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Topic : Teens and Sex

Number of Replies: 621
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:22:25 pm
Author : dataimport
How do you talk to your teens about sex? Share your story.

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May 16, 2009, 10:20 am CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: macylogan98

I just found out that my 17 year old daughter took a video of herself stripping/dancing completely naked and sent it to a boy!  Only thing is, it happened a year and a half ago!  It was all over the place!  Even got to youtube somehow!  It happened right under my own nose, her bedroom!  What do I do now?  How do I discipline her after it happened that long ago?  She is a strait A student and has been accepted to several colleges.  I really thought she had her head on straight!
Punish? hasn't she been punished enough already? Or do you think she enjoys her fanny being on youtube and all of her friends having seen it? I mean it really isn't a fun thing to have everyone laugh at you for having showed yourself.
You much rather need to talk to her about it, talking about what happened and how she feels now. She made it and sent it to a boy not willing that the whole world would see. Punishment is the last thing she needs. She won't do it twice I can assure you.
 
May 16, 2009, 10:31 am CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: akgirl33

I have a teenage daughter who will be 14 in 10 days.  About a month ago my husband (her step father) read some texts on her cell phone that sounded suspicious and questioned her... to the point that she admitted that she had engaged in a sexual act with her boyfriend (not intercourse, but definately inappropriate touching).  This happened at the boyfriends house with his parents home.  We grounded her and forbid her to see this boy outside of school.  I have a good relationship with my daughter.  I try to keep honest communication open so that she knows she can come to me about anything.  She is a great kid, A-B student and involved in sports.  I spend a great deal of time talking with her about respecting herself, valuing her body, not giving herself away cheeply, etc.  She just got off restriction and I have given her her phone back.  What I am struggling with is this:  My husband wants to forbid her from ever deleting a message from her phone so that he can read all of her texts.  He has mentioned to me that he would like to put a audio recorder in her room so we can spy on her.  He wants to forbid her from having a boyfriend until she is 16.  I strongly believe that by smothering her to that degree we could cause her to rebel.  I am her mother, I want to protect her from his overbearing ways, but he sees this as disrespect for his role as a step-father.  Any advice?
Well as dr Phil has said time and again YOU are her parent and so YOU need to discipline, he has no say in the matter (he can only suggest.)
Spying on your daughter seems wrong to me, it sends out the wrong signal to her. You want a relationship based on trust not distrust. Besides how would you ever use this material if she ever found out you bugged her room she'll give you hell to pay for sure and in my opinion for good reason.
Another thing that votes against it is that it could damage your daughter because if she finds out she might not feel she has a private spot and will become more distrusting.
Not dating until 16 is plain wrong, it is within her age range to date, she needs some practice in dating and also in sex (like it or not) before she settles down with a guy. Not dating could harm social skills or she might have a problem with being close in a relationship. It is typical teenage behavior. Besides how where you going to enforce it? You can't watch her 24/7 right?
No I'm with you on this one.
 
May 16, 2009, 10:32 am CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: im_a_muffin

you dont
Right, unless you lock him up in his room 24/7 but that will probably make him kill himself. Can't be what you want either...
 
May 20, 2009, 12:16 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

I honestly dont see what the big deal is about the "sexting" I'm 17 and I've seen some of my lady friends naked over the internet-whoop-te-do!
 
July 10, 2009, 4:13 pm CDT

wow

I don't know why, but I felt I needed to post this even if it is off topic.  I was a freshmen in highschool last year and honestly was suprised to find out how many girls and guys were doing such suprising and disgusting things at such a young age.  Really, the stories I overheard in my classes were really disgusting.....girls fifteen and younger talking about doing it with multiple boys over the age of eighteen and more under that age....and then boys that talked about the same thing with girls.  Now Dr. Phil is going to have a special on a 15 year old girl getting pregnant and he seems suprised.......I can no longer be suprised by such things.
 
July 10, 2009, 11:56 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: msfitmom50

I really would appreciate advice about this. My son is 15 and frequents a lot of porn web sites. I just confirmed this tonight when I made him show me the history on his web surfer software. He bought the computer for himself a couple of years ago with money he earned from a summer job, so just like not opening his mail, I let him have his privacy with his computer. When he was younger, about 7-12, he had gotten into a nasty habit of stealing his sister's underwear, wearing them and soiling them, then hiding them. I was baffled for years and my daughter (who is 3 years older) was convinced it was him. One day I found the stash of dirty underwear... and a video tape that he had secretly made of my daughter getting ready for bed over a few nights. I made him erase the tape and banned him from TV for a few weeks, put a lock on my daughter's door, and tryed talking to him. He was angry with me He hated me He denied having a problem He promised he would never do it again... Daughter was gone for a year, just returned. She suspected that he was wearing her underwear again, which is when I confronted my son and found out about the porn and again told him that porn encourages disrespect of women and that sneaking into his sister's room and wearing her underwear indicated a problem with sex and that I would like him to see a psychologist about the problem. He denies he has one. I am sick about this for both my kids. Please let me know what you think.
Wow there.  Something is terribly wrong.  This kind of behavior cannot be tolerated, the very first thing that I would do if I were a parent is not only strip the child of his TV, but of his computer, game systems, and all other forms of entertainment except for the educational kind.  Make sure that they still do have something to do that is fun, but that encourages values rather than is just entertaining.   Try sitting down a couple of times a week to play a family board game or something....let him choose the game so that it will be entertaining for both you, your family, and him.  If he says that he does not feel like doing it then encourage him to do something else that  promotes morals....just spending more time than usual with him....maybe going to a theme park with the family or a town fair.  A physician is not always the answer....you should try to change the environment around the person before trying to get a "quick fix".  Try having him read the book Seven Habits For Highly Effective Teens- or play a radio station that has people that give advice out to others on while he is around.

 After loosing trust in him he will have to gain it back slowly with you.  You should clean out his room of everything so as there is no spot where he can hide things, when he shows you that he has made progress and is changing his ways then you slowly give him back the things that he enjoys....but you make things like the TV and Computer last.....when he does get things back, just to make sure he does not do anything to get back into his bad habits make sure that they have strict filters on them so that inappropriate  things cannot be accessed.

To start out I would do what I said above.....if your child says he hates you, you should reply to him that what you have done is not permanent and that if he changes his ways you will let him have things back.  Let him know that because he cannot help himself you have chosen to help him....whether he wants the help or not...as he is  hurting not only himself-but the people around him as well. 

Another thing, behavior like this-if not properly tackled could pose serious problems in the future.  You could see your child become something that no parent in their right mind would want to see their own become.  Like I said...the problem should not be handled by taking him to the doctor or something...you should treat the problem at home by changing the environment around him, and changing the way you treat him.  Respect of others and trust should be a given....but in this case he will have to earn it and when he gives it to the people around him....he will get it back.
 
July 14, 2009, 3:03 am CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: jellofaceman

Wow there.  Something is terribly wrong.  This kind of behavior cannot be tolerated, the very first thing that I would do if I were a parent is not only strip the child of his TV, but of his computer, game systems, and all other forms of entertainment except for the educational kind.  Make sure that they still do have something to do that is fun, but that encourages values rather than is just entertaining.   Try sitting down a couple of times a week to play a family board game or something....let him choose the game so that it will be entertaining for both you, your family, and him.  If he says that he does not feel like doing it then encourage him to do something else that  promotes morals....just spending more time than usual with him....maybe going to a theme park with the family or a town fair.  A physician is not always the answer....you should try to change the environment around the person before trying to get a "quick fix".  Try having him read the book Seven Habits For Highly Effective Teens- or play a radio station that has people that give advice out to others on while he is around.

 After loosing trust in him he will have to gain it back slowly with you.  You should clean out his room of everything so as there is no spot where he can hide things, when he shows you that he has made progress and is changing his ways then you slowly give him back the things that he enjoys....but you make things like the TV and Computer last.....when he does get things back, just to make sure he does not do anything to get back into his bad habits make sure that they have strict filters on them so that inappropriate  things cannot be accessed.

To start out I would do what I said above.....if your child says he hates you, you should reply to him that what you have done is not permanent and that if he changes his ways you will let him have things back.  Let him know that because he cannot help himself you have chosen to help him....whether he wants the help or not...as he is  hurting not only himself-but the people around him as well. 

Another thing, behavior like this-if not properly tackled could pose serious problems in the future.  You could see your child become something that no parent in their right mind would want to see their own become.  Like I said...the problem should not be handled by taking him to the doctor or something...you should treat the problem at home by changing the environment around him, and changing the way you treat him.  Respect of others and trust should be a given....but in this case he will have to earn it and when he gives it to the people around him....he will get it back.

Yeah sure, make him sexually frustrated, punish him for acting like a sexual human being and make sure he needs a psychologist for real in a few months (if there is no need for one now.) Though I don't think it is allright for him to tape his sister It still could be normal for him to wear womens underwear. Some people just get turned on by (wearing) female clothing, and there is nothing wrong with that, in other cases there might be. But in this the cause of him wearing the underwear is important.

As for the porn, he is human get over it most men (and women actually) his age have watched porn.

 
July 19, 2009, 1:11 am CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: oet_gaol

Yeah sure, make him sexually frustrated, punish him for acting like a sexual human being and make sure he needs a psychologist for real in a few months (if there is no need for one now.) Though I don't think it is allright for him to tape his sister It still could be normal for him to wear womens underwear. Some people just get turned on by (wearing) female clothing, and there is nothing wrong with that, in other cases there might be. But in this the cause of him wearing the underwear is important.

As for the porn, he is human get over it most men (and women actually) his age have watched porn.

No, you are not punishing him for that.  What I was trying to say is that the second he brought his sister into it it went too far...if it had not gone too far already.  When you cross that bar, it is time to act.   You said it is normal to wear womans underwear...that is exactly the point.....they were not womans underwear, they were his three year old sisters (now four).    Do you find that to be normal and acceptable....his three year old sisters underwear?  I don't.

 

 
July 21, 2009, 5:43 pm CDT

I think you got it wrong.

Quote From: renotaylor

I am the step-mother of an 18 year old high school senior.  He and his sometimes girl friend have been using his bedroom as their "sex haven".  I have discussed my extreme dislike of his sexual activities in our home.  My husband thinks I have a double standard since I am aware that my children ages 21 to 27, who don't live with us, have sex.  I feel that this is not an issue of who is having sex, but where.  I would not allow my children to have sex before marriage in my home.  Why should I permit his irresponsible son to have sex with a 15 year old in my home?  Where do the boundaries need to be drawn?

If I were you, I would be worried about an 18 yr old having sex and getting the girl pregnant or getting HIV, not about WHERE he gets the girl pregnant or where he gets HIV. You need to set your priorities straight.

 

I don't want to disrespect you, but the sex-before-marriage deal is not important i this issue. I do, however, agree that if he knows that you don't like him having sex in your house, he should go elsewhere. It's important for him to know the risks of sex, of course. Education of the key to preventing avoidable things from happening.

 

As for your husband... Well.. I don't agree with him. Whe your kids move out, they have their own space where they can have all the sex they want without bothering anyone else. I think it's disrespectful of his son to ignore you, as if you were a painting on a wall. 

 
July 21, 2009, 6:14 pm CDT

Not Surprised...

Quote From: oet_gaol

(repost of topic sex:porn)

Today 21st of february Dutch channel BNN (which is govermently funded) aired the porn classic Deep Throat. In light of that an in depth news show did a survey under 2200 teens aged 12 - 24. about their porn consumption.

 

Here are the results and even though they are not the same for the US they might be interesting to think about. by the way some age groups are less well represented then others which might stain the results a bit.

 

of the 2200 people asked 82.8 percent said that they have watched a porn movie oppesed to 15.5 who did not (and somehow 1.7 percent didn't know.)

 

then half the guys said they had watched more then 100 movies while most women didn't watch more then 10.

 

Most teens watch porn to get aroused (over 50%) both men and women answered that. but also to laugh and to relax scored high.

 

Paying for porn is not done among teens as over 60% of teens get their porn for free over the internet. watching a DVD is a good seccond with almost 20% of teens doing that. a mhere 2% pays via internet for their porn.

 

A whopping 90% of teens is underage when they whatch their first porn film. 70.4% can't even have sex legally under US and Dutch law (16 is the age of which you can legally consent to having sex.) about a quater is even 12 or younger when seeing their first porn movie. Boys and girls don't differ much in their age when they first come into contact with porn.

 

then 53% percent of girls mind if their boyfriend watches porn without their precence while 40% doesn't mind at all.

 

But still teens say they are not negatively affected by porn. over 75% doesn't want to be a porn star and even 78% doesn't feel negativly affected in their body image after viewing porn.

After all, I was 11 something when I started watching. And just for people to know, I'm not having sex, not do I plan on having sex, nor do I want to be a pornstar.

 

People is like all OMG to porn, but seriosly, what's the big deal? As long as it's not kiddie porn, no-one is harmed by it (unless it's an addiction).  

 
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