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Topic : Teens and Sex

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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 01:22:25 pm
Author : dataimport
How do you talk to your teens about sex? Share your story.

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twizzle12
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July 13, 2006, 11:54 am PDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: lostsoul28

i am 15 years old and have been dating a guy for 6 months. We're very close and i care about him a lot. He has never presured me into having sexual intercourse but we have began to talk about it and i think i want to. Some people think i am too young and say i shouldn't. I was hoping to get some other peoples advice about it. i  don't feel that i can talk to my mother about it because she isn't open to talking about such things and my father well isn't interested either. Please help me. 

i dont think its a good idea to have sex that young. and you havent dated this guy very long. i was in a similiar situation. i knew a guy for about the same time and became good friends with him and we had sex. it was a huge mistake because it changes everything, even when u are 19 like me.  it may seem worth it right now, but later, theres a chance you would have wished u waited longer or saved it for someone else. i say wait a while and see if thats what you really want
 
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hockey94
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July 13, 2006, 12:01 pm PDT

Was in your duaghters position

Quote From: flmarijane

Please help me. I am the single mom of a 17 year old girl. The first week of summer a boy down the street came to the house and started talking to her. He told her he was 19, I felt like he was a little too old for her, but she really liked him and all they were doing was talking in the yard at my house or his parents. To make a long story short he isn't 19, he's 23! My 25 year old son found out and went to his parents home and told them to keep this man away from his sister!! My daughter was heart broken, didn't eat or sleep for days. Mad at me, mad at her brother, and mad at the world. He soon disappeared from his parents home and she convinced herself he was living in a box somewhere. This went on for 2 months, Wednesday night on a routine walk she ran into him. He was doing a neighbors yard, he no longer lives with his parents but has moved in with a friend and his mom. There is a reason men aren't suppose to be with young girls, my daughter is so hungry for the attention of the man she won't listen to me anymore. He said things to her a boy can't equal. He made a few attempts to kiss her in the past and always wanted to hug her. The kissing never happened but recently she confided in me she wishes it had.This is a girl I have had no trouble with in the past. At this very moment I don't even know where she is...but I have a good guess. What do I do? This man is not a good influence. Did I add she is a virgin and he isn't. He has no job and gets high....I am so inexperienced in anything like this. Do I just listen to her when she wants to talk but not inter fear? I'm afraid if I stop her, I'll lose her!!!

Im really hoping I can help you out at least a little with your situation. Im kind of comming from your daughters standpoint. When I was 17, I had a friend for a while that I knew from back home, he was 25 years old at the time. We never dated because of the age difference, but really liked eachother. Anyways When I turned 18, he was 26, and we decided to start dating. I am very very close with my parents and family just as you are with your children. I hid the relationship for a couple of months because I knew they wouldnt approve. After a while I finally told my parents, and let me tell you they did not like that ! They had known him from previous but when they found out we were dating it was the hardest time of my life. My brother was the worst! Im extremely close with my brother, and felt as though I was letting him down. I had to write him a 5 page letter just to try get him to understand where i was comming from.  Anyways Im 20 now and he is 28, We are still so in love. We have lived together for just over a year, and things are awsome. My point of telling you all this is you know your daughter better then anyone in this world. Im sure she is very smart, and you know that she wouldnt let her self get caught in a bad situation. If she felt she was getting influenced in a bad way, she would step back. Sometimes you just cant help who you love. Im sure there not at the love stage yet but you shouldnt let 6 years get in the way of your daughter finding that. Im sure she will make the right choice. And as for the sex thing, if your daughter is still a virgin, then she will know when the right time is. I never slept with my boyfriend till about the 1 year mark. If you trust your daughter, you should trust her on this that she will make the right decision. If she feels herself gettin to deep,  she will pull away. My parents love my boyfriend now, they come over for dinner all the time, and we do all sorts of things together. They are NOW finally very happy that he is in my life. I really hope this helped you a bit. If you wanna chat some more just write me back.   

Good Luck   
 
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tinabean77
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July 13, 2006, 2:20 pm PDT

Pornography

Quote From: jkstoned

What is all of this talk about porn being degrading to men and women? Both Men and Women have a choice in today's society if they want to be on a porn site or not. Perhaps these men and women enjoy what they do or they make a living doing that or they feel that's all they have to offer the world. Porn-stars themselves make the choice to be porn-stars. Porn is only degrading if you look down on porn-stars. I see them as regular people performing a service that is legal (age 18+ or 21+) for a paycheck. 

  

Also, you shouldn't take the computer away from children if they wish to look at porn. It is not the parent's business unless you find bills for porn-site memberships and services in your mail. I look at porn...does it make me a bad person? NO! I'm a pubescent male with hormones who is merely fulfilling a biological need.  

  

When puberty hits, teens need to "get off" on something because there are certain undeniable biological urges that everyone has. Would you rather your teen having sex and be exposed to those dangers? Porn and masterbation are not dangerous, and are normal behaviour for fufilling certain biological desires. 

I think its normal for people to be curious about others bodies and sexual things. But that doesnt make looking at pornography and doing wild and crazy sexual acts right.   My husband started looking at porn when he was about 11 years old.  He didnt look at it very often maybe 1 or 2 times a year. Its very addiciting.  He told me before we got married about some of the things he had done. I didnt feel like what he had done he had a problem with. Now 9 years after being married he is getting more into it, chatting online with other women and trying to get other men to IM me with nasty pictures and stuff. It may not sound serious to you but it is. It can ruin families. When pornography is an addiction its a problem. Ususally when someone is addicted they dont even know it.  They get so desensitzed and all standards are compromised and they cant see the wrong in what they are doing.  Now days there are very few people that have values. Its really sad. It is said that an addiction to pornography is worse than any smoking or drug addiction any one could have especially when trying to quit. Its so addicting its harder to quit than any drugs combined.  It is degrading to men and especially women.  There are so many problems that stem from pornography. I dont think its ok!!!
 
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mammaamia
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July 13, 2006, 2:36 pm PDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: hockey94

Im really hoping I can help you out at least a little with your situation. Im kind of comming from your daughters standpoint. When I was 17, I had a friend for a while that I knew from back home, he was 25 years old at the time. We never dated because of the age difference, but really liked eachother. Anyways When I turned 18, he was 26, and we decided to start dating. I am very very close with my parents and family just as you are with your children. I hid the relationship for a couple of months because I knew they wouldnt approve. After a while I finally told my parents, and let me tell you they did not like that ! They had known him from previous but when they found out we were dating it was the hardest time of my life. My brother was the worst! Im extremely close with my brother, and felt as though I was letting him down. I had to write him a 5 page letter just to try get him to understand where i was comming from.  Anyways Im 20 now and he is 28, We are still so in love. We have lived together for just over a year, and things are awsome. My point of telling you all this is you know your daughter better then anyone in this world. Im sure she is very smart, and you know that she wouldnt let her self get caught in a bad situation. If she felt she was getting influenced in a bad way, she would step back. Sometimes you just cant help who you love. Im sure there not at the love stage yet but you shouldnt let 6 years get in the way of your daughter finding that. Im sure she will make the right choice. And as for the sex thing, if your daughter is still a virgin, then she will know when the right time is. I never slept with my boyfriend till about the 1 year mark. If you trust your daughter, you should trust her on this that she will make the right decision. If she feels herself gettin to deep,  she will pull away. My parents love my boyfriend now, they come over for dinner all the time, and we do all sorts of things together. They are NOW finally very happy that he is in my life. I really hope this helped you a bit. If you wanna chat some more just write me back.   

Good Luck   

Although I see your point. Your boyfriend may be the exception to the norm. There is usually a reason older guys "dip into the kiddie pool". Alot of them are looking for easy sex.Someone younger that they can control. I was 15 and dating a 21 year old guy. At the time I thought if was great.Looking back at it now i see that he had the best of both worlds.I would do whatever he wanted whenever he want it,because he made sure i was aware that it be easier to date a girl his own age,that i could be replaced.But he didn't have to do anything for me. We couldn't be seen together because of my age.So of course I had to hid our relationship  from everyone and sneak around and lie, but he said it was worth it because we were really in love!HA that love didn't last long after I told him I was pregnant. All of a sudden he didn't know me, he had never touch and eventually he just dissappered.I think she should keep her daughter away from him at least until she is 18.
 
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meowbark
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July 13, 2006, 4:29 pm PDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: flmarijane

Please help me. I am the single mom of a 17 year old girl. The first week of summer a boy down the street came to the house and started talking to her. He told her he was 19, I felt like he was a little too old for her, but she really liked him and all they were doing was talking in the yard at my house or his parents. To make a long story short he isn't 19, he's 23! My 25 year old son found out and went to his parents home and told them to keep this man away from his sister!! My daughter was heart broken, didn't eat or sleep for days. Mad at me, mad at her brother, and mad at the world. He soon disappeared from his parents home and she convinced herself he was living in a box somewhere. This went on for 2 months, Wednesday night on a routine walk she ran into him. He was doing a neighbors yard, he no longer lives with his parents but has moved in with a friend and his mom. There is a reason men aren't suppose to be with young girls, my daughter is so hungry for the attention of the man she won't listen to me anymore. He said things to her a boy can't equal. He made a few attempts to kiss her in the past and always wanted to hug her. The kissing never happened but recently she confided in me she wishes it had.This is a girl I have had no trouble with in the past. At this very moment I don't even know where she is...but I have a good guess. What do I do? This man is not a good influence. Did I add she is a virgin and he isn't. He has no job and gets high....I am so inexperienced in anything like this. Do I just listen to her when she wants to talk but not inter fear? I'm afraid if I stop her, I'll lose her!!!

You won't lose her...completely. I will be 17 years old in September, and I know what it's like to want to date older men. Most of my friends are older than I am, and I always find myself becoming more interested in older men. That is quite an age difference, but you also have to let her learn for herself. My mother is very very strict. She's Albanian, and it used to be hell just to go to a friend's house or to go see a movie. She always thought I was doing something wrong, then as I got older, it got worse because she always thought I was with boys. Eventually, it got really bad because not being able to see any guys at all made me want them even more. If I could've just had some guy friends, then I would know what I want and wouldn't have to experiment at a late age and do things I may have regretted later. I think the best advice I can give you is be cool with her. Don't yell, or scream, just be calm, and if she starts giving you an attitude, continue to be calm. Just let her talk until she can't talk any longer, don't interrupt, just let her get it all out, then you can give your opinion. Don't become a pyscho mom either......then you will most definatly lose her. My mom made that mistake. We're finally cool now, it did take a long time though. I think you just have to wait it out and wait for her to have a huge heartbreak.
 
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sstone77
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July 13, 2006, 4:34 pm PDT

too young

Quote From: twizzle12

i dont think its a good idea to have sex that young. and you havent dated this guy very long. i was in a similiar situation. i knew a guy for about the same time and became good friends with him and we had sex. it was a huge mistake because it changes everything, even when u are 19 like me.  it may seem worth it right now, but later, theres a chance you would have wished u waited longer or saved it for someone else. i say wait a while and see if thats what you really want

At 15 you have the body of a fully matured woman; but your emotional maturity has not yet caught up with the physical.  I do not mean this as an insult; these are just simply the facts.  You may truly feel that at 15 you are ready to have sex, but trust me you are not.  Sex will change everything in your relationship.  You will be jealous quicker, fight harder, and most importantly, you will lose respect for yourself.  You will wish that you had waited to give that gift to the right man-your husband.   

  

I think you need to talk with your mother.  She may be as uncomfortable with the topic as you are, but she would probably give you great advice.  She probably has quite a bit of wisdom to impart to you.   
 
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July 13, 2006, 4:43 pm PDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: annejvd

 I couldn't agree with you more. I have a  very good relationship with my parents and can talk to them about anything. When i was 17 i had a boyfriend and was thinking about having sex with him. I talked to my mom and she was very supportive and critical. She talked to me, treated me as an adult capable of making descicions about myself. Eventually i didn't have sex with him for other reasons but the fact that my mom talked to me as an adult made me feel really good. I could explain my reasons and the doubts and questions i had which helped a lot. My parents trust me and my judgement and they talk to me not about me. I now live on my own but when i was stil living at home they used to explain to me why they wouldn't allow me to this or that. That's really helpfull cause it gives you the feeling your parents take you seriously and respect you as a person. So my advice to all parents out there is to talk to your teens, explain your actions to them. You'll be surprised at how they might handle it.
I agree.  I have two small children, ages 6 and 3.  Before my husband and I ever conceived the first child, we agreed that we would have an open door policy on any and every thing with our children.  Kids today have to face so many pressures to grow up quickly.  They need to know that there are at least two people in the world who are always in their corner no matter what.....Dad and Mom.  While we have not had to cross the bridge of puberty yet, when we get there, I am sure it will be easier for them because they already know that they can talk to us about anything.  While I don't always like or agree with how they feel, I always love them and we are always willing to sit down and discuss things.  I think children, especially teens, need to be able to talk about how they feel with their parents without the fear of reprucussions for their opinions.
 
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July 14, 2006, 8:30 pm PDT

Teens and Sex

Quote From: hockey94

Im really hoping I can help you out at least a little with your situation. Im kind of comming from your daughters standpoint. When I was 17, I had a friend for a while that I knew from back home, he was 25 years old at the time. We never dated because of the age difference, but really liked eachother. Anyways When I turned 18, he was 26, and we decided to start dating. I am very very close with my parents and family just as you are with your children. I hid the relationship for a couple of months because I knew they wouldnt approve. After a while I finally told my parents, and let me tell you they did not like that ! They had known him from previous but when they found out we were dating it was the hardest time of my life. My brother was the worst! Im extremely close with my brother, and felt as though I was letting him down. I had to write him a 5 page letter just to try get him to understand where i was comming from.  Anyways Im 20 now and he is 28, We are still so in love. We have lived together for just over a year, and things are awsome. My point of telling you all this is you know your daughter better then anyone in this world. Im sure she is very smart, and you know that she wouldnt let her self get caught in a bad situation. If she felt she was getting influenced in a bad way, she would step back. Sometimes you just cant help who you love. Im sure there not at the love stage yet but you shouldnt let 6 years get in the way of your daughter finding that. Im sure she will make the right choice. And as for the sex thing, if your daughter is still a virgin, then she will know when the right time is. I never slept with my boyfriend till about the 1 year mark. If you trust your daughter, you should trust her on this that she will make the right decision. If she feels herself gettin to deep,  she will pull away. My parents love my boyfriend now, they come over for dinner all the time, and we do all sorts of things together. They are NOW finally very happy that he is in my life. I really hope this helped you a bit. If you wanna chat some more just write me back.   

Good Luck   

I am in the same situation as we speak. i started dating my boyfriend chad in january and i was 17 at the time, he was 25 and i lied to my mom about how old he was because i wanted to get to know him and i knew she wouldnt let me if she knew his age. We clicked instantly and hes not the typical 25 year old, hes motivated and goes to college, he doesnt do drugs or drink, hes very religious and was a virgin until 2 days ago. Hes become a member of our family and my mom loves and trusts him, which is why it is so hard to know that we are lying to her. I know her main concern will be that he is using and manipulating me but thats not the case, we lost our virginity to one and other and are very much in love. I see myself being with him for a very long time, but i dont know how to go about telling my mom. Easiest i could just say it, but im just so scared because ive been lying and thats what makes it so much worse. Plus my mom is very hostile and close minded and blows things out of proportion, i just dont know what to do!
 
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July 24, 2006, 6:14 pm PDT

You are making the best decision by waiting...

Quote From: lostsoul28

i am 15 years old and have been dating a guy for 6 months. We're very close and i care about him a lot. He has never presured me into having sexual intercourse but we have began to talk about it and i think i want to. Some people think i am too young and say i shouldn't. I was hoping to get some other peoples advice about it. i  don't feel that i can talk to my mother about it because she isn't open to talking about such things and my father well isn't interested either. Please help me. 

When you decide to have sex with your boyfriend you are making a huge emotional step, that will very well not be a good one.  #1 There is no birth control that is 100% effective 100% of the time.  #2 This will put a new strain on your relationship, and believe it or not, the chances of the two of you getting married someday is very slim at this point in your life.  #3 Someday, when the two of you break up, because it will probably happen....it makes it that much easier to choose to do the same thing with another boy.  Can you see what I am getting to?  Also, even if he is "a virgin", it is still possible that he could have an STD that he does not even know about.  If your relationship is already that great without it, why risk it at this point?  It introduces many new problems that I would hate to see anyone go through at your age.  You have the rest of your life...that is the greatest present you could give yourself and your husband on your wedding night.  I waited until I was 21, but I wish I would have waited a just a little longer...  
 
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July 24, 2006, 6:27 pm PDT

It is evident that you are a kid...

Quote From: jkstoned

What is all of this talk about porn being degrading to men and women? Both Men and Women have a choice in today's society if they want to be on a porn site or not. Perhaps these men and women enjoy what they do or they make a living doing that or they feel that's all they have to offer the world. Porn-stars themselves make the choice to be porn-stars. Porn is only degrading if you look down on porn-stars. I see them as regular people performing a service that is legal (age 18+ or 21+) for a paycheck. 

  

Also, you shouldn't take the computer away from children if they wish to look at porn. It is not the parent's business unless you find bills for porn-site memberships and services in your mail. I look at porn...does it make me a bad person? NO! I'm a pubescent male with hormones who is merely fulfilling a biological need.  

  

When puberty hits, teens need to "get off" on something because there are certain undeniable biological urges that everyone has. Would you rather your teen having sex and be exposed to those dangers? Porn and masterbation are not dangerous, and are normal behaviour for fufilling certain biological desires. 

I am wondering if you would have the same opinion if while you were loooking at that, you realized that it was your mother or sister?     

   

Pornography is a stepping stone to many other addictions.  It destroys marriages and destroys lives.  You should do more reading about it, and less looking...  

   

Also, a parent has not only the right, but the responsibility to monitor what goes into the minds of their children.  Our greatest responsibility in life is to protect, mold, and be the best examples we can for our children, and that is not an easy task.    

   

Also, if you "need" porn to be able to fulfill your urges, you are already heading down a very destructive path.  

   

   
 
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