Topic : Sports and Kids

I have 3 children, ages 11, 12 & 16.  My 16 year old does infact play sports year around and they do overlap.  My other 2 children also play sports, but not every one.  I never discourage my oldest son from playing all those sports.  As long as it is affordable to us.  He maintains nearly a 4.0 grade point average.  If he can continue this I would never think of limiting his sports. 

I have always taken my children to all sporting events that their siblings are in.  Therefore when one is playing the rest of us are in the stands cheering them on.  So me and my children who aren't playing are actually doing something together and truly enjoying it.  We are cheering for someone that we love, together.  It's like taking your child to a ballgame, of a team you both love, and cheering for them together.  It's so much fun.  I am there supporting the one who is playing but I am actually, in fact, spending the time with my other 2 children.  And if your children have events going in 2 diffenent places at once then you go to one and your wife to the other.  And then next time this happens you and your wife switch which kids events you go to.

Next time your daughter has an event, get yourself and your other kids ready and go watch her, cheer for her and be very proud of her.  Make sure you envolve your younger kids in that and be sure you encourage them to be proud of her.  Once you truly get yourself and your other kids involved in what your daughter is doing none of you will want to miss anything she has going on.

However never allow what you absolutely can't afford.  Your wife and daughter should be able to understand if something is absolutely unaffordable.  My son once wanted to join a basketball team that would cause travel and did cost alot to get into.  I wanted so bad to let him do this, however we could not afford it.  I sat down, explained it to him and told him how sorry I was.  He said that it was ok and gave me a hug. He knew I really did want him to go but he did completely understand.  If your daughter is to understand your financial situation then your wife will probably have to first.

My son is in the 4th grade and recently completed his second year in rec level basketball for 3rd & 4th grade boys.  Last year was his first season and his main contribution to his team was defense.  After last season he set goals to become good enough to play point guard and try to qualify for all-star activities. 

There are three all-star events and coaches are encouraged to choose mainly 4th graders unless a 3rd grader is exceptionally talented.  I told my son it would require hard work, but anything is possible.  He worked hard and became a very good dribbler and scored several points this year. Some parents commented on his improvement.  Parents who did not see him last year told me he was talented. His coach told him he would be one of the point guards.  It took three games before he actually let him play the position.  I got a feeling the coach didn't connect with my child.  He seemed to favor his own child in 3rd grade and all of his child's friends.  When it came time for the All Star activities, my child was not chosen.  He was disappointed. He tried not to get emotional, but I could see tears forming and he has been impossible to deal with this week.  He refuses to talk about it and claims he is ok. 

There are 5 other boys in his class who play on different teams in the league.  All were chosen.  Some of these kids were surprised my child was not picked. My son did find out who was chosen from his team.  There were three kids who scored more point and deserved to be picked and then there was the coach's kid and his kid's good friend. My son scored more points than these two kids. When my kid asked why he wasn't chosen, all I could say was I'm not sure.  I think he figured it out. 

Part of me wants to discuss this with the league president.  My husband says just let it go. Typically, I am not the type of person who makes a big deal out of things, but I believe actions do teach people how to treat you.  From my discussion with other parents this thing seems to happen frequently.  More importantly, I am concerned my child's self-esteem has taken a beating.  Any input would be appreciated. 

My son is very active in sports, always dreamed of being the next NHL star and recently he has picked up basketball and think well maybe I should give up hockey and play nothing but basketball. 

I don't think he should give up hockey for numerous reasons, the coach is good for him - he's tough and always teaching them valuable lessons during games that can be transferred into other area's of his life - has a good chore of childhood friends - and well alot of the parents are my good friends as well - so if he quits I won't see them that often either.  (a little selfish of me, I know)

I don't want to force him to play, and I feel he is making this choice because he's on the emotional teenager roller coaster..   and most days can't even pick out what jacket to wear !

Any suggestions ?

My son has had a baseball in his hand since he was 6 years old.  He has always been an all star player and we have invested thousands of dollars in his goal to be a Major League Player.  However a couple of years ago he started failing his classes.  We threated to pull him out of Select Baseball if he didn't start passing his classes. Last summer we required him to get a job to help pay for his insurance and gas. He is a junior this year and at the begining of the school year he failed another class.  He blamed it on work and wanted to quit his job to concentrate on school.  We know the drill so we told him he could not quit his job.  Meanwhile, I put my foot down (against his father and step father) and pulled him out of Select Baseball.  He ended up quitting his job and swore he would pull up his grades.  He also told us he felt "ripped off" because we bought him a crappy car and all of his friends parents have bought them new or nice used cars, they don't have to pay for insurance or help with gas.  They just get to be kids and have fun.  (We don't agree with that type of parenting)  That quarter he failed two classes. 

Since he has gotten his license in August, he has recieved 4 speeding tickets (1 which he kept from us) , rear ended an off duty police officer, and two weeks ago put his car in a ditch while trying to pass another car.  We told him until he could prove he was mature enough to drive and act responsible, he was not allowed to drive his car and only allowed to drive our truck to baseball practice and back.  Yesterday he called me at work to tell me someone had taken a baseball bat "or something" to his car.  I asked him repeatedly if he had taken it out to which his reply was "No, I don't know what happend, now you are blaming me?"

When I got home after work, he was at baseball practice.  The dents on his car a baseball bat couldn't do.  There was damage underneath the car, the plastic on the mirror was broken and grass/brush inbedded up into it.  I found evidence of mud and dirt which was washed off his car.  I looked at our truck and there was mud and dirt inside, but the outside had been washed also.

When he got home I asked him to tell me what happend.  He strongly denied taking out his car or anything to do with any accident.  After several hours he finally told me that he and his friends met on the military reservation and were messing around in there cars.  Driving fast then turning, sliding... he ran into brush-went 4 wheeling with his car.  Once he wrecked his car, he came home and got our truck and took that out 4 wheeling.  Now he is made because I act like a "CSI" investigator and don't trust him.  He says he is only being a kid and just wants to have fun and it's no big deal.

I am pretty strict with him, curfew is 11:00 unless it's special, the tickets he has gotten I have told him he has to try to do communtiy service to work off, he doesn't get to go to parties.

Previously we had given him a cash card for gas only.  However it had to be taken away because he has taken it upon himself to purchase what he wants...food for him and his friends, baseball gloves (he was only supposed to buy a helment and it ended up costing us $ 150), jewley for himself, items for his car... before we finally pulled it from him.

He appreciates nothing we do for him or anything he has, nor does he have ANY self control.  I need some help!  He is spiralling out of control and I am afraid if we don't get some counseling or something, he is going to go off on the deep end.

i don't know how long he as been playing basketbal, a couple of months already, or just two or three times. but one option is, let him do both for a while, might be a bit more expensive, but if after half a year or a couple of months he still wants the same, i think he made a serious choice.

don't know if this will help you, but hope it does

Our son is now 10 years old.  We started him in sports around age 5.  He has tried baseball, soccer and hockey.  Hockey is the only one he liked, so he has been playing year round for about two years.  Recenlty he started saying he didn't want to play any more and now wants to quit.  I don't want to force him to play but I'm concerned about several things, one being teen age years without a structured afterschool activity to keep him busy and active.  Other reasons I am uncertain about letting him quit is that if allowed he would rather be a couch potatoe.   We work hard to get him up and moving.  He even goes to a kids fitness clinic and spends one on one time with a trainer and then time in a group once a week.  If he stopped hockey it could be replaced with a group session at the kids fitness clinic.  (Which he would rather do) He is also over weight.  He has been diagnosed with a minor medical problem that is contributing to weight gain and difficulty lossing it.  We are in the process of finding the right level of medication for him.   So, becuase of these concerns we are unsure if we should let him quit hockey or not.  My husband is having a harder time with this then I am. 

It's 1:18 am and I can't sleep. I need advice.

My older son plays baseball. He is on a team of 9 & 10 year old boys. He loves baseball and wants to play but tonight he came home in tears after the game.

He is lucky to play 2 innings in a game. Usually that adds up to one at bat. He and another boy are the only two to ever sit the bench and when they do play (alternately) they are stuck in right field. They don't even have half the at- bats of the other kids on the team.

He isn't the best player on the team by a long shot. However, he's also not the worst. He made a great play on opening day in center field, but hasn't been back there since. The problem is with the coaches. There are 4 of them and they didn't want any more help, my DH offered to volunteer also and they told him no. BUT their kids play the whole game EVERY game. Along with the rest of the team. There is no mention of playing fair. ever.

Earlier this week they were winning the game by 17 runs. Still, they couldn't put BOTH my son and the other boy on the field at the same time. It is an either or situation.

DH & I are frustrated beyond belief. I wanted to call the coach and ask why these two boys are getting so little play time but DH is afraid that he will play even less. I say that if the minimum a child is allowed to play is 2 innings, they couldn't possibly play him less.

It is HORRIBLE at our house. After the games, we put the kids to bed and I cry and it often ends in a fight. I want to help my son do what he enjoys and DH wants to not mess with the chances of him playing next year. He says that if we complain, son will sit the bench next year, but 3/4 coaches will bump up to the next level then and maybe DH can help coach so that son can have a fair amount of time. We're not expecting a full game this year, but he wants to play more than 2 innings and who could blame him?

We're careful to keep our opinions until son is well out of earshot, but when he cried tonight, I lost it (he wasn't around, I contained myself) and picked up the phone to call the coach and ask why. DH ended up calling and telling him that son was upset and would like to play more. Coach said that "he'd see what he could do"  I say Bull-$%!+. He's had 7 games to put these boys in, he should have already done something. We only have 5 games left.

How do I maintain my sanity, help my son play ball and not go to jail on assault charges? Oh yeah, I've been married 10 years and until baseball season started, it was good. I won't pull son out because HE wants to play, DH & I would rather he not, but it's his decision to make.

Sorry this was epic, but I don't have anyone objective to talk to here.  I can't handle much more. Thanks.

I'm in a similar boat with baseball, but it's regular season and my kids isn't the best. But he's not playing when he has a decent record.

The problem with coaches like these are that they are prepping their kid to be the next big star. They don't give a rat's arse about anyone else. They are basically just living vicariously through their kids. I'll bet that he is really hard on his kid no matter how well he plays and when he plays poorly, the guy either ignores it or yells louder at him.

My husband keeps telling me that he had to work hard for everything he ever got, even in sports and it has made him a better person because of it. But it's hard to see your kid so disappointed when you know they're talented enough to play.

I guess sometimes we have to suck it up and admit to the kids that life is not fair and some people just are selfish and mean. That is how life is and maybe it's better they learn it now. I no longer see the need to sugar coat things for him, he's figuring it out himself.

Just give him big hugs and keep telling him how proud you are of him. That's about all I can do. I guess I don't have advice but sympathy and ((hugs))  Good Luck.

Wonder what ya'll think about the fact that sports and kids have changed so much?  Let me share some of my thoughts and you give me your feedback.  I have 2 boys.  They both play baseball and football.  In the past they've both played soccer and they do play intermural basketball.  My oldest just started wrestling last year but he's not sure he'll do it again this year and the younger one is thinking about wrestling this year.

My wonder is about what we teach our kids.  Sports is a good way for kids to learn about life and I think things have gotten really crazy.  Around us many families have their kids in everything.  I do mean everything.  Every sport, every sport clinic, every training camp, everything.  Now, the rule in my house is that they can not do more than one sport at a time.  Many seasons over lap and they must choose which sport they want to play.  It becomes to much on everyone when we are trying to run here and there and do homework and have good supper and let the boys be kids.  So, that's my rule.  Over the years they have gotten use to this and make their choices and are happy with them.  Now, I also know that it use to be that there were tryouts for teams and not everyone made it.  Doesn't seem to happen around us.  Our area has an "everybody wins" attitude.  It would be lovely if everyone really did win but I just think that if you don't teach kids about loss as well as wins then you've robbed them of a basic coping tool for adult hood.  Not everyone wins as an adult and it's something that should be tought when we are children.  How to cope and overcome.  Use to be when I was a kid if you didn't succeed you practiced and tried harder and tried again next time.  Before everyone yells at me I do think that this should begin at the middle school age group.  The younger kids are just that.  They are young and they need a chance to just learn and play.  As the kids get older competition is okay.  Around us it seems to be a dirty word.  I think it's how you handle yourselves in a winning or losing  position that matters and whenever a person (man, woman or child) goes out on a playing field they should always do it with the knowledge of doing their best. 

Would love feedback on what others think.  I just think it's all gotten way out of control.  It's a game and 99.9% of our kids will not go to college on a sports scholarship and even a larger # will not become professional sports stars.