretty, or putting herself down in hopes that they will say the opposite.  She has also been lying alot about stupid things, like what she did for the summer or about drinking, sex, volleyball, boys.  I have gotten on to her MSN messenger and tagged stuff and found out that she has done stuff with boys sexually.  I have had talks with her before and actually taken her to the doctor because I found out she was with a boy in a sexually compromising way.  She said they did not have intercourse, just oral sex.  She often states to the boys on msn that she will do anything to get them to tell her things or date her.  This behavior scares me to death.  I have talked to her before and she assures me that she understands what i am saying and that I am right. Then she goes and does this stuff.  The boy that she hung out with at a home of parents that were home at the time and have parties for the kids, so they won't be out drinking, she has aslo been with his brother in a compromising way.  Please give me some advice as to what I should do!  I am very concerned and worried.
My daughter is 13.  She is very pretty (too pretty).  Her father & I got divorced when she was 5.  I remarried  a man with 2 daughters age 11 & 9, 5 years ago.  Her real father doesn't see her on a regular basis.  He works second shift, so that leaves weekends and most of them he's too busy with his own life.  My husband has been so good to her.  He loves her and treats her like is own daughters.  But I think her craving for male attention is because she is missing that from her real dad.  I sometimes wonder if I hadn't divorced him, would she be different now.  She gets phone calls everyday from at least 5 different boys & she's on the phone all the time.  We limited her to 1 hour a day, but she still manages to sneak more time.  I bought a device to record the phone conversations.  OH MY GOD, was I shocked!  It's like she's two different people.  She's telling one boy how much she loves him and she hates to see him flirt with other girls, then another boy calls on the other line and she tells him she loves him and doesn't like the other boy, then she clicks over to the first boy and says "I'm sorry Baby, that was Tommy, he just wont leave me alone.  Can I call you back my mom wants me.  I love you, Baby".  Then she clicks over to the second boy and says "I got rid of that pain."  My biggest question is how do I handle this with her without letting her know I've heard every word she said???  If I let her know I've been listening she'll never tell me anything again, and we have a pretty open relationship compared to most.  She pretty much tells me everything. that's why this just shocked me.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated! 
 
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