Topic : Teens and Sex

How do you talk to teens about sex? It's really quite simple, teach them more than don't get pregnant and don't get a disease.  Think to the time in your life, as women, usually mid-twenties, when you were sitting around with your girlfriends, having that gut wrenchingly honest conversation that only close girlfriends can have. Remember what your shared experiences were, the good, bad, ugly, and really ugly were. Then share that with your teens. Tell your daughters that not getting pregnant or a disease is the easy part, any idiot can use a condom. Tell them that they are worth more than a fleeting moment of desire. Tell them that sex isn't what they see on television and in music videos. Tell them the truth, share your experiences, and those of your friends. We all know the expression " If I knew then, what I know  now " ... Well Moms, you do know now, and you can tell them. Ask your sons if they truly want to be " That Guy ",  you know the one every woman has a story about, the one that did them wrong, used them, hurt them.... Teach them about honor and decency. I have two sons, and two teenage brothers who refer their friends to me with their questions of what this whole "sex" thing is about. When they get honest, real life advice they respond. Parents: do not be afraid to be real,  these kids will hear and respect you for it.

Trust me, once you have a few more birthdays under your belt, what felt right then, feels foolish at this time. I'm not saying that what you may be feeling right now isn't real, I'm just saying with a little more living your feelings might change.

Looking back and thinking what if, is how we learn my dear, looking back gives us perspective and a frame of reference, and if we are paying attention, gives us a roadmap through life.

The really smart ones understand that we don't have to experience the mistakes of others to learn from them.

What if thinking it's right for you, is really coming from what you think is needed to hold on to a relationship, that at such a young age, seems like the only one that will ever matter?

For the record, I married the guy I dated at 15, we have 2 beautiful children and a wonderful life. But I kissed alot of frogs between him and when we reunited in our twenties. Yes, we had sex at 15, but as adults we realize what a bad idea that was, and understand how we were so not ready. for that kind of a relationship, nor were we ready for the other partners we both had. Unlike you we did not have a forum like this to learn from, and we also understand that we are the exception and not the rule.

As far as those women you've had these deep conversations with, talk to them in ten years and see if they feel the same way. Ten bucks says their opinions have changed.

this is a repost:

 

 

I base this on a sexual outing curve that I observed in myself, my friends, my friends friends and other children. 

between the ages of ten and 12 sex is much debated among each other and with adults, they will laugh about anything which might be considered sexual. They will know more synonims for sex then you but when you really ask what that means you'll just get an answer like "well you know gighel gighel."  Traffic light relationships are quite common (on off on off ect.) 

At the age of thirteen dating begins many boyfriends a lot of holding hands and a bit of (french) kissing. Boys might look at porn out of curiosity and talk about it with their friends 

And at the age of 16.9 in the US and 16.4 in the Netherlands (durex 2004) most will have sex for the first time. 

a bit later sex becomes a topic which is discussed by teens as any other normal topic among their circle of friends 

  

I think it is even essential in their upbringing though that doesn't mean a parent should sit back and relax, but as long as you as a parent knows what your son or daughter is up to it is ok for them to date.  

  

Another important thing is to educate children about sex before they are twelve because they'll learn from their friends otherwise and that is not a good thing. And if you give sex education don't talk in don'ts and well don'ts (rebellious nature of teens remember) but more along the lines of sex is a wonderfull thing when two people love each other ect., it is important to acknowledge that sex is pleasurable because teens aren't stupid they know there is a multibiljon dollar porn industry and that it isn't because it is a pain to do. Also if you make it look like an evil thing it will be even more wanted for teens because they reject authority and they know it is pleasurable. 

 

So in short: Teach them before the age of twelve

"Update" with coversations if the oppertunity arrises

Teach about the wonders of sex

Teach about safety

Teach about the dangeres

Teach with the notion in mind that there's a great chance that they'll do 'it' before they're adults

Don't worry so much, and don't punish him.... but don't let him see this other boy again. My advice to you is that you must take your son to see a professional.  Your son needs to talk to someone who knows how to handle these kinds of experiences.

You are the parent, he is the minor who needs your guidance and enforced rules so that he can grow into a responsible adult.
You are concerned with him sneaking around; then my suggestion to you is to become even more vigilant. If he wants to hang out with his girlfriend, then she needs to come to your home when you are home. (And only when you are home!) The rule at my home with my teens is that boyfriend/girlfriends can visit, but while they are here all doors must be open at all times and I spend a reasonable amount of time getting to know these kids. Its time for you to do this, too. I know that for me, I try to entice my teen and friends to hang out here, so that I know where they are and what they are doing. While they are hanging out here, I get to know their personalities, and I get to know who is a good soul and who isn’t quite a good soul yet. Your concern is this girlfriend is manipulative and controlling- without saying those words to your son, you need to talk to him about being his own person, and teach him how to have more self confidence. Perhaps because he is lacking self confidence, he looks to his girlfriend to give him that feeling that he is ‘somebody.’
I know that you want the best for your son, that is obvious. Although stepping up your supervision might not be convenient, your son deserves to get extra guidance right now, and you are the best person to give that to him. Let him know that being honest with you will get him rewards, sneaking around and lying will get him punishments; and if he lies or sneaks, mom will find out at some point!
 

This is our situation.  In June we told our 15 year-old daughter that she wasn't able to see her boyfriend anymore.  He was arrested for selling drugs, and recently snuck over and into the bedroom while we were gone.  But over the course of the summer, they have been sneaking all over to see each other.  My husband and I have been trying so hard to stop all this, and it just gets worse.  We made the decision to send her to a quality boarding school nearby just to get her away from the atmosphere and were all happy about it.  Just a few days before we were ready to take her, her exboyfriends Mom called me to tell me that they have been having sex and just as recently as a few days ago. 

 

My husband wants to put a restaining order on him and possibly charge him with rape, even though it was mutual sex.  I'm angry, confused and scared of the consequences, but want to do something.  Any ideas?  Is this the right thing to do?

For months I had suspected something was going on...........I would come home and find my son looked as if he were wearing eyeliner. Then other things started to happen. Lingerie would be missing. My shoes were missing. Fianlly, I confronted him and he said he's a cross dresser. He's only 13! My perfect, smart, athletic child is cross dressing. How do I handle this? I find myself being resentful towards him. I no longer trust him. Will he grow out of this? Is it a sexual thing? Does he need a counselor?

No you support him and be there for him. It's a mad world out there and he needs his parents to be there for him when it gets rough.

 

Remember that it didn't grow overnight so he is still the same person as he was a year ago.

 

It might be a shock now but just let it slowly sink in (easyer set then done I know) just love him like you always did

You don’t say how old the boyfriend is?
As concerned parents, you absolutely should put a restraining order on this young man. You must guide and protect your daughter- right now, she isn’t making good, healthy decisions, and she needs your help. This would be helping her. Of course she won’t see it that way- but what else are you supposed to do? You can’t just sit by while she continues to make bad choices. I urge you to seek a restraining order, or at the least a no-trespassing order, TODAY. As for the rape charges- if he is over 18, then that is definitely something to think about. Perhaps just the threat of the charge would be enough to scare this boy off. But for now, the restraining order is the best place to start. Don’t wait another day. Your daughter’s quality of life is dependant upon your guidance and your choices right now. I wish you well!!
 

a restraing order is not the right choise you need to talk with your daughter and have her relise the pros and cons.