Quote From: open_eyesThis is the honest truth: teenagers are going to be curious about sex, and will almost always be up for learning new things. It's only in developed countries that teenagers wait until they're older, or married, to engage in sexual acts or intercourse. Waiting is not human nature, nor customary in other nations or countries.
There are countries that allow their men to have multiple wives, both young teens and women alike. Young girls are expected to be mothers by certain ages, sometimes 13 or 14. I know many Americans can't imaging their daughter having to uphold this expectation, but if we lived in another country, this topic would not be up for discussion.
There are MANY aspects of a teenage relationship that parents don't take into consideration. Such as:
Adults have sex to make their relationships better/last longer, so why can't teens? (adult answer: Not responsible) Well, there are PLENTLY of adults out there who don't have the means to care for a surprise child, yet they still do the deed. What makes it different? Sex is enjoyed by two people who want a stronger connection, so I don't see why teenagers having sex is different.
Teenage abortions are on the rise: Adults have abortions, too. We hear all the statistics about teen abortions, but remember that everyone with a uterus and working parts is able to not only have a child, but also have an abortion. not always willing, but physically able. Don't consider us reckless if we have one, think about all the grown women that abort.
STDs are a major problem: Adults can catch STDs just as easily as a teenager can, so again...not seeing a big difference.
Teenage emotions are different than adults: this is true, but I'm sure there are millions of adults out there that become emotionally attched to the men or women they have sex with. Virginity is a big debate amongst parents of teens, but what if your child doesn't view virginity as an important part of their INDIVIDUAL lives? They are people, too. Teens make the choice as to whether they'll wait or not, and no amount of parental dogging will stop a teen who's ready and waiting. Sorry to hurt your parental pride, but you lose control as we get older.
Don't call us names when you're upset. EVER. My mom and sister fight alot, and my sister is no longer a virgin by choice. My mom sometimes resents her for that, and will call her a "slut", "whore", etc. my sister was in a DEDICATED relationship when she had sex, so it was a mature decision. It's no different than an adult being in a commited relationship having sex: I know many more adults actually having casual sex than I do teenagers!
Get out of the parent mind set just for a minute: think honestly about the topic. The human brain is geared toward successful reproduction, it doesn't magically start at seventeen or eighteen. Your teenager is a mammal, as you are, who has animalistic urges. Sex is a natural and healthy part of everyone's lives.
and Single parents: stop being hipocrites. If you're pushing abstinence until marriage and having sex with a partner you met recently, what sort of message is that sending to your kids? It doesn't matter that you've already been married, you're XX years old, make $XXXXX.XX a month/year, etc.- the only thing your child will see is that you don't practice what you preach. And that's unfair.
Think long and hard about ALL decisions you make with regard to your teens and sexuality. Truth be told, America/Great Britain/etc. (developed countries) are actually the weird ones when it comes to sex.
Open_Eyes
I don't really understand what you're trying to say? Are you saying that teenagers deserve the same rights and consideration as adults when it comes to sex? Please... they're parents for a reason, to claim that adults (no parents at that) are not entitled to be hypocritical in their discipline is ridiculous and just bad parenting. "Oh i drink alcohol so i guess you can too honey" - absolute crap! And your attack on single parents was just "unfair" - to quote your words. Children are not ignorant, self-centered brats that cry boohoo if mommy gets to do things that they aren't allowed to. They're able to place things in perspective and understand that their mother/father is entitled to make their own informed and personal decisions in their lives and expect and ask differently of their children. Children need to know that their parents want the absolute best for them (even if this seems unfair or is not what the child wants) although they themselves do not adhere to the same standards. This sends the message (even though it's usually clouded by the child’s own frustration and angst) that their parents love them and that they can be depended on to protect and nurture them. What if the child just wants to be heard and respected? Good- listen to them! But don't think that listening means giving them what they want- like i said, they want to be heard, not given the world and total independence!
I also think your answer to your own question as to why are adults allowed to have sex and teenagers aren't was completely off the mark. It's not a matter of responsibility- if it was then you'd be right- teenagers CAN have responsible sex so case closed- they should be allowed to 'do it' whenever they like. No, i don't think it is this simple otherwise "the western world" - as you so put it - would not continue to debate over teenage sex. I believe it is a matter of consent and maturity. Parents want to preserve their children’s innocence for a reason- because they believe that true consent to engage in such a highly emotional and physical act such as sex, cannot truly be given until they have reached an age where their decisions can be appreciated and comprehended. Plus it’s not really that they worry whether their child is going to be responsible (ask any parent if they’re ‘cool’ with their 16 yr old having sex just because she’s wearing a condom while doing it, and they’ll say no) but whether they are being responsible allowing their child to engage in sexual activity. If they believe they aren’t, then surely they’re allowed to be apprehensive about giving permission- I mean, lord they’re not comfortable because they are parents and that person having sex is their child! And they shouldn’t have to query whether their reservations are legitimate because god forbid, they’re being hypocritical.
I really think the only good point you made was about parents not calling their children hateful names- which unequivocally is the number one rule when it comes to parenting. Don’t ever call your children sluts, idiots or other hurtful names regardless of how destructive or rebellious your child’s behaviour is. And I also agree- kids will have sex if they really want to, and I don’t think parents are under any misapprehensions about this!
