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Topic : Teens and Sex

Number of Replies: 621
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:22:25 pm
Author : dataimport
How do you talk to your teens about sex? Share your story.

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December 11, 2008, 8:20 pm CST

teenage sex using bedroom as sex haven

I am the step-mother of an 18 year old high school senior.  He and his sometimes girl friend have been using his bedroom as their "sex haven".  I have discussed my extreme dislike of his sexual activities in our home.  My husband thinks I have a double standard since I am aware that my children ages 21 to 27, who don't live with us, have sex.  I feel that this is not an issue of who is having sex, but where.  I would not allow my children to have sex before marriage in my home.  Why should I permit his irresponsible son to have sex with a 15 year old in my home?  Where do the boundaries need to be drawn?
 
December 12, 2008, 7:46 pm CST

sex haven for 18 y.o.

Quote From: renotaylor

I am the step-mother of an 18 year old high school senior.  He and his sometimes girl friend have been using his bedroom as their "sex haven".  I have discussed my extreme dislike of his sexual activities in our home.  My husband thinks I have a double standard since I am aware that my children ages 21 to 27, who don't live with us, have sex.  I feel that this is not an issue of who is having sex, but where.  I would not allow my children to have sex before marriage in my home.  Why should I permit his irresponsible son to have sex with a 15 year old in my home?  Where do the boundaries need to be drawn?

Well, I agree that where is part of it, and your home need not be a haven for sex between unmarried people.  Where boundaries should be drawn really ought to be agreed between you and your husband - the 18 y.o.'s father.  But, as it is, it seems that your house could be a haven for what in some areas would be called statutory rape.  You might want to check your state's law on the matter. 

For what it's worth, whether or not teens (or other aged people) engage in sex acts is one issue; where they do it is a second issue; and whether or not you condone it is a third issue.  I'd not condone sex between any 18 y.o and any 15 y.o..  Suspecting or knowing it is happening is one thing, letting it happen in your house seems to constitute a form of approval, or at the minimum, no disapproval.  I'd certainly not want that message received by any teen.

 
January 18, 2009, 9:09 am CST

Teens and Sex

Quote From: dadside

Well, I agree that where is part of it, and your home need not be a haven for sex between unmarried people.  Where boundaries should be drawn really ought to be agreed between you and your husband - the 18 y.o.'s father.  But, as it is, it seems that your house could be a haven for what in some areas would be called statutory rape.  You might want to check your state's law on the matter. 

For what it's worth, whether or not teens (or other aged people) engage in sex acts is one issue; where they do it is a second issue; and whether or not you condone it is a third issue.  I'd not condone sex between any 18 y.o and any 15 y.o..  Suspecting or knowing it is happening is one thing, letting it happen in your house seems to constitute a form of approval, or at the minimum, no disapproval.  I'd certainly not want that message received by any teen.

Statutory rape? You are kidding me right? these are two consenting teens. Even though a teen needs to be 16 to legaly able to consent I know for sure that no judge would convict an 18 year old for having sex with a 15 year old. I mean 3 years is a normal age difference in a relationship. This is the grey area where the strict law says it's rape but commen sense says it isn't. Or would you convict 2 15 year old's for having sex together aswell?
Not condoning it can be done by just saying you don't condone it (and why!!!) I mean by banning it from your home you don't stop it, there are more then enough places to have sex outside of the home.
 
February 2, 2009, 2:36 pm CST

Teens and Sex

Quote From: renotaylor

I am the step-mother of an 18 year old high school senior.  He and his sometimes girl friend have been using his bedroom as their "sex haven".  I have discussed my extreme dislike of his sexual activities in our home.  My husband thinks I have a double standard since I am aware that my children ages 21 to 27, who don't live with us, have sex.  I feel that this is not an issue of who is having sex, but where.  I would not allow my children to have sex before marriage in my home.  Why should I permit his irresponsible son to have sex with a 15 year old in my home?  Where do the boundaries need to be drawn?

if you dont want them to have sex in your house tell them not to?  you obviously dont want them to be, but their going to do what they want to do so tell them to get out and be strict about it because i know for a fact you tell them to get out they wont unless you come sit in the room with them. Do it once, i dont think they will have too m uch problems listening from then on. It might be alkward but it will defaintly work.

 

Another thing i wanted to say is that the only reason they would charge someone for having sex with a 15 year old if someone told the cops? AND the 15 year odl would be able to prove they were having sex. But get them out of your house because it is obviously bothering you.

 
March 4, 2009, 7:12 pm CST

my 16 year old son and his sex life and no school work.

Dear Dr phil my question is how  do u stop a 16yr old  boy from having sex with a willing girl?
 
March 9, 2009, 5:31 pm CDT

Teen stipping on her cell phone!

I just found out that my 17 year old daughter took a video of herself stripping/dancing completely naked and sent it to a boy!  Only thing is, it happened a year and a half ago!  It was all over the place!  Even got to youtube somehow!  It happened right under my own nose, her bedroom!  What do I do now?  How do I discipline her after it happened that long ago?  She is a strait A student and has been accepted to several colleges.  I really thought she had her head on straight!
 
March 30, 2009, 12:45 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: cloggy

Dear Dr phil my question is how  do u stop a 16yr old  boy from having sex with a willing girl?
you dont
 
April 1, 2009, 7:15 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: oet_gaol

Statutory rape? You are kidding me right? these are two consenting teens. Even though a teen needs to be 16 to legaly able to consent I know for sure that no judge would convict an 18 year old for having sex with a 15 year old. I mean 3 years is a normal age difference in a relationship. This is the grey area where the strict law says it's rape but commen sense says it isn't. Or would you convict 2 15 year old's for having sex together aswell?
Not condoning it can be done by just saying you don't condone it (and why!!!) I mean by banning it from your home you don't stop it, there are more then enough places to have sex outside of the home.

I agree, If you stop these two consenting teenagers from having sex under your roof, just think of the places they could be having sex instead. They could be having sex in dangerous or public places all because it is not accepted in the place where they should be. Think about where you would rather them be. At home, they would also have better access to contraceptives.

In the end, they will continue to do what they wish.

This should not be considered rape, ever.

 
April 8, 2009, 7:03 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: mominnctwo

I am a mother of an 11 year old. I have heard about sex bracelets from a friend. I was needing to know if anyone can tell me what the colors mean. My daughter has just bought her some and its 2 colors. I am needing to know the meaning of the colors so i can tell her if she can wear them or not. She does know about sex some and she says that it is gross. Please help so I can keep her out of trouble.

Those silly things went around in my school too back when I was there. If someone were to break a black one it means sex, if someone were to break and other coloured ones it means kissing.

But don't worry, although the trend lasted a little while, I don't know one person who wore them and actually did what they were "intended" for.

I wore them back when I was about 14 and although having many broken accidently, It never ever ever lead to any kissing or sexual acts.

They were just silly braclettes, and to have them was just a fashion trend, not a sex game.

 
April 13, 2009, 11:24 am CDT

Need advice about my Teenage Daughter and my Husband

I have a teenage daughter who will be 14 in 10 days.  About a month ago my husband (her step father) read some texts on her cell phone that sounded suspicious and questioned her... to the point that she admitted that she had engaged in a sexual act with her boyfriend (not intercourse, but definately inappropriate touching).  This happened at the boyfriends house with his parents home.  We grounded her and forbid her to see this boy outside of school.  I have a good relationship with my daughter.  I try to keep honest communication open so that she knows she can come to me about anything.  She is a great kid, A-B student and involved in sports.  I spend a great deal of time talking with her about respecting herself, valuing her body, not giving herself away cheeply, etc.  She just got off restriction and I have given her her phone back.  What I am struggling with is this:  My husband wants to forbid her from ever deleting a message from her phone so that he can read all of her texts.  He has mentioned to me that he would like to put a audio recorder in her room so we can spy on her.  He wants to forbid her from having a boyfriend until she is 16.  I strongly believe that by smothering her to that degree we could cause her to rebel.  I am her mother, I want to protect her from his overbearing ways, but he sees this as disrespect for his role as a step-father.  Any advice?
 
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