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Topic : Teens and Sex

Number of Replies: 621
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:22:25 pm
Author : dataimport
How do you talk to your teens about sex? Share your story.

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August 28, 2005, 9:04 am CDT

Son's experience....

Quote From: addled_mom

I am in need of some advice.  Another boy's mom and I found out today that our 12 year old son's have experimented with kissing and oral sex with each other!  They have visited porn sites together and have discussed different sexual acts that they might want to try with each other.  I am shocked and don't know what to do.   

  

I had a long talk with him this afternoon.  He says he doesn't know why he did it and promised not to do it ever again.  He says he didn't enjoy it, but that he lied to the other boy saying that he did (in an email which I have).  I asked if he liked other boys and he said he wasn't 'gay', but that 'no girl would agree to try those things with him'!  Should I trust him?  Should I punish him?  What should the punishment be? Should I take him to a psychologist?  Or is he just experimenting what other kids his age begin to experiment with? 

  

He's very embaressed.  I've taken away his computer privileges, except that he needs to use the computer for school.  We talked about AIDS and HIV.  We talked about adult acts...but I really don't know if I should punish him or let it go.  Do I watch everything he does, not let him be with other kids his age, or will that make it worse? 

  

Please give me some advice...someone. 

  

Thanks. 

I agree with the other poster who said not to punish him for his sexuality, you don't want to send the message that he is a 'bad boy' because he is gay- if in fact he is gay. You say that you've had a serious talk with him about diseases, etc., and that he is very embarrassed, that might be punishment enough, if punishment is even called for in this case. He told you he didn't enjoy this stuff, but thats because he is embarassed, mom! What you need to do is be home when he has friends over and know what they are doing at all times. If he is at a friend's home, talk to the parents to be sure that they are home. That doesn't mean you tell them whats going on, just let them know that your rule is that he can't be at a friend's home unless that parents are there. This would be the same if it was a girl- you still don't want him to be having sex with people at this age, he is way too young for those emotions, you have to protect him from the temptation, it will always be there, but at this age its up to you to be vigilant.  

You should check out your local library to see what books they have on teens and sexuality, just to educate yourself more. Things are different then when we were growing up, so you don't want to be too lenient, and you don't want to be too  harsh. If you punish him for being gay, or if he interprets it as being punished for being gay, then that could cause lifelong shame surounding his sexuality. I think some research is in order for you. I wish you the best. 

 
September 1, 2005, 7:49 am CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: msfitmom50

I really would appreciate advice about this. My son is 15 and frequents a lot of porn web sites. I just confirmed this tonight when I made him show me the history on his web surfer software. He bought the computer for himself a couple of years ago with money he earned from a summer job, so just like not opening his mail, I let him have his privacy with his computer. When he was younger, about 7-12, he had gotten into a nasty habit of stealing his sister's underwear, wearing them and soiling them, then hiding them. I was baffled for years and my daughter (who is 3 years older) was convinced it was him. One day I found the stash of dirty underwear... and a video tape that he had secretly made of my daughter getting ready for bed over a few nights. I made him erase the tape and banned him from TV for a few weeks, put a lock on my daughter's door, and tryed talking to him. He was angry with me He hated me He denied having a problem He promised he would never do it again... Daughter was gone for a year, just returned. She suspected that he was wearing her underwear again, which is when I confronted my son and found out about the porn and again told him that porn encourages disrespect of women and that sneaking into his sister's room and wearing her underwear indicated a problem with sex and that I would like him to see a psychologist about the problem. He denies he has one. I am sick about this for both my kids. Please let me know what you think.
I just wanted to say that even though your son bought this computer with his own money, it is still used in your house, and being that he is a minor, you have the right to view his history, and monitor his use.  Ok maybe when he is 18 and still living at home then you don't have the right. But thier is so much that can go on with kids and computers, as a parent you should be aware of what sites he goes on.  I would imagine the computer is in his bedroom?  It should be put somewhere where he can't close the door.  Even put a nanny on the computer and make it so he can't go on porn web sites. And yes have your daughter lock her door to keep him away from the underwear.
 
September 5, 2005, 7:24 pm CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: tray00

I just wanted to say that even though your son bought this computer with his own money, it is still used in your house, and being that he is a minor, you have the right to view his history, and monitor his use.  Ok maybe when he is 18 and still living at home then you don't have the right. But thier is so much that can go on with kids and computers, as a parent you should be aware of what sites he goes on.  I would imagine the computer is in his bedroom?  It should be put somewhere where he can't close the door.  Even put a nanny on the computer and make it so he can't go on porn web sites. And yes have your daughter lock her door to keep him away from the underwear.
 I this case I agree with you, but parents shouldn't monitor their teens lives unless their teens have many abnormal traits. porn viewing in teens is perfectly normal and parents shouldn't worry about it unless their teens are viewing obscene fetish sites. You mention putting a "nanny" on computer in his case I agree but if someone were to put a "nanny" on my computer it would be useless because I know so much about computers I could make my own Anti-blocking software which would be pointless because it's much easier to turn off the blocking software.
 
September 6, 2005, 3:31 pm CDT

Advice for parents of teens

I am posting today in hopes that some can learn from my experience. My 13-year-old step-daughter recently moved in with us. We have several computers in our household because my husband is a network administrator, including one in the basement which is for the kids' use. We have a content-filter installed on the computer which prevents the kids from visiting any site on the net that we have not previously approved. In other words, the default position is total lockdown to everything on the net. We have to hand enter specific web addresses in order for them to be allowed. So far, this is working. Our kids are not able to look at pornography or other objectionable materials. We have, however, allowed them to use chat services such as Yahoo Messenger and MSN Messenger. Anyway, the 13-year-old spend pretty much all her time on the computer chatting. She also has a boyfriend, and we suspected that the relationship had gone way too far. So my husband installed a spy tool on the computer that allows us to view and read every single thing that takes place on that computer, including chat and IM sessions. Boy did we get the shock of our lives. Not only has she been having unprotected sex for months, long before she moved in with us, but she's been having sex chats and cyber sex with a multitude of people, some friends some strangers. I could not even begin to repeat here the types of things she's been saying and allowing boys and men to say to her, but, trust me, these are things that would make a prostitute blush. Needless to say, she no longer has any internet access at all, and, when it returns, it will be without any chat, IM, or email capabilities. So my advice to parents regarding the internet is that if you are allowing your kids to use chat and IM services to talk with their friends, don't! Chat rooms are not suitable places for kids of any age and IM just brings out the worst in them. Here we thought we have done everything possible to keep our kids from seeing pornography. Little did we know we had one right here under our roof turning herself into pornography.
 
September 7, 2005, 6:49 pm CDT

never had "the talk"

hi..im 16 & sadly 2 say it..i've never had "the talk", my parents have never talked 2 me about sex before so i could of been out when i was 13 having sex with #'s of guys..the word hasnt even ever been mentioned in my house!!!...usually parents are soooo paranoid about where their kids are & stuff & when i want 2 go somewhere im like "mom im goin' 2 my friends this weekend" & shes like "whatever"...they've never sat down with me 2 talk about the dangers of sex,drug abuse,& drinking~i've learned all that stuff in school & from my friends~do they just not care about me that much that i could be having sex with guys and they wouldnt even know???...im 16 & im proud to say im still a virgin..& yes im a huge christian/lutheran & im waiting til marriage for that special someone~but i just cant figure out why they've never talked 2 me about it before...im surprised i wanted them 2 talk 2 me about it because usually teens are like "ewwwww...gross..dont talk about that" but im obviously not like that~& 1 more question...r any of you guys scared of being raped or molested???...i am..when im in dark places or walking at night with friends it scares me so i try 2 walk faster to where ever im goin'~well...hope u reply...ttyl
 
September 9, 2005, 4:56 pm CDT

sex bracelets in school

I am a mother of an 11 year old. I have heard about sex bracelets from a friend. I was needing to know if anyone can tell me what the colors mean. My daughter has just bought her some and its 2 colors. I am needing to know the meaning of the colors so i can tell her if she can wear them or not. She does know about sex some and she says that it is gross. Please help so I can keep her out of trouble.
 
September 10, 2005, 8:08 am CDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: hurtingurl

hi..im 16 & sadly 2 say it..i've never had "the talk", my parents have never talked 2 me about sex before so i could of been out when i was 13 having sex with #'s of guys..the word hasnt even ever been mentioned in my house!!!...usually parents are soooo paranoid about where their kids are & stuff & when i want 2 go somewhere im like "mom im goin' 2 my friends this weekend" & shes like "whatever"...they've never sat down with me 2 talk about the dangers of sex,drug abuse,& drinkingi've learned all that stuff in school & from my friendsdo they just not care about me that much that i could be having sex with guys and they wouldnt even know???...im 16 & im proud to say im still a virgin..& yes im a huge christian/lutheran & im waiting til marriage for that special someonebut i just cant figure out why they've never talked 2 me about it before...im surprised i wanted them 2 talk 2 me about it because usually teens are like "ewwwww...gross..dont talk about that" but im obviously not like that& 1 more question...r any of you guys scared of being raped or molested???...i am..when im in dark places or walking at night with friends it scares me so i try 2 walk faster to where ever im goin'well...hope u reply...ttyl

Your parents must really trust you and believe that God is watching you.  I am sure they care about you and care about what you are doing.  My parents never talked to me about sex either.  Guess what ?  I had a baby at 15!  I think if my parents would of talked to me about sex I could of went on a birth control and been safe while having sex.  I think my parents were too embarassed to talk to me about it.  I think my dad just thought I wouldn't do it because if I did he would freak out or something!  My son is now 15 - I have never really sat down and talked to him about it, but we bring it up once in awhile in the car or when he has his best friend over, or when ever......I have never gone into great detail at one time.  Little bits here and their.  I have talked to him about disease and also told him I would spend my last nickel on a box of condoms.  I think he knows pretty well that he needs to be safe if he is going to have sex.  Same with drugs he knows the bad stuff is bad! (and addictive) 

  

I think your parents believe you have respect and morals and they have a lot of trust in you.  Why don't you bring it up yourself, tell them your thoughts, tell them you plan on saving your self for marriage.  By you bringing it up it may help them, as they may be too embarassed to bring it up to you!   

  

I am 31 yrs old and I too am scared to walk at night.  Not sure it will ever go away.  I am also scared when I am home a lone and it is dark outside. 

 
September 10, 2005, 6:34 pm CDT

i need some advice about this please!!

 Ok so here goes... i have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for over 19 months. We were both virgins when we decided that after being tested for stds and researching birth control we would have sex. We had been dating for one year and we were both ready for it. We are both very mature and were careful. My parents read my e-mails and ims to see what i was talking about with my friends and found out that we had had sex, they were very diasppointed but i think they knew that it would eventually happen. They sat us down and had "the talk" they almost broke us up but then decided that if we promised it would never happen again we could stay together. After this talk i realized how hard that promise would be to keep, and i am usually a very honest person but i felt as if it was unfair for them to make us promise that or break us up, they really gave me no choice but to agree, i love my boyfriend and i know i couldn't leave him, but i also should have known i couldn't keep this promise.  Is it wrong for me to want to have sex? i know that i am young but i am also responsible and cautious about this decision, i know what could happen but i am taking every precaution possible to prevent me from getting pregnant. i should talk to my parents and tell them how i feel but that would risk me losing the person i love and want to have a future with.

 
September 11, 2005, 8:54 am CDT

How old are you?

Quote From: june7th

 Ok so here goes... i have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for over 19 months. We were both virgins when we decided that after being tested for stds and researching birth control we would have sex. We had been dating for one year and we were both ready for it. We are both very mature and were careful. My parents read my e-mails and ims to see what i was talking about with my friends and found out that we had had sex, they were very diasppointed but i think they knew that it would eventually happen. They sat us down and had "the talk" they almost broke us up but then decided that if we promised it would never happen again we could stay together. After this talk i realized how hard that promise would be to keep, and i am usually a very honest person but i felt as if it was unfair for them to make us promise that or break us up, they really gave me no choice but to agree, i love my boyfriend and i know i couldn't leave him, but i also should have known i couldn't keep this promise.  Is it wrong for me to want to have sex? i know that i am young but i am also responsible and cautious about this decision, i know what could happen but i am taking every precaution possible to prevent me from getting pregnant. i should talk to my parents and tell them how i feel but that would risk me losing the person i love and want to have a future with.

I guess that depends on how old you are?  At least it would to me as a parent.  How old is your boyfriend as well? 

  

Depending on how old you both are I would talk to them, tell them how you feel and and how you feel about it, ie:  you don't want a baby, you use birth control, you were both tested for std's, ect.  IF you havent' broken the promise tell them that, but tell them that you want thier acceptance.  Again this all depends on how old you are.  If you break up with this person do they realize the next person could be someone who is not as mature and responsble. someone with an std?   

  

I also think you know their is plenty of things you can do other then having sex.  I also think your erge to have sex will go away after a while.   

  

Keep us informed! 

 
September 16, 2005, 2:28 pm CDT

Just a question about this "porn is humiliating womens" thing

I have heard (or rather: been reading) many of you say that it is so humiliating for women with porn and so on, but what about gayporn? Ain't  that humiliating for the male population as well? All I ever heard is that it is so humiliating for women, but I have never heard anyone say anything about gayporn.
Of course it isn't as common as "normal" porn, but it is growing bigger month by month, year by year.
I think that porn is a rather unnecessary thing, but I just don't get this "it-is-so-humiliating-for-women" thing. Actually.
I'm sorry that my english are bad, or if I have upset someone with my "new" way of thinking. But I'm just curios about what you think about this.

 
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