Topic : Teens and Sex

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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:22:25 pm
Author : dataimport
How do you talk to your teens about sex? Share your story.

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May 29, 2008, 7:27 am PDT

Teens and Sex

You start talking at a very young age about every thing, drugs, sex, friendships, love, everything that life will throw at them in the years to come!!!! you plant the first seed and that root will be stronger then anyother root their friends may plant!!!
 
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May 29, 2008, 8:49 am PDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: aylasblue

You should talk to her and tell her what she is trying to do in innapropriate, and give her the reasons why. [You're too old, you love her, but in a family way explain it to her.
You never said how long you have been this girls stepdad; At age 15 most children that didn't have the talk with their parents have learned about it from TV other kids ect. You say you think of her as your daughter that your the only man in her life. Is it posible that she doesn't think of you as her father? A 15 yr. old doesn't make sexual passes at their dads.When I was given the talk  details about  how to have sex  wasn't included. I think you need to step back ,get a good grip on this and set her straight and  don't  fool yourself most of the time dealing with a teen gets harder not easier. You took the role of being these kids dad and thats what you need to be.
 

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May 29, 2008, 12:10 pm PDT

How I talked to my daughter

When my daughter was first learning about her period was when I fisrt started talking to her about sex, as my husband felt uncomfortable and thought she was too young. As my daughter grew, I kept the conversation alive. How ever, when she was approaching the age of entering high school, I saw how she viewed me as an outsider, and decided to enlist the help of  Planned Parent Hood.  Planned Parent Hood has an excellent program where they bring kids in of all ages, and talk to them about STD's,correct way to use a condom, they bring people infected with HIV to talk to them about how their lives are living with this disease, and how different their lives could be. The kids also learn that you can still get STD's with oral sex, and they learn so much more. What made this work for us was that my daughter was among her peers, and left there with them learning everything she can possably learn, and it left her trusting me more.
 
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May 29, 2008, 12:24 pm PDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: hurtingurl

hi..im 16 & sadly 2 say it..i've never had "the talk", my parents have never talked 2 me about sex before so i could of been out when i was 13 having sex with #'s of guys..the word hasnt even ever been mentioned in my house!!!...usually parents are soooo paranoid about where their kids are & stuff & when i want 2 go somewhere im like "mom im goin' 2 my friends this weekend" & shes like "whatever"...they've never sat down with me 2 talk about the dangers of sex,drug abuse,& drinkingi've learned all that stuff in school & from my friendsdo they just not care about me that much that i could be having sex with guys and they wouldnt even know???...im 16 & im proud to say im still a virgin..& yes im a huge christian/lutheran & im waiting til marriage for that special someonebut i just cant figure out why they've never talked 2 me about it before...im surprised i wanted them 2 talk 2 me about it because usually teens are like "ewwwww...gross..dont talk about that" but im obviously not like that& 1 more question...r any of you guys scared of being raped or molested???...i am..when im in dark places or walking at night with friends it scares me so i try 2 walk faster to where ever im goin'well...hope u reply...ttyl
Assuming your whole family is "huge christian/lutheran's" - I can relate to you. My parents (being very religious) never had "the talk" with me, either - bout sex, drugs, alcohol, etc. It was all a sin (except for sex WHEN you got married). You didn't need to "talk" about sin, you just stayed away from it.  If this is how your religion/parents believe, they may not be the ones for you to get advice from.  After I had stopped attending my folks church (I was about 19 years old); I got an apartment with a female roommate (my age). I met a guy, we started dating....When he started spending the night with me, I would get up every mornin' freaking out asking my roommate, "what in the world was my boyfriend tryingn to do to me last night?!". She would crack up laughin - because she HAD been taught by her folks and knew exactly. So, it was my roommate who had that "talk" with me 'bout sex.  So, I suggest waiting till you feel comfortable enough with a close friend and ask them to explain things to you.  Some mom's would talk to their daughters about sex the night before their wedding. And that might be your parents approach, as well. But if you're curious to learn more (not experience), I think you're old enough to inquire. Since my younger days, I've had to "talk" to others who either came from a religious and/or cultural background where their parents never talked to them.  As far as drugs & alcohol - I watched my older brothers (when they stopped the religion) and it scared me what they went through.  But, again, when drugs/alcohol was "preached against" in church - they'd used the worst/scariest scenario cases to tell, so you'd be scared to death to even THINK 'bout LOOKING at anything.  Since then, I've learned, again, from friends and from reading, etc. if you're curious about how drugs/alcohol feels/works....inquire.  Plus, there's a ton you can read to educate you.  Over all, my suggestion to YOU, specifically, would be: 1. if your curious about sex - inquire through a close friend or their mother; 2. drugs - stay away from completely. There's nothing good about them. 3. Alcohol - learn to always be respsonsible - inquire for more via a close friends and/or their folks.  Good Luck, kiddo!!
 
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May 29, 2008, 4:35 pm PDT

Teens and Sex

Got to make it less a mystery and no big deal to kids.  It is a big deal but when they learn the news on the street, they the guys will con the girls and the girls will have no clue, or the guys will think they have to get a notch in the gun to be cool. 
 
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May 29, 2008, 6:54 pm PDT

This show inspired me to talk my eight year old

I have eight year old twin girls and we have always been an open loving family, I have always been honest and loving when my kids have had questions.  But I have never gone to them and started a dialog, tonight one of my girls went to bed early saying she did not feel well.  My other daughter stayed up and helped me with her younger brother and feeding our pet Geckos.  While we were busy around the house I started talking to her, mind you we recently confirmed she has already begun the early stages of puberty.  I asked how people know they love someone, she said women fall in love and can't stand to be away from the man they love and write love notes, and guys say things like pucker up, she said a boy had already asked her to do this she said no and said she doesn't want to kiss boys.  She also told me where babies come from, God puts the baby in the Momma and it grows and then it comes out( she gestured between her legs)  and if it has trouble the doctor cuts it out.   Also I was told if you are 16 boys will ask for a date and if the girl is interested she goes and they kiss.  I am very educated now Dr. Phil Thank you!
 
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May 29, 2008, 7:09 pm PDT

Lets Be Honest

You know what I find really lame, not to mention psychologically damaging to girls, is what people tell them about sex? When they tell the girl that the guy doesn't care about them, they're just a piece of meat, and the guy will run away as soon as you're pregnant. Well, wonder why they boys think and do that, society has conditioned them to believe they can get away with it because it's expected of them, right out of the mouths of adults. Guys are taught that it is acceptable to have double standards and not take responsibility for their actions because it doesn't matter, it'll all be put on the girl anyway. 

 

I wish Dr. Phil would have gotten to the root of the problem, guys molest girls in middle school and pressure them to "put out or get out" thus traumatizing them, thus making them submissive to boys by the time they're in high school. Lets get real here, we let boys get away with being sexist. This causes the girls to have low self-esteem, as they're taught that their looks and sexuality is the only thing that makes them worthy of the opposite sex.

 

Please Dr. Phil have a show on sexually active BOYS next time, I guarentee it starts with them!

 
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May 30, 2008, 12:23 pm PDT

double standard

Quote From: jwils523

You know what I find really lame, not to mention psychologically damaging to girls, is what people tell them about sex? When they tell the girl that the guy doesn't care about them, they're just a piece of meat, and the guy will run away as soon as you're pregnant. Well, wonder why they boys think and do that, society has conditioned them to believe they can get away with it because it's expected of them, right out of the mouths of adults. Guys are taught that it is acceptable to have double standards and not take responsibility for their actions because it doesn't matter, it'll all be put on the girl anyway. 

 

I wish Dr. Phil would have gotten to the root of the problem, guys molest girls in middle school and pressure them to "put out or get out" thus traumatizing them, thus making them submissive to boys by the time they're in high school. Lets get real here, we let boys get away with being sexist. This causes the girls to have low self-esteem, as they're taught that their looks and sexuality is the only thing that makes them worthy of the opposite sex.

 

Please Dr. Phil have a show on sexually active BOYS next time, I guarentee it starts with them!

I agree with your point to an extent. It is a parent’s responsibility to have the sex talk with their daughters AND sons. Boys learn that it is acceptable to have double standards/not take responsibility by watching the male role models in their life. Do those role models respect women? Do they treat them with honesty, integrity and respect? You can preach to them that they should be like this and like that, but if you are a poor role model, all of your words become invalid.
 
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May 30, 2008, 1:40 pm PDT

I totally get your point

Quote From: jwils523

You know what I find really lame, not to mention psychologically damaging to girls, is what people tell them about sex? When they tell the girl that the guy doesn't care about them, they're just a piece of meat, and the guy will run away as soon as you're pregnant. Well, wonder why they boys think and do that, society has conditioned them to believe they can get away with it because it's expected of them, right out of the mouths of adults. Guys are taught that it is acceptable to have double standards and not take responsibility for their actions because it doesn't matter, it'll all be put on the girl anyway. 

 

I wish Dr. Phil would have gotten to the root of the problem, guys molest girls in middle school and pressure them to "put out or get out" thus traumatizing them, thus making them submissive to boys by the time they're in high school. Lets get real here, we let boys get away with being sexist. This causes the girls to have low self-esteem, as they're taught that their looks and sexuality is the only thing that makes them worthy of the opposite sex.

 

Please Dr. Phil have a show on sexually active BOYS next time, I guarentee it starts with them!

I have been that teenage girl and now I am a single mother and the beginning is on both sides, and it starts at birth.  The parent or parents must give love and respect to their children praise them every time the are caught being good and discipline them with respect.  Keeping firm yet loving boudaries teaches children to require that of all relationships in their lives.  A little girl whose parents have respect for themselves and her will respect herself and wont be giving herself away to a boy just because he says he wont like her anymore.  A boy who has a good relationship with his parents will not mistreat his girlfriends.  I know you have heard that you need to check out how a guy treats his mother before you hook up to know how he will treat you.  I will treat my girls and my boy with lots of love and respect and remind them how special they are so that they will look for men that treat them like their family does, and I will encourage them to save themselves for marriage because I have never known anyone who regretted having sex too late!  Love, Respect, Discipline the recipe for happy kids.
 
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May 30, 2008, 4:56 pm PDT

Poor Baby

Quote From: hurtingurl

hi..im 16 & sadly 2 say it..i've never had "the talk", my parents have never talked 2 me about sex before so i could of been out when i was 13 having sex with #'s of guys..the word hasnt even ever been mentioned in my house!!!...usually parents are soooo paranoid about where their kids are & stuff & when i want 2 go somewhere im like "mom im goin' 2 my friends this weekend" & shes like "whatever"...they've never sat down with me 2 talk about the dangers of sex,drug abuse,& drinkingi've learned all that stuff in school & from my friendsdo they just not care about me that much that i could be having sex with guys and they wouldnt even know???...im 16 & im proud to say im still a virgin..& yes im a huge christian/lutheran & im waiting til marriage for that special someonebut i just cant figure out why they've never talked 2 me about it before...im surprised i wanted them 2 talk 2 me about it because usually teens are like "ewwwww...gross..dont talk about that" but im obviously not like that& 1 more question...r any of you guys scared of being raped or molested???...i am..when im in dark places or walking at night with friends it scares me so i try 2 walk faster to where ever im goin'well...hope u reply...ttyl
I am a christian Mom and my girls are too young for details about sex yet, and I do feel that it is best kept within a marriage I have not practiced that always but the people that I know who have are so unbelieveably happy I would give anything to trade places.  I think that it is very important to tell your parents how you feel, I have seen in my own family little girls raised in church & christian private schools and their parents felt that was enough they did not have talks they did not keep tabs on their girls and they both ended up with babies very young and I am not sure if either are married but they did not even choose good men.  Your body and everything within it is a gift that God gave you to share with your husband, you may need advice about what to do with these gifts when you get married and there are books, doctors, and friends who will help.  It is scary to go into anything not already being an expert but this is something that is worth it and lot of prayer will get you through it.  Life is not easy that is why it came with an instruction manual (The Bible). I was not raised in a good home I have had to learn everything on my own and I promise my kids better.  You need to know that you are special and right now your body is still changing and boys are not evil, they are great to hang out with, and having boyfriends is fine you don't have to give "IT" up to get love, you dont need to let them do anything to you to be their girlfriend.  Boys do get mean and you do need to have a tough skin they will say you did things with them and spread rumors, you have to be very choosy on who you trust because just saying no does not guarantee a good reputation, none in my school knew any of the things I actually did but I got a bad reputation because all the boys I turned down spread rumors about me.  No boy ever tells his friends he couldn't even get a kiss.  I hope this helps, you are special and I am sure your parents love you like crazy.
 

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