Topic : Teens and Sex

I remember 15, and I remember thinking about becoming sexually involved, I also remember what  a bad idea it was. I didn't get pregnant or get a disease, because I took precautions, that's the easy part. But there is no condom that can protect you for the emotional effects of becoming sexually involved too soon. Regardless of how wonderful your boyfriend is, as a person you will change, and it will change how you view yourself. Sex is supposed to be an expression of a fully committed love between two people, you will know when it's right, and I think you already know that it isn't right for you, not right now. You are getting  ready to make a desicion that you can not undo.  Think back to who you were just one year ago, what you thought was sooo cool, what boy you would have died to go out with, you are probably a very different person now. Isn't it possible your opinions will change again in another year? Bottom line,  I do not know one woman who looks back on her teenage years and wishes she would have had sex earlier than she did, but the majority of them do wish they would have waited. One last thing, don't be so quick to judge your Mom, she might shock you by remembering what 15 was like too.

I remember 15, and I remember thinking about becoming sexually involved, I also remember what  a bad idea it was. I didn't get pregnant or get a disease, because I took precautions, that's the easy part. But there is no condom that can protect you for the emotional effects of becoming sexually involved too soon. Regardless of how wonderful your boyfriend is, as a person you will change, and it will change how you view yourself. Sex is supposed to be an expression of a fully committed love between two people, you will know when it's right, and I think you already know that it isn't right for you, not right now. You are getting  ready to make a desicion that you can not undo.  Think back to who you were just one year ago, what you thought was sooo cool, what boy you would have died to go out with, you are probably a very different person now. Isn't it possible your opinions will change again in another year? Bottom line,  I do not know one woman who looks back on her teenage years and wishes she would have had sex earlier than she did, but the majority of them do wish they would have waited. One last thing, don't be so quick to judge your Mom, she might shock you by remembering what 15 was like too.

Well though I don't know if any woman wanted to have sex for the first time sooner, most women I know think that they had there first time on the right age, (And I have had very deep conversations with them on this subject)

I think that if you doubt it's not the right time for you yet. When you really think it is right for you you should have sex.

In any case you shouldn't look back and think what if, if it felt right at that time it should feel right at this time.

Trust me, once you have a few more birthdays under your belt, what felt right then, feels foolish at this time. I'm not saying that what you may be feeling right now isn't real, I'm just saying with a little more living your feelings might change.

Looking back and thinking what if, is how we learn my dear, looking back gives us perspective and a frame of reference, and if we are paying attention, gives us a roadmap through life.

The really smart ones understand that we don't have to experience the mistakes of others to learn from them.

What if thinking it's right for you, is really coming from what you think is needed to hold on to a relationship, that at such a young age, seems like the only one that will ever matter?

For the record, I married the guy I dated at 15, we have 2 beautiful children and a wonderful life. But I kissed alot of frogs between him and when we reunited in our twenties. Yes, we had sex at 15, but as adults we realize what a bad idea that was, and understand how we were so not ready. for that kind of a relationship, nor were we ready for the other partners we both had. Unlike you we did not have a forum like this to learn from, and we also understand that we are the exception and not the rule.

As far as those women you've had these deep conversations with, talk to them in ten years and see if they feel the same way. Ten bucks says their opinions have changed.

this is a repost:

I base this on a sexual outing curve that I observed in myself, my friends, my friends friends and other children. 

between the ages of ten and 12 sex is much debated among each other and with adults, they will laugh about anything which might be considered sexual. They will know more synonims for sex then you but when you really ask what that means you'll just get an answer like "well you know gighel gighel."  Traffic light relationships are quite common (on off on off ect.) 

At the age of thirteen dating begins many boyfriends a lot of holding hands and a bit of (french) kissing. Boys might look at porn out of curiosity and talk about it with their friends 

And at the age of 16.9 in the US and 16.4 in the Netherlands (durex 2004) most will have sex for the first time. 

a bit later sex becomes a topic which is discussed by teens as any other normal topic among their circle of friends 

I think it is even essential in their upbringing though that doesn't mean a parent should sit back and relax, but as long as you as a parent knows what your son or daughter is up to it is ok for them to date.  

Another important thing is to educate children about sex before they are twelve because they'll learn from their friends otherwise and that is not a good thing. And if you give sex education don't talk in don'ts and well don'ts (rebellious nature of teens remember) but more along the lines of sex is a wonderfull thing when two people love each other ect., it is important to acknowledge that sex is pleasurable because teens aren't stupid they know there is a multibiljon dollar porn industry and that it isn't because it is a pain to do. Also if you make it look like an evil thing it will be even more wanted for teens because they reject authority and they know it is pleasurable. 

So in short: Teach them before the age of twelve

"Update" with coversations if the oppertunity arrises

Teach about the wonders of sex

Teach about safety

Teach about the dangeres

Teach with the notion in mind that there's a great chance that they'll do 'it' before they're adults

This is our situation.  In June we told our 15 year-old daughter that she wasn't able to see her boyfriend anymore.  He was arrested for selling drugs, and recently snuck over and into the bedroom while we were gone.  But over the course of the summer, they have been sneaking all over to see each other.  My husband and I have been trying so hard to stop all this, and it just gets worse.  We made the decision to send her to a quality boarding school nearby just to get her away from the atmosphere and were all happy about it.  Just a few days before we were ready to take her, her exboyfriends Mom called me to tell me that they have been having sex and just as recently as a few days ago. 

My husband wants to put a restaining order on him and possibly charge him with rape, even though it was mutual sex.  I'm angry, confused and scared of the consequences, but want to do something.  Any ideas?  Is this the right thing to do?