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Topic : Teens and Sex

Number of Replies: 621
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:22:25 pm
Author : dataimport
How do you talk to your teens about sex? Share your story.

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October 22, 2005, 12:35 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: nitehelen4

Instead of all you parents being so concerned that you're going to "step on your childrens' toes" because you're so afraid to lock them out of the computer, discourage them from going to porn sites, and you're soooooo afraid to keep them from seeing their 14-year-old lovers, why don't you be more concerned about their school work and helping them prepare for college? I know it's "normal" for teenagers especially to try to look at porn sites, etc., but why not have your computer password protected? I mean, that seems pretty simple to me. And I was appalled at the woman who said that her 12-year-old son had been kissing and having oral sex with another 12-year-old boy, and her MAIN CONCERN was trying to be "politically correct" and not be "too harsh" with him because it was with another boy. After all, he "might be gay". What is wrong with you people??? Come on!!
When my kids were small and I would see all the teenagers acting up and doing all the things I thought were wrong, I would say to myself, bad parents, bad kids, what is wrong with everyone.  Little did I think that I would have any problems with my daughter.  She is a Honor Roll student and looking forward to going to College in California, things change ALL THE TIME with kids.  My point is, I will never judge a person or their kids until I've been in their shoes.  I NEVER thought it would happen to me.  We all come from a family that has very high values and have talked to our kids about sex, drugs etc. from when they were very small.  Also, we DO NOT let our children do everything they want.  Any advise YOU can give all us parents who you think are "so concerned that we will step on their toes".  Everyone is different.
 
October 22, 2005, 10:33 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: flmarijane

Please help me. I am the single mom of a 17 year old girl. The first week of summer a boy down the street came to the house and started talking to her. He told her he was 19, I felt like he was a little too old for her, but she really liked him and all they were doing was talking in the yard at my house or his parents. To make a long story short he isn't 19, he's 23! My 25 year old son found out and went to his parents home and told them to keep this man away from his sister!! My daughter was heart broken, didn't eat or sleep for days. Mad at me, mad at her brother, and mad at the world. He soon disappeared from his parents home and she convinced herself he was living in a box somewhere. This went on for 2 months, Wednesday night on a routine walk she ran into him. He was doing a neighbors yard, he no longer lives with his parents but has moved in with a friend and his mom. There is a reason men aren't suppose to be with young girls, my daughter is so hungry for the attention of the man she won't listen to me anymore. He said things to her a boy can't equal. He made a few attempts to kiss her in the past and always wanted to hug her. The kissing never happened but recently she confided in me she wishes it had.This is a girl I have had no trouble with in the past. At this very moment I don't even know where she is...but I have a good guess. What do I do? This man is not a good influence. Did I add she is a virgin and he isn't. He has no job and gets high....I am so inexperienced in anything like this. Do I just listen to her when she wants to talk but not inter fear? I'm afraid if I stop her, I'll lose her!!!

I have to say I think that you shouldnt worry so much. You need to trust your daughter. If you believe in the way you raised her, everything should be ok. Give her some space. I know that when a parent tells their child not to do something, they will want  to do it more. If you dnt wanna push her away, just try to understand and let her breath. I think you should talk to her about how you feel, and explain to her why you are soo concerned. maybe if you explain it to her, she be more open minded. Overall dnt be soo pushy. I know the age difference is big but  just take a breath and talk to your daughter. If you want your daughter to listen keep a open mind... just think bout that
 
October 23, 2005, 12:21 pm CDT

advice

Quote From: jenoc99

Just because he bought the computer with his own money doesn't mean he should have free reign of the internet. You are 100% right to be concerned that his porn habit could lead to him disrespecting women and feeling that sex is no big deal. He is only 15, of course he is going to deny that he has a problem!! But you are the mother, you must take this matter very seriously and contact a therepist for him and tell that person the whole story, including the underwear incidents. The underwear wearing, soiling, and hiding in itself is a complicated issue that he needs professional help for. If you don't make him go to see a professional, you are denying him the opportunity to become a healthy and well adjusted adult. He isn't going to want to go, but its up to you to make that non-negotiable. You've got to get tough.
You should probably stop paying for the internet.
 
October 23, 2005, 12:27 pm CDT

advice

Quote From: tamscop

My daughter is 13.  She is very pretty (too pretty).  Her father & I got divorced when she was 5.  I remarried  a man with 2 daughters age 11 & 9, 5 years ago.  Her real father doesn't see her on a regular basis.  He works second shift, so that leaves weekends and most of them he's too busy with his own life.  My husband has been so good to her.  He loves her and treats her like is own daughters.  But I think her craving for male attention is because she is missing that from her real dad.  I sometimes wonder if I hadn't divorced him, would she be different now.  She gets phone calls everyday from at least 5 different boys & she's on the phone all the time.  We limited her to 1 hour a day, but she still manages to sneak more time.  I bought a device to record the phone conversations.  OH MY GOD, was I shocked!  It's like she's two different people.  She's telling one boy how much she loves him and she hates to see him flirt with other girls, then another boy calls on the other line and she tells him she loves him and doesn't like the other boy, then she clicks over to the first boy and says "I'm sorry Baby, that was Tommy, he just wont leave me alone.  Can I call you back my mom wants me.  I love you, Baby".  Then she clicks over to the second boy and says "I got rid of that pain."  My biggest question is how do I handle this with her without letting her know I've heard every word she said???  If I let her know I've been listening she'll never tell me anything again, and we have a pretty open relationship compared to most.  She pretty much tells me everything. that's why this just shocked me.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated! 

Im a very young mother,but my daughter is only 4 months old.But if i knew she was doing things like that.I would stop paying the phone bill.Just one good advice is.Dont ever lock your kid inside the house.Because the more punish you give them.The more bad they'll do behind your back.Just use your cell phone for your calls.And if you do take this advice.Sleep with the phone in your room. 

 
October 23, 2005, 12:39 pm CDT

What?

Quote From: kstwin64

Just wanted to say that you sound like the exception rather than the rule: that is, you're happy with your baby because you're independently able to provide financially and emotionally for the child and your individual maintenance. Sounds like you have also successfully reconcilled to the fact that the father of your child is not in the picture either financially or emotionally.  

  

To me, those youngsters who get in your circumstance and then rely on welfare or put the burden on their own parents to meet all their needs give all young single parents a bad rap. 

So what... 

Im a young 18 old mother, of a 4 month old baby girl.IM not on welfare,and i dont ask anybody in my family for nothing.I go to school everyday,and i work at nights.I provide for my child.Yes, i was young, but you dont need to put young teens down.You have a lot of them trying,and working hard to support their children,like the other young girl.And theres a lot of teens that just are useless and get rid of their children.So i dont rely on nobody and i know there are many other teens that are the same.so as you can see,im a single parent that didn't get a Bad Rap,as you would call it.So i think you need to rephrase your quote. 

 
October 23, 2005, 1:25 pm CDT

Being Honest

Quote From: fritangela

So what... 

Im a young 18 old mother, of a 4 month old baby girl.IM not on welfare,and i dont ask anybody in my family for nothing.I go to school everyday,and i work at nights.I provide for my child.Yes, i was young, but you dont need to put young teens down.You have a lot of them trying,and working hard to support their children,like the other young girl.And theres a lot of teens that just are useless and get rid of their children.So i dont rely on nobody and i know there are many other teens that are the same.so as you can see,im a single parent that didn't get a Bad Rap,as you would call it.So i think you need to rephrase your quote. 

I talk with my 17 year old stepdaughter (whom I consider my daughter fully) openly and honestly about sex, relationships and options all the time.  She is comfortable coming to me and asking questions or wanting advice.  I will always be as honest as I can.  There is no subject off limits because it is my job as the parent to give her insight, and to make her feel comfortable talking and sharing and knowing I will not judge her.  She has never had sex and for that I am grateful, however she is on the other spectrum, she has fears of intamacy, and we talk regualarly about how to deal with that.  She was abandoned by her birth mother so she felt rejected and so I know this plays a part in the way she handles relationships because she is afraid of being rejected once again. I am glad she is not one of those young women who go out and get pregnant so they have someone who loves them unconditionally.  I also know she has had friends who have been pregnant, some kept the baby, others had abortions.  I let her know that it is not her job to judge and to continue to be a good friend to them.  I think when you are a young person and pregnant it is hard enough to deal with let alone being judged and outcasted.  I also know that we have resources available to help out these young people and that if they need to use them, let them use them so they can get on their feet and hopefully finish school and go on to College.  I also want to remind people that it is not just the young woman who deal with this issue, there are many young men out there who have to deal with this too.  Instead of judging these young people, how about helping them and maybe getting out there and informing them of all the risks and all of their options.
 
October 23, 2005, 5:09 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: fritangela

So what... 

Im a young 18 old mother, of a 4 month old baby girl.IM not on welfare,and i dont ask anybody in my family for nothing.I go to school everyday,and i work at nights.I provide for my child.Yes, i was young, but you dont need to put young teens down.You have a lot of them trying,and working hard to support their children,like the other young girl.And theres a lot of teens that just are useless and get rid of their children.So i dont rely on nobody and i know there are many other teens that are the same.so as you can see,im a single parent that didn't get a Bad Rap,as you would call it.So i think you need to rephrase your quote. 

I don't know where you got the impression I put responsible teens down. Your description of your circumstances was exactly what I was applauding. So I'm thinking your circumstance isn't as pleasant as you would like and your reaction to my post is suggestive that your temper flares easily. I hope your child doesn't get you as upset as easily. I can handle your response, a baby doesn't have the ability to clear any issue up or see what they may have done that upset you.
 
October 23, 2005, 6:00 pm CDT

My Opinion

Ok. So I'll tell all you parents, from the mind of a thirteen year old girl. I'm going to guess that at no point did you talk to your kids about sexual desire. It happens, and preteens should know how to deal with it. Sometimes, when teens get sexual desires and don't know how to deal with them, they do the extreme. I just thought you should all know this, as it can help prevent unwanted sexual activity in your children.
 
October 23, 2005, 6:40 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: aneris86

Please Help! My daughter is 17 but will turn 18 in a few days. She has a 21 year old boyfriend & Plans to get married 4 days after she turns 18. I have tried to talk to her asking her to wait at least until she graduates high school but she is determined to go through with it immediately. I have even told her that I will not help with any of the cost unless she waits a year, she told me that she really did want to wait but didn't want to upset her boyfriend. I have been in an abusive relationship before & know some of the signs and am worried that he could become abusive twards her I have let them both know that I feel this way and have asked him to seek counseling. So far he has chosen not to. What can I do??
I'm trying to understand why you asked HIM to seek counseling. Isn't your soon-to-be-18 daughter able to figure out that an (alleged) abuser needs an "abusee" and if that's the role she chooses wouldn't it be better to say you'll pay for her counseling and then for her wedding when she successfully competes counseling?
 
October 23, 2005, 8:34 pm CDT

advice from a teenager

Dear parents, 

  

I am 18 years old and as a teenager, I am sure that the key to a good relationship between parents and their children is communication. Once that is established, the rest follows. Sure, you don't need to be your child's best friend, but they are certainly more likely to ask you for advice about anything if you communicate regularly. 

Just because regular communication is a must for any good relationship, this does not mean that parents and their children need to agree on everything they talk about. I remember when I was 15 years old and first told my mum that I was sexually active, and she absolutely lost it and called me hurtful names for nearly a fortnight. I was so appalled that she would react in such a way, because I believed that if I was ready to be honest and tell her about it that she would understand that I was being mature about it, and be thankful that I was being honest. Although my actions did not have the immediate results I expected, my mother has eventually come around and now we are able to talk about things like the pill in a mature, responsible way.  

  

It is important that children can be able to talk with their parents about sex, contraception, drugs, gambling and alcohol, with the parents constantly baring in mind that teenagers will experiment, and that they were probably up to the same at that age. My parents have always been available to talk with about such issues and I believe that I have been raised right by my parents because I could talk to them knowing that they would not judge me and that honesty and openness can keep the friendship alive. 

 
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